Guidance
Author's note: I have very recently been hit by the freight train that is the JinnObi/QuiObi ship. Not only is this my first ever fic for the pairing, but it's also my first ever story for Star Wars, too! Hopefully, it's not too bad for a first try.
"Dark, your thoughts are."
Obi-Wan Kenobi turned swiftly to face the diminutive Jedi master, who had so stealthily approached. The young man dropped to one knee and bowed his head respectfully, but did not respond to the master's remark. He did not trust himself to speak just yet. Although Yoda's presence hadn't caught him completely unawares, Obi-Wan had been too lost in rumination to consciously acknowledge his entrance. Given the circumstances, the padawan was sure his preoccupation would be forgiven.
Yoda hobbled closer, the soft clicking of his gnarled wooden cane echoing off the walls of the spacious chamber. With one green, three-fingered hand, he signalled for the young man to rise and the command was obeyed instantly. Normally, Obi-Wan welcomed the presence of the green skinned mentor, often benefitting from the sage advice his centuries of knowledge provided. This time, however, Obi-Wan wanted nothing more than to be left alone. His head ached, his limbs were tired and his heart throbbed with a pain unlike anything he had ever known. This last mission had been especially trying and, were the young man given to precognition, he would have flat out refused to accept the task, doing all he could-even breaking the sacred code drummed into him from childhood, if need be-just to prevent his and his master's involvement.
Thoughts of the man who had trained him sent Obi-Wan's mood plummeting even further and it was a shift that did not go unnoticed by his small companion.
"Die honourably, Qui-Gon did," Yoda mused.
Obi-Wan nodded, but remained silent, still unable to summon the energy for speech. Grief had sapped him of everything.
"Our loss is great," Yoda continued. "A true asset to the force, he was and shall continue to be."
Again, Obi-Wan could offer no more than a bob of the head to signal his agreement and he very much hoped the Jedi master's speech would not continue much longer. It was hard enough to bear the gaping absence in his soul, without having to maintain the mask of composure atop it.
"Grieve his passing, you must; but dwell on it, you cannot."
The padawan, who had been gazing stoically at the tremendous views offered by the large windows, turned his head sharply to look at Yoda.
"Offence is not meant, young Kenobi," Yoda insisted. "Strong was the bond between you and your master; stronger than most, I believe."
There was a pause and Obi-Wan held a suspicion that the small creature was struggling with how to proceed. Such an unprecedented moment was this that the padawan felt his pulse quicken, wondering what could be such a difficult topic to discuss, that even one as skilled in language as Master Yoda could not easily tackle it.
"Strong in the force are you, young Kenobi." Yoda was now looking out at the Naboo landscape displayed before him. The golden light of sunset turned his naturally green skin to a more syrupy brown shade and the thin wisps of white hair crowning his head shimmered in the dimming light. "But, your triumph over the Sith warrior, a surprise it was."
Yoda's eyes travelled back to the young man stood beside him and Obi-Wan Kenobi didn't need to ask to what it was the Jedi master alluded; it was a question the padawan had already asked himself several times and he could see the hint of concern residing beneath the steady gaze that the smaller creature rested upon him. Yoda was worried that Obi-Wan may follow the path of his master's former apprentice, who had been corrupted by the dark side. Brief flashes of memory came to Obi-Wan of his confrontation with Xanatos and, with them came a fresh wave of agony, as an image of Qui-Gon during that fight entered his thoughts and enveloped his senses. It was enough to force the young man to wince.
"A cloud I have sensed over you, since first I arrived here," Yoda said, his deep, gravelly voice gentle. "Your reaction to the loss of your master is expected, but give in to anger, I fear you did."
Obi-Wan couldn't deny it. Seeing his master and mentor cut down so quickly and brutally, then just as quickly forgotten by the Sith warrior enraged him and he had been almost baying for blood when his turn came to face the enemy. He hadn't held back at all, which was necessary when facing such a skilled opponent. It was kill or be killed, but that hadn't been Obi-Wan's only motivation to strike the tattooed fighter down. He had wanted vengeance and, momentarily blinded by such a desire, Obi-Wan had almost lost.
The padawan was aware of all this, yet he had also taken the time afterwards to reflect and understand what had happened and where he had gone wrong. He would recognise the warning signs and avoid making the same mistakes in future. It would be easier next time, he told himself, but he daren't voice the reason why he held that belief so strongly. Not with such a perceptive Jedi master beside him, at least.
A long period of silence fell between the pair, as each let their gaze drift ahead. The sun continued to fall, as daylight gave way to night and a bright, silvery orb made its presence known in the clear sky. Theed really was a beautiful city and the lights of the buildings started to illuminate the picturesque landscape.
Obi-Wan's eyes studied it all, but absorbed none. It had been three days since Qui-Gon Jinn's untimely death and the pain was as raw now, as it had been then. He had never known such loss and, even with all the dangers they faced during their partnership, he had truly never expected to confront such an outcome. The universe didn't seem right, without his master's presence in it. Surely the stars should have extinguished and the planets stopped turning? How could everything go on as it had before, when his entire world had been shattered?
So many memories assaulted the young man's mind and, if he had the means, Obi-Wan would travel back in time to relive every single second with Qui-Gon. Every laugh and frown, every argument and battle he would relish, for the simple fact that he was once again at his master's side. He would have given anything in that moment to simply stand beside the statuesque, yet surprisingly graceful man once more. The padawan didn't know how we would be able to carry on, without Qui-Gon's guidance. He felt lost, like a small pebble adrift in an endless ocean. He wanted Qui-Gon back. He needed him back.
