Author's Note: This was written in response to a prompt over at "Fanfic in the Whoverse" on Facebook. The prompt was: The Doctor (any incarnation you like) pops up to deliver an important message at the most embarrassing moment you can think of. Go.
No copyright infringement is intended; this is published under the auspices of the creative commons, and all rights to Doctor Who and all related characters remains with the BBC. Tamara and Ivan belong to me.
This little interlude is set within my other work-in-progress, "Pinstripes and Mr. Dimples". It will make more sense if you've read the first part of that story, which is posted under my profile as well. If you are reading "Pinstripes and Mr. Dimples" - thank you; I assure you that the next installment is in progress, and will hopefully be posted soon - although it won't be as long as the first part, I promise.
As usual, all comments are welcome - and I still want to know if it counts as a Mary Sue if your original characters are married to each other!
The Doctor raced through the corridors of the TARDIS, heading for where he knew his temporary passengers were quartered. As he skidded to a stop outside their closed door, he felt a small, concerned niggling sensation coming from the TARDIS, but decided that whatever it was she needed his attention for could wait just a few more moments. Thoughts already leaping towards the next task to be completed, he grasped the door handle and flung the door open.
"Tamara! Ivan! We're about to materialize–" Anything further he was going to say was cut off by Tamara's ear-shattering shriek.
"Close the door!" she screamed.
Frozen in place, the Doctor gaped, jaw dropping. "Is that… is that a beanstalk?" he asked in wonder, eyes popping.
"Get out!" was Tamara's shrieked in answer.
Still stunned, the Doctor cocked his head to one side. "Where did you find a goose in the TARDIS?" he marveled.
"I said get out!" Tamara shrieked even louder.
The Doctor's face crumpled into a bewildered expression. "And why are you wearing lederhosen? I thought women were supposed to wear dirndl?"
"What part of get out do you not understand?" Tamara screamed. The Doctor could hear the faint, throaty sound of Ivan chuckling somewhere behind the outraged woman.
"Anyway, all that aside," the Doctor continued blithely on. "I thought you should know we're going to be landing shortly. You need to be in the console room in half an hour."
It was the Doctor's preternaturally quick reflexes that saved him from a boot to the head as the footwear in question came winging through the door straight at his face with all the speed of a fast-pitch baseball, to the accompaniment of Tamara screaming, "Out, out, out, out!" The Doctor lunged backwards, slamming the door shut before any further projectiles could come his way.
He stared at the now-closed door in bewildered confusion for a few moments, turning his gaze away only when he heard footsteps approaching. Captain Jack Harkness came strolling around the corner, whistling a jaunty tune, but came to an abrupt halt when he saw the Time Lord's baffled expression.
"Something wrong, Doctor?" he asked.
The Doctor made vaguely confused sounds for a few seconds, before he was finally able to form a coherent sentence. He glanced at the closed door before turning to the Doctor once more. "Did you know there is a beanstalk in the TARDIS?" he asked.
Jack's eyes gleamed with a mixture of delight and mischief. "Really?" he exclaimed. Without hesitation, Jack moved to open the closed door.
"I hear there's a beanstalk in here! Does someone need a Jack to climb it?" he asked, leering into the room.
Quick though they were, his reflexes weren't quite fast enough to dodge the second boot that came sailing out of the room.
The Doctor shook his head as he turned to make his way back to the console room. He turned his gaze up to the corridor ceiling. "You know, next time instead of some vague warning, you could just lock the door for them," he chastised the TARDIS.