By Martha McMahon, E. Bryan Rumph, and Cassandra Berg
The names have been changed to protect the innocent... sort of. I mean, if you can't match them to the writers... sheesh! All things copyrighted (which is most of the Fic) belong to those people who own them. We wouldn't _dream_ of infringing on their copyrights. Yeah, right. ;]
(Mar-chan cracks knuckles and begin typing...)
Three bored, tired humans settled themselves down in front of the TV.
"I wanna watch Ranma!" quoth B-chan.
"I wanna watch the Olympics!" quoth Mar-chan.
"I wanna channel surf!" quoth Cur-chan.
"CUR-CHAN!"
"Sheesh."
"Let's watch both!"
"Umm... B-chan? Where'd you get the beer?"
"Umm, erm.... that
"Oh, okay." Mar-chan looks at Cur-chan and rolls her eyes. Cur-chan is clutching the remote and looking faintly possessed. "Die Evil Ogre!" [bap!?] "Whoops. You okay Cur-chan?"
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr...."
"mommy!"
[click]
[NBC : Baywatch]
"Look it's Baywatch!"
"Quick! Change the channel!"
"The humanity!"
"AAAAaaaAaaaaAAAAaaaaaa!"
(Mar-chan hands keyboard to B-chan....)
B-chan tosses the beer at the television as a bolt of lightning strikes it and blue bolts of electricity arc all over the set [think Quickening here people].
The trepidatious trio slowly move up from their hiding place behind the couch.
"That was Non-non-non-non Heinous"
[bap!!][doublebap!!]
B-chan rubs his head, "Hey, what was that for?" Mar-chan and Cur-chan both glare at him.
"Mine was for trashing the TV."
"And mine was for that Bill and Ted comment."
"Hurmph... some people just do not appreciate fine art."
Suddenly B-chan's hentai radar kicks in. "Hey! Look... what's Shampoo doing on Baywatch?!" He watches for a second.
[in the back ground you can hear the Warner Bros. [and Sister] going "boingy boingy boingy" as Shampoo and the rest of the Ranma gang bound down the beach. Of course they are all in swimwear that would do a nudist proud... Many male extra's faint on the spot.]
"Not that I'm objecting mind you..."
(Mar-chan grabs keyboard _back_ from B-chan...)
Mar-chan looks annoyed as she [baps!] B-chan repeatedly. "hentaihentai!"
"Look!" Mar-chan looks over at Cur-chan's cry. "Ryoga!"
"Now who's being hentai." B-chan grumbles.
[on TV the brave new lifeguards leap in after a human in distress. The immediately turn into assorted animals. The old Baywatch cast faints.]
"Excuse me?"
"nevermind."
"AaaaaaAAAaaaa! It's Happosai!"
[group screams of horror]
"Change the channel! Change the channel!"
[click]
[Comedy Central : MST3K]
[Ranma, P-chan, and Moose the Duck are silloutes against a large, bad, movie. On screen a giant lizard is terrorizing a small western town.]
"Yeah! MST3K!!!!" Mar-chan does a dance of happiness.
"Isn't this a rerun?"
"They're _all_ reruns..."
"But.. but, I've only seen this one seven times!" Mar-chan develops large brown P-chan eyes (impressive considering her eyes are green.)
"Is it just me, or does that robot look like a pig?"
"Just you."
"B-chan what did you do to the TV?!?"
"Who says life isn't like beer commercials?"
"But this isn't my TV!!!!"
"Whoops."
[click]
[NBC : 1996 Olympics]
"Ooooh look!" cheers Mar-chan, "it's the Womens Gymnastics!!"
"Not the Olympics _again_....."
"Maybe if we just locked her in the closet..."
"B-chan!"
"nevermind."
"Good, wait... what's with the Japanese Team? Isn't that Kodachi?"
[drool]
"B-chan!" [bapbapbap!]
"Hah! I have the remote!" Cur-chan develops a nasty battle aura, and laughs manically. Mar-chan and B-chan hide behind the sofa. "Let the surfing begin!"
"Great." mutters Mar-chan, "_now_ look what you've done..."
