"I should go."
"Why."
"You know why."
Donna's "Why" was quiet but demanding. She had half been expecting a flippant answer, a joke, a deflection. Because that was Harvey. That was their relationship. Banter, witticisms and Donna reading Harvey's mind before he asked her to. They always had each other's backs, and tonight proved it.
But then he had given her that little bit extra. A LOT extra.
"You know I love you Donna." It was as if he thought she was trying to force him to actually say the words of an unspoken truth. Harvey's a calculated man, except when it came to Donna. You had to prod, push and just about torture something out of him if he didn't want to say it. Generally this applied to apologies and niceties to his enemies, and he had to mean it or he wouldn't say it.
His next move? To go home, leaving Donna in the lurch to deal with the mess of her confusion alone. By the time she had found her voice again, it was too late to summon him back. Still completely astonished, she lowered herself onto her couch and tried to make heads or tails of the situation.
1. He said he loved her.
2. He had fought tooth and nail to make sure she didn't go to prison.
3. Forget everything else, he said he fucking loved her!
Okay, Donna, focus. How are you feeling right now? That was the way to determine what she thought about this whole revelation. Heartrate? Through the roof. She was also flushed, and feeling what could only be described as giddy. It felt good. No, it felt great. Having someone declare their love for you tended to make someone feel good – who knew? The most satisfying thing of all was the fact that this represented a step forward for Harvey's maturity. Running through her mind was all the things that he had said to her leading up to that moment.
"The thought of you going to prison makes me want to drop to my knees." Donna's heart was in her throat. That was Harvey's way of saying that dignity be damned, Donna was more important. And his dignity was the thing he cherished the most, aside from loyalty.
But as soon as she laughed out her happiness, she was awash with a feeling of exasperation. In all those movies that Harvey was always harping on about, if a guy told a girl he loved her, he would usually stick around to at least gauge her reaction. Instead, Donna was left next to a now achingly empty spot on the couch, with a million questions that she knew he would not be open to answering that night. If at all. Goddamit, Harvey. This was going to be a challenge. Harvey was always a challenge. But she was Donna. If anyone could handle it, she could.
Donna arrived nice and early to Pearson Spector Litt, armed with a few extra niceties to brighten Harvey's day. After a night of tossing and turning (and replaying their conversation in her head repetitively), she had decided that she wouldn't bring it up until they had an opportunity to talk away from Mike's freakish memory and Norma's flapping ears. In the meantime, her plan was to make Harvey's day a little bit more special. Her intention was to mellow him out so he'd be ready and willing to actually discuss that monumental bombshell he had dropped ever so casually.
No such luck.
Harvey swept right past her without even looking in her direction when he arrived. What the hell?! Sure, Harvey could sometimes lack common courtesy in the mornings when he was busy with a huge case, but the night after declaring your love for someone and you don't even wish them a good morning? No, this was him deliberately avoiding her. Not wanting to confront his feelings – or maybe he regretted what he had said? If he had actually have been busy, he would have picked up the special coffee Donna had waiting for him. But even that was forgone.
For some reason, Donna was more angry than hurt. Stupid, stubborn Harvey Specter. Even though last night had been a huge step forward for Harvey, this morning it was as though he had mentally retreated back to middle school. How could he not acknowledge last night – or even just HER?! This cold shoulder business was childish. Well, two could play at that game. She would simply refrain from any contact with him until it got urgent enough that he would have to come out and talk to her. Starting with the phones. There were plenty of better things Donna could be doing with her time.
It didn't take long. Donna had spent ten minutes filing her nails with her shoeless feet propped up on her desk. She was loudly playing the entire score of La Boheme from her computer, intermittently pressing the intercom into Harvey's office so that he was able to catch rogue snippets.
"Donna! What the fuck do you think you are doing?!" The sound of Harvey's angry voice ringing over the intercom was music to her ears, better than any opera she'd ever seen.
"Good morning, Harvey!" Donna chirped with as much sarcasm as she could muster. "It's nice to see you today, too." Harvey looked like a grumpy teenager as he got up from his desk and stormed out to face his secretary - jaw clenched, and eyes that could probably burn through a person's skull.
"Cut the crap, Donna, I want to know why you're doing all this bullshit instead of your goddamn job!" Oooh, he was pissed. His voice had that dangerous tone which he usually saved for when Louis needed a good fright. As fun as it was, it wasn't going to get him to talk to her.
