Title: "Holding Back the Darkness"
Time Period/Spoilers: After the mini and set immediately after Scooter Kitty's story, 'Love's Lost Children'.
Rating: PG-13 (adult situations)
Summary: This fic is an extension to the last chapter of 'Love's Lost Children', so it does help to read that story first. Laura Roslin and Lee Adama have just sorted things out and she later on has an enlightening conversation with someone late one night on the Galactica.
You can find the story (as well as some others in that universe) here under 'Scooterkitty'.
Author's Notes: After reading Scooter Kitty's fic, I thought, "Well?...what happens next?" So, I wrote this inspired extension that takes place immediately after the last chapter. I also asked for and got permission to post it here, so my thanks go to Scooter, not only for the inspiration but for allowing me to share it was well, not to mention several discussions about buttocks! ;-)
Laura Roslin gazed down at the man sleeping next to her and she shook her head in amazement. What did I do to deserve such a beautiful creature? she thought, but then checked herself with a smile. There I go, acting like a teacher again. Lee Adama was many things to many people, but he was definitely much more than just a 'beautiful creature'.
The harsh lights of the cabin were off and only the small desk lamp had been left on. Even so, there was still enough illumination for Laura to catch the slight reddish highlights in his dark hair. With her head propped up on her arm, her eyes roamed over the sleeping man. She looked up and caught sight of something just at the edge of the light. Gently, so as not to wake Lee, she reached over and grabbed a ragged looking doll sitting at the base of the lamp and had to smile.
What once was white fur was now grey with patches all over its body. Although missing one of its glossy button eyes, there was no mistaking the slightly bent, yet proud, horn that stood on the creature's forehead.
The next time I head to the Amazon, I'm definitely giving Becca one big hug. She nuzzled the doll and wondered how something as beat up as this could lead to something as dubious as a second chance?
Laura had been through hell these last few days. She'd begun and immediately stopped an abortive tryst with Lee Adama. She simply wanted to spare him any pain and suffering she knew he'd go through when (she was past 'if') the cancer really began to take its toll. The last visit to her doctor had confirmed that the chemotherapy sessions had not kept her cancer in check and he'd suggested the one thing that all women dreaded to hear: a mastectomy, which she adamantly refused as a procedure. Maybe she was foolish, maybe she was selfish, but her body was the one thing the Lords had given her that she could truly call her own. Suicide, her doctor had said. Maybe…but it was on her terms.
The heady feeling of empowerment – that she was taking control of herself and the disease – was quickly shattered to stark terror when she heard of an accident in the port side hangar bay and, for a moment, thought that Lee was involved. She saw for herself that he wasn't, but still, for those few moments…
Afterwards, as if in a dream, she'd walked to Lee's room and let herself in. She'd found the stuffed unicorn on his desk, and, hugging it to her chest, let all the emotional barriers that she'd built just crumble down. It was some time later that Lee returned and found her in the state she was in. Rather than ask questions, he simply held her. Eventually she told him everything: the cancer, her prognosis and her reasoning for why they couldn't be together. And for every reason she'd come up with, Lee would shoot it down. She'd been mildly annoyed that he was so agreeable. Damnit, guys like you aren't supposed to exist!
Thoroughly confused at the turn of events, she'd left Lee…again. Unbeknownst to her, she'd taken the unicorn doll and didn't realize it until later that night, when she was by herself. She'd felt guilty about taking something that was entrusted to Lee by Becca, so, in the middle of the night she quietly walked back to Lee's quarters to return it. Lee was somewhat amused that she couldn't wait till morning, but Laura knew she had to be completely open with Lee, in terms of her wanting to be him.
Both would be honest to each other, would talk things out if they got too rough, but they both agreed that either could back out if they couldn't handle it. And then they shook hands, as if finalizing a treaty. Laura idly wondered how many relationships out there would've gone better if everyone had followed their example.
