I checked my phone for the hundredth time. Time just didn´t seem to pass at its normal pace.
I didn´t know why I´d agreed to come here in the first place.
I didn´t feel like I belonged here among all those dhampires and moroi.
At least I seemed to kind of fit in when it came to the dress code.
They´d sent me with Adrian. Why? I wasn´t sure and talking about him, I hadn´t seen him for at least a week.
We had arrived separately at court. He´d been at court 2 days before me, because I had to take a test at school yesterday.
Now I was standing in a corner next to the opulent bar on the other side of the entry waiting to get on the yacht that waited for us on the landing stage.
I scanned the room for any familiar person and than I saw him entering the room.
He simply looked dashing.
The dark gray suit fit him perfectly. Enhancing his body in all the right places.
Even though he was moroi, he didn´t look lean nor lanky.
I chastised myself for even thinking about his good looks but wasn´t able to take my eyes of him.
He looked like he belonged here, exactly the opposite I felt.
His hair was styled in the messy way he always had and he looked like he had no worry in the world.
I noticed some girls gushing at him and he gave them a flirtatious smile which for some reason made me frown.
He was leaning against the wooden door on the right side of the room, his hands in his pockets, an easy smile on his lips.
He took a look around nodding at different people and than our eyes met.
I noticed that moment, that I´d been staring.
I felt the heat in my cheeks and he winked at me from across the room.
I couldn´t believe him. How could he do such a thing in public? Or even at all.
Some girls turned around following his gaze, checking me out head to toes, making me feel even more uncomfortable.
I turned away and a wave of relieve swept over me when I saw Rose standing next to me.
She was on duty tonight and wore her typical black guardian suit. She still looked good in it. I guess nobody besides her could make that suit look even remotely sexy, but she could.
When she saw me she gave me she smiled and a tight hug and held me on arm length.
"You look beautiful Sydney" she said giving me an once-over.
"Thanks" I said. "I think it´s not me" I added with a smile fumbling with the thin fabric of my chiffon dress.
"Sydney, believe me. You look amazing. Who would have thought you got such amazing legs" she went on.
"Do I? Well, even so I feel like wearing too much clothes compared to them" I said nodding to the girls in the corner.
Rose laughed.
"That´s actually not a bad thing. Most of those girls are hoping to find some royal douche bag. The sad thing is, that they probably will succeed. Men..." she said shaking her head.
She suddenly pressed the little device in her ear and turned a bit.
"I understand. I´ll be right there".
She turned back to me.
"I´m sorry. I have to take care of something. Will you be okay?" she asked.
"Sure. Go. I´m fine" I said with a smile.
She nodded and hugged me once again.
"So good to see you Syd" she said.
"You, too".
I watched her walk away, when I felt someone standing beside me.
"She´s right you know".
I turned around and looked into beautiful emerald green eyes.
For a moment my breath caught in my chest. The last time he´d been so close to me, he´d kissed me.
"What?" I asked feeling confused for a moment.
He chuckled and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
His palm brushed over my cheek and my skin felt tingly, sending electrical shocks through my whole body.
He gave me a smile "You really do look beautiful" he said.
He was so close now. I could feel the warmth of his body and he smelled heavenly.
A heady mixture of him, body wash and some probably ridiculously overpriced cologne.
I straightened myself and looked him right into the eyes.
I wouldn´t let him make me feel this way. I wouldn´t.
"You can´t do that" I whispered.
He leaned against the bar "What? Tell you how beautiful you are?"
I took a nervous look around, making sure nobody was listening to our conversation.
"No... I mean yes, that. And... you know...".
He turned around to face the bar. From the corner of my eyes I noticed a small smile on his lips.
"No, sorry Sage. I think you´l have to elaborate on that" he said with an amused undertone in his voice.
He did that on purpose I realized when he raised his hand to get the waiters attention.
I had decided to ignore him, when the waiter tipped on my shoulder, handing me a glass.
"I didn´t order that" I said to Adrian.
"It´s just white wine. Have a glass with me" he said giving me a smile that made my knees weak for a moment.
I sighed "Just one glass" I said and he nodded, happy with himself.
"One glass" he repeated before we clinked glasses.
I took a sip and to my surprise it wasn´t as bad as I´d expected it to be. I could taste a hunch of peach and honey in it.
He watched me and took a sip as well.