"I just wanted to get your attention," Donna explained sweetly. She handed over a stack of files that she had already organized, alphabetized and highlighted the night before as part of Operation Make Harvey's Day.
"Thank you," Harvey all but grunted before going back into his office and shutting the door. Ungrateful bastard.
It occurred to her that she may have said that last part aloud when Mike stopped by her desk with a concerned look on his face.
"He did thank you, Donna, that's more than he gives most people." Yeah, well, she wasn't most people. He would genuinely thank Donna when she'd done something like that, especially something that he knew would have taken most of the night (which it did). Fine. She would wait until later to catch him in a better mood. Until then, she would work hard to ensure that they wouldn't have to cross paths. After the way he had been that morning, she didn't feel like talking to him either. Operation Make Harvey's Day was temporarily suspended for the time being.
However, not even Donna could permanently procrastinate the moment in which she'd actually have to talk to the man she worked for. Jessica had stopped by when Harvey was in a meeting, and she had an important document that she would be unable to deliver herself due to her leaving the office. When Harvey returned from his meeting, Donna begrudgingly picked up the folder off her desk to bring into his office.
"Harvey," she began dully, but he cut her off before he even knew what she was going to say.
"We're not having this conversation now, Donna," Harvey warned her, suddenly very interested in his meeting minutes.
"What conversation, you haven't spoken properly to me all day!" No conversation, no proper acknowledgement, nada. For all Donna knew, she may as well have dreamed the events of the night before.
"You know what conversation." Those four words sent a jolt of rage through Donna's body, but she did her best to conceal it. So he knew that she wanted to talk to him about this whole matter, and that was why he was blanking her. Her professionalism lost out to her anger, and she couldn't stop her retort.
"Well, I guess this urgent file from Jessica can wait until you're ready to talk to me." She swerved her heel and flounced from the room, clutching the file as close to her body as was possible. Harvey could wrench it from her cold, dead hands.
"Jesus, Donna!" It was his own fault. Donna would drop the act as soon as he apologised and stopped being a stubborn ass. But the file was urgent, and ultimately she would be the one who would be fired if it didn't get to its proper destination.
"Mike, I need you here immediately." Mike was quick to Donna's summon, and once again he had a worried look on his face.
"What is it, what's the matter?" Donna handed over the file with a post-it labelled 'Harvey'. She indicated to his office and looked at Mike expectantly.
"Come on, scoot."
"You're shitting me, right?" Mike asked with a laugh. The murderous look on Donna's face quickly set him straight, however, and he hastily took the file and made the ten extra steps into Harvey's office. She pretended not to notice the exasperated glance Harvey sent her way as she opened up her web browser to complete some online shopping. On Mike's way out, he leaned over her desk to whisper something to her.
"Is this some sort of lover's spat?" Harvey was right behind Mike, and he heard every single word. It was the wrong day, the wrong moment, and the wrong thing to say – which was reflected by the violent reaction that his remark received from both ends.
"Go away!" they shouted in unison. All this did was confirm Mike's suspicions, but their fight was grating, and he certainly didn't appreciate being shouted at for being dragged into the middle of it. Any retort of his would no doubt provoke them further, so he let out an exasperated sigh and swiftly left the scene without another word. Harvey then had the nerve to look at Donna as if to say 'Now look what you've done?' before continuing on his way.
It had gone too far. For whatever goddamn reason, Harvey had decided to act like Public Asshole Number 1 today, and Donna was going to find out why. She had antagonised him enough, and she actually liked her job. With this in mind, she put her head down and tried to push all thoughts of the previous night out of her head until later. They would talk after work. Donna would make sure of it.
The day felt like it would stretch on for an entire week. Midnight rolled around and Harvey was still in his office, keeping busy. It was normally work that he would have left for Mike, but after the events earlier that day he felt it was best to leave Mike alone. He also needed something to occupy his mind. Anything to stop the thoughts that had prompted him to leave Donna's so quickly the night before. He knew that everything she had done that day was trying to do the exact opposite, and that was why he was still there. Everyone else had long departed, except of course for Donna. She was watching through the window from her desk, waiting for him to pause for the smallest moment. Even if it took all night. She knew that he had to leave sometime.
