Why did I tell Zainab?, was it just to shut her up?. To tell her that her perfect little boy was gay.. now when ever i see Zainab she looks at me with venom in her eyes, and gloats about what Syed and Amira are up to.
I should of kept my mouth shut, should of stayed in barcalona, picked someone up at the bar, one night stands as always.
......He did look handsome in his wedding outfit, white does suit him. Atleast I got to passionatly kiss him on new years eve, probaly the last. Amira will probaly wanna move some where nicer, now her and Syed are a married couple.
Maybe if we never kissed for the first time, it would be easier, me and him could still be mates.. but nope, a taken man kissed a gay man. And now because of that I have fallen for him.... Jane does try to comfort me, but at this moment I just wanna be alone, curl up on my bed and hug my pillow smelling the faint smell of Syed's aftershave and shampoo mixed together in concoction of lynx meets apple and honey. He always smelled nice, he has nice hair. Captavating eyes, staring into them i fall in love with him again and again..
If we met under different circumstances. If he wasnt a muslim maybe things would of been different and he wouldnt of felt forced to marry a women to make mommy happy.
Zainab reacted just how i thought she would. Scream, yell, not believe it, cry... Still cant get over him, no matter how many times Zainab yells at me to forget about my perverted deliousions about her son and myself.
I should just leave walford again, wait a month or two then come back when Zainab has calmed down, though that may take till her baby is 18. But if i come back and See Syed then a pregnant Amira, he would never leave her then... maybe I should just move on, find someone else... he cant be mine no matter how much I want him to be, hes Amira's now.