A/N: Total fluffy NS. There's not necessarily any point to this, except I love them immensely and can't really stop writing them. And sometimes fluff is fun. Also fun? Taylor Swift, whose lyrics are used here.
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| I know looks can be deceiving
But I know I saw a light in you
As we walked we were talking
I didn't say half the things I wanted to |
She's all of nine years old when she really, really notices him for the first time. They're on their spring break from school and she begs her nanny to take her to the zoo in Central Park, and then she begs his nanny to meet them there, and she doesn't even care that she's not supposed to use the phone or that Nate's nanny is really hard to understand sometimes. She's not even in double-digits and she already knows how to wrap people around her little finger. It happens all the time, really, and usually she doesn't even have to try.
Nate's waiting there with his hands stuffed into his coat pockets when she arrives, and she runs ahead, holding Erik's hand and dragging him along with her. Her blonde hair is a wild mess by the time he reaches Nate, and his nanny just sighs and shakes her head. Serena's kind of used to that too; people are always doing that when she runs. She doesn't really understand why.
"Natie!" she cries. She hugs him with one arm, since she's still (always) holding her baby brother's hand. It's funny, she's so 'free-spirited' (that's what adults always say anyway) but she's so protective of Erik. They say she's an 'enigma', but she doesn't know what that means yet. She just doesn't want Erik to have to feel the way she feels sometimes, so she makes sure she's always around him, always there for him, and he won't have to feel alone.
"Hey," Nate mumbles.
"What's wrong?" she asks. She smiles when he gives Erik a high five (she loves that Nate treats Erik so well), and he shrugs his shoulders.
"Mom and Dad said I have to go to Connect...Connec..."
She giggles; he always has trouble with this one. "Connecticut."
"Yeah," he says as he kicks at the pavement with the toe of his shoe. "For the rest of the break. I don't wanna go. I wanna stay."
Her face falls and he actually smiles. It takes a lot to really make her sad. And even so, it lasts all of about three seconds, then she's gasping and her face lights up again, and he and Erik laugh, because that's just Serena. She's all happiness and blonde hair and blue eyes and look at that beautiful little girl! being muttered by strangers and she doesn't really notice any of it. She just is the way she is. Nate likes her that way.
"Stay with us!" she cries. His nanny, after talking with hers, butts in and tries to say something, but Serena's too excited to use her manners, and she cuts the woman off. "It'll be so fun!"
"I don't know if they'll let me," Nate says.
His nanny smiles smugly and Serena sets her face into a determined scowl before grabbing his hand and leading them towards the polar bears. Erik is on one side of her and Nate is on the other, and they're all linked together, standing on the ledge and pressing themselves up against the glass.
"They'll let you," she whispers after a while, her breath hot on his cheek.
"How do you know?" he asks.
"You'll see."
He doesn't ask any more questions, and she refuses to let go of his hand as they walk home, so they go to his house first, and her nanny calls her name, aghast when Serena marches into the Captain's study with Nate trailing behind her. Anne actually smiles at the sight, Serena looking determined and Nate looking sheepish. Serena states, without hesitating, that Nate should stay with her instead of going to the Connecticut house for no reason, and when the Captain chuckles and asks if that's alright with Serena's mother, she says that Lily is away and her nanny doesn't have a problem with it (a little fib here or there never hurt anyone). He asks Nate if he'd like to stay in the city, and Nate smiles and nods his head. Nate's mother and father share a glance, and then his mother admits that it wouldn't be the worst thing for Nate to stay at the van der Woodsen's, and that there's really nothing for Nate to do at the Connecticut house anyway, and Serena runs over and hugs them both tightly and says thankyouthankyouthankyou over and over again as they all laugh.
So Nate stays with them and they spend five days making forts out of the pillows and blankets from her bed, and making plans to meet in the kitchen in the middle of the night to sneak cookies from the top shelf, where the nanny thinks Serena won't find them. They watch movies in their pajamas with Erik, and Blair and Chuck come over for a play date one day. Blair is being mean and insists that it's not fair that Serena and Nate get to have all the fun, but Serena just shrugs her shoulders and reminds Blair that she's always invited to come play.
But the thing is, Serena has liked the time she's spent with Nate. She always has. But it's different when no one else is around. She can be goofy and act like a kid (she is one, but she can actually act like one) without him telling her to grow up or to behave. And she likes the way their legs are always pressed together when they watch movies or the way he doesn't shrug his shoulder when she puts her head there. She kisses his cheek and he blushes and she feels something funny in her tummy when they hold hands.
The day before his parents come home is the day before they have to go back to school, and Serena tells (doesn't ask) the nanny that she and Nate are going for a walk. She slips her hand into his as they step onto the street, and men in business suits and women in fancy jackets and heels all stare at them, two children walking down the sidewalk like they're adults or something. She stops to pet a dog, sits right down on the middle of the sidewalk and plays with the golden retriever like it's her own, and Nate smiles and extends his hand to help her up when the dog's owner says they have to go. She's crazy like that sometimes, and he always seems to be along for the ride.
They sit down on the steps of the Met and she wraps her skinny arms around his waist, and neither of them cares that the pavement is a little wet and they'll have to change when they get back to her place. He plays with her hair, twirling a long strand around his finger over and over again as she rests her head on his shoulder.
"You're pretty," she says quietly, sighing as she speaks, and he pulls away from her and looks completely offended.
"Am not," he says indignantly. "Boys aren't pretty, Serena. Girls are pretty."
She giggles and tangles their fingers together, and he tucks their hands into his jacket pocket to keep them warm. "What are boys then?"
"I dunno," he says. "Not pretty." He looks over at her, and she's smiling at him like she has a secret to tell or something. "You're pretty."