"So what exactly is it I can´t do?" he asked, his eyes on mine.
"This" I said making a round gesture with my hands across the room.
"Wink at me from across the room, touching me like that and telling me I´m... beautiful" I said in a hushed voice.
He nodded "Why not?"
I gave him an are-you-serious-look.
"Okay listen. I was happy to see you. I didn´t know if you were actually coming and I haven´t seen you for a while. And you are beautiful. That´s just stating the obvious. And touching you..." he paused searching my eyes.
He looked serious for a split second before his playful smile returned.
"You would know if I really touched you" he said.
My eyes got big while his words settled in.
"I´m just kidding" he said serious again.
"I mean come on, how could I not" he said.
His words brought back the heat in my cheeks and I looked down at my glass.
"Adrian..." I said playing with the glass in my hands.
"Sydney" he replied in the same tone. He caught me by surprise calling me by my actual name.
We stayed silent for a few moments. I couldn´t look back up to meet his eyes.
"Did it make you uncomfortable?" he than asked.
I nodded and than shook my head "I don´t know" I admitted.
He snuffeled.
"I won´t do it again than" he said.
I didn´t know how to feel about that.
Relieved? Happy? Sad? So I just nodded "Good" I added.
"Okay than" he said turning around to put a bill on the counter.
"I guess I´ll see you around" he said looking at me.
"Okay" I said lamely, surprised by him leaving so suddenly and how anxious that made me feel.
"Later Sage" he said taking his glass, walking away.
I should have felt relieved. Relieved, that he was no longer standing so close to me. Relived, that he couldn´t give me any more inappropriate compliments, but I wasn´t.
With him gone, I felt even more alone than before. And that was saying much surrounded by vampires.
Half an hour later we were ordered to the yacht and I was playing with the thought of leaving. Once on that boat, there was no way back. I could go back to my room, take a shower and maybe even read a book. Something I hadn´t been able to do lately.
"Are you leaving?"
I turned around to find Rose.
"I was thinking about it, yes" I admitted.
"You can´t. Don´t waste that outfit" she said and I laughed.
"Besides. When will you get the chance to spent the night on such a beauty again?" she went on nodding to the yacht.
"Live a little Sydney" she said.
I nodded "Okay okay. I´m going" I said chuckling.
I followed Rose, concentrating on my feet while walking over the wobbly landing stage.
"Thanks Ivashkov" I heard Rose say with a chuckle "Such a gentleman" I looked up and for a second he looked at me.
"Miss Sage" he than said in a neutral tone extending his hand to help me get on the boat.
"Lord Ivashkov" I replied automatically. So we now were back to last names?
He looked down at our hands avoiding my eyes.
My hand felt warm and safe for a few short seconds before he released it way to quickly.
I passed him and our arms brushed against each other.
When I looked back again, he was already vanishing into the crowd, leaving me confused and somehow hurt.
I´d found a little spot on the back of the boat where I could be alone. It was dimly lit by some fairy lights.
I watched the waves under me and the lights on the coast, when I heard the door behind me close.
I immediately knew it was him. I didn´t have to turn around. I just knew.
"Here you are" he said.
"Here I am" I replayed, still watching the small whitecaps beneath me.
He was getting next to me and I looked up.
He brushed through his hair and leaned against the railing.
"Nice spot you picked here Sage" he said looking up to the fairy lights.
"It´s peaceful, isn´t it" I said.
"Sure is" he said putting his hands in his pockets.
A breeze swirled around us and I wrapped my arms around me.
Adrian watched me and shrugged out of his jacket with one smooth motion.
He handed it to me and I took it.
"Thanks" I said.
I wrapped the soft fabric around me and his scent surrounded me instantly. Doing funny things with my stomach, what I choose to ignore.
The sleeves were way to long so was the jacket itself, but it kept me warm and somehow safe.
Adrian gave me a crooked smile "Suits you".
I rolled my eyes but smiled "I bet it does".
"So you were looking for me?" I asked despite the fact, that I was afraid of what he might say.
He was now standing in front of me and I looked up to meet his eyes.
"I was afraid you jumped off the boat, just to get away from me" he said with a chuckle.
"I just needed a moment" I replied, unsure what else to say.
He extended his arm and for a moment I thought he might be touching me again, but he placed his hand right besides me on the railing.
