Clary :
Vincent Van Gogh once said « I dream my painting and I paint my dream », as an art lover myself, I've come to realize that the words of the marvelous painter apply way too well to me. It was one of those nights again where dreams assaulted my brain and tried to make their way toward my head to convert into memories.
"Mom…Mom, please. Can we go back home? I'm cold…mom" my mother is holding me tightly against her chest while running in the woods. The night is particularly chilly and the dim bluish reflection provided by the full moon is our unique source of light.
"We're almost there Sweetheart, we're almost there" my mom breathes against my neck, in a shaking voice and a shivering body.
We're running from something or…someone, but I have no idea who it is, all I can think of is the icy wind that's grazing my skin like razor blades. My mom shushes me desperately as more tears streak down my face, but I'm a three year old girl trying to escape with her mother some imminent danger in the middle of the night.
My mom's steps slow down once we finally reach a secluded cabin deep in the woods, she knocks three times, pauses for few seconds then knocks twice, while we wait for the door to open, my mom keeps glancing behind her back with my little body still in her arms. The wooden door finally opens and I see relief in my mother's face for the first time since she took from my bed that night.
"You're here" a deep male voice states, but instead of looking at his face I'm captivated by the symbol tattooed on the back of his hand, right between his thumb and index finger. Simple black lines in a diamond shape with two lines extending out on each side like wings.
When I finally lift my gaze to his face, my vision gets blurry and all the scenery around me starts evaporating slowly, a rush of panic seizes me "Mom…mom, what's going on? Mom" I cry as my whole body starts shaking.
"…ry…Clary, swee…m here…st bad dream…" the words are cut and I barely understand them "Hey sweety, calm down, it's just a bad dream" I finally make out my mom's voice, I open my eyes abruptly and realize she was the one shaking me. Her familiar auburn hair and kind green eyes instantly help me relax.
She reaches for a strand of hair and tucks it behind my ear before stroking soothingly my cheek "What was it about?" she asks sadly
I lift my hand to caress the sketch book I always keep on my night stand "The usual one" I shrug without looking at her.
She bends and kisses my forehead "Well, let's forgets about it, would we? Today is a very special day. My favorite daughter is turning eighteen" she claps her hands together in a cheerful way.
I roll my eyes but can't help the smile creeping my face "I'm your only daughter, mom" I climb out of bed and start for the bathroom. My head feels like it weighs twenty pounds this morning.
"Simon called in earlier, he'll be here in ten minutes" her muffled voice comes from my bedroom doorframe. I should probably hurry, it's a birthday tradition for me to have breakfast with my mom, Luke (my mom's friend and the closest thing I have to a father) and my best friend Simon.
As I hop under the shower faucet, I let the anxiety induced by my nightmare dissipate slowly. My muscles relax and my headache stops. I settle for a pair of faded blue jeans and a white shirt, paired with my grey converse chucks. For some weird reason, I expected my eighteenth birthday to be special, but I guess I was wrong, I mean I don't feel any different, other than a year older.
"Morning Luke" I greet my mom's friend happily, but he and my mom are too engrossed in their conversation to notice me. From the expression on their faces I take it it's quite serious.
Luke shakes his head furiously at my mom "No Jocelyn, she has the right to know"
My mom mutters something I can't hear in response but Luke doesn't seem to agree "Have you watched the news this morning?" he doesn't wait for my mother's reply as he takes the remote and switches on the TV "It's all over the news Jocelyn"
Images of a handsome man probably in his late forties leaving the courthouse and surrounded by a bunch of reporters while waving at the camera make my mom goes livid and she looks away "I don't need to see this Luke, you sent me this video an hour ago"
My mom's reaction spikes my interest. Who's this man? Why is she arguing with Luke over him?
Out of curiosity, I read the headline on the Tv screen Valentine Morgenstern released after more than twelve years incarceration.
I have never heard this name before but it sounds familiar. However, I don't have time to process this as my best friend emerges in the house and takes me in a big embrace, making me forget this morning's weirdness. My mother and Luke seem to finally notice my presence. As they come my way, I realize big fake smiles replaced their worried faces from earlier.
"The birthday cake is already on the table" My mom gives me a tight smile. We go through my birthday ritual, i.e singing, dancing, blowing on the candles and making a wish, but this morning it feels forced and unnatural. Whatever my mom and Luke have on their minds, it's not pretty.
Simon takes my hand when we finally finish eating "Come-on, we'll be late"
My mom stands immediately "Where are you guys going?" her face is pale and she looks like she's aged within few minutes. A very bad feeling makes its way in my system but I try to discard it as best I can.
"I'm taking Clary to the Poet's Café" Simon states proudly while adjusting his glasses. He looks really cute with his brown curly hair and hazel eyes. If he wasn't so nerdy, he'd probably be the most popular kid at school, but who cares now? We're going to college in less than a month.
My Mom and Luke exchange a weird glance before she gazes back at me "Here" she hands me a black box with a purple bow "I got you this" she gives me a smile that doesn't reach her eyes. I open delicately the box and find a beautiful necklace inside with an onyx diamond shaped pendant "It's beautiful. Thanks mom" I take my mom in a tight hug, then put the necklace around my neck.