"You think so?" she asks. It's not that she doesn't really believe him, it's just that she wants to know for sure that he thinks she's pretty. People tell her she's pretty all the time, but it's different coming from Nate.
"You're the prettiest girl," he says, and they both giggle when she kisses him on the cheek and squeezes his hand, and she doesn't say it, but she loves Nate Archibald, in whatever ways a nine-year-old can.
| Of all the girls tossing rocks at your window
I'll be the one waiting there even when it's cold
...You might have me believing I don't always have to be alone. |
They're 12 and on Christmas break when Blair tells Serena that she's going to marry Nate, and be Blair Cornelia Archibald, and she writes it in calligraphy on white cardstock and gets mad when Serena draws a daisy on the corner of the page, because daisies are 'tacky'. Serena leaves Blair's house and walks home, and she doesn't really know (not really) what jealousy feels like, but she might be getting her first taste of it. Blair's been spending more time with Nate, and Serena misses him. It's silly, since she sees him almost every day, but now the time he'd normally spend alone with her, he's spending with Blair.
She's just about the furthest thing from a selfish person, but she wants Nate to be hers. Just hers.
He may not like to be called pretty (though he so is), but he doesn't mind being called hot, and he's certainly that too. And all the girls know it. He'll run up the steps to school, looking all out of sorts with his shirt untucked (always) and his hair a little messy (always) and he'll smile at the girls eating yoghurt on the courtyard, and they'll talk about him all morning. Serena just rolls her eyes. She likes him too, but she does it quietly. After all, he's the boy who used to sleep in her bed with her, clutching his tattered blue blanket. He's the boy who used to throw snowballs at her in Central Park until she called a truce and (every time) pelted him with one as soon as he was close enough that she knew the snow would seep down his neck into his jacket.
She knew him before he was NateArchibald! She likes that she's one of the only ones.
When her mother leaves with only a note saying that she's gone and isn't sure when she's coming back, Serena runs the whole distance to Nate's place, though it's not all that far, and sits on his front steps when there's no answer at the door. After 15 minutes of waiting in the freezing weather, she runs to the coffee shop on the corner and gets a hot chocolate, then heads back over and sits on the stoop again. She doesn't know where he is or what time he'll get home, but she needs him. She really needs him, maybe for the first time in her life.
She tries not to cry, since it's cold out and that'll only make her colder, but she can't help it when the tears well in her eyes. She's been waiting for an hour and he's still not home yet, and she hates that she needs him so bad. So the tears form in her eyes, and he rounds the corner and starts towards her before she can wipe them away.
He kneels in front of her so they're face to face, and he uses his thumbs to wipe her cheeks.
"It's cold out," he says needlessly. He can tell she's been here a while. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I just want..." What does she want? She looks up at him and he's so worried, it's all there in his eyes, and she realizes she was crazy to wait, and that she has to tell him the truth. "I just want you."
He smiles and stands up, pulling his keys from his pocket with one hand as he helps her up with his other. "Well come inside," he says.
Once they're the foyer, he drops his school bag on the floor and tells her he was at Jeremy's place working on a project they have to turn in the second day back from break, and he tugs at the sleeve of her jacket when she doesn't take it off. He drops it on the floor next to his and she laughs and shakes her head. He knows he needs to cheer her up, so he leans down and whispers, "race ya," in her ear before running towards the stairs. She loves this game, and it's usually her suggesting it. She squeals and runs behind him, and he doesn't know how, but she actually ends up beating him. She collapses on his bed as he walks through his bedroom door, and then she burrows beneath the covers.
"Cold?" he asks.
"I waited for like an hour," she says, shivering violently. He furrows his brow and walks over to get in next to her, and he pulls her into his arms to warm her up.
"How come?"
"Mom left," she tells him.
"Oh," he says quietly. He brushes the hair from her face and notices there are tears in her eyes again. "Don't cry, Serena."
"I can't help it."
He tangles his legs all together with hers because he knows she loves that (he doesn't hate being so close to her either), and she breathes him in. He smells like it smells in New York in December, like fresh air and coldness and snow or something, and she presses herself as close to him as she can.
"Stay with us," he says, like it's a no brainer, like her mom's gone and she doesn't want to be alone, and there's no other option.
"What about Erik?" she asks, though if she never had to leave this bed, this warm bed with Nate next to her, she wouldn't.
"He can stay too."
She almost cries again. He's so good to her, so good to Erik, and she doesn't know why, not really. They're friends, maybe best friends (don't tell Blair), and he's told her before that he'll do anything for her, and she's said the same thing, but they're still young, and she doesn't know how much that means. But with each passing year and through every 'crisis', she learns that whatever has ever happened, it's always been him who she's turned to, and it's always been him, every time, who stands beside her and tells her it'll be okay or holds her hand or warms her up if she's been sitting on his front steps in the cold for an hour.
She kisses his shoulder through his shirt and he runs his hand down her arm to rest on her wrist. "I love you, Natie."
She doesn't know how she means it, but she knows she does mean it.
"I love you, Serena," he answers.
She doesn't know how he means it either, but he kisses her forehead and then her cheek and then her lips, and it's his first kiss and her first kiss, and however they mean those words, it feels like she's never going to forget this day.
| 'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help I if I wanna kiss you in the rain, so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
I can't help myself |
Blair's mad, and Chuck rolls his eyes, and Nate and Serena don't really know what any of it means. But Serena knows that she doesn't want to see Blair Cornelia Archibald written on little pieces of cardstock anymore. Maybe they're too young to be with one another, but she doesn't want him to have a girlfriend, and she doesn't want another boyfriend.
So they decide to wait a bit. They talk about it, though they're both stumbling over words during that conversation, but Serena's seen too many failed relationships, and Nate's a boy and genetically predisposed (or so Chuck says) to avoiding commitment. Nate tells Serena that's not what he's doing, and she giggles, and he smiles, and she tells him she knows. But she makes him pinky promise that he won't kiss anyone else, and she does the same.
