Wild Nights: Erik was-
Phans: NOOO! DISCLAIMER!
Wild Nights: Whatev. Erik was-
Phans: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!
Wild Nights: OK OK OK! Jeeze… Not mine
Phans: Thank you.
Wild Nights: SPAZ!
…
Narrator: Erik was mucking around in the Opéra Populaire, when…
Everything: BZZCHT
Phantom: WAA!
Everything: (empty school house silence)
Phantom: Whoa. Where am I?
Sign: I'm right here, stupid.
Phantom: Stuyvesant High school- you mean that NERD HOUSE?
Sign: yea, sure whatever.
Phantom: WAA! (runs into another sign)
Sign: I'M A POSTER DAMMIT!
Phantom: Whoa, paper goods never used to speak to me before… (reads poster) My life is on BROADWAY?
Sign- POSTER DAMMIT-Poster; You got it- on for, like, 19 or whatever years.
Phantom: If it is, then there must be… (ground starts rumbling) gasp- FANGIRLS! (overture starts)
Pack of fangirls: OMG IT'S ERIK
Phantom: (running in other direction) WAAAAAAAA!
Pack of Fangirls: (chasing Phantom) WE LOVE YOU!
Phantom: HEEELP! EMOTICONS!
Pack of Fangirls; (turning into emoticons OMG HELP) LOL! WE LURV U! 3
Mysterious voice coming from open door: Quick! In here!
Phantom: AAH! (runs in, door slams behind him just as the emoticon phans are passing) Phew, that was- (light turns on, revealing a 7th grader)
Phantom: WAA! PHAN- (runs into wall) Mmrrl! (stumbles back and falls)
Girl: wrong way genius. Plus, I'm not a phan girl.
Phantom: (lifts head) your not?
Girl: Nope, I'm just a nerd, which aren't half as bad. Speaking of which, where is Christine?
Phantom: I dunno, why?
Girl: because the only thing ≥ fangirls… (lights dim) are fanboys
Lightning: CRACKKK!
Phantom: F-f-fanboys?
Girl: Yea, they're loners. Totally creepy.
Phantom: How can we save her? Fangirls are bad enough.
Girl: How can we not? You find Christine- I'll deal with the phans.
…
Girl: the coast is clear… go. Go!
Phantom: (tip toes out)
Fangirls: THERE HE IS!
Phantom: WAAAA! (bolts)
Fangirls: (Begin chasing him, when-)
Voice: The Phantom of the Opera SUCKS!
Fangirls: (freeze in shock)(turn)
Girl: Heh… heh… WAAA! (turns and bolts in opposite direction of the Phantom)
Now angry pack of Fangirls: (Chase) IT DOES NOT GET BACK HERE YOU- (Profanity, insults, disses, quotes, et cetera)
…
Phantom: Phew! I'm tired! (sees chair) I'm gonna sit down. (sits) Wow, I'm glad I found this-
Chair: CLAMP! (restraints suddenly dart out and restrain Erik's hands, legs, neck, et cetera)
Phantom: WAH! (lights dim, several sets of eyes begin to appear out of the darkness) Wh- who's there? (eyes draw closer)
Girl: (suddenly appears rampaging out of nowhere with a sharp object) FLEE! I HAVE A SHARP OBJECT!
Eyes: flee! (pop!) (eyes disappear)
Girl: (still rampaging)
Phantom: DON'T KILL MEEE!
Girl: AAA-II! (attacks restraints)
Restraints: OW! Jeeze, you could have just asked! No one has any manners these days… (opens)
Phantom: who was-
Girl: (with several cuts and bruises on her face) Fan fiction writers. They're totally off the hook- they go around and touchier their favorite characters, yourself in this case.
Phantom!?!? (stares agog)
Girl: But in the end, you generally kiss either Mme Giry or Christine, so every one is happy (except Raoul)- but half the time they kill you. Or Christine.
Phantom: And their PHANS?
Girl: Phans in general are high
Phantom: Oh I NOTICE
Girl: But hey- they're cool.
Phantom: Whatever. Lets go. (starts walking) Umm… are you coming?
Girl: (affectionate stare)
Phantom: … OK PLEASE STOP RIGHT NOW
Girl: (shakes her head to rid herself of the stare) (giggles) sorry. Come on lets go.
…
Look- I am a phan and a fan fiction writer (LE GASP), and I think that phans in general from what I know are high- on The Phantom of the Opera, at least. I'm going to shut up now.