Cartman grabbed his tray full of pancakes, sausages, waffles, powder doughnuts, french toast, egg rolls, crepes, hashbrowns, and chocolate milk, and made his way over to his usual table in the darkest corner of the cafteria.
He no longer sat with his old friends Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and those others, because they had exiled him from their group, because they were tired of his shit.
Now, he sat with his new friends, Manfred Bloor, Henry Bowers, and Lord Voldemort.
"Hey gais," Cartman greeted his friends.
"Hey," the others replied.
"So, we are discussing who is the most evil," Henry said, picking up an apple off of his tray, and he began to peel it with his knife.
"I think it's me, I mean, I killed my own father and his wife, and made them into chili, which I then fed to my step-brother," Cartman said wickedly. He did not tell them that at the time, he didn't know that Scott was his brother, and that Scott's dad was his father.
"Oh yea? You think that's bad, I smothered my brother when I was only five years old," Henry smirked. He did not really do that, his friend Patrick did, however, Patrick was killed so it didn't matter anymore.
"That's child's play, I once hypnotised someone's dad for like ten years, and kidnapped my best friend, and made him live under a trap door in the school," Manfred said, twirling his pencil thin moustache like an evil French villain even though he was British.
"Oh yea?" Voldemort thundered, pulling out his wand, "I killed like a million people!"
"Yea, but you got defeated by a one year old," Manfred sneered coldly.
"CRUCIOUS!" Voldemort exclaimed, pointing his wand at Manfred.
"Ahh!" Manfred cried, falling to the floor, crying as he started to writhe about like a snake with itching powder all over him.
Henry and Cartman just laughed, and Cartman pulled out his phone to record the funny scene in front of him.
However, Wendy Testaburger was not so pleased.
"Stop it now or I'm telling the principal!" she exclaimed.
"Ugh, fine fine," Voldemort said with a sigh, stopping his curse. There was something about the girl that terrified him, and he didn't want to get on her bad side.
"Way to ruin the fun Wendy," Cartman frowned.
"Whatever Cartman," Wendy waved him off, and returned to the girl table with all her friends.
Cartman then turned back to his friends.
"I think we should ask around to see who is the most evil," he said.
"Obviously you're going to win! You've been going to school here for years, we just transferred here, everyone already knows about all your evil deeds," Henry said.
"That's why we're going to start an anyonmous blog, saying all the evil things we've done, and let people vote!" Cartman exclaimed as an idea began to form in his head. Yes, he could make up seriously evil stories, and no one would ever know, because they wouldn't know it was him, so they could fact check it or anything!
"Anyway, I think we should get one more person into our gang, we can't really have a very good boy band without five members," Cartman said.
"Hmm, but who is evil as us?" Henry asked.
"I know!" Manfred jumped up and snapped his fingers, "I can hypnotise some buff guy into being evil, that way, he can be our muscle."
"I thought I was the muscle," Cartman said, flexing his arms, which weren't muscular at all.
"You think you're the muscle? I'm the strongest one here," Henry said, waving his knife around.
"STUPIFY!" Voldemort thundered, and Henry dropped to the floor.
When Henry woke up a few minutes later, he said,
"Oh yea, I just remembered that I poisoned someone's dog."
The other three glared at him, because they all loved dogs. Even Cartman, though he preferred cats.
"I have half a mind to use the killing curse on you," Voldemort growled.
"Uhh, actually, I just remembered that it was Patrick who poisoned the dog," Henry lied.
Voldemort lowered his wand, and Cartman continued eating, Manfred just stared down at his lines, that he was learning for the school play.
"I know, why don't we get that Sebastian guy from The Mortal Instruments to join our gang?" Manfred suggested, finally looking up from his script.
"No way, he's such a priss," Cartman said, shoving a crepe into his mouth.
"What about someone from your old school Bloors?" Voldemort asked Manfred.
Manfred sighed, and put his script down.
"They all went their separate ways when they thought I died."
"Hm, that's too bad, I know! We can bring my friend Belch back to life, and then, he can join our gang!" Henry exclaimed.
Everyone just ignored him, because they were still mad that he killed a dog, they also thought his idea was completely idiotic.
Cartman started to scan the cafeteria for potential gang members, his eyes stopped when they landed on Kyle and Stanley Urine, who were in a secret Jewish huddle. Stanely Urine had transferred here with Henry Bowers, Beep Beep Richie, Billy Bibbit, and Beverly Marsh, who was Stan Marsh's cousin.
Stan was looking at Stanley with jealousy, because he felt that Stanley was stealing his bff, he didn't say anything though, because he didn't want to seem like a jerk to the new students, which would anger his girlfriend Wendy.
"What about that guy? He looks pretty cool," Henry said.
Cartman pulled his attention away from the Jews, and gasped when he saw that Henry was pointing at no other than TRENT BOYETT!
"No way! Trent Boyett is the meanest kid in school, and I'm on his hit list!" he exclaimed, trying not to tremble. If there was anyone who scared him to death, it was Trent Boyett.
"Oh my goodness, is the Eric Cartman afraid of something? How can you be the biggest, baddest bully in school when you're afraid?" Henry asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Ugh, I'm not afraid of him, I just don't want him to try to outshine me," Cartman scoffed, shoving a doughnut into his mouth.
"Uh huh, sureee," Henry said with disbelief.
"Whatever, you're not so brave yourself, remember when your hair turned white because you were so scared?" Cartman retorted.
"Oh whatever," Henry growled tightening his grip on his knife, he so badly wanted to stab the little porker.
However, before he could, a lion with a black main and green eyes walked into the cafeteria. He had a scar over his eye, and everyone knew who he was right away.
Cartman, Henry, Manfred, and Voldemort all looked at each other and smiled wickedly, they knew just who they were going to invite to be their fifth member.