And Blair doesn't talk to either of them for a week, until Chuck gets annoyed over the feud and tricks them all into getting together at their favourite ice cream place. Blair forgives Serena, though Nate argues that Serena has nothing to apologize for. Serena kicks him under the table and glares at him as if to say don't mess this up, and she steals a spoonful of his butter pecan as he rubs his shin. Nate doesn't see the way Blair bats her lashes at Chuck the way she used to bat them at him, but Serena does. Blair lets out a huff when Serena smiles at her, and Chuck's oblivious to it all, and Serena thinks that maybe that little bit of a spark was always there and Blair just couldn't see it.
Serena doesn't hate that Blair seems to have moved on from Nate so quickly.
He turns 13 on a Saturday, and his parents are at the opera for the evening so the four of them sneak sips of wine from an open bottle and toast to his birthday. Blair insists they play a game, but truth or dare is no fun with just four people (especially these four, who know each other so well) and spin the bottle is a bad idea. They end up playing Risk!, with Blair and Serena on a team, and the boys playing on their own, and Blair and Serena giggle and laugh and try to conquer all the countries with the best shopping or the prettiest sights, and when they're eliminated from the game, they find Nate's mom's stash of French Vogues and look through the magazines as Nate and Chuck go head to head in a battle of world domination. Chuck scowls when Nate wins, and he claims that he allowed it to happen because it's Nate's birthday, but they all know that Nate's always been a lot smarter than people give him credit for.
Blair's falling asleep with her head in Serena's lap when they see that it's after midnight and they should all be getting home. Serena does a little plotting and tells Chuck that he should drive Blair home in his limo, though she only lives a few blocks from Nate's place. She doesn't know what's going on with those two, and when she asks Blair, she always answers with some big speech about how Chuck's a reprehensible womanizer.
But she still leaves with Chuck in his limo, though she says it's just because she's tired and doesn't feel like walking, and Nate walks Serena home. It's pouring rain, but they don't know that until they're outside, and they don't have an umbrella. Nate curses as Serena laughs, and she slips her hand into his. They seem to hold hands all the time when they're alone together at one of their houses. Or sometimes when they're sitting at a dinner table at some event, she slide her hand beneath the table cloth and her fingers will find his, and they'll share a smile. But walking down the street, in public, they never do this. He likes it.
"Did you have a good birthday?" she asks, turning to him, her hair sticking to her face. She brushes it away haphazardly and he smiles at her.
"The best," he says. "I beat Chuck."
"He let you win." She giggles because she knows it's not true.
"Did not," he mumbles. He squeezes her hand and looks over at her, and she stops in the middle of the sidewalk and tips her head back. He watches her for a minute because it's just so like her to do something like that. But he's cold, and as much as he likes walking and holding her hand, he really wants to be inside. "Serena, come on. It's so gross out."
"I like it," she's quick to insist.
He sighs and rolls his eyes. "Of course you do."
"Hey!" She laughs and shoves him a little bit, but then his free hand comes to rest on her hip and he stands right in front of her, and she sees the water trickle down his face. "Nate," she whispers.
She doesn't get a chance to say anything else before he kisses her. His lips are warm on hers, and he holds her hand tightly, and her palm finds his cheek. She feels a lot older than she is, and she doesn't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it's happening. She suddenly doesn't know why they haven't been doing this all along. It's just a kiss, no tongue, none of that, but they stand there, lips moving against one another's. And okay, it's not just a kiss.
"I'm older now," he says in a daze. "I mean we're older. We could...If you want..."
She kisses him again, laughing against his lips, before he can even finish.
| I've been holding back this feeling
So I've got some things to say to you
I've seen it all, so I thought,
But I've never seen nobody shine the way you do |
They're 15 when they say they love each other again. Their relationship, for a long time, was fairly adolescent, stolen kisses and silly dates, since that's all their parents were really willing to allow. But it's grown into more than that. A lot more. And neither of them really knows how to handle it. Serena's dealing with a whole lot of drama, with her mom wanting to be a mom all of a sudden, and Nate's feeling pressure from his family, and whether it's conscious or not, they're both feeling it from one another.
He's her boyfriend and everyone knows it, and vice versa, but he hates the looks men give her. Men. Like...men who are old enough to be her father. And she doesn't notice it. Nate mentions it or gets just a little protective (she says possessive), and it causes an argument. And Nate's wanting to take their relationship to the next level, and it isn't that she's not ready or anything, but there's something holding her back. He wants to know what it is, but he doesn't want to make it sound like he's getting impatient or something.
The thing is, she loves him. That's all it is. She thinks he loves her too, that he'll say it back if she tells him, but she's scared, because she's never really had any great example set for her. Her mother's love life is a train wreck, by any standards, and Harold just left Eleanor for a man. Nate's parents are pretty stable, but that's kind of it. There's been no adults to really look up to in that department, and she doesn't know what to do.
And she doesn't want to tell Nate she loves him (she so does, has since she was just a kid) and then for anything to change. And what if she loses him or something? She's so afraid of that. She always has been.
It's, not surprisingly, Blair who talks sense into her. She prattles on about fairytales and princes, and they both end up giggling into their lattés. And then Blair just says that it's Nate Archibald, and if you don't tell him, you're stupid. And that's the final word on the matter.
They have this stupid wedding to go to, and if her mother wasn't making her, she wouldn't go at all. It won't be so bad, she's sure, since Nate, Blair and Chuck are all going to be there too, but she hates things like this. Even so, Blair comes over, and they sip Dom Rosé as they do each others' hair and makeup. They listen to Z100 and every time a song comes on, Blair laughs when Serena says 'I love this song!' and starts dancing.
