A/n: crack fluff ness modern au, school assembly performance you would love to see
Arthurs Pov
I walk into this week's school assembly with just Morgana at my side; all our friends came down with the flu. That sucks.
I look up at the stage, and oh my shit, its deck out in red (k look up the film clip for Moulin rouge Christina, missy, mia, and pink righty cause I'm fucking lazy). What type of performance is today and boy is Gwaine gonna be pissed he missed it.
Once everyone had sat in their seats morgana and me in the best possible seats courtesy of being the children of the principal, even Uther is on the edge of his seat, he, as principal should address all things that go on in this school, but this week Ms Nimueh would not hear it. I think father is frightened of her, the only people she doesn't frighten is Morgana and Merlin.
Everyone was whispering all over the assembly asking what type of performance it will be.
"Arthur, do you think, they're messing with us or will we see stripers soon?" morgana leans in to me
"Uh, well" I look to father in hopes of help who continues to look at the stage and promptly ignore me "condescending prathead" I mutter, that got me a sharp backhand to the side of my head
"You've been spending far too much time with Merlin" dad and morgana whisper to me, one harsh and the other teasing, I turned bright red.
Ms Nimueh walked up on to the stage and a large red velvet curtain swept across the stage.
"Lady's and Gentlemen" she announced "today we are having a very special performance, we will ask you a question after the show and you will right your answer on the paper, but until then, welcome to the Moulin rouge"
Uh-oh
"Where's all my soul sisters, let me hear you flow sisters" I hear a deep voice come from behind the curtains
"Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister, hey sister, go sister, soul sister, flow sister" three other voices, higher than the first, coarse.
The curtains open to let the first entertainer through before closing quickly
The girl has her hair up in a ballet bun with a large blue feather sticking out the top. Her naturally dark skin looking beautiful matching her petit form. But her outfit was definitely not appropriate for school, or any public place for that matter. She wore a lacy blue nicely fitting corset and tightly fitting black silk underwear and three inch heels. But the thing that was most curious was the plain but elegant mask she wore.
"He met marmalade down at old Moulin Rouge" she sang in a melodic soprano voice as she strut down the stairs and the 10 metre walkway made in between the chairs, swinging a black leather riding whip side to side "strutting her stuff on the street" she reached the end and did a little dance, I just so happened to be in one of the four seats at the end of the walk way, the others were Uther, Morgana and the student secretary Mordred , poor guy is one year younger than me must be freaking out (oh, Merlin and Gwen are one year younger than Arthur too, everyone else is the same age). "She said 'hello, hey Joe, you wanna give it a go-oh" she bent over, in front of Morgana, who is now scarlet red (you can sort of guess what she doesn't want daddy dear to know and if you are too thick to guess, she likes girls aka lesbian), shaking her hips and showing her breasts then winked before taking two steps back "Giuchie, Giuchie," she held her breasts "ya" she held something I don't even want to think of "da da" she rose her hands above her head "giuchie giuchie" she then dropped low "ya ya" spread her legs wide "here" and stood doing a slight dance "mocha chocalata ya ya" she strut back up the stairs and walked to the side of the stage "creole lady marmalade" she shook her hip and held her position
"Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir? Voulez vous coucher avec moi?" Mordred blushed red, his face almost as bright as Morgana's
"Mordred you know what they're singing don't you?" morgana asked knowing the answer but we all heard the unasked question, and everyone close leaned in to hear the answer
Mordred nodded and said "'would you like to sleep with me tonight"
I am certain that a boy one row back had an anime style nosebleed and dad is hiding something in his pants I'm so glad he's trying to hide.
Our attention was drawn back to the stage when the curtain let out another girl wearing a mask. There were about seven more nosebleeds and a very amusing shout of "man down, I will avenge you" before that same person looked at the stage and had a nosebleed. Everyone was bright red, we thought the first one was inappropriate Nevermind this one.
She dark brown flowing hair with a few streaks of blonde the twat topped with a top hat with a C made of diamonds on it her skin had a sun tan skin, she's not as petite as the first girl but she had a nice flat stomach. Her outfit was outrageous; she wore a black bra with silver sparkly cups, black underwear and black stockings to her knees then fishnet stockings to her feet which adorn black one inch heels.
