Title: Narrow Road
Author: Nancy Kelly Nkelly@connectcorp.net
Category: PG MSR Angst
Disclaimers: I don't own them. Wish I did. Haven't we all been through this before? Sheesh! They are owned by Chris Carter, 1013 and Fox. I have, like, no money so don't even think about it!
Summary: Mulder thinks about faith and his journey with Scully while waiting in a hospital hallway.
* * * *
Georgetown Medical Center
10:13 p.m.
How many times have I sat in this awful plastic chair? How many times have I been in this exact same place, exact same position, while waiting for the inevitable to slam me against the wall? How many times have I sat here, feeling as though another tornado has made it's way through my life, turning it upside down in the process? How many damn times have I been here?
Too many to count if you ask me.
I'm tired. I can't express how very tired I am at this moment. And these damn bright florescent lights of the hospital hallway are not helping my migraine any. I'd get up to request an ibuprofen if I could only convince my legs to move for me. But my body and mind are too afraid that if I get up and disappear from this spot, I will miss something. I need to hear some news. I need to know what in the hell is going on with my partner, my best friend, and my life….my love.
God, I swear if someone doesn't come out and tell me soon, I am going to explode. It's not often that I can sit in one place for long periods of time without having to move. Especially when something has happened to Scully. But this time, my body is too tired, and too scared to move…to even pace. If she were here right now, I know I'd be pacing and she'd tell me 'Mulder for Christsake sit down before you burn a path in the carpet!'
But she's not here right now. She's behind one of those damn metal doors while some piss ant doctor tries to answer why she had such a bloody nose and fell unconscious. What if the Cancer has returned? I can't think about that right now. I can't think about them poking and prodding her poor body again. I can't think about if she's frightened or in pain. I can't think about it. I won't.
How many times have I been to this particular hospital? God, they must know our names by now. They must know us by heart, with as many times as Dana and I have been through the emergency room doors.
It all happened so fast tonight. It all happened so unexpectedly and I am wracking my memory for any hint, however small, as to what could have led up to what happened. And for the life of me, I can't think of anything.
She's been so healthy lately. The cancer has been in remission for a year and a half. Why would I suspect anything could be going on?
She hasn't been ill, and she hasn't had the flu. She hasn't been any paler than normal, so I didn't see anything coming.
Little did I know, something indeed, was going on with her. But neither of us saw the freight train of faith slamming towards us.
A small, sad smile crosses my face as I think of us tonight. We, for once, were having a good time. We were actually relaxing and I actually had the wonderful opportunity to hear her laugh. What a rarity that is.
And with as distant as we have been lately, we needed tonight. We needed to break down the walls we've so precariously built between us, these passed few months.
And so I took her out to dinner. She wanted Italian.
Imagine that. My Scully, the little Italian eater. I hardly ever see her eat, so this was a wonderful gift in itself.
And so we enjoyed ourselves. She, eating some fettuccini thing, and me, I was eating lasagna. We had a lovely bottle of red wine. And we talked. We talked nothing about work and it was a wonderful break from our jobs. I think that is one of the reasons we built up these walls between us. I think that both of us realize that there are underlying feelings between us, but we are afraid to cross that line because of our work.
But I love this woman. I would give it all up, if she'd allow me the pleasure of being her lover. God, if only for a minute, I'd still give it all up for her.
Anyway, after dinner, we took a stroll down the waterfront. She was wearing a beautiful burgundy dress with spaghetti straps and she looked absolutely stunning. She left her hair down, which I prefer, and we were walking hand in hand. We were comfortable. There was a point when she got cold, so I gave her my jacket, and she gave me her rare Scully smile. I mean the patented one.
'Thank you, Mulder', she had said shyly.
I didn't miss the little blush in her cheeks, or the small smile she attempted to hide by looking down at her toes.
Her hair fell in her face, and so I brushed the beautiful auburn strands away from that precious face.
'Anytime, Scully,' I had said.
And so we resumed our walking, talking small talk and enjoying one another's company, when it hit.