Donna had made a bet with herself that she'd be waiting until 2am, but it came sooner than Donna had anticipated. Harvey pushed his stack of files away from him and happened to look out over in Donna's direction. When he saw her, he tilted his head in what others would have interpreted as annoyance. Donna, however, knew that that specific look was reserved for when she or Mike or Louis went against his wishes to help him. Or, when she had been deliberately pissing him off all day.
When Harvey stood up from his desk, Donna thought this would be the moment of truth where he'd leave the office and have to walk past her. Instead, he went over to his couch and all but flopped over into the seat, rubbing his face languidly. He looked as tired as Donna felt.
Truthfully, the day had been downright abysmal. Little work had been done; Mike had suffered. Donna and Harvey were just worn-out. She couldn't be bothered being mad at Harvey anymore.
"Go home, Donna," Harvey mumbled wearily as he heard the door open. He didn't bother to open his eyes, but the sound of glasses clinking piqued his curiosity. It didn't sound like his scotch that she was pouring. But he wasn't picky. Any sort of alcohol would do. He felt a tap on his closed fist.
"Open." Harvey dropped his jaw lazily. The slight huff of frustration from Donna was delightful. Harvey lived for her little reactions. She fascinated him, and despite having known each other for as long as they had, it still gave Harvey a buzz when he could elicit the exact reaction he wanted. Not to mention the fact that he had still been irritated with her actions from that day. But now they were even.
"Your hand, Harvey," Donna scolded as she held out a wine glass. Even when he was practically catatonic he still retained his sense of mischief.
"I know," he grinned. He opened his eyes a crack and witnessed her rolling her eyes, which made him smile even more. He closed his eyes and continued the drink he had failed to finish the night before.
"I poisoned it," Donna deadpanned just after he had taken a sip. He felt her warm body sit down right beside him, and his heartbeat quickened when she leaned her head back on his chest. It made him more alert and even a touch nervous. Or maybe it was just the wine.
"That's okay. You've left plenty of incriminating evidence behind. Mike'd get you," he replied matter-of-factly.
"And I always figured I'd be assassinated. At least you're by my side," he added musingly. It was true. Despite the hellish day, ending it with his best friend right beside him was the way to go. Within moments, their breathing had slowed to the exact same rhythm, and Harvey knew he wouldn't last much longer. Donna was on the verge of dropping her wine glass, and he rescued it from destroying his couch and the dress that he had funded for Donna as a Christmas bonus.
"Are you going to lecture me, because you better do it quickly before we fall asleep," Harvey murmured as he rested his arm around Donna's shoulder. She let out a soft hum as she tried to pull her feelings together into a proper sentence.
"Why did you blank me this morning? I had plans to make your day so much better and then you squandered it." She tried to keep her voice as neutral as possible, but she couldn't hide the disappointment in her voice. Harvey instinctively swept a strand of her hair off her face with his finger.
"I choked when I saw you this morning, so I ignored you. I wasn't ready to talk about it, but by the time I was, I was too pissed off that I had obviously made the wrong move. And then I was mad at you as well as myself because of all your resistance to co-operating with me." That was by design. It hadn't quite worked out as planned, but at least they were talking about it now.
"You could have easily fixed that with an apology." Donna pointed out, brushing a piece of lint off Harvey's pants.
"You wouldn't have accepted an apology, you would have also wanted an explanation." An accurate statement. Donna knew everybody, and Harvey knew her. She gave a little laugh of agreement.
"Well, I am still waiting for that explanation, Harvey." Of course she did. She wouldn't be Donna if she didn't. His drowsy mind took a few minutes to muster the right words together.
"Donna, nothing's different. Everything's the same. I said I love you, but the only difference is that I finally said it out loud. I'm not going to treat you differently, because nothing's changed. We had a scare, and now it's over. You needed reassurance, and I gave it to you."
She needed to think about that for a moment. The scare was the chance that they'd lose each other and everything they'd built together. But it was more than that. Harvey had never been more concerned that he'd lose a case. His success was intricately woven into her well-being, and vice versa. He couldn't interpret her vexing silence, so Harvey kept talking.
"Come on, Donna, don't tell me you didn't know. Pick any moment. You're Donna. You know everything. You even know my feelings better than I do half the time."