"he sat in a boudoir while she freshened up" her voice was deeper but an octave deeper as an alto but just as good, she walked down the aisle faster and more wild that the first "boy drank all that magnolia wine" she sang stopping to sit in an unattended chair on the side three quarters way down the aisle "on her black satin sheets is where he started to freak yeah" she stood and swung her hips "giuchie giuchie ya ya da da" she did the same gestures at the first "giuchie guichie ya ya here" she kept her hands rested on her underwear, yeah we'll call it that so I don't did of a heart attack "oh yeah" she waved her finger at the crowd invitingly "mocha chocalata ya ya" she raised her arms and spun slowly rotating and thrusting her hips before walking her wild walk to the stage to stop next to the other girl both now hands on hips shaking them. "Creole lady marmalade"
"Voulez vous coucher avec moi, se soir?" the two on stage and two other voices sang "Voulez vous coucher avec moi?"
This girl is Gwaine's type
The curtains open to show another… what is with these girls and masks. This one isn't too bad compared to the last one. She has a white bra and underwear with diamond embroidering, a trail that reaches the back of her knees and two inch heels, even a white wig of short curly hair. The white of her outfit makes the dark tones of her skin look very dark but I'm sure she is only a bit darker than the first girl.
"he come through with the money in the garter belts let em know we bout that cake straight out the gate" she crumps her way down the stairs spanking herself on the last step "we independent women some mistake us for whores sayin why send mine when I can spend yours" she throws handfuls of money into the crowd "disagree well that's you and I'm sorry but I'm gonna keep playin these cats out like Atari in high heel shoes getting love from the dudes four badass chicks from the Moulin rouge" she crumps in spot now "hey sister soul sisters better get that doe sisters" she sways on the spot "we drink wine with diamonds in the glass by the case the meanin of expensive taste" she imitates drinking "wanna Giuchie giuchie ya ya mocha chocalata" she shimmies down the walk stoping two metres in front of us "creole lady marmalade" she does a slight dance and walks back to the stage and I gotta say that was the most ghetto performance I have seen at this school
"marmalade, lady marmalade, marmalade" the three girls sing in perfect sync of soprano bass and alto
"oh-oh-oh yeah" the last voice sings "hey, hey, hey-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah"
The curtain opens revealing the last figure with a mask not surprising but the rest of her is. She has long wavy black silk like hair topped with a small silver tiara. Her shoes are black two inch heels, she has a bright sapphire blue bra one with diamond lining but unlike the others she wore black three quarter baggy pants with thin chains hanging from the belt straps on the hip going to the back, and black fingerless gloves. She looked badass, not like the others but she still had the same aura, forbidden.
"Morgana she looks like you" Dad said leaning past me
"Shut up she looks nothing like me" Morgana hissed back meanwhile Mordred and half the other boys in the school try to hide their boners. I am not one of them (he's totally one of them)
"touch of her skin feeling silky smooth color of cafe au lait alright Made the savage beast inside roar until he cried" she strut down the aisle with more energy than the rest spinning and twirling her voice that of a lead singer, no need for a category, she could sing any type "more more more!" she took off her gloves and threw them into the crowd
"now he's back home doin nine to five" the others catch up to her
"nine to five" the brunet sings taking a step forward and back into the line
"sleeping the grey flannel life" the first girl does the same
The spirited one walks to the end of the aisle looks at the four of us and decided.
"but when he" She walked up and sat on Mordred's lap "turns off to sleep memories creep" she winked at him
"More more more!" she kisses him all out on the lips then slides off him, all the boys eyes (and morgana) burn like fire on Mordred with hatred including myself , lucky bastard. His face it beet bloody red and erection is prominent
"giuchie giuchie yaya da da" they hold their 'underwear ' and side step twice in uniform "giuchie giuchie Ya ya here" they place their hand on their hip and drop low spreading their legs wide before wiggling up "mocha chocalata ya ya, creole lady marmalade"
"Voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir? Voulez vous coucher avec moi" they sing now grinding up against each other, this is just one big fucking orgy isn't it, where are the mother fucking cameras
"all my sisters yeah" the first on says
"Voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce sour? Voulez vous coucher avec moi?" they sing
"Emrys" Ms Nimueh shouts from the front row
"mou-li-an-an-oh-oh-oh" The spirited one, Emrys sings why does that name sound familiar?
"courage" Nimueh shouts again.
She's naming them
"laday marmalade" the brunet , courage sing
Oh these are stage names
"Elena"
Well this one sounds like a real name
"Hey, hey uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh" the one decked in white, Elena sings
"sweetie"
Ok-ay, *cough* stripper *cough*
"oh-oh-oh-woah-oh-oh" the first one, sweetie sings
"hey Morgana the one that made you blush" I got a kick to the shin for that one
"Moulin Rouge" Nimueh bows
"da-da, da-da" sweetie sings as the girls walk back on to the stage
"creole lady marmala-ah-ah-oh-oh-oh-ohh, yes-sa" the all sing then the curtain drops and there is just thunderous applause. Wolf whistling, hoots and hollers, the lot. But there was a very specific holler that I heard and it caught my attention. I turn and sure enoght standing at the back was Leon, Lancelot and Percival.