"Besides. You walked away from me" I added. My voice was only a whisper now, but he heard it.
"Because that was what you wanted" he said.
"I didn´t say that" I replied.
"But you meant it".
I once again was lost for words, so I went on with another question.
"Why are you here now than?" I asked.
He chuckled and once again brushed through his hair.
Than he looked into my eyes for a few intense moments, making my heart beat faster.
"That´s a good question Sage. Maybe because I just needed a moment, too. Maybe because I really was worried about you becoming fish food. Or maybe..."
he placed his other hand on the other side, right next to me, making me lean against the railing.
"Or maybe, I just can´t stay away from you".
I was hyper aware of his face only inches away from mine. The tension between us was nearly tangible.
He was so close, that if I just moved a tiny bit, our lips would touch.
"You have to" I whispered.
He moved a step back and leaned against the door.
"Do I?" he asked.
"Yes. You do" I replied.
He threw his hands up in the air.
"We´re moving in circles here" he said frustrated.
"That´s because you can´t take no for an answer" I said.
He raised his eyebrows and looked at me "You know what? You´re right. I should go" he than said still looking at me.
"Maybe you should" I replied heated.
He nodded and put one hand on the doorknob.
"Why are you making this so difficult Sydney?" he asked avoiding my gaze.
"I´m making this difficult?" I asked.
"Yes you do" he said looking me in the eyes.
"I think I made myself perfectly clear the other night" I replied.
"You think?" he asked.
"Yes!" I nearly was shouting now.
"Than why did you kiss me back?" he asked taking a step back in my direction, forcing me against the railing again.
I gulped "I didn´t..."
"Yes you did" he interrupted me "You did Sydney. You kissed me back".
"I didn´t" I whispered again.
He raised one hand in the direction of my face but seemed to change his mind. He made a fist and stepped back again.
"So I was just imagining that?" he asked.
I kept looking at him. Lost for words, once again.
He held my gaze for about half a minute. Expecting me to say something for sure, but I didn´t. I couldn´t.
He nodded and turned around. He stepped through the door and never looked back.
I was standing there alone in the dim light, trying to hold back the tears that wanted to escape my eyes and failed miserably.
Did I really make all of this difficult?
I wrapped his jacket closer around my body and kept on crying. He had been right. I´d kissed him back. And when I was perfectly honest with myself I had been thinking about that kiss a lot.
20 minutes and one visit to the ladies room later to check on my makeup, I reentered the party.
Adrian was nowhere to be seen and I ended up sitting on a sofa next to the bar watching the rest of the people having fun.
If only I´d stayed at land.
The minutes passed by and I felt more miserable every second. What if the conversation with Adrian had gone differently? Would I still be talking with him? Laughing with him? Maybe even kissing him?
Right on clue he joined some girls on the dance floor. He instantly was the center of attention.
It made me angry that he seemed so fine when I was feeling so miserable.
"That´s what I was talking about. Look at them. Don´t they have any dignity?"
I turned around and faced Rose, who was now sitting next to me on the sofa. Enjoying the show right in front of us. I shrugged.
"Come on. What´s wrong Sydney? I mean look at them. It´s better than any TV show" Rose went on clapping her hands and getting comfortable next to me.
It made me laugh. It was good to see her like that. Happy, enjoying herself.
"Who do you think will be going home alone?" she asked.
"I bet Adrian won´t be alone for too long" I said.
"Probably. Who do you think he´ll pick?" Rose asked.
Not me. I had made sure of that I thought.
"I don´t know. Maybe the girl with the belt for a dress" I said dryly.
"No way. She is way to cheap" Rose chuckled.
If we hadn´t been talking about Adrian this might actually have been fun.
"Besides. He doens´t seem to show any interest in any of them" Rose went on.
"What makes you say that?" I asked.
"I mean he looks like he is having fun. And obviously he likes the attention, but there is something different about him".
I watched him for a few moments. She was right. He was enjoying the attention and did engage with the girls around him, but still kept his distance. A wave of relieve swept over me. A feeling that made me feel happy and guilty all at the same time.
Rose had started to move her feet to the rhythm when she took my hand.
"Let´s go dancing" she said getting up.
"No way" I said trying to get my hand back.
"Why not. Come on. My shift is over. Let´s have some fun" she went on pulling on my arm.
I shook my head "I am not dancing Rose" I said.
"Please Sydney. Please" she went on moving her hips to the beat "How can you not dance to that music?" she asked.
I rolled my eyes searching for an excuse. Maybe if I joined her for a little while she would leave me alone.
"Okay. Fine" I said getting up.
We walked to the dance floor and she walked straight in Adrians direction.
All I wanted to do is go back to the sofa, my safe place, but that would make me look stupid, so all I could do was follow her.
One of the girls gave me an evil look and got even closer to Adrian. She was one of the girls who had checked me out earlier.
We were dancing for some time and I tried to look everywhere else but in Adrians direction, what was pretty hard considering he was practically dancing with me and Rose.
"So you dance" he said after a while and it took me a moment to realize that he was talking to me.
"And she is pretty good at it, too" Rose said.
"Well thanks. Don´t act so surprised" I said.
Rose laughed "Relax. It was a compliment".
The dance floor became more and more crowded and we were forced to move closer together.
Every now and than my arm brushed against Adrian and every time it did we both apologized for it, taking a step back.
This was stupid. If we had been in this situation only weeks ago it would have been fun. Now the tension nearly killed me.
After a while Rose excused herself to find Dimitri and I was left on the dance floor with Adrian.
"Are you going, too?" he asked provocative.
"Actually I´m..." I was cut short when someone stumbled against me, making me fall into Adrians arms.
"You okay?" his hands were around my waist and my heart skipped a beat by his sudden closeness.
"Yes, I´m fine" I whispered when I recovered.
"Good" he said taking his arms away.
I sighed "This is ridiculous" I than said.
"What is?" he asked.
We were standing in the middle of dancing people looking at each other.
I couldn´t do this here.
"Will you join me outside?" I asked.
He looked at me warily "Why?" he asked.
Yes, why Sydney? I asked myself "I´ll be waiting" I said turning around heading for the door on the upper deck.
I was standing at the railing again. Hoping and fearing that he´d come.
I didn´t know what I wanted to say to him exactly. All I knew was that I couldn´t go on like this.
A couple of moments later he joined me on the deck.
"Hey" I said.
"Hey" he replied leaning against the door.
I took a deep breath. Suddenly I was nervous to be alone with him.
"Is there something you wanted to say to me?" he asked.
"I hate this" I said.
"Isn´t that exactly what you want?" he asked.
"No" I said.
"What is it than you want Sydney?
"You" I whispered.
"Me what?" he asked looking at me.
"I want you" I whispered.
He tensed "What does that mean?" he asked.
I shook my head " I don´t know" I admitted.
He shook his head "No Sydney. That´s not good enough. I get that you are scared and that this is a big deal for you, but we can´t do this anymore" I nodded.
"I know" I said. I felt like crying again and I actually could feel the tears in my eyes already.
I looked up and tried to blink them away but one escaped.
Adrian was next to me in an instant "Hey Sage. Are you crying?" he asked. His voice was soft and he cupped my cheek.
"No" I lied, leaning into his touch.
"Don´t cry. I want to see you happy" he said brushing over my cheek with his thumb, wiping away the tear.
"I´m sorry" I sobbed taking another deep breath.
"For what?" he asked.
"You were right. I did kiss you back" I said.
He smiled "I know you did. Is this why you´re crying? Because you kissed me back?" he asked.
I chuckled "No" I said.
"What is it than?" he asked.
"Damn I´m a mess" I said brushing over my cheeks, inhaling deeply.
"You are beautiful" he whispered.
"Why are you even still talking to me?" I asked.
"Would you prefer me ignoring you?" he asked surprised.
I shook my head "No. But I´ve been... difficult" I said.
He chuckled "Past tense?" he asked.
I looked back up into his beautiful eyes "I´m done" I said.
He lowered his arm "Done?" he asked. A mix of confusion and vulnerability in his eyes.
"Done" I said before I kissed him.
For a moment he didn´t react, but than I felt his lips moving against mine, making me feel dizzy.
His arms went around me and he cupped my face, turning me around and against the wall.
My arms went around his waist and I let out a sigh of relive and pleasure.
I secretly had longed for that moment for so long.
We kissed and kissed until we were both out of breath.
He opened his eyes and looked at me "Are you going to run away again?" he asked.
I chuckled "No. I´m done with that, too".
"Good, because I´m not done with doing this" he said lifting my chin, placing his lips on mine.