When Chuck and Nate show up in Serena's bedroom, the girls aren't even dressed yet. In fact, they're dancing around in their underwear to Blame It, singing the words loudly (and badly) and when they turn around and see the guys, Nate looks just a little uncomfortable, but Chuck is clearly amused.
"Perhaps we should have gotten here sooner," Chuck says. "Who knows what you would have had on then."
"You're disgusting!" Blair hisses as she grabs her robe and wraps it around herself.
Serena walks over to Nate, not caring in the slightest that she's wearing just a pair of underwear and her bra, and wraps her arms around him and kisses him, and Chuck rolls his eyes.
"You look so good," she says, smiling all girlishly as she plays with his tie. Chuck clears his throat and she playfully scowls at him.
"Thanks," Nate whispers. It's weird, he thinks, but sometimes when he's around her, he can only see her. Not even Chuck's impatience steals his attention "We're gonna be late," he says, though words are hard to come by.
"So?" Serena says, shrugging her shoulder. "It's this woman's like, fourth marriage. I went to two of her other weddings. I'm sure this one'll be no different."
"Serena!" Blair giggles.
"What?" Serena starts laughing too, and Chuck crosses his arms, checking his watch as he does so. "Okay, fine, I'll get dressed."
She and Blair slip into Serena's bathroom with their dresses in their hands, and they emerge kind of matching. Nate smiles, and he notices that Chuck's smiling too. Serena is in a short gold dress with a flirty skirt and satin straps, her hair down and flowing down her back. Blair is in a knee-length silver satin dress with a bow at the back. Gold and silver. Seems fitting.
Chuck is restless and impatient as the girls grab their shoes and purses, and Blair lays into him about it taking time for women to make themselves look good, and he replies, trying not to sound like he means it, that she always looks lovely, and Nate and Serena share a look behind their friends' backs. Blair blushes and tucks her hair behind her ears, then links her arm through Serena's as they step into the elevator.
They sit through the ceremony and Nate squeezes Serena's hand when she almost starts laughing at the horribly cheesy vows the couple has written. She covers her mouth with her hand and makes herself tear up (she can do it on command) so it looks like she's crying, not laughing, and he leans over to kiss her cheek, whispering, 'Good cover' in her ear. She shoves at his knee with her own, and Blair glares at them both.
They spill out of the church laughing, and Blair and Chuck come out behind them shaking their heads.
"You're not supposed to laugh at weddings!" Blair scolds.
"Oh come on, B, that was ridiculous," Serena insists. "And aren't weddings supposed to be fun?"
"No!" Blair gasps. She looks seriously offended, and Chuck leads them all back to his limo. "They're supposed to be...romantic and formal."
Serena rolls her eyes and Nate laughs, and when he kisses her as they take their places on the bench seat in Chuck's limo, she gets all sorts of butterflies in her stomach when she realizes that there's really no one else she can ever see herself marrying. And she's 15, that thought is huge and scary and shouldn't even be there, but it is, and when she looks away from him and out the window, he rests his hand on her knee and she thinks that if she doesn't tell him tonight that she loves him, it'll drive her absolutely crazy.
Some time between the speeches and the first dance, Serena leans over, her hand falling to his thigh, and whispers, "Come with me," into his ear. He doesn't know where she's taking him, but he's pretty much learned by now that he'll follow her anywhere. They don't bother excusing themselves, and Lily just rolls her eyes and sighs at her daughter when Serena stands abruptly and pulls Nate away from the table. He smiles at Lily and all seems to be forgiven. He's used to that, too; Lily adores him.
Serena pulls him into an empty room that ends up being an empty bar, and her face lights up when she finds a chilled bottle of champagne behind the bar.
"Serena, we're gonna get in trouble. We shouldn't be in here," he tells her, but she grabs his tie and pulls him in for a kiss and he can't argue anymore.
She sits down on top of the bar, her legs parted just slightly and her dress falling between her thighs, and he sits at the stool in front of her with his hands on her hips. She smiles and bites her lip and she tries to open the bottle and refuses to let him help.
"You're crazy," he says laughingly. He grabs the bottle, and she's just starting to pout when the cork pops and they both end up covered in champagne. Her hand flies to her mouth and he grins. "That never happens to me."
She laughs, and he thinks he hears her say something like, 'I know', and he blushes adorably until she takes his face in her hands and kisses him. His fingertips slip beneath the hem of her dress at her thighs and she presses her forehead to his and bites her lip. Now or never.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
She smiles. She smiles because he knows her better than anyone, and he can tell when there's something she's not saying. But she shakes her head, because nothing's wrong. Nothing at all.
"Nate," she whispers, and his eyes move from her lips to her eyes. "I love you."
He grins at the way she, Serena, the most amazing girl in the world, is a little nervous. That's how he knows that she feels exactly the same things he feels.
"I love you too."
She shakes her head like she doesn't believe him, and she moves off the bar and onto his lap in one swift motion, and he holds her there like he doesn't ever want her to move. (And he might not.)
"No," she says, running her hands through his hair. She might be a little tipsy, but she knows this is really important. "I love you love you. Not like...not like before when we used to say it. I...I'm in love with you."
"I know," he says quietly, smiling at her in a way that melts her heart. "I'm in love with you, Serena."
She giggles (he doesn't know why, but he doesn't get a chance to question it) and kisses him again, and she grabs his lapels so they're as close as they can be, and she doesn't want to wait anymore. She wants him, all of him in every way, and she wants him right now. She's got his tie off and she's unbuttoning his shirt when he stops her and pulls away. She looks confused and he shakes his head at her and tells her that he wants to, so bad, but he wants to do it right, and her heart melts all over again.