I remember it, almost as if it were in slow motion. She just suddenly stopped and I had to backtrack. For a moment I thought she had spotted something across the water, but she had a look on her face I will not soon forget.
She had a look of pure daze and her blue eyes had become glassy all of a sudden.
'Scully?' I called to her, almost in confusion, 'What's the matter.'
At that instant, a trickle of blood began down her left nostril and she took her hand from mine to swipe at it. It didn't take long before the blood literally gushed from her nose and I had become hysterical.
She, on the other hand, still said nothing until the enormous amount of pain hit her and she grabbed her head.
'Oh my God!' she had gasped, 'Mulder, please.'
'Please, what Scully?' I asked in desperation, 'Scully, tell me what is going on?!'
'Mulder, make the pain stop, please!' she begged. She grasped at her head and I took hold of her shoulders to steady her.
'Dana,' I said, trying so desperately to calm myself, 'Are you ok? Tell me what is going on!'
She opened her mouth to talk and it was then that I saw that her eyes were beginning to roll into the back of her head, 'Pain'.
That was the last thing she said before she collapsed in my arms.
And here I am now, my white dress shirt covered in her blood. Again.
Again.
What is this narrow road that Dana and I keep finding ourselves on? Why do They want to destroy us so desperately? She never once asked for this to be done to her, and if, given the chance, I would trade places with her in an instant. If one person in this world doesn't deserve pain, it would be Dana. Not Dana, anyone but Dana.
Finally, after about another hour of waiting, and ibuprofen, and three cups of coffee, a doctor walks towards me.
"Mr. Mulder?" he asks me.
Of course you bastard, I am him. I am the one that brought her in here in my arms you idiot.
I stand up, "What happened?"
I fidget with my fingers nervously and clench my teeth. In my head I can hear Dana's voice nagging me about what clenching your teeth does to the enamel.
"Miss Scully had a small hemorrhage, just behind the nasal cavity," he says.
"Is it Can-" I began to say the horrible word.
"No," he interrupts, "I'm not sure as to what caused this particular hemorrhage, but we ran some tests and they should be in within the next couple of days…we are going to keep her here. She's pretty weak and we have her on an oxygen mask just until she gets some of her strength back up. She's still unconscious, but I think that is due to the amount of pain relievers we gave…would you like to see her?"
No shithead, I sat here for two hours for no reason!
"Yes, I would," I say.
He leads me to the second floor: another ICU.
"Room 237, Mr. Mulder," he says, "Just go straight ahead and to the left and that's where her room is."
I nod my thanks and walk with legs full of lead, to Dana's hospital room.
There is my beauty.
She's in a semi reclining position, her eyes closed. She has an IV in her left arm and a heart monitor gadget on her left middle finger. The oxygen mask is in its place, no doubt giving her the precious air she needs to put strength back into her.
I walk over to her, and sure enough there is a chair on the right side of her bed. That is always the place I sit vigil at her bedside. That is the place I will sleep until they say it is okay for her to come home.
I walk up to her and do something I know that the nurses would kick me out for.
For one small moment, I remove the mask from her nose and mouth and place a gentle kiss on her lips and then place it right back on.
"We have to stop walking down this narrow road, Dana," I say softly, "It isn't safe…we need to find a bigger, safer one."
I grasp her hand in mine and sit down on the chair beside her. This one is much softer than all the other chairs. I may get a little sleep after all.
I lay my head on the bed next to her hip, never letting go of her hand, and I weep for the first time tonight. I am so tired of this happening to her. I am so tired of Them. Sometimes I just want to pack up and leave the FBI and take her with me.
As if she hears my cries, I feel a soft squeeze to my hand and with caution, I slowly lift my heavy head and look at the woman in front of me.
She is awake, although barely.
And she nods.
"No more narrow roads, Mulder," she whispers sleepily, "No more narrow roads."
End
* Oh Please send feedback. And PLEASE be nice. This is my first fanfiction and I had fun writing it, so please be gentle. Flames are welcome, I need them to make me a better writer and to light my fireplace anyway. Just, please let me know what you thought.