this is entirely different from anything I've ever written. It's very dark. I hope you enjoy regardless even though it is glaringly out of my comfort zone. Let me know what you think ;)
PS I own nothing.
Damon didn't know what came over him, but he needed to see her. It didn't matter that they hadn't spoken for weeks and it didn't matter that he was supposed to be mad at her. All he knew and all the mattered was the need to see her that was buried deep inside and refusing to budge. All they had done lately had been fight. They fought about Stefan, they fought about Klaus, they fought because he loved her. They fought because she wouldn't admit that she loved him. They fought about anything and everything, and he couldn't stop it. He was done, he wanted it to be done. And he only knew of one way to do that. He had to take the highroad and apologize. He had to tell her that he would step back and he would leave her alone. He would even go as far as to disappear from her life to make her happy. All in all he would break his own heart for her. The love he had for her was impossible, he loved her more than he had ever loved Katherine. Getting in his car he drove over to the Gilbert house. He didn't see any lights on but that was to be expected since it was 2am. But he also didn't see Ric's car in the driveway, he must be spending the night with the psycho doctor. He walked over to Elena's bedroom window and scaled the tree outside it before opening her window and slipping inside. She looked so peaceful when she was asleep and he hated that he had to wake her. But it was necessary. She had to hear what he had to say.
Elena opened her eyes at the insistent prodding at her side. She opened her eyes and was met with the blue ones of Damon in the dark. She knew how clear and crystalline his eyes were even when it was dark in the room.
"What are you doing here?" she demanded.
"We need to talk." he stated matter of fact.
"No we really don't. We said all there was to say a few weeks ago. I'm done with this shit Damon." Elena sighed.
"I know, that's why I'm here. I'm done fighting with you." he said.
"Really? But Damon that's all we ever do. So don't make me a promise you cant keep." she told him.
"Elena I'm trying to apologize." he stated crossing his arms.
"Well you're doing a terrible job of it." she stated sitting up and mirroring his pose.
"Maybe I would be doing better if you'd give me a chance." he suggested.
"Maybe I don't want to hear what you have to say." she said petulantly.
"God damn it Elena what the hell do you want from me? You ask me not to be an ass and I try. You tell me to stop fighting you at every turn, and I do that. Now I'm apologizing to you and you wont even listen to me." he said.
"Maybe that's it. Maybe I just want you to stop. I want you to stop everything and leave me alone." she said even though she truly didn't mean that.
"Maybe that is exactly what we need. Separation. If that's what you want, that's what you'll get. You wont see me around you anymore." he said opting for anger instead of letting her see his broken heart.
"Damon..." she said.
"No Elena. I'm leaving. You wont see me around for a while." he said as he disappeared from her window. He knew that was what he's said he would do for her but actually hearing her voice that had been hard. It had broken his heart as he had foreseen. Not even the pull of alcohol and women were able to curb this pain. Killing didn't seem compelling to him. Instead he just went home, not sure what he would do when he got there.
Elena sat up in bed with her head in her hands. Why in the hell would she have said something that she didn't mean like that? There was nothing further from the truth. She wanted and dare she say needed him in her life. Maybe she just needed Damon Salvatore. Why had she become all stubborn and angry with him? Why couldn't she have let him apologize like he wanted to do, but no instead she fought with him. And caused him to leave her for the foreseeable future.
Damon sat in his room with a bottle of whiskey staring at his surroundings. He had successfully turned off the hurt and decided that he didn't care. It was dangerous, he didn't want to be dangerous so instead he just opted to stay in his room where no one could be hurt. He knew avoiding Elena was childish but he couldn't see her. Whenever she came by he disappeared, he locked his bedroom door so she couldn't enter. And each time she whispered and begged him to open the door, it tore at him even more and he turned that switch even more firmly off. Even though with the switch off he still couldn't turn off his feelings for her. He was coming to the conclusion that the switch didn't even exist, it was just something he told himself existed so he didn't have to feel guilt. Somehow the once terrifying vampire had been reduced to a man hiding in a bedroom from the girl he loved. He vowed to himself that he would get back to that man, the feared one, because that was who he was meant to be. Taking a final swig of his bottle he tossed it against the wall before going into his bathroom to get cleaned up. Damon Salvatore was going out, and he was moving on.
"I'm worried about him Care, I haven't seen or heard from him since that night. He came to apologize and I turned him down. Now he's just gone. I mean not really he's at home but he wont see me and wont talk to me. He has completely removed himself from my life. I miss him." Elena fretted to her best friend.
"I don't know what to say to you Elena. He's Damon, he's reckless and violent. And he does things without thinking. But he has these intense emotions and when he's wounded, you never know how hes going to react. This is a good reaction, just ignoring you. He could have went off and killed half the town." Caroline said.
" I just wish he'd yell at me or something. Even that would be better than this." Elena sighed.
"This is Damon. He loves you and he doesn't want to yell at you. Maybe he's doing this so he doesn't have to see your face." she offered.