Still holding her hand, Lee led her into his room and closed the hatch. Even before Laura's eyes could adjust to the low light, Lee leaned over and gently kissed her. Though tired, she quickly warmed up to the idea and kissed him back. She still found it endearing that they were of the same height, so it wasn't difficult to run her hands through that rumpled hair of his. Her hands, with minds of their own, slid down from his head, down his back and firmly cupped his backside. Lee quivered slightly, his head tilting back a little from the sensation. Although, he pulled away from the kiss, Laura simply improvised. She slowly kissed his chin, across his jaw and down his throat and was surprised when he arched his back a bit and groaned. Smiling at the reaction, Laura teasingly kissed and nipped here and there. Her breathing quickened as she felt his pulse increase with every one of her tender ministrations.
Although Lee didn't know it, she was slowly leading him to the bed. When he felt the edge, he pulled back slightly and grinned at her. There was definitely no need to ask her permission now. Laura reached down and pulled off his shirt and, before he could react, began to push him onto the bed with her following him. He lay there, looking delighted, as she straddled him and stared into his beautiful blue eyes. His own hands came up and helped her take off her sweater and then he ran them gently through her hair. She grabbed both hands and kissed them tenderly. Although last time she had initiated the seduction, Lee had finished it. Laura hated doing things half-way and decided to more than make up for it now. Her hair framing her face and his hands clutched to her chest, she saw the same passionate desire she felt reflected in his eyes.
I may not know how much time I have left… but damn if I don't know what it means like to be a woman…
She leaned over and took his mouth into hers.
---
Several hours later, she lay there gazing down at him as he slept. He'd seen him before while on duty and wondered again at the idea that people's true faces came out while sleeping. The strong, duty-bound exterior had given way to an innocent calmness and she felt slightly guilty that she'd contributed to his current state of exhaustion. She leaned over again to leave the doll on his bedside table when her eyes caught the display on the clock. A Battlestar never slept, but she knew the shift would be starting soon, and she really didn't want to bump into anyone – let alone Billy – and explain what she was doing at such an early hour. Though they had come to an understanding, Laura wasn't quite ready to advertise her relationship to Lee with the rest of the ship. Having the President of the 12 Colonies come out of the Commander Air Group's cabin at this hour would raise more than a few eyebrows, especially if the pilots saw her.
She sighed. Lee was looking so peaceful that she didn't want to wake him from whatever rest he really needed. But, she had promised to wake him when she needed to leave, even if she wasn't freaked out, and Laura was a woman of her word.
"Lee?" she said quietly while gently shaking his shoulder. He groaned slightly but after a little more prodding, woke up and groggily frowned up at her. "I really should go," she said simply as her eyes, in the dim light of the bedside lamp, pointedly looked over to the clock and then in the direction of the other pilots' quarters. Lee was nothing if he didn't understand nonverbal cues, so it wasn't a surprise as he sighed and raised one eyebrow a little. He understood.
She got out of bed and tried to get dressed as quickly as possible. But in the dim light, she had to double-check whose clothes were whose. Once done, she looked over at the bed to say goodbye, and almost giggled when she saw that Lee had fallen right back to sleep. Just like a guy, she thought with a grin.
She quietly went to the hatch, turned the handle slowly, opened it and stepped out…
…and nearly had her head knocked by a very surprised Kara Thrace. Both women gasped and took a step back.
---
Kara Thrace had trouble sleeping that night. She'd been in the port hanger bay checking up on her plane with Specialist Cally when the fuel leak in that Viper went up. Klaxons and yelling immediately surrounded her, and she'd scrambled out of the way as emergency crews began throwing on fire retardant suits and grabbing hoses. Cally ran to a brightly colored locker and immediately began putting on her own suit, but had some troubles with a catch here and there. Kara saw her in trouble and immediately helped her with it. Though she was not a member of the ground crew, she'd been involved in enough training exercises to at least help Cally put on the suit, since every second counted, especially when it came to a fire. Giving Kara a grateful look, Cally grabbed a fire extinguisher and ran into the chaos. Kara wondered if there was anything else that she could've done…then she shuddered when she heard the sound of screaming coming from the burning Viper. It's one thing to be shot down in a dogfight, but to be cooked alive in your own bird?