"I'm glad you like it" she strokes affectionately my cheek "Try to come back home early tonight, we need to talk"
Simon taps his foot on the floor impatiently, earning a glare from Luke who then hands me a bento box "Here, don't forget Dorothea's share of cake"
Dorothea is our only neighbor in the building, she lives in the first floor and she rarely puts her feet outside her apartment. As I knock on her door, I stare apologetically at Simon, who's clearly irritated by the waste of time. I know how much he's excited about today. He'll do a stand up to read one of his poems.
The sound of her footsteps stops as she barely opens the door, the lock chain preventing it from opening wider "Yes?"
"Such a charming neighbor" Simon mutters under his breath and I elbow him. Madame Dorothea might be old, but she's definitely not deaf.
I force a smile on my face and stand straight "Good morning, Madame Dorothea. It's Clary…Clary Fray" I lift the box in my hands "I brought you some cake"
She closes the door on my face and for a moment Simon and I remain stunned. It takes us few seconds to realize that she's only sliding the chain to open the door completely "Come-on in, kids"
As I enter her place, I finally take a good look at her apartment. It's dark inside, all the windows are covered and the only source of light are the candles in every corner. The floor is carpeted and part of me is worried that someday one of those candles falls on the floor and starts a fire.
"Thank you" Dorothea takes the cake from my hand and disappears in the kitchen. The moment she's out of sight, Simon turns his attention on me "This place is creepy, Clary. Let's get out of here"
"Shhhhut, Simon. Don't be a chicken" I roll my eyes at the same time Dorothea comes back.
"Have a seat, Clary Fair..err…Clary Fray" she gestures to a stool with a tight smile
I cast a glance at Simon who seems on the verge of tears, then back at my neighbor. Honestly, I don't want to be here either, but there's no polite way to tell her I'd rather endure my philosophy teacher than be here "I'm sorry, Madame, but we have somewhere else to be"
"It won't take long, child. Sit" she doesn't look me in the eyes as she orders me to take a seat. She lifts her tarot cards and starts placing them on the table in front of me. I've never been a fan of this kind of stuff, nor do I believe in them, but honestly what can I do now, except go through with it "It's my birthday gift to you, Clary"
I nod, positive she won't like it if I told her I don't give a crap.
"Well well well, look at that" she shows me a card that has two male faces facing each other. Although I don't know what it means, I can't help but appreciate the beauty of the drawing. The delicacy of the lines and vivacity of the colors "Love triangle"
Me? In a love triangle? I stop myself short from bursting into laughter. I can't even have one guy, let alone two of them. With an overprotective mother, it's almost impossible to have a life outside of school, besides, I spend all my free time either painting or hanging with Simon, my only friend.
As if reading my mind, Dorothea goes on "Don't be skeptical, Clary. The cards give you orientations, but the future is not static. It changes constantly" she turns another card, that has a sword on it and she stiffens, she quickly turns the third and forth one, shaking her head furiously "This can't be"
"What is it?" Simon asks
She hesitates a moment, then finally resumes talking "Something…Something is going to happen tonight, Clary. A person close to you will get hurt, you will go on a quest to find the truth and along the way you will meet love, but open your eyes Clary and listen to your heart when it happens, or you'll end up choosing the wrong one"
Simon stands up abruptly, looking furious "I'll wait for you outside"
"Thanks Madame Dorothea" I say quickly as I start to follow him, but Dorothea grabs my arm to stop me from moving "Be careful, Child" the sadness in her eyes worries me. I nod and leave the place, hearing her secure every lock on her door.
The rest of the day is quite uneventful, by the time I get home my mom is already asleep and even though I know she wanted us to talk, I don't want to wake her up. I throttle to my room and get my sketch book. The diamond shaped symbol is back on every single page, in different colors, different sizes. It's like an obsession; it's all I can draw as if this could help me get the meaning behind it. What if it wasn't a dream? What if it was a long forgotten memory?
A loud noise in the living room gets me instantly alert, I run out of my bedroom desperate to find my mother, but instead I come face to face with two angry looking men. The moment they see me one of them launches at me, I take a step back and find myself trapped between him and the wall behind me, but before he reaches me, my mom hits him hard with a rolling pin.
"Clary, run" she yells, but I can't move. I'm tantalized
With the first man on the floor, the second one walks menacingly toward my mom, nothing but death in his eyes. My brain tells me to do something, but my body won't budge. I'm in a total shock "Clary, please run" My mother yells again, as she engages with the man in a fight. She's so graceful, for a moment I wonder if she's done this before. When the man finally falls to the floor, she runs my way taking me by my hand and leading me outside, but when we finally reach the door one of the men is back.
"I love you, Clary" My mother hugs me tightly, tears clinging in her eyes then she throws me out the door and locks it. I pound on the door, screaming and yelling "Mom…Open the door, please" I pound harder but all I hear is yelling and screaming. Somebody grabs me from behind and forces my body away.
"Come-on, Clary. You must leave. The police are on their way" Dorothea forces me to move outside the building. The moment I step outside, I fall to the floor and cry in agony.
When the police arrive, there's nobody inside my house. Neither my mom, nor her assaulters. The police investigation states it was a burglary than went bad, they promised they won't stop searching for her. Few things disappeared from the house, but nothing wealthy. But there was this feeling deep inside that there was something else, something the police is hiding from me. I haven't seen or heard from my mother since.