Super Hero Mary Sue!
Disclaimer: I did not own CSI but I do own Mary Sue!
A satirical look at Fan Fiction, slash and Mary Sues.
I posted this a while back but took it down, after receiving some useless reviews, I decided to re-post it.
Let the flaming begin..
Nick Stokes was trotting merrily along the streets of Vegas when he spotted a 20 dollar bill lying on the sidewalk. Joyfully, he runs towards it when out of nowhere a woman with long, lustrous red curly hair and mesmerizing blue eyes knocks him out of the way on the ground lying on top of him.
"What did you do that for?" Nick asked in surprise.
A loud, thunderous crash sounded behind them and he sat up. To his horror a black, baby grand piano lay in a heap of ivory and wood.
"I was just inside that office building over there." The beautiful woman said. "And was about to finish a 50 page report on "How To Cure Poverty in North America And Still Be Environmental About It" when I saw that piano about to land on you."
She stood up and helped him to his feet!
"Wait a minute!" Nick held up his hand suspiciously. "If you were inside a building, how could you see I was in any mortal danger?"
Sighing, she said. "Okay, my name is Mary Lillian Sue and I have super powers. I can see through solid mass, and I can run at top speed, so that's how I rescued you."
"Oh!" Nick scratched his head. "Well, thank you Mary Sue."
Just then a tiny, old lady asked them what happened in a foreign language Nick didn't recognize. Mary Sue answered the lady in the same language.
"I can speak about 50 languages," She explained, "even some of the more ancient ones like Gaelic and Ojibwa!"
"Wow!" Nick exclaimed and then he noticed her beauty and how striking she was. Her body was like Wonder Woman's. Her red hair endless, her smile luminous! He wanted to marry her! Right then and there!
"Let me take you to dinner, Nick." She held out a perfectly, dainty hand perfectly manicured and marvelled how wonderfully immaculate she looked in spite of the fact she had knocked him to the ground. Not a speck of dirty was on her stylish blouse and sleek black pants.
"How did you know my name is Nick?" he asked curiously brushing himself off and fixing his hat. Darn it was bent.
"I can read minds too." She answered as she took the hat and magically fixed it.
"Oh wow! We could use you on the team." Nick said. "I can get you in right away. All you have to do is sleep with me. That's how one girl got on my team!"
"Oh I'm a great lover! I've memorized the Karma Sutra and can do 50 000 positions!" She said as she jutted out her perfect, point boobs through the blouse.
"Fantastic!" Nick thumped his fist triumphantly feeling libido dancing to a hip hop tune in his head.
" And I'd love to be a CSI!" she jumped and down, perfect boobs dancing along. "But I've been so busy working with the United Nations stopping poaching in Africa."
"Well, welcome aboard Mary Sue." Nick shook her hand and leaned over. "I'm falling in love with you too."
"Oh me too!" She cried. "Let's go to my house and I'll serve you a lovely East Indian dish I learned while saving the poor in Calcutta!"
"You're perfect!' Nick exclaimed. "Marry me!"
"Oh yes! I will." Then she raced up a tree, picked up a cat whom was stuck there and raced down giving it to a relieved old lady.
"Let's go Nick! " Mary Sue held out her perfectly, slim white arm and linked it through his.
Just then Greg rolled up on his Harley Davidson. "Hey Nick! Wanna go for a ride on my new Harley!"
"Sorry Greg!" Nick motioned to the woman of his dreams. "I got a date!"
Greg slumped. "My dream is over."
"It is, Greggo, it is!" Nick said. "It is!"
A/N The reason fan fiction is called such is that it is 'fan' based. We should not be so afraid of creating original characters out of fear that people are going to get ticked off and leave us nasty remarks as such. Therefore this story is for those morons out there who feel the need to leave abusive reviews for writers.
Fan fiction is for fun and enjoyment. It's also a great way to hone our writing skills.
If you don't like someone's writing, at least be fair about it and leave a constructive message or PM the writer and ask why they went in that direction. It's not always about being a Mary Sue.