Ex-File Drabble --- Gibbs' Soliliquy
By Vickie Adams
Author's Note: I don't own any of these characters and intend no copyright infringement in my usage. This popped into my head after watching Ex-File for the first time last night. I felt Gibbs needed his own soliliquy after the scene in the elevator with Mann and before the end of the episode. Any comments or complaints are always welcome. -- Enjoy!
Divorced three times.
It says so many things but tells nothing of who I really am. I guess I could be completely honest and introduce myself each time as a widower who's been divorced three times. It is technically more accurate but no more descriptive.
It's almost ironic that the one marriage I got right turned out to be the five hundred pound elephant in the corner of all my subsequent relationships. Since finding out about Shannon and Kelly even my friends react differently. I think that's why I don't mention them -- it's just easier.
I understand the clinical diagnosis, I have survivor's guilt; but naming the elephant doesn't get it out of the corner. It wasn't suppose to be this way. Shannon and I were suppose to live happily ever after. I was suppose to fight with Kelly through her tough teenage years and then watch her blossom into the young woman I would be so proud of.
How do you explain all that on a date? What date do you explain that you'd love to give away your heart but it's already buried in a cold grave?
I've moved on, I function, but moving on doesn't mean forgetting the past or missing what should have been. I can't forget I wasn't there to protect what meant the most to me. I had a duty to the Core but I had a responsibility to Shannon and Kelly too.
I know that I hurt those that try to love me but I'm still too raw to feel anything. I can't love that deeply againg because I just couldn't handle the pain of losing my heart again.
Gibbs took a long swallow of the burbon filling his mason jar and turned back to his boat.