My love, my life
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Her arms stretch out to the sky. I can't feel the sun anymore… I can't feel its rays stroke my skin, or warm my heart. I feel like my senses have completely numbed…
I can feel the wind slapping my hair around my face, and the pull of gravity attempting to drag me down into the depths, and yet, the happy birds trill doesn't reach my ears…
I couldn't see the colour in the flowers that reside in Aeris' church, nor smell and relish the sweet scent of their nectar that usually lingers so strongly in the air which is then amplified by the summer's heat.
"Tifa…? What are you doing?"
She looked up at his eyes and straight into his soul. Every time she saw him, it was a constant reminder of how he had died, along with Aeris in the forgotten city. And each time she remembered it killed her a little bit more inside, until come to such a degree that she had no choice but to let it recede or drive her insane, and she was left empty and crying over her loss. She had the constant reminder that he would never be who he was. The constant reminder that her best friend was dead, as well as the man she loved.
"Tifa? Why are you here?"
He would never be able to love her, even though she loved him so much. She knew how much he cared for her, but that wouldn't suffice nor satisfy her deep feelings for him. He could never love her or anyone else as deeply as he had loved Aeris. It was surprising how much he had opened up to her, how much he had been capable of loving her.
"Tifa?"
But, it seemed that capability and all that love slipped away the second Aeris was struck by Sephiroths' sword. All that was left was an empty void of pain, guilt and sadness. He rejects all the happiness and love his friends willingly offer to him. Instead, he blames himself everyday for her death. Even after he killed Sephiroth, it didn't ease the pain or the guilt that resided within him. She was held in a similar situation, she supposed, all that is left of her is the outer shell that represented her physical form.
She stared straight into his eyes "Say Cloud…do you remember ? Just after my mother had died, when I first met you, You came everyday to play with me, I think that's the only thing that kept me from falling apart. You always had a huge smile on your face, it made me smile everytime I saw it... it was so goofy, it was one of the only things that made me smile... You always told me how beautiful my hair was, it's the reason I've never cut it. It made me so happy.
She sighs at remenicense of past memories "I've known you my whole life, and yet…. I don't think I can recognize you anymore…."
"Things have changed since.."
She interrupts him "And…Remember that flower you gave me after the first mission you went on? I was so happy, I kept it during the whole journey, keeping it ….close to my heart" She reaches inside her blouse and pulls out a handkerchief, briefing holding it in her hand. Opening it she releases the contents of the patterned material to the wind; the decomposed remains of a flower.
She watches the pieces flutter in the wind and then drop a few metres from where she stands "Then remember, when you went on that secret date with Aeris at the gold saucer? I was so jealous" she laughs "I followed you around watched the whole thing. When you kissed her hand in the stage play as well as the moment you shared on the Gondola ride… Then I went back to my hotel room bed and cried myself to sleep"
He looked away and she smiled, then she turned around and started to walk away from him.
"Tifa I…"
She stops "I guess what I'm trying to say is that…. I love you…I've loved you for a long time…. I guess I've always loved you, since I was a little girl growing up with you in Nibelheim. I've never shown it, because I thought I could be strong enough to handle it. But, now I've finally come to the realization Cloud. You're not going to change, you're not going to be able to love me as deeply as I want you to, no matter how much I want it. And no matter what I do I can't change that"
"And I'm not sure whether… I actually…can handle that"
"Tifa I'm so sorry, I…"
She interrupts him again "But the thing that hurts the most is that , you won't be able to keep that promise you made to me, because …you can't protect me anymore" She whispers, a tear escapes her eye. She too, had died a long time ago.
It's ironic, after everything that's happened, that she should end up in this state. She'd been nearly killed by Sephiropth at fifteen, challenged the multi-national corporation, Shinra, fought and triumphed against fiends uncountable times, facing everything from dragons to weapons. She'd been suffocated in a gas chamber, and nearly drowned in the lifestream. Then, battled Sephiroth, the nightmare of all the Ivalice's children. Yet she was still alive, despite the life threatening situations fate had thrown her into, with not a scratch marking her figure. Yet, in the end, a broken heart killed her.
She smiles inwardly at the thought and takes out the band that ties back her long hair that she had spent years growing in futile effort. She lets the wind flow through her silken tresses that caress her face, arms and back. Yet, she can't feel the softness in its touch
"Say, isn't the breeze nice Cloud?"
Tifa please! Get away from there! TIFA!
She steps forward and feels the air rush past her face and whistle in her ears. She glances below at the sight of gravel that eagerly awaits her arrival.
She feels a sudden rush of sadness for everyone who had sacrificed themselves in their journey….Aeris, Jessie, Wedge, Biggs,….
Then, she feels sorry for herself, for not being able to meet her happy ending
And then….. She feels nothing