Okay guys, this is a story about a totally not gay dude named Kirby
Olsen. His middle name was Muffin. But he makes sure no one knows that.
He was a football player. He was super short and super skinny, like a
midget skeleton. He had this weird obsession with poundcake. And he
was soooo not gay.
That's what everyone else thought.
UNTIL ONE DAY when this blonde guy came up and was like, "hay baybay I
liek youru hair let's make out".
So basically, Kirby and this blonde guy went behind the bleachers and
made out because the blonde guy said that they were both hot and that
they should really make out or else DERBY WILL RIDE A FUCKING HAMSTER
TO MORDOR BITCH
So after their little makeout session, they went to the movie theatre.
And they were all holding hands and stuff and they thought they
wouldn't get caught but NOOOOOO Jimmy Peach Hopkins had to come and
scare them away. Kirby was the one to run while the blonde guy chased
after his love.
So then the blonde guy got super pissed and complained to ape-man. Ape-
man shot off into space. The blonde guy was all alone again.
Kirby, though, was playing frisbee with his redhead roommate. His name
was Dan Blueberry Wilson. And he sucked at frisbee. So Kirby punched
him in the face and left.
On his way to the football field, he ran into the blonde guy. And they
made out again. And they kept making out until someone emerged from
the shadows.
DUHN DUHN DUHN
It was Dan.
Kirby started screaming and running everywhere but he couldn't go far
because all the jocks had blocked his only exit and the blonde guy
took up a lot of space.
Damon Jerkoff West was all liek, "yo man wat da fuk is goyin on heree?"
And Dan was all, "yo man I don't even noooo".
So they all joined in on the sloppy makeouts.