Disclaimer: If I could somehow wrestle ownership of Transformers away from Hasbro, then in the mood I'm in at the minute it would probably wind up as The Starcee Show. So it's a good thing I can't.

Trypticon Prison, Kaon, Cybertron:

It was typical, really, Starscream thought. Just his luck that the one time he decided to venture to Earth from his and Slipstream's base on the moon he'd been intercepted by those infernal flying Autobot twins. How was he to know that the Elite Guard had been making a routine visit?

And now he was stuck in a cell in Trypticon prison, with that thrice-cursed femclone of his still flying free. Starscream just knew that she'd known the Elite Guard were on Earth. This was probably her form of revenge after the number of times they'd ended up fighting. Clenching his fists, he silently cursed the female Seeker. This just proved what he'd known all along; femmes were far more trouble than they were worth. He recalled an incident on the Nemesis when he'd attempted to make a move on Blackarachnia (desperate times did, after all call for desperate measures; they'd been flying for stellar cycles and the techno-organic was the only femme he'd seen since the ship had launched). Not only had he received a rather painful rebuff from the femme, but he'd also had his lights punched out by a jealous Hothead Blitzwing. (It later transpired that the triple-changer had a long-standing crush on Blackarachnia, although thanks to a combination of Hothead and Random's bizarre flirting methods and the fact that Icy was scared stiff of admitting his feelings for her, the femme was still none the wiser).

Yes, Starscream decided. It was best not to rely on female Cybertronians. True, Slipstream had resurrected him with that AllSpark fragment, but on balance, when one took into account her general annoying demeanour (for which Starscream refused to take credit, despite the fact that he knew she was only taking after him) and her betrayal when she'd defected to Megatron, that one act was somewhat outweighed. Moodily, the Seeker traced a talon against the floor of his cell. He supposed he had been afforded one small mercy in the form of his late capture: he was being held in a different part of the prison to Megatron's team. At least this way he didn't have to put up with the Decepticon leader; or his own rather annoying clones; or (he shuddered at the thought) Random Blitzwing.

Thanking Primus for sparing him interaction with his fellow Decepticons, Starscream leaned back against the wall. He was just slipping into recharge when he heard voices approaching his cell.

"So,have any of them offered more information since last time? I know Cliffjumper Prime was informed that you have high hopes regarding the sycophantic clone," a distinctly female voice was asking.

"No, ma'am," came the reply, the voice this time that of a mech's. "The clone you mentioned seemed willing enough to cooperate, but he was apparently of a low rank, and had little intel to offer."

"I see," the femme said. "Well, in that case all that remains is to check over this block, and I can Bridge back to Iacon in the morning. You there," she added, apparently addressing one of the guards. "Have there been any irregularities reported concerning the inmates in block C-64? I want details of any medical complaints, behavioural incidents - you know the drill."

"Negative," the electronic voice of the guard answered. "All inmates compliant and of good health."

"Good...good," the femme muttered distractedly. The mech dismissed the guard, and a few nanokliks later Starscream heard the door of the cell block open and close. A sigh from the femme made him turn his head.

"Sorry I sounded so uppity," the female apologised to her companion. "I just...I feel like I need to keep up appearances in front of the guards."

"It's quite alright, Arcee," the mech assured her. "I know you're not really like that."

The sound of footsteps approached Starscream's cell. Hurriedly, he closed his optics; the other inmates were all asleep, and he didn't want to be discovered listening in. He had to admit that he was somewhat intrigued. This was Arcee; the very Autobot who had been the key component in Megatron's creation of the Lugnut Supremes.

"I should hope I'm not like that really," Arcee said fervently. There was a pause as the mech walked over to join her, and the pair were silent for a while.

"Do you ever feel sorry for the Deceptions, Smokescreen?" the femme asked eventually. "I mean, even with all that they've done, they're still sentient- still Cybertronian. Do the authorities really have the right to... to torture them to get what they want?"

"Arcee, I hate to break it to you," Smokescreen told her, "but as a member of the EG, you are the authorities."

"Yes, I know that," Arcee huffed. "I'm not the one who authorized all this, though, am I? I'm actually quite against it."

"Why's that?" Smokescreen demanded. "They chose their side, didn't they? They have to face the consequences."

"Yes, but surely by doing this we're sinking to their level?" Arcee protested. "Besides..."

"Besides what?" the mech prompted.

"Well, you know Shockwave, the double agent?"

"Ye-es?" Smokescreen replied cautiously.

"What would your reaction be if I were to say he's the reason I'm not currently lying immobile in the infirmary?"

The mech gave a hearty snort.

"I'd tell you to check yourself back into medical and get that glitch straightened out!" he informed her.

"I'm not kidding, Smokescreen! It's true!"

"Sure it is," the mech said condescendingly. A moment later, Starscream heard him leave, chuckling to himself. The femme remained, however, and the Seeker found himself silently ridiculing her. Her gratitude towards Shockwave was laughable, and had he not been trying to keep up the pretence of recharging he would have expressed his amusement out loud.

Arcee sighed again, and Starscream got the feeling that she was going to remain in the corridor for a while. Cautiously, he cracked open an optic, and realised that she was facing away from him. Having made this discovery, he opened his optics fully.

At this point, the femme turned around.

Blue optics met red, and Starscream froze like a turbofox caught in the headlights. He found himself unable to do anything but stare at the femme as she stood there, illuminated to an almost ethereal quality by the blue lighting that danced off her pink and grey paint job. As he gaped, he wondered why he hadn't seen it before; Arcee was beautiful.

(If his CPU had been able to process any other thought than 'attractive femme alert', he might have attributed his previous indifference to the fact that the last time he had seen her she had been half- obscured by various wires, and he had been more concerned with reattaching his body. However, as it was, he was at present incapable of thinking about anything except the femme in front of him).

Upon seeing that the Decepticon was awake, Arcee smiled tentatively, reassuringly; optics lighting up within her delicate pink face. Starscream felt his spark melt.

"Hello Starscream," she whispered, speaking to him almost as one would to a scared sparkling. Any other time the mech would have been outraged at being treated in such a way, but the warm tone of her voice made it impossible for him to feel mad. Instead, he just gazed at her, mouth slightly open. Shuttering his optics a few times in disbelief, he attempted to formulate a reply.

"Uh..."

Just then, however, there was a loud boom from the prison's power generators. The noise was enough to startle Starscream out of his femme - induced stupor, and with a jolt he turned away from Arcee, burying his face in a servo. The Autobot watched him for a few more nanokliks before turning and heading out of the door.

Once he was sure she was gone, Starscream let out a groan, turning to thunk his head against the wall.

Why?Why did he have to go all doe-eyed over an Autobot?

Slagging femmes...