So they compose themselves a little, though his hair is a mess and their lips are swollen ad she looks like she's on cloud nine, and they leave the reception without a word to anyone. They walk the 10 blocks to his place, since it's closest and his parents are away on some trip. He drapes his jacket over her shoulders and she links her arm through his, and they draw stares because people in the area either know who they are, or want to know who they are, and There's Nate and Serena! But she doesn't hear any of it or notice any stares.
As soon as they're inside his house, he literally sweeps her up off her feet and she squeals a little bit, but he carries her up the stairs like some sort of superhero or something. He lays her down on his bed, then he lays down on top of her, and he tells her he loves her again and again in between kisses until she laughs and tells him to stop. She doesn't really want him to, of course, and when he pulls away from her, she pouts and reaches for his tie, pulling him close so she can whisper three words in his ear.
And then her dress is off and his clothes are on the floor and they fit together (always have) perfectly, and she thinks that she never, ever wants to love anyone other than him ever again.
| The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name
It's beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change |
By the time they're 16, it's very obvious that he's gorgeous and she's gorgeous and together, they're almost too gorgeous. They're the new UES power couple, and they're barely old enough to drive. He's been driving for years, however, on his grandfather's Hamptons estate, and one day during the summer, when she's bored and he's tired of hearing her say it, he tells her he'll teach her how to drive. She's excited, initially, but then she starts questioning whether she'll be any good at it. He insists that she will, because she's good at everything she does.
"It's not that hard," he tells her, shrugging one shoulder.
He stands and reaches for her hand. They've been laying on the lounge chairs in the backyard by the pool, her in her blue bikini (the one he loves so much) and him in his black board shorts. She rolls her eyes and gets up, and he pulls his shirt on over his head as they head for the driveway. He stops in the house to get the keys, and when he comes back out he's holding a white tee shirt, and she laughs when he hands it to her. All summer long, he's been saying that her wearing a bikini all the time is too distracting. This isn't the first time he's insisted that she put on more clothes.
He has to roll his eyes and stifle a groan when she ties it at the side so that her stomach shows.
"Come on," he says, grabbing her hand.
"Nate, I don't need to learn," she reminds him. "We live in the city. And we have car service. And...you can just drive us everywhere."
"What if we move to...to...Indiana or something, and there's no car service," he says, completely incapable of keeping a straight face.
"Why would we ever move to Indiana!?"
He smiles and drapes his arm around her shoulder. "I dunno," he admits. "What if...What if I got a job there or something? Wouldn't you come with me?"
She laughs, leans over and kisses his cheek, leaving a faint pink lip stick stain that she doesn't bother to wipe away. "I'm not moving to Indiana," she says. "We'll just...we'll...We'll get Blair and Chuck to scheme and find you a job in the city!"
He stops walking and she turns to look at him in confusion. "You're saying you wouldn't go anywhere with me?" he asks, faking seriousness. "I'd go anywhere with you."
"You would?" She grins at him and steps closer, and he pulls her against him. He nods right before he kisses her. "Me too." They get a little caught up, standing there kissing in the driveway. She has this habit of playing with the drawstring of his shorts as they kiss, and that certainly makes it difficult for him to want to stop kissing her. "C'mon. Teach me, Natie."
He smiles at her and hands her the keys. She's the only one who calls him that anymore. He loves that.
"Just...be careful," he says when he climbs in the passenger seat next to her. "This is...This car is..."
"What?"
"It's worth way more than you want to know," he says, laughing softly. "Just don't run into anything." She looks out the windshield and around the car. The lane is paved, and there's not a tree or a rock or a fence anywhere even close to where she'll be driving. "I know. I'm just saying."
"Just tell me what to do!" she laughs.
She can tell he's nervous when she puts the car in drive and eases onto the gas. Well, eases probably isn't the right word. She presses a little too hard and screams, and Nate tells her, as calmly as he can, to press the brake, and she does. She tells him she's going to be awful at this, that maybe they should just forget it, but he pushes her. He tells her he's not letting her off the hook, and he teaches her little tricks. She's so excited when she actually gets the hang of it that she takes her hands off the wheel and looks at him, and he just laughs and puts one hand on the wheel from where he sits. Maybe she won't be ready for roads anytime soon, but she's got the basics down. When they get out of the car, she throws her arms around his neck and her knee brushes against he inside of his thigh, and sometimes he still can't believe how insanely gorgeous she is.
They have dinner with his family, and Nate's grandfather mentions seeing her the lesson from his study, and Serena blushes (it takes a lot to make her do that) when he says that she was doing pretty well. She politely thanks him, and Nate squeezes her knee under the table as he says that maybe he'll do the bulk of the driving. The adults all laugh when Serena's jaw drops and she punches his arm. Serena is sure to engage in conversation with Lily, fresh off her third divorce, and Erik, 14 and just a little out of place. Nate and Erik talk about sailing, since Erik's actually been tagging along with Nate and the Captain on a few trips, and Serena smiles because Nate and Erik are practically brothers at this point.
They excuse themselves after dinner and, like they've done most nights, they go for a walk on the beach. She decides they should run, and he's come to hate this game, because the girl is freakishly fast. She's got like, eight foot legs, and she's always been only a hair slower than him. And they're too old for this, but she's so convincing that he can't say no most of the time. She can make any idea seem like the best idea, though her tactics with him are generally fairly predictable.
"Nate," she says seductively, walking backwards so she's facing him. She's holding his hands, and he's smiling because he knows what she's doing. "Race me."
"Serena, can't we just..."
"One..."
"Serena."
He laughs when she kisses him quickly to stop him from saying more. "Two."
"You're insane. You know that, right?"
She nods her head and smiles all big and drops his hands. "Three!"
