Buffy Has Sex With Everybody
by Crystal Tornado
*Disclaimer: Intended to be absolutely ridiculous! :) *
Post-Chosen
Angel, that random guy, Riley, and Spike. Four and counting, and she was only 21. Of course, Spike having died and all, she had to find another lover.
She turned to Xander during breakfast in the apartment they'd gotten in LA and said, "We should have sex." He spit out his orange juice.
"Excuse me?" he choked.
"Well, it occurs to me that I've slept with most of the guys in our group. I'm nothing if not thorough."
"Buffy, you know I love you and all, but—"
"But nothing. You and me. My bedroom. Ten minutes."
[insert sex scene here]
Oz picked up his ringing cell phone. "Hello?"
"Hey Oz, it's Buffy."
"Buffy, hi! How have you been?"
"Oh, you know, the usual: death, kicking ass, saving the world."
He laughed. "Good, good. So what can I do for you?"
"Well, you see, I've had sex with almost every male in our group, but not you."
"Not Xander or Giles, either." He laughed nervously.
"No, not Giles, but I slept with Xander this morning, in fact."
"So where are you going with this?"
"I think we should get it on."
"Uh. . ."
"Oh, Willow's a lesbian, she won't mind!"
"I dunno, Buffy, it just doesn't feel right."
"Great, I'll meet you at your place in an hour."
[insert sex scene here]
"Oh, hello there, Buffy. I didn't know you were coming to visit," said Giles. She closed the door on the way in.
"Yes. You see, we need to do it."
"Do what?" he asked while cleaning his glasses.
"It. Sex. Now."
"Buffy, what's gotten into you?"
"I just want to have sex with everyone."
"Well, all right," he said in a very British way.
[insert sex scene here]
That evening when Buffy got home, Andrew and Xander were drinking tea. "Oh, hey, Andrew," she said.
"So Buffy, I hear you're having sex with all the guys in the gang, and I was thinking. . . "
She turned around, eyebrows raised. "Aren't you gay?"
". . ."
Then she shrugged. "Oh, what the hell."
[you know. . . the sex scene]