"I know that's what it is. I hurt him bad enough this time that he doesn't even want me to look at him. I broke Damon Salvatore." she said softly.
"Damon is nothing if he's not resilient. He'll bounce back." Caroline assured her.
"Yeah but he still wont be mine." Elena muttered.
"Is that what you want?" Caroline asked perking up at this new development.
"That's all I want. And this time I pushed him too far and now he'll never be mine." she sighed with a single tear rolling down her face.
"I'm sorry to be harsh Lena, but its your fault. He gave you opening after opening. But you were stubborn. And if you lost him for good this time you only have yourself to blame." Caroline stated.
"I know. I'm just going to go home. You stay here and wait for Tyler." she said.
"Alright. Are you sure you're okay?" she asked her friend.
"I'm fine." she said plastering an obviously fake smile on her face before walking out.
When Damon was finished showering and such he left the house and drove to the Grill. He walked in with the cockiest smirk he could muster on his face and walked straight to the bar.
"Well hello there. What can I get you?" a bartender asked.
"A glass of your very best bourbon." he said flirting.
"Coming right up." she said bending down to give Damon a good glance at her cleavage. Damon smirked knowing that this would be easy. She would come home with him probably without compulsion. It was time the real Damon Salvatore reemerged. The one that just took and took and took, and never gave back.
"What are you doing Damon?" Alaric asked taking a seat beside him.
"I'm doing what Elena wants. I am letting go." he said.
"Are you sure this self destructive behaviour is good?" he asked.
"It's not good. That's what makes it so much fun." he said smirking when the girl put his drink in front of him.
"Are you really willing to let Elena become your new Katherine?" Alaric asked.
"And just what the hell do you mean by that?" Damon demanded turning to Alaric.
"You started your first self destructive streak when Katherine broke your heart. Now your doing it again with Elena." he said.
"I am not." he stated coldly.
"Yes you are. You are turning back into the Damon Salvatore I met when I moved here." he said daring Damon to disagree.
"Fine. Yes I am. And you know what I love it." he said.
"No you don't. You were happier a few weeks ago." Alaric insisted.
"what the fuck do you know about me?" he asked.
"I know that you love Elena and no matter how you try you cant turn that off." Alaric said.
"You know what fuck you Ric." Damon said getting up and storming out of the Grill. He no longer cared about the girl that he was supposed to take home tonight. He had come here to forget about his humanity for a night but then Alaric had to come in and remind him. He drove home angry at how the evening commenced. He was completely pissed and he was glad there was no one home. He stormed into the house slamming the door so hard it shook the entire house before storming up the stairs and going into his room. He reached for a bottle of bourbon from his personal stash in his room before tearing his shirt from his body and tossing the useless shreds to the floor. Seeing his expression in the mirror he threw a hardcover book from his bedside table at it shattering it to bits. He wanted to scream but he wouldn't. Why couldn't Elena just leave him alone, even if it hadn't been her in the Grill, it had been because of her that he was here now. It was entirely her fault.
Not able to take it any longer Elena got in her car and drove over to the boarding house. Even if she had to camp outside his room all night, eventually he would have to come out. Eventually he would get tired of her being there and confront her. She hoped. She knew all too well how patient a vampire could be when it suited them. She could technically be seated outside his room forever it the mood suited him. Hearing the blaring rock music coming from his room she walked up the stairs and tried the doorknob. She was surprised when it opened revealing a shirtless Damon Salvatore standing with his back towards her.
"I would suggest you leave right now Elena." he said darkly.
"Not until you talk to me." she said stubbornly.
"I don't want to talk to you Elena, just get the fuck out of here." he ordered.
"No." she said taking a couple steps towards him. He spun around and glared at her, the expression on his face made her stop.
"Leave Elena. If you don't I will not be held responsible for what I do." he told her advancing towards her.
"What can you do to me?" she taunted him not convinced that he would ever actually hurt her.
"You don't want to know." he stated. She could hide the beating of her heart that gave away the fact that she was worried. And the sound stopped him for a moment, but he couldn't give in. She had to learn that she couldn't mess with him and always get what she wanted. It didn't work like that. "Leave Elena." he ordered giving her one more shot to leave.
"I'm not leaving. You're stuck with me." she said. He hissed before picking her up and unceremoniously tossing her onto the bed. He didn't give her any time to recover as he covered her body with his and kissed her hard. He was not being gentle and he was not being soft. This was him, Damon Salvatore. He roughly pushed her shirt up and palmed her breasts before tearing the bra from her body.
"Damon, no. Not like this." she begged.
"I warned you." he told her.
