Title: 80 Reasons
Author: No Wishing On The Never Star
Summary: There's eighty reasons why. Song, 80 Reasons, from local Ohio band, Citizen 18.
You never forget…
Oh oh oh
I'll never forget…
Oh oh oh
No, not in this lifetime
How could you take your life away,
Into a different time and space?
As I sit here in my office, I see the silver heart picture frame setting on top of my messy desk. It has your beautiful face placed inside the heart. I thought you'd make it; I really thought you would come out of it okay. Boy was I wrong. How could I have left you alone that night? How could you do this to me? To us?
You promised me you'd never leave me. Look at what a mess I am today…without you, my life is dull and worthless.
What a waste!
Don't take your life away!
I can't believe that you go…
I'll keep every memory,
Always…
I'll always keep you inside my heart. I remember how you used to get those cute barely-there little dimples when you smiled at me. I remember how your skin felt as we cuddled and hugged; the way your hair, when you let it grow out, got a little curl at the bottom. I can practically feel your soft, gentle lips graze my temple as I replay my last memories of you alive…
"Alex, come here," you whispered, your soft brown eyes sparkling with love.
"Coming, Olivia, coming," I sighed, wiping my forehead with the back of my hand as I kneeled beside your hospital bed.
"I'm glad you sound happy to see me…," you had let your eyes wander down to watch your busy hands as they played with the blinding white comforter.
"I'm sorry, Liv. It's been a long day at the office and we just got a new case involving little children," I took your weak, pale, cold hands in mine and stroked them gently.
You nod sadly, your usually olive complexion now pallid and ghostly. "Why don't you eat a little, honey?" I tried to encourage you to keep your strength up. You slowly shook your head, pushing the food away childishly. I crawled in the bed beside you, taking your weak, too-skinny form into my arms. Your skin was so cold; I remember trying to keep you warm but to no avail. You were always shaking like a scared little Chihuahua puppy dog.
"Please don't cry at my funeral," I felt you whisper weakly against the warm crook of my neck. I clenched my teeth together, feeling a sting of tears invading my already blurry eyes. I said nothing in response.
"Please promise me you won't?"I sighed softly and nodded, holding you tighter to my body, "I promise."
How was I supposed to know
That'd be your final moment.
I would have never let you go.
When I would have known,
That'd be your final breath that night.
I'd never let you go.
I had gotten up from the bed after I discovered you had fallen asleep. I stretched my limbs out, rubbing the soreness away from my legs. I left the room only for a few minutes; I had to call Elliot to update him about your condition."Elliot Stabler, SVU, how may I help you?"
"It's me Elliot. She's getting worse quickly. Too quickly," I wiped my eyes under my glasses and leaned against the wall.
I heard an exasperated sigh from the other phone line. I held my head in my free hand and sniffled quietly, closing my eyes. "I think this is it, El. Get everyone here as fast as possible." I hit the end button and shoved my phone into my pocket. Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes, walking back into the desolate, silent room.
I'll never let you go away…
I'll keep you here,
When I…
Your body was shaking even more violently than usual. I furrowed my eyebrows and hurried over to your hospital bed. My eyes grew huge as you stopped shaking, your heavy breathing quitting altogether. I bit my lip hard, drawing blood as I settled my head delicately against your chest, trying desperately to find your heartbeat. It wasn't there. All I heard was silence.
I heard the low thud of running footsteps getting closer and closer to your door. Suddenly the door was opened hastily; a few nurses crowded the room, pushing me aside as they studied over your body for any signs of life.
I rubbed my forehead roughly, watching them towering over your empty body. The nurse you liked to talk to--the only one who let you call her by her first name, Linda--turned toward me and shook her head solemnly, her big green eyes clouded with grief and sadness.
Life's a b----!
It takes what you love
And throws it all away…
But I know you are with them,
Out there…
A scream lodged in my throat, threatening to erupt in the silent, melancholy room. I backed myself into the corner, sliding down the wall until I felt the cold hard floor under me. I brought up my knees, hiding my face and tears from the sympathetic nurses that were still buzzing swiftly around your recently deceased body. Only one cared to comfort me; she crouched down next to me and pulled me into her arms, "I'm so sorry for your loss, honey."
I can't take the choices that we make
It could be me with you…
It could be me with you!
I had buried into her as close as possible and started rocking frantically; deep, hard sobs escaping my lips. I reached from out of her constricting arms to claw at my wrist roughly with my sharp fingernails. How dare you leave me…you know how I get when I'm sad…you know…knew; I remember correcting myself as I peeked over the nurse's shoulder at your limp body through glassy blue eyes.
How was I supposed to know
That'd be your final moment.
I would have never let you go.
When I would have known,
That'd be your final breath that night.
I'd never let you go.
I would never…
I could never…
I will never let you go!
I would never…
I could never…
I will never forget you!
And you were gone forever.
I would never…
I could never…
Oh my god, the choices that we make!
I would never…
I could never…
I…will…never…let…you…go!
Well, there's 80 reasons why
I could never forget you!
sorry i've been MIA for awhile...the computer at home totally crashed so we had to wait to get a new one then went through a horrible break-up that i do not wanna think about ever again. All I know is i'll try to be more consistent with updating stories but i'm totally not promising anything cos of tough times atm. thank some people for that.