A/N: Hola, everyone! Welcome to my collection of oneshots for Vampire Knight! This is sorta my second fanfic for VK; I have a Death Note/Code Geass/Vampire Knight crossover but I don't think that counts. Most my other fics (the ones that I update consistently) are pretty serious, and since I love writing humor, I decided to start this collection of Vampire Knight oneshots! Woot! Even Zero's excited about it!

Zero: No, I'm not.

Moving on…

Disclaimer:

I (unfortunately) do not own VK. If I did there would be some significant, ahem, changes.

Zero: By changes, she means yaoi.

ENJOY!

Kaname usually prided himself on being prepared for anything. It was in his blood, after all. It was the job of a pureblood, no matter how young, to take charge of any situation; to boldly continue where others shy away. Nothing could embarrass or fluster him. He was composed, authoritative. Nothing could surprise or alarm him!

"Kaname-sama, where do babies come from?"

Or so he thought.

It took all he had not to spit out his tea. The pureblood looked down at the seven year old girl before him. Had she really just asked him that?

"Um, Yuuki, perhaps you should ask your father that," Kaname explained gently, glancing frantically over at Kaien, hoping he would take over the situation from here.

However, Cross wore a look that obviously said, I don't think so. I would much rather sit back and watch on amusedly.

Yuuki pouted in the direction of her adopted father. "But when I asked him, he told me some stupid story about a giant bird that delivers babies. Doesn't that sound ridiculous, Kaname-sama?"

Kaname cleared his throat, clearly unsettled. He didn't say anything in response. Yuuki crawled onto his lap and looked up at him with her big brown eyes. Her facial expression could only be described as a pout. If Kaname didn't know better, he would've sworn that she was trying to use her cuteness against him. But sweet little Yuuki wouldn't do that, right?

Right?

The frazzled pureblood cleared his throat once more. "You see, Yuuki, when a man and a woman love each other very much, sometimes they want to touch each other." He looked up when he heard Kaien snort quite suddenly. Obviously, the man was trying to keep from bursting out laughing.

Yuuki interrupted with an innocent question. "Like hug and kiss?"

The vampire grew steadily uncomfortable. "Uh, yes. Sort of."

"Sort of?" she repeated.

It was then that Kaien spoke up. "Sometimes, they do more than hug and kiss, Yuuki."

The young girl's head snapped back up to her vampire. "Like what? Do they touch other places?"

Kaname looked over at Cross, half expecting him to speak up. He quickly realized that the only reason Cross had spoken up a few minutes ago was to fuel the fire. He fully intended to leave Kaname hanging in the dust, fumbling through this conversation on his own.

"Yes, Yuuki. There are certain places that only two people who love each other very much get to touch."

"Oh! You mean private parts!"

"Um, yes. So, uh…when a boy's special place, er, touches a…girl's special place, it…they…umm…"

Yuuki eagerly finished his sentence, "They make a baby and the baby gets in the girl's tummy!"

Kaname nodded just as excitedly. Finally, this conversation would be over! "That's exactly what happens!"

Satisfied, Yuuki hopped up off of Kaname's lap and bounced into the kitchen. The pureblood then shifted his gaze to Cross. The second Yuuki was out of the room, Kaien burst into laughter. It was rare to see a pureblood, especially Kaname Kuran, so uncomfortable and embarrassed. Most people wouldn't have risked something like that; it was practically suicide! But Kaien could honestly say that if Kaname killed him right now, he would die happy because he got to see that before passing away!

When Yuuki re-entered the room with a cookie in her hand, her "father" was still laughing hysterically and Kaname was still glaring at the poor man. She shattered the moment with yet another innocent question:

"Kaname-sama, what happens when two boys touch each other?"

A/N: Woot! It's short but that seems to be my theme for fanfics these days. So, because I need to get more organized with these things, I've decided to make a schedule of sorts. I'll probably put it on my profile, so if you're reading any of my stories, you'll have a rough estimate of when I'll update. Quick side note: if anyone's reading The Darkest Dream, I promise I WILL UPDATE SOON!

SEE YA NEXT TIME!