A wave of regret washed over the grieving young man, as he thought of the many almost-moments that had occurred. The times that Obi-Wan had almost, almost given in to his feelings and told Qui-Gon the truth. The occasions his hand had reached out, as if to touch his master's face, only to withdraw at the last minute. The moment Qui-Gon Jinn lay helpless in his arms, just a blink away from death and Obi-Wan had wanted nothing more than to bid him farewell with a kiss that conveyed all the overwhelming love the younger man bore him.
The ache in Obi-Wan's chest was steadily growing and he knew he wouldn't be able to maintain his stoic façade much longer.
"Grant you the title of Jedi Knight, the Council does."
Yoda's voice cut through the air like a saber, almost startling Obi-Wan. So great was his surprise, that he finally broke his silence.
"I-I'm sorry?"
Yoda granted him a look of patience. "A padawan, you no longer are."
Obi-Wan certainly hadn't expected that. For a moment, he could do no more than blink in astonishment at the Jedi master. Him, become a knight? Surely this was some sort of jest! Master Yoda had only just shared his concerns regarding the young man's dip into the dark side, yet was now offering the full rank of Jedi?
"Is it such a surprise to you, Obi-Wan?" Yoda queried, a sparkle of humour glinting in his large eyes.
"I…I thought…" Obi-Wan trailed off, unsure of what to say.
"Eloquence escapes you, I see."
Obi-Wan's eyes fell to his feet. He wasn't sure how to feel about such a promotion, didn't even know if he had any emotion left to spare after all that had happened. He was unsure whether he felt prepared for such an event. Of course, it was what he had been training for his whole life, but, despite Qui-Gon's insistence that his padawan was ready to face the trials, Obi-Wan's reservations remained.
"Strong are you in the force," Yoda said, repeating his earlier sentiments. "And no doubt have I, that a great Jedi Knight will you be. Close to the edge of falling to darkness, were you and, even now does it linger, but well trained you were. Faith, have I that it will pass."
Obi-Wan felt a glimmer of something akin to optimism seep into his veins. One of his secret fears had been the prospect of being paired with a new master, having to form a fresh bond with someone that wasn't Qui-Gon. His mind, as always, rebelled at the notion, as, in Obi-Wan's mind, his bond with Qui-Gon had been so far beyond the simple bond between master and apprentice, that to attempt recreating it was to make what he had with Master Jinn a mockery.
The clink of wood against floor and the sweep of fabric brought Obi-Wan's attentions back to Master Yoda, who had turned to fully face the newly appointed Jedi Knight.
"Meditate, you should," he suggested. "I sense feelings in you that have yet to be reconciled."
Obi-Wan's heart started racing, the meaning behind the words seizing his attention. Was he suggesting..?
"Love Qui-Gon deeply, you did."
The young man blanched and he wondered just how transparent his affection for his master had been. Obi-Wan thought he'd been so careful, so discreet, but, Yoda hadn't achieved the rank of Master and a seat on the Jedi Council for nothing. One look at the green creature reminded the young man of just how ridiculous it was to try and hide something so momentous.
Obi-Wan prepared himself for the reprimand that was sure to follow. Attachments were forbidden and he was sure none could be stronger than his to Qui-Gon. Despite being unrequited, the fact that he fallen so utterly and completely would not go with impunity, especially as he refused to apologise for it. In the beginning, Obi-Wan had tried to fight the attraction and was burdened by the guilt of having broken the code he'd sworn to uphold, but, the longer he spent with Qui-Gon, the stronger his feelings became and the more impossible it was to believe that his love for his master was anything less than absolutely right. How could something that energised Obi-Wan in such a way be considered bad? It didn't matter if the older man did not feel the same or spent his existence in complete ignorance of his padawan's adoration. Simply being around Qui-Gon was enough for Obi-Wan.
"Use it for guidance, you should."
Obi-Wan frowned at Yoda's words. "Master?"
"Forbidden, attachment is," Yoda confirmed, understanding the younger Jedi's question, without it needing to be uttered. "Greed, gluttony, jealousy does it breed. The path to the dark side, they are."
Obi-Wan nodded, knowing this all too well, which left him even more confused about Yoda's previous statement.
"But love," Yoda continued. "True love…selfless, it is. It breeds compassion, kindness and peace. Ashamed of it, you should not be."
Obi-Wan was utterly amazed by Master Yoda's counsel. Was this really happening? Was the oldest and wisest of all living Jedi actually condoning the feelings he had long kept locked within? But, was his love for Qui-Gon truly that selfless? After all, his fight with the Sith warrior was proof of how easy it was to stray from the Jedi path. Yoda seemed to read the former padawan's concerns.
"A test, it was," he said. "You are still young, but learned from it, you have. Your concern shows awareness and retain that awareness, you must. The darkness of grief was upon you, but lighter, you have already started to feel. Make Qui-Gon proud, you will, by embracing the love he inspired in you. Use it to propel you forward, you can."
The ancient Jedi Master began to hobble away, leaving a rather bewildered Jedi Knight in his wake. Obi-Wan Kenobi watched, as Yoda reached the large double doors, before stopping and looking back.
"With you, Qui-Gon Jinn will always be."
So...there we are! I added that little line at the end, about Qui-Gon always being with Obi-Wan, as a way to echo what Obi says about Yoda to Luke in Dagobah. I hope you enjoyed :)