She takes off running, kicking up sand behind her, her blonde hair taking on the pinks and oranges in the sky, and he just smiles and tucks his hands in his pockets as he walks casually behind her. He loves this girl so, so much, and he thinks he always has, since the day he met her.
She notices he's not running, and she turns around and pouts at him. "Nate!" she yells.
"You win!" he shouts back. He laughs when she puts her hand on her hip, and he jogs towards her. "You win, babe."
"Well yeah. You didn't run," she points out needlessly.
"I just like watching you."
She purses her lips and squints at him. "I can't tell if you're being cute or making fun of me."
"Both?" he offers adorably.
She laughs, weaves her fingers together with his, and kisses his cheek as they start towards his favourite spot on the beach. When the tide is out, there's a bank of rocks to sit on and a sand bar to wade out towards, and when they get there, Serena kicks off her flip fops and Nate rolls up his jeans. She splashes him (always; he's come to expect it) and she squeals when he lifts her up.
She loves him most like this, when it's just the two of them and they play around like a couple of kids far younger than they actually are. He indulges her, and she kind of does the same for him. They play around and joke, and anyone who sees them usually laughs right along with them. Serena's used to it, and Nate, at her side so often, is pretty used to it too.
He kisses her goodnight at her door, but she doesn't let him leave. Lily just laughs when she sees them walking up the stairs, Nate's hand in Serena's as he walks behind her.
She's already dialing his parents to let him know where he is so they don't worry. Even so, she's well aware that they'd know where Nate was anyway.
| Why are people always leaving
I think you and I should stay the same |
Their college visits are basically an excuse for the two of them to stay in hotel rooms together, since neither of them really knows where they want to go, but they have to go on these tours. The four of them travel together, hitting almost all the Ivies over the course of a couple weekends. Chuck and Blair, after finally admitting their feelings and getting it together, spend their days walking over fallen leaves and Blair rattles on about all the things she wants, the things she'll get. Serena and Nate usually find a coffee shop or a book store and wander aimlessly until they're called back to the limo.
His dad's pressuring him to go to Dartmouth (as he has since he found out he was having a son) and Serena's mother is nudging her towards going to Brown. And yet as they're standing on Brown's campus, Nate's arm around her shoulder as they sip coffee and deviate (always) from the tour, she realizes that she doesn't want them to go to different schools, and she might not want to leave New York at all.
"Do you really want to go to Dartmouth?" she asks abruptly. She tucks her chin behind her scarf so he can't see her mouth, because she's biting at her bottom lip like she always does when she's anxious.
"Not really," he admits. They haven't really talked about it, not seriously, because they're both kind of afraid of what will come of the conversation. "Do you want to go here?"
"No," she says, shaking her head. She can't help but smile. "I was actually looking at...Columbia."
He stops walking, reaches for her elbow so she faces him. "Since when?"
"I dunno. Like, last week?" She shrugs her shoulder and he shakes his head. They're always both a little surprised when they find about about these little secrets. "Just...after we visited Harvard last weekend I...I love New York."
He leans in and kisses her and they start walking again. "It's still an Ivy."
"Nate, you don't have to...I mean, you liked Yale. You..."
"Serena, do you remember what we said?" he asks quietly.
She smiles, thinking of that summer and that promise. "Yeah. But this is a important decision."
He shrugs and smiles at her (God, she adores that smile) and says, "Not as important as us."
Blair doesn't understand it, their decision to stay in the city and go to Columbia, but even in her haze of college excitement, she can be at least a little happy for them. 'At least you'll both be here when I visit on weekends,' she says. It's Yale or bust for her, and Chuck is being groomed to work as a higher-up in Bass Industries. When Serena tells her mom about wanting to go to Columbia, they have a long discussion about exactly what Serena wants, and in the end, Lily gives her blessing, though they both know that Serena would have done whatever her heart desired anyway.
Nate's practically living on his own now, with his father in prison and his mother apparently trying to visit every country in the world so she doesn't have to deal with the gossip in New York. He actually ends up talking to Bart about it, because Lily tells Nate that he should discuss it with someone, and Serena and Chuck stand by and watch as Bart claps Nate on the back and talks about Columbia's reputation. Serena had thought, in the beginning, that her mom getting married to Bart would have been really, really weird, but it's actually kind of cool. She likes Bart a lot (he's not as bad as she always assumed) and now that Chuck's living with them, Blair's over all the time, even more often than she'd normally be. The apartment is always full, and a lot of the time, the four of them, plus Erik, will just sit around talking or watching movies.
As she watches Nate and Bart talk, and Erik and her mom talk, and Chuck grin a little wider when Blair steps off the elevator into the apartment, Serena knows there's nowhere in the world she'd rather be than right here in New York.
| 'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help I if I wanna kiss you in the rain, so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
I can't help myself |
He doesn't mean to make her mad. Of course he doesn't. Sometimes it's inevitable.
They've been living together since September, and the weather has just started to turn warm again after an insanely cold winter that had them spending more time cuddled up in their apartment than anything else. Blair ended up staying in New York and going to NYU after a whole scandal that Nate still doesn't fully understand, and when Bart passed away, Chuck inherited the whole company, and he's running it with Lily's help. They're all still in the city, and they don't see each other quite as often as they used to (like, every day) but it's still nice.
It's just after midterms when Nate and Serena get into the biggest fight they've ever had. It actually scares her, because they never really fight, not like this, and it's so stupid. It's just that he didn't tell her. He's been offered a place in a very serious, very exclusive program at Oxford. It's only a semester long, and he doesn't even know if he wants to go (meaning, if he wants to leave her), but he didn't tell her. The deadline for his decision is in a week, and she's just finding out about it. Not that she intends to tell him what to do, but she'd always thought they told each other everything. Or almost everything.