Eventually, the fire was put down, but now the smell of charred plastic and scorched metal filled the air. From a distance, she could see the medical team rushing in and helping the pilot, who'd already been pulled from his cockpit. Several members of the fire team were also on stretchers and Kara prayed that Cally wasn't one of them. She looked over and relief flooded her as she noticed the girl walking with several other members of the fire team looking for any signs of possible re-ignition. There wasn't anything else she could do, so she headed back to the pilot's quarters. Sleep, however, proved elusive as the sound of the screaming pilot kept ringing in her mind. Although it was earlier than usual, she quickly got out of her bunk and dressed in her running shorts, tank top, and sneakers. She made sure that her small silver mp3 player was on her favorite playlist, earphones were on and she did what she normally did when stressed: she ran to ease the demons away from her mind.
She actually accomplished a single circuit around the ship when she wondered if Lee might be going through the same thing. She did notice him with the Commander and Chief Tyrol checking out the burnt wreak of the Viper and she knew how difficult it was for him to be CAG. Granted, she found out that no one died, but still, these were his pilots. Besides that, something else was bothering him; she could tell that much since she knew Lee was a terrible liar. She had her suspicions, but it wasn't like they were to be confirmed anytime soon.
As she finished her first circuit around the ship, she angled towards Lee's room, thinking maybe he'd like to do a little exercise as well; she had more than a few laps left in her. She stopped just short of the hatch to the pilot's quarters, paused to catch her breath and ten went straight in to knock on Lee's room.
However, the hatch opened on its own, and Kara thought it funny that Lee's head was about to get knocked, but gasped when the President of the 12 Colonies came out instead. She stopped the gesture and stepped back, staring at the other woman.
Neither said anything to the other, but both were flushed for obviously different reasons. Laura was the first to recover.
"Lieutenant Thrace ," she said.
"Madam President," Kara returned evenly, though she couldn't help to glance over the other's shoulder at the open room. Although dark, enough light from the corridor allowed her to see Lee sleeping peacefully in his bed. Her eyes flickered back to the President and noticed her flushing a darker shade of crimson now.
Wow, maybe I should have bribed Lee with that extra strawberry!
Laura had the good grace to look back and slowly close the door to Lee's room. She then glanced back at the blonde Viper pilot and sighed.
"This might not be the best –" but she was forestalled by a raised hand.
"Madam President…"
"Please, call me Laura."
"Laura," repeated Kara. "Would you…like to go for a walk?"
Laura looked away for a moment. She'd wanted to put off explaining this for at least a little while, but Kara Thrace seemed more curious about the situation. Not to mention…amused?
"I'd like that," Laura said and followed the Lieutenant out into the main corridor. They walked silently side by side for a while, Kara taking the lead. The minutes stretched for a while, and Kara kept glancing at Laura, who smiled but offered nothing. She couldn't stand long silences, so Kara opened up the conversation in her typical fashion:
"So…um…you and Lee, huh?" she said quickly.
Laura put a hand to her mouth to try and stifle a chuckle. She'd heard about Kara Thrace's 'issues' when it came to tact. Her assistant, Billy, was nothing if he didn't know the pulse of the Galactica. While in most cases others might find it annoying, Laura found it oddly refreshing, especially in light of what Kara had just seen.
"Yes…yes, we are, Lieutenant," she said and glanced over for any reaction. Kara simply gave a tight-lipped smile and nodded.
"Good, I'm glad…and please, call me Kara."
"Are you, glad that is?" Laura murmured, tilting her head. Kara looked back at her, a little surprised.
"Laura, I'm not jealous, if that's what you mean."
Laura had to cough a little in embarrassment. "I didn't mean to make it sound like that. Lee…he told me about you and his brother…I'm very sorry." Kara looked away for a moment, and then nodded back at Laura, who said, "He told me because I had heard rumors about…you and him."
Kara started to chuckle at that. "Laura, if you'd heard half the stories I hear, I'm sleeping with a good portion of the ground crew, half the Command Staff and…oh, yeah, I'm gay!" she said with a roll of her eyes. "Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course," she amended.
"Of course," Laura repeated in mock solemnity. Both looked at each other and started to laugh.
"Seriously, though," Kara said, sobering up a little, "I don't think I could be anything more that what I am to Lee now."
"Why not?" Laura asked, now curious.