"Damon please." she begged when he tore her jeans from her body along with her panties. In no time at all she was completely bare for him. She couldn't deny that a part of her was turned on by this, but the far more dominant part was scared for her life. Scared of him, something she had never thought she could be again. Without any warning he thrust into her, luckily she was wet enough, and started moving frantically inside her. He didn't touch her and didn't kiss her while he was fucking her. He shut his eyes not wanting to see the tears he knew were coursing down her face while he more or less violated her. He knew if he seen her cry he would break and he couldn't have that. He needed this. He could feel her feebly pushing at his chest, but they both knew it wouldn't have any effect on her. He took both her hands in one of his and held them above her head as he continued fucking her hard and fast, gripping her hips far too tightly. Just before he exploded inside her he bit into her neck and drank deeply. When he was done he pulled out and immediately rolled onto his back and then onto his side so he didn't have to face her. The intense guilt for what he did eating him alive. He was worried about her when she didn't move from the bed. He knew that would be an even more embarrassing experience for her as he had completely destroyed her clothes. He felt her pull the blanket up around her and he could hear her sobs even though she tried to hide them. When she fell asleep he allowed himself to roll over and appraise her for injuries. His enhanced eyesight didn't require him to turn on the light to he could see what he did to her. The bite on her neck wasn't clean by any means and he hated that he did that to her, there were bruises forming on her arms and on her hips, her lips were swollen. He hated himself. He pushed the blanket back up around her and allowed her to rest, while he laid on his back and stared up at the ceiling. What he wouldn't give to take everything that happened back. He had physically hurt the woman he loved more than anything in a fit of rage. He laid awake all night as he listened to the sounds of Elena's breathing.
When Elena woke up in the morning she glanced over at Damon who was laying awake with his eyes staring straight up at the ceiling. The tense set of his jaw said that he was still unhappy.
"Are you okay?" he asked softly, refusing to look at her.
"Did you get it out of your system? This ridiculous cave man instinct that made you take advantage of me?" she asked.
"I'm so sorry Elena." he said still refusing to look at her.
"I would forgive you for almost anything Damon but this is a bit much." she said the tears returning to her eyes. He looked at her for the first time and his heart broke. She had her arms wrapped around herself seemingly holding herself together.
"I am so sorry Elena. I never meant to hurt you. You were here and in the line of fire. You are the last person on the planet that I want to hurt." he apologized.
"You took advantage of me Damon. But that wasn't even the worst part. The rough sex I can probably deal with, but it was the cold look in your eyes and the way you took what I would have been willing to give." she wept.
"How many times can I tell you how sorry I am?" he asked completely broken and bare in front of her.
"I don't know. I don't know what to say to you Damon." she said.
"At least let me heal you. Let me fix this and then take this memory away. You shouldn't have to deal with what I did to you. Then I will leave. For good." he promised her.
"You can heal me and you can make me forget. But don't you dare leave me." she said.
"What do you want to remember?" he asked.
"I just want to forget what you did. I want to remember everything else. I don't want to change the way I felt before that happened." she said.
"I can do that." he said. He opted to heal her first, not wanting her to wonder where the bruises came from on her body when she was compelled. He bit into his wrist and offered it wound to her. She took it willingly and felt her wounds begin to heal. When she was healed she pulled on a pair of his pants and a shirt. Then she let him compel her thankful that she hadn't ingested vervain in a long time.
"You will forget what I did to you. I don't want you to remember that pain. You will remember coming over and wanting to confront me." he compelled. When he was finished and her eyes regained their focus he got up and pulled a pair of pants on. He had gotten lucky, and now he needed to pack his bag. He needed to get the hell out of there. If he could hurt Elena, what else was he capable of?
"Where are you going?" Elena asked getting out of the bed dressed in his clothes.
"I'm leaving." he said.
"Just because of a simple fight? Where is the Damon Salvatore I know and love?" she asked with tears coming into her eyes. She had cried far too much for him recently.
"It's much more than a simple fight Elena." he said.
"No its not. We had a fight. And I want to fix it. I cant live without you Damon. Whatever you have done to me in the past doesn't matter anymore. I love you." she said.
"You cant love me." he said.
"But I do." she told him. She took a couple steps towards his still form and kissed him softly. It was the kind of kiss their first one should have been.
"I'm in love with you Damon Salvatore." she said.
"You already know how I feel about you." he told her accepting her kiss.
"Please make love to me. That's what's going to heal me." she said.
"Elena..." he stated.
"Don't Damon. I'm asking you to make love to me. Will you please do that for me. I've finally chosen you but yet you keep finding ways to turn me down. Don't. Just make love to me." she begged.
"I cant" he said brokenly.
"If you truly love me like you say you do. You will do this for me. Please Damon." she begged. He groaned before kissing her. He couldn't deny that her lips felt amazing against his. He pulled her borrowed shirt and pants from her before laying her down gently on the bed. This was massively different from last night and he relished it. She attached her lips back to his as she helped him remove his shirt.
"Make love to me Damon. I'm ready." she said. He pulled his pants from his body and she hooked her legs around his waist. He positioned himself at her entrance before shoving in gently. Everything about this coupling was different from their last one. The one she would never remember. Their passionate rocking into each other allowed them to reach completion at the same time. She called his name as she came, her arms around him tightly. He came burying his head into her shoulder and kissing the skin their.
"I love you." she reminded him.
"I love you too. I'm so sorry." he said.
"It's okay. I forgive you. For all of it." she said.