She was trying to be cute when she gave him the University of Indiana tee shirt. She saw it online when she was searching for a cool Columbia coffee mug (the ones at the school book store were too...normal) and she laughed so hard that she knew she had to buy it. When she gave it to him, he didn't find it nearly as funny as she did, and she could tell by the look on his face that there was something going on.
He told her about the program, and she got upset, and they started yelling at one another. She ended up in tears, and he ended up walking out, saying he needed time to think about it all, and the door slammed behind him.
Now she's sitting on the floor in their living room alone, a rerun of Friends playing in the background. She doesn't even know why she got so mad. Sure, he should have told her, but he was probably waiting until he knew what he was going to do. She's just kind of...insulted that he didn't think she'd help him with the decision. She can be impartial! Maybe. She wants him to stay, obviously, but she's proud of him, more than anything. She doesn't want them to be separated by an ocean and time differences and all that, but if this is what he wants, she can't be mad at him for it.
By 9:00 at night, he's still not home, and she calls Chuck, but he says he hasn't seen Nate. He asks if everything's okay, and she lies and says yes, though she's sure he can tell it's not. But he's Chuck and he understands conflict and arguments and Serena, so he doesn't call her on it, and she loves him for that.
She decides there are only two places he could be: Dan's, or his mom's place. So she stuffs her feet into a pair of flats and runs down the stairs, because the elevator in their building is perpetually slow. She calls Dan, and he's at some absurdly loud concert with Vanessa, but he says he hasn't heard from Nate either.
When she steps onto the street, she realizes it's pouring rain and she forgot to grab a sweater. She's wearing just a blue tank top and jeans, but she doesn't really care, because she needs to find him and apologize. Or have him apologize. Or something. She just wants this fight to be over.
She actually laughs at herself when she realizes that the only person she hasn't called is him. He answers on the first ring.
"Nate!" she cries just as a cab rushes past.
"Hi." He pauses, and she can practically see the confusion on his face. "Where are you right now?"
"Outside."
He laughs softly. "Yeah, got that. Where outside?"
"Where are you?" she asks, instead of answering his question.
"Hanging out with Erik," he says quietly, like he knows she's going to love that so he makes it a little more sentimental than he usually would.
"What? Why?"
She's soaking wet, drenched from head to toe. Her hair, she knows, is stringy, and her jeans and shirt are clinging to her. She's under the awning of a closed coffee shop, but she's already soaked. She doesn't really care. She actually kind of likes it.
"I needed to talk," he admits. "Look, where are you?"
"Just meet me outside our place," she says, and she hangs up before she launches into her big speech on the phone, because she needs to tell him in person.
So she waits and waits, 20 minutes goes by, and she doesn't know what's taking him so long. If he was at her mom's place talking to Erik, it shouldn't take him long to cut through the park to their own place on the Upper West Side. She's kind of cold, but she doesn't want to go inside. She wants to meet him on the street, though she knows he'll be mad at her for standing out in the rain waiting for him.
Sure enough, when he rounds the corner, he sees her standing there outside their building, her arms wrapped around herself. She looks so, so sexy; that's his first thought. His second thought is that she's absolutely insane and she's for sure going to get sick. But she runs toward him as soon as she sees him, and when she throws her arms around him, he realizes he's just as wet as she is because he decided to walk through the park instead of taking a cab.
"I'm so sorry, Nate. I don't know why I freaked out like that. I just want us to be together, but I want what's best for you, and I want you to be happy, and I don't ever, ever want to hold you back, and if it was me in your position, I'd probably be so mad if someone acted the way I acted, and I just love you so much, and..." He starts laughing and she pulls away to look at him. "What?"
"It's okay," he says, brushing her wet hair off her cheeks. "Erik basically explained all that. But...you know...calmer."
"Shut up." She smiles and shoves him, but he pulls her forward and kisses her.
"I should have told you sooner," he admits. He notices there's a goofy smile on her face, one that doesn't really fit the situation. He doesn't even have to ask her what's going through her head, and she tells him.
"Remember last time we stood in the rain?" She licks her lips and moves a little closer.
"Nope." He laughs when her jaw drops, because of course he remembers. "I love you, Serena."
She kisses him and doesn't say the words back, but she doesn't have to.
When they finally get around to having a serious conversation about what's happening, they're laying in bed and she's wearing 'his' University of Indiana tee shirt (they both know she'll most likely wear it more than he will). He tells her all about the program, how it's only four months and he'd he home by Christmas, and as she listens to him talk about it, she can tell he really wants to go. She knows he doesn't want to leave her, and she doesn't think of it that way at all. She insists that he needs to do this, and that she can visit him, that it won't be that bad, and he kisses her over and over and tells her how amazing she is, and she tells him the same thing.
So he accepts.
They spend their summer splitting time between the Hamptons and their Upper West Side apartment until the middle of August, when they travel to London together. He's got a little place there in student housing, and Serena loves it immediately. It's a one room top-floor of an old brick house on a quiet street. The ceilings are slanted and the kitchen is tiny, but it's got 'something', she says, and Nate knows already that he's going to miss her more than he thought.
After two weeks of exploring London together and hanging out in that little apartment, Nate takes Serena back to Heathrow. They kiss outside of security and he doesn't really want to let her go, and he asks her why the decided to do it this way again.
She tells him it's because it's easier for him to watch her leave than it is for her to watch him leave.
He's not so sure that's the case.
| They're dimming the street lights
You're perfect for me why aren't you here tonight?
I'm waiting alone now so come on and come out and pull me near |
She's at a holiday party being hosted by her mother and Rufus, and she misses Nate so much at these functions. He was always the one who'd listen to her whispering and making fun of people, and he was always the one she could count on to sneak away with if the party was unbearable. This party certainly isn't, and her whole family is there, and it's nice, but it'd be nicer if he was there, too.