[click]
[HBO : Free Genma]
[Genma does a marvelous leap out of the water, judges behind him hold up 10's]
[click]
[USA : Weird Science]
[Sasuke and Kuno fiddle with a computer when suddenly the Pig-tailed Girl appears beside them...]
[click]
[NBC : Friends]
[Whole Ranma gang is busy drinking coffee and acting um... friendly?!?]
(Mar-chan hands keyboard to Cur-chan... Cur-chan looks at keyboard, looks at current romance novel, ditches keyboard for book... Mar-can and B-chan face-fault, and B-chan takes the keyboard)
[click]
[BBC 1 : Red Dwarf]
[Shampoo, Ranma, Ryoga, and Holly, ermm, I mean Akane run about in panic. Well, except for Akane, she/he is stuck in the computer]
"When did we start getting the BBC?" B-chan objects from behind the couch.
"You're _complaining_?!?"
[click]
[Local Syndicate: Geraldo]
[A pan of the stage shows Ranma, Genma, and the Tendo's all seated in those oh so comfy looking chairs]
"Hey... what's that banner say?"
B-chan squints from behind the couch, "Aquatransexuals, and the people who love them... next time on Geraldo."
[click]
[Showtime: Home Alone 2: Lost in Nerima]
[Ryoga brings both of his hands to his face and screams.]
Mar-chan looks at B-chan. "So... how are we going to get the remote back from her?"
"Well, we could wait till the batteries run out."
"Baka! [bap!] we can't wait that long... "
"Umm... I know.. quick! A&E!"
[click]
[A&E: Wagner's "The Ring"]
(B-chan and Mar-chan gasp as Cur-chan actually takes the keyboard and starts writing... well, editing anyway. Many cries of objection are viciously edited out... Then in a daring raid Mar-chan steals back the keyboard...)
[click]
[ABC: Lois and Clark]
[glompf!] Cur-chan attaches herself to the TV screen, and worships... B-chan quickly follows.... Mar-chan face-faults.
["Look up in the sky! It's a plane! It's a bird!"
"No! It is I! Tatewake Kuno!"]
Cur-chan and B-chan pause in their worshiping.
[click]
[FOX: 90210]
[The intro theme plays out with the Ranma gang filling in for the absent cast members.]
"It's only a FanFic, it's only a FanFic" chants Mar-chan. Cur-chan starts to look hypnotized so B-chan dives for the remote.
"Next!"
[click]
[USA: Murder She Wrote]
[Cologne wanders in the door and a nearby extra drops dead. "Hello son-in-law!"]
"Is it just me, or was Weird Science on just a second ago?"
"It's must have been the beer."
"I thought it was the pretzels...."
[BAP!]
[click]
[FOX: Sienfield]
"Hah! Look! it's Pretzel Boy!"
"Now I _know_ this was 90210 before..."
"And this is a _bad_ thing?"
"Next!"
"Why?"
"Self-preservation?"
[click]
[click-click]
[_click_!]
"Whoops."
"Um... did you have rabbit ears on this thing?"
"Nope."
"Then what's that?"
"A spunny."
"What's a bug from the Ultimate Force Machine doing in the TV?"
"Eating."
"No... that's the cabbit."
"Oh. Then the white one's the spunny?"
"No, that's Urd."
"Oh. She must be a Playboy bunny."
"EXCUSE ME!!!??"
"Maybe not."
"I sort of like the bunny theme."
"Perhaps you would like to reconsider?"
"Ummmm...."
[ZOT!]
"Ow." [thud] "owowowowowowowowowow!"
"Die Spunnies!" cried Skuld as she ran in from the bathroom. A startled looking Soun peeks around the corner.
"Rowf?" (Sign : Who was _that_?)
"I have no idea Saotome, is she.. IS SHE RANMA'S FIANCE!?!"
"rowf." (yipe!)
(The authors scatter as Urd lays waste to the surrounding furniture, Skuld deals death to the spunnies, and Soun demon-heads in the bathroom. And the FanFic stumbles to a close....)
[bap!]
"I am _NOT_ a spunny!"
"Sorry sis."
[CLICK]