Kara sighed deeply and chewed her lip before answering. "Lee…is a brother to me, Laura. Maybe not in blood, but most definitely in spirit, and I sometimes wonder which one is the stronger bond. When Zac – Lee's bother – died in that accident…Lee was the one who saved me. He held me when I cried…carried me back home when he found me drunk…it took me a long time to get back on my feet. But he was always there for me…and I think he needs someone who'll always be there for him."
Laura frowned a little, shaking her head. "I highly doubt you weren't there when Lee needed…"
Kara interrupted her. "I was there as a friend, Laura…but you can be there as a companion." She looked up and out at some point far past the Galactica's hull, way out into space. "Lee and I…we love to fly, Laura. It's one of the few things he and I are absolutely in tune about. But, every time we take off there's always a chance that one or both of us won't make it back. If we were involved and something happened to one of us…how long do you think the other would last?" Kara looked Roslin right in the eye. "Lee needs someone who's grounded – who can ground him – right here." Her sneaker kicked at the hull plating. "I can't do that…and still fly a Viper."
Laura mulled that over. She did want to be with Lee, wanted to be there for him as well…she just didn't know how long she had.
Kara caught the look in her eye. "What's wrong?"
Laura shrugged, opting for a partial truth. "I know I shouldn't say this, being the President and all…but I have to wonder how much time we all really have."
"Laura, all we can do is what we can with the time we have left. If you have a chance at happiness…who has the right to deny you that?"
Laura stopped suddenly at those words and stared at Kara. She'd heard the same thing from Naomi and wryly wondered if maybe she really should start taking that advice.
Kara said, "Can I tell you something, something I haven't seen a long time?" Laura nodded. "When Lee found out about the arrangements that could be made to help those people on The Amazon, he couldn't wait to tell you because he knew it meant so much to you. And at that moment, when he mentioned you…I — I saw something in his eyes that I hadn't seen since…well for a long time: happiness. He was happy that he could help you – happy that he could bring good news to you…he was just happy to just see you. I almost didn't recognize it…and it means a lot to me that you can bring that out in him."
Laura smiled and looked away, feeling her face grow very warm. She had to take a deep breath before she looked back. "You truly are wise for your years, Kara Thrace," she said quietly.
Kara's eyes widened and she threw looks from one end of the corridor to the other. "Not so loud! You'll ruin my rep!" she said with a smile. Laura smiled back and then sighed at a thought.
"It's a bit of a shame, though."
"What is?"
"It's just that…why couldn't I have met Lee 20 years ago?"
"I doubt Lee could have dated you at the age of eight."
Laura's eyes widened and her head snapped to Kara, whose lips were twitching as she miserably tried to keep a straight face. Finally she burst and laughed hysterically and was joined by an equally hysterical Laura, who started clutching her side. Their laughter echoed through the halls, but they didn't care. For Laura, the laughter gave her a warmth that no amount of ambrosia ever could. She lost herself in the hilarity of the moment since it'd been so long since she had a really good laugh, especially with everything they all went through.
Amazingly, no one showed up and both women were reduced to giggling. Finally, breathing hard, Laura saw her cabin come up. She looked over and placed her hand on Kara's shoulder.
"Thank you, Kara. You don't know how long it's been since I've laughed like that."
"Then my work here is done," Kara said with a wink. She turned to head back down the corridor and then stopped. She pursed her lips and then regarded Laura thoughtfully.
"Laura…why don't we make a deal?"
Laura cocked her head. "I'm listening."
"For as long as I can, I'll keep Lee safe up there," her eyes looked up, "and you keep him safe down here," she kicked the deck plating with her sneaker again, "for as long as you can." She thrust out her hand. "Deal?"
Laura looked at the outstretched hand. She had few friends on this vessel, and although the ones that she had were special (like Naomi), she wouldn't mind having another woman to talk to, especially one who knew Lee as well as she did. Who was she to discount someone as fiercely loyal a friend as Kara Thrace? She grabbed the hand and shook it.
"Deal."
Kara pulled Laura into a tight hug. "I really am happy for both of you…and I really hope it lasts."
"Thank you," was all