But she shouldn't complain. It hasn't been as bad as she thought. She's been busy. She took two extra classes so her time would be filled, because she figured that if she was always in class or studying, then she wouldn't miss him quite so much. She found her favourite place in the library to work, and she redecorated their apartment in her spare time. She struck up a bit more of a friendship with Vanessa when she needed a blonde to play a part in a short film. Serena and Blair spent more time together than the previous year, and Chuck asked of her help with some things for work, putting all her business classes to good use.
She took a long weekend and visited Nate in October, and they didn't leave his apartment once from the time she got there until the time she had to leave, and neither of them cared. It was actually kind of fun, that whole 'I'm not letting you out of my sight' thing and getting to remember what it was like to be around another again.
But she's still really, really excited that he's coming home for good in a week.
She loves Christmas. It's all warm and comforting and it brings everyone together. She watches Blair hold mistletoe over Erik's head, and he grimaces as he kisses her quickly, just a peck to the lips, and Chuck laughs when Blair turns to him and says, "told you he'd do it!" Serena sees Dan and Vanessa standing in a quiet corner, him saying something in her ear that makes her kiss his cheek and tuck her hand into his. Lily and Rufus are standing next to one another talking to the mayor. Even Jenny has her boyfriend there, meeting the family for the first time, no less.
Serena is fine on her own, always has been, but she doesn't necessarily like it. She and Nate have already promised one another that they'll never do this long-distance thing again. (And she left that University of Indiana tee shirt in London to remind him.) She's proud of him, and he loves his classes and lectures and everything, but he loves her more, and she smiles every time he tells her so. He's kind of a romantic.
Chuck's refilling her glass of champagne for her, and her back is to the entrance to the apartment when a lull comes over the crowd. Chuck's face changes and Serena turns around to see Nate walking towards her, looking amazing in a suit and tie, and the tears in her eyes are instant.
She walks towards him, though she's surprised she isn't running, and he wraps her up in his arms and ohmyGodI'vemissedyou, she murmurs into his ear. She's vaguely aware that everyone in the room is oo-ing and aa-ing over how cute they must look.
"What are you doing here?" she asks after she's kissed him. Her eyes are searching his face and her hands are running over his shoulders like she's really not sure he's actually in front of her.
"I wrote my final early," he explains quietly. Over Serena's shoulder, he can see Lily with her hand pressed to her chest, smiling at them. "I'm back now."
She bites her lip to keep the tears from spilling over. "You're back now."
"Half hour."
"What?" she asks, laughing at how serious he is and how tightly he's still holding her.
"Half hour. I'll say hello to everyone, then I'm taking you home," he says quietly. His eyes darken as he tucks her hair behind her ear, and she bites her lip for a whole other reason.
A half hour turns into an hour and a half, and she and Blair are laughing at Nate's impatience as he talks to Cyrus and just cannot get away from the conversation. Chuck tries to intervene (on his girlfriend's insistence; he actually likes watching Nate squirm sometimes) but then they're both trapped. Blair laughs because she totally set Chuck up for that, and when he glances over at she and Serena giggling into their champagne glasses, he knows it.
Erik is the sacrificial lamb. He edges into the conversation, feeling a whole bunch of sympathy for his step-brother and his sister's boyfriend, and starts asking Cyrus about which pre-law programs he'd recommend for Erik to check out. Nate and Serena don't even excuse themselves when they leave, he just pulls her gently towards the elevator and kisses her hard as soon as the doors have closed.
She's told him countless times on the phone that she can hear a little bit of an accent slip into his speech, just every once in a while, and when she visited him, he said something to her that had her pulling his clothes off him immediately.
He's just locked their apartment door behind them when he pulls her against him and says, "I adore you," against her neck as he kisses her.
| Shine, shine, shine |
He proposes on the hottest day of the year the summer after they graduate, and she's completely caught off guard. He doesn't get down on one knee, because they're knee-deep in water on their beach in the Hamptons. He just pulls the gorgeous van der Bilt diamond from his pocket and asks her if she'll marry him, and she jumps up, locking her legs around his waist. She kisses his face all over, then presses her lips to his and he slips the ring onto her finger. It fits perfectly, since he talked to her mother, not asking permission, just telling her of his plans, and she told him Serena's ring size.
"Nate," she sighs, setting her feet on the sand again.
He smiles, because he loves that she hasn't even glanced at the ring; she's not that kind of girl. She probably didn't even need a ring. But he loves that she has one, because it shows everyone, anyone who didn't already know anyway, that she's his. Permanently.
He's passed the bar and is starting law school in the fall, and she's starting a job at Bass Industries at the end of the summer, and they've put a down payment on a place on a quiet UES side street. It's two stories, three bedrooms, and absolutely perfect for them. She's living a life that, as a child, she wanted to run away from. But then there's Nate. Nate who's always been there, and he's always been all the things she loved about this life too. It doesn't seem like an awful place, the Upper East Side, if he's going to live there with her.
She kisses him over and over again, and they laugh and when she finally looks at the ring, a tear falls down her cheek and he wipes it away. She never really noticed how gorgeous this ring is, didn't even think she'd ever want it, tradition or no tradition. But seeing it on her own hand, it kind of looks like it belongs there.
She smiles wickedly and he knows what's coming, loves that she can still act like this, even as a 22-year-old.
"Race you back to the house?" she says. It's tempting, really, since he wants to share the news with everyone. He shakes his head and she pouts. "One..."
He weaves his fingers together with hers and pulls her closer to him as the tide goes out. "Let's just stay here for a while."
For once, she doesn't take off running. He doesn't know the last time she did that. She says race and they race. They're sitting on those rocks together, her arm linked through his and her head on his shoulder, when he realizes that most of the time, when he says stay, they stay.
-Fin-