So the bastards weren't sick they were just skipping, wait Lancelot is too noble to skip without a drastic reason… or Merlin, oh that's right merlins sick but why is he here now, why isn't he helping merlin
Ms Nimueh got up on stage.
"Okay settle down, I told you, you would get a show now you have to answer a question because this show was not selfless, those girls, they want to be actresses and singers, we have a camera filming right now. So this is the question. Which one of them was not a girl?"
"What are you talking about they were all girls"
There were whispers amongst the hall. Everyone as so confused .
"No not everyone was a girl"
The curtains open to show the girls
"these girls are your class mates, they have went to this school for their whole high school life, you know them all."
Okay enough already who the hell are they?
"sweetie step forward" the girl does as she's told "who thinks sweetie is a girl?"
All up, three people at most
"sweetie, show them who you are"
She pulled off the mask to reveal Gwen
"you know I am offended that you thought I was a boy"
OH Elyan will be pissed to see what his sisters been up to
"okay, next Elena is she a girl?"
About a quarter of the school raised their hands
"Show us who you are"
Elena pulled off her bra and out popped two fake boobs, HE took off the bra and then his mask to show Elyan
I withdraw my last comment on Gwen.
"Well it's nice to know I'm more feminine then my sister" he jokes to the crowd feeling awkwardly exposed without the mask
"Next we have Courage"
Three quarters of the students put up their hands
"Courage"
He too pulled off his bra and fake boobs
"well I'm not that shit an actor after all, huh" his mask came off revealing Gwaine and jaws literally dropped, how did we not notice the bloody thick ass arms and legs, it was the clothes "sup"
"And last up, we have Emrys"
Everyone had their hand up including Uther, everyone but Mordred
"Dear Emrys show us who you are"
Everyone but Mordred was shocked when he pulled off his bra
The mask was removed and behind it, the thing that had everyone on the edge of their seats was… Merlin? Oh god I had a boner over Merlin, oh my- ah who am I kidding this is not the first time.
Half the population groaning over the fact that it was merlin, boys and girls, they both wanted him, but he was labelled by the school as 'Arthur Pendragons property do not touch'.
"Okay any questions from the audience?"
"Yeah, why did this happen?"
"Basically it was a test to see who would we were girls, if we were good enough actors" Gwaine said
"why is Gwen there then, she is a girl?" Morgana asked
"you wanna take a swing and guess how many guys have to balls to do this sort of thing" Elyan gestured a hit with a baseball bat
"true" morgana nodded stroking her imaginary beard
"Why does merlin have pants?"
"good question why does merlin have pants?" Gwaine, Elyan and Gwen turn to Nimueh
"well- uh you see" Nimueh blushed before getting flustered "because get some talent then you can have your pants, that's why"
"the tape wouldn't work" Everyone turned to merlin
"what?" Uther says out right
"you think they don't have dicks" merlin gestured to the two other guys on stage
"oh I see you've taped it back- oh I get it, carry on" Uther said happily now that he caught up
"yeah so I had to wear baggy pants"
"okay, why was Mordred the only one who didn't think you were a boy?" Percival asked from the back, everyone looked at Mordred who blushed like a naked girl in the boys dressing room
"well I felt his um, you know on my leg" Mordred squirmed in his seat
"yet you still got a boner" I say looking at him
He just nods
"aww" I look at merlin on the stage " I like you too Mordred" Mordred was one of merlins art friends, he had very few, it was them, Morgana, Freya, Gilli and Daegal
That boy smiled brighter that he had in years
"last question, are you Emrys as in the writer, singer, artist Emrys?" oh that's where I heard it from
"yes it is my stage name until I and twenty five, then I can access all the money I have earned until then I don't get a cent, it is all funnelled in to a separate account so I have a job and I plan to study and finish uni"
After that day Merlin was famous, at the school, no-one outside could know who Merlin was, he wanted to get somewhere in life because he was talented not because he done one good thing and that gives him a higher chance if he earns something he wants it to be a merlin not as Emrys. That is the upside, down side is that a few weeks later Merlin and Mordred started to date. And until they break up I will plot out Mordred's death over and over mwahhahahaha-! Nah he's a good kid, he even told me he was willing to share if Merlin wanted to but only if merlin wanted to so I just have to give it time, they'll fuck it up some how
A/n: they didn't
Arthur: fuck, just review and leave me to stew in my misery