"Well that's not hard, Harvey, you think you're being all secretive but a lot of the time you're about as subtle as a brick to the face." Donna couldn't help herself.
"Then how come you didn't know?" Harvey teased. "Must have been a massive oversight if it was that obvious."
"Well, you can't fail every single time, I guess…" They were back in familiar territory. Banter was their preferred form of communication, where the friendly jabs bounced off each other instead of piercing the armour. But was that where they wanted to be? Or had they wanted more this whole time? She hadn't let herself think about it. It had been a pipe dream, a fantasy scenario that she'd absent-mindedly pondered once or twice. A few times. Okay, several times. Dammit, all the fucking time. Now that that there was a chance that it might come true, however, she was somewhat terrified.
"Seriously, Harvey. Are you proposing that we just continue as nothing happened?" Did Donna really want to hear his answer? She wasn't even sure what her own answer would be to that question.
"No, I'm proposing that we continue with our jobs, kicking ass, and then if you want to bring me wine at the end of the night and fall asleep on the couch I wouldn't object. Except I would prefer if it were at my apartment, not my office. You know how late Norma works, and Louis would be utterly insufferable."
"I'd never pegged you as the domestic type," Donna mused as she turned over, burying her head in his shoulder with a deep inhale of his wonderful smell.
"The movies don't watch themselves, you know. My expansive film knowledge didn't come from mountain-climbing and going to the ballet."
"Sure, but we don't want to be Mike and Rachel. They're outright sickening at the best of times." At Donna's mention of the pair, Harvey shook his head ruefully.
"You just killed the mood. Good work. And we both know I'm cuter than either of them."
"If you say so…" Donna said in a sing-song voice. She looked up at him and beamed at his mock-offended face.
"How dare you," he replied fondly. She let out a yawn and a stretch and slowly pulled herself off the couch and started cleaning up the wine glasses.
"What are you doing?" Harvey was alarmed. He didn't want her to leave, he had been too damn comfortable with her on the couch.
"Come on, Harvey, you said we'd go back to your apartment and drink wine and you'd cook me dinner," Donna took his hand and tugged him off the couch.
"I never said anything about cooking you dinner," Harvey countered, because it was in his nature.
"But we know you implied it." She had her playful 'fight me' eyes going, and Harvey wasn't going to say no to her now. He conceded a nod, and took off his jacket and draped it around her to protect her from the cold weather they were about to face.
"There we go, now it's just like high school." Donna was more interested in the keys in the pocket. She fished them out and swung them around her finger before putting them back.
"A car? Thank you." She started walking ahead of him, before he grabbed her hand and turned her back towards him. She gave him her doe-eyed gaze, pretending to be confused.
"Give me the keys."
"Make me," she dared. Harvey stepped over to her, so close that their faces were almost touching.
"I don't have to. I know you'll give them to me." With a sigh, Donna relented and handed over his keys. Harvey didn't drive to work anyway, so if she'd wanted a ride she'd have to wait. With a triumphant smirk, Harvey slipped the keys into his pants pocket.
Within three seconds, Donna had the keys back in her possession. As she went to slip them back into the jacket pocket, Harvey took them back with hesitation.
"Nuh-uh. You want dinner or not?" It was going to be less of a dinner and more of an extremely early breakfast at this rate, but Harvey had a good point. Food was a necessity.
"Can I at least have the morning off?" No matter what time of night, Donna was always trying to take advantage of the situation.
"Not on your life."
"But you love me…" Donna whined. Dammit, he'd seen it coming from a mile away.
"This is why I never told you earlier, because I knew you'd hold this one over me." They had exited the elevator and were about to approach the street.
"Well, you have the same advantage over me because I love you too." Harvey stopped in his tracks for a split second to absorb what Donna had just said. Her statement was just as matter-of-fact as his had been. The sky was blue, the sun would rise in the morning, and Donna loved Harvey. All completely normal.
"I know," he replied casually.
"No, you didn't." He didn't refute her, instead he deflected with his next question.
"Why didn't you tell me before now?" Because up until now she'd never been so certain, and she'd been too scared that he didn't feel the same way. But she didn't need to tell him that. Harvey didn't really care about her answer anyway, he was still floored by the fact that she said she loved him. She was pretty sure that her answer was the same as his. There was plenty of time ahead of them to get into the details. But for now, a simple answer would suffice.
"You know why."