Author: Anutheal

Summary: Hawkeye struggles with nightmares of his hidden and BJ and Margaret are determined to figure out what is causing them. Some H/M romance, Hawkeye is captured by an old enemy and tortured to save Margaret's life.

Warning: May have graphic torture in later chapters, mentions of abuse to a minor.

Disclaimer: The norm, don't own anything, though I wish I owned Hawkeye teehee but anyway, don't have money so don't bother to sue, you won't get anything.

Author's Note: Some character may be out of character, but I tried, some facts may be changed for the convenience of the story... slightly Hawkeye, Margaret Romance.

Chapter 1: The Reason

"Goodnight, Hawk," BJ called from his cot.

"'Night Beej," Hawk replied, he was also in his cot, but far from sleep, fear flashed in his silver-dark blue eyes at just the thought of sleep. He lay back and pulled the cotton blanket up to his chin, determined to look like he was sleeping but staying far from it, but the days events and work overload caught up to him and he eyelids slowly drooped shut.

Nightmares plagued his dream world.

Daniel Pierce smiled fondly and sadly at his beloved only son. At thirteen he was quite tall for his age and quite handsome, he already had many girls chasing after him and usually he would laugh and tease and flirt with them, but today was different. Today only one woman was on his mind….his mother….who lay cold and still in that wooden box that was closing and slowly lowering into the ground. His eyes, once lit with laughter and joy were now shallow and dark, the silver disappearing into grey and the dark blue into black.

"Ben?" Daniel locked eyes with his son, "you okay?"

Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce nodded and looked down again, staring at the beautifully carved angels on the coffin, mom's an angel now, he told himself staring longingly at the sky, she will look after me from up above.

A few weeks later

"Hello Benny," Donny Jackson smiled at the boy ruffling his hair as if he was a child.

Ben shook his head to straighten it again, glaring at the man, he hated Mr. Jackson and so did his father, but he was a doctor, his father's partner. Dan acted like he liked Donny and acted well, but Ben didn't even bother to try to hide the loathing look from his eyes. Donny just laughed the look off and turned to Dan, "hey Danny boy, ready to get to work?"

They had been working for weeks on a solution for a disease, usually Ben would go and listen out of interest but today was different, if mom was here, she would never allow them to stay locked up in there with out at least a decent meal. But mother was dead and she wasn't coming back. Since here death he wasn't the normal boy who laughed and joked and studied for hours after his bedtime reading his fathers medical books, instead he was a cold, angry child, who refused to even look up from his books and less he was forced too, that force usually consisting of a swat on the head and a gently push away from his beloved books.

Ben sat cross-legged on the floor in the library books open all around him, notebook and pencil ready to make notes. He had pages upon pages of notes about medical history, medical technology, symptoms…etc, etc, etc….

He wanted to be a doctor, it was his dream.

"Hey Benny," Donny said walking in, "care to give me a hand?"

"No," me muttered under his breath but stood anyway and walked over to the stack of books that Donny was all too capable of carrying himself.

"What was that, boy?" he snapped angrily at the 13 year old.

"Nothing,"

Donny grabbed him by the back of his shirt and forced him around causing the books to scatter on the floor. He slammed him into the bookshelf, "listen up boy, I have had enough of your mouth,"

Ben attempted to fight and swung his leg connecting with Donny's shin, "Damn it, boy," Donny back handed him hard in his cheek and punched him in the stomach. Ben didn't have time to double over, Donny forced him against the wall again, "don't you ever fight like that against any man, you worthless piece of shit, pick up the books," Ben was released and he dropped to all fours, ribs aching, he piled up the books and handed them to Donny who sneered, "one word of this to anyone and your dead," he showed a glint of metal from his pocked and smirking, walked away.

Hawkeye sat bolt upright in bead, breathing heavily in a cold sweat, trembling. BJ and Charles were fast asleep, probably from the alcohol they consumed earlier. He collapsed backwards onto his cot, breathing back to normal, but still shaking. They had gotten worse, the nightmares that is, he's always had them, since he was 13, but they were getting more severe lately.

BJ watched his friend twitch and thrash around in his sleep, eyes tightly shut, trembling and shaking violently, in what looked like fear. Hawk had always had nightmares, every night, unless he was drown in alcohol, which as much as people like to assume wasn't often that he actually got drunk, unlike the rest of them.

Usually his nightmares were just the occasional twitch and thrash and if people didn't know he never moves in his sleep they would just say it was tossing in his sleep, but BJ knew better. Lately though, the dreams seemed to be getting worse, his trembling more violent, thrashing more frequently and twitched often.

Just one night they became severe after receiving a letter from his father they had worsened, he remembered watching Hawk read that specific letter.

Flashback

"Hey Hawkeye, letter here," Radar said handing him the envelope that seemed thicker than usual.

"Thanks, Radar," BJ wasn't surprised that Hawk didn't crack a joke like he usually did when he was talking to someone; he was already consumed in the letter. Radar disappeared away from their table handing out the rest of the mail. The mess hall was unusually full today; everyone seemed to be there on time.

BJ watched his friend read absorbed in the letter, watching a number of unfamiliar emotions cross his face. Emotions that people rarely saw from him, panic, horror, anger, pain and fear all danced in his eyes as he read. Slowly he reread it again and again till whatever it was sank in. In slow motion he closed the letter and put in his pocket staring at the table in an unusual frown.

"Hawk? You okay?" BJ snapped him out of his stare, his head snapped up the unusual emotions gone, replaced with that smile in his eyes. He grinned his infamous grin and laughed, "Fine," was his only response as his began eating the Mess Hall 'food' again.

End Flashback

Hawkeye sat upright in bed, eyes open dancing with fear as he trembled in a cold sweat. BJ closed his eyes again hoping Hawk didn't notice he was awake, the dreams now were obviously getting worse, horribly worse and no matter how hard it was going to be BJ was going to find out why.

End Chapter 1

If anyone is actually reading this I am surprised, but please be kind and drop a review, I have chapter 2 written and it is literally ready to be put up, but I won't if I don't get a review so I know someone is reading this.