"Goodmorning," and with that Bilbo stumbled up the brick steps, scrambled into his little hobbit den and slammed the emerald green door behind him. What an indecent old man, bickering about what kind of a morning it was and inquiring about adventures. After about an hour of self-loathing and pitying his low stash of tealeaves, he made his way back out into the fresh air to finish smoking what left he had of his weed.
That was about the same moment that he met Mrs. Faithfire.
"Goodmorning," Bilbo chirped as he began to light up.
"Why yes, good morning indeed!" cackled the massive, 6'0 old woman who came limping by. Her faded blue dress barely covered her hairy calves. She looked like a bloody man. Bilbo did not wish to be rude, though, for he could barely tell the different between male and female hobbits. The same later went with Gollum and Dobby, but that's WAY later.
"Do you mean that it is a morning to be goo- I mean, oh my oh me, you are Mr. Baggins now, aren't you?" She gently squeaked.
Bilbo stared.
"Oh don't be frightened, my lad. I used to babysit you when you were a tiny tod," she sang as she began to hop around, dusting everything she could come to to, "don't you remember me?"
"Nope. Not in the slightest."
Her face drooped with worry, "oh dear, that is a shame. We did..uh... so much together, we did! I changed your little poo poo diapers, taught you your letters, I'd take you to see the old wizards fireworks on midsummers eve!"
Bilbo pondered, "ah yes those were some excellent fireworks." How the hell did he manage to forget a six foot tall grandma who apparently spent a long period of time with him? Oh, well. Don't ask question, Bilbo.
There was something very strange about this woman who resembled the old wizard who had just earlier that day visited Bilbo. But remember, Bilbo is just such a nice guy. His niceness also made him kinda naive to the sickeningly obvious.
"Well anyways, I decided to come back to take you on an adventure...uuhh, thrroooooough your childhood! Yes, yes, that is why I am here. I am also here to return as your house maid since that's just what I am I guess?"
"Okay!" said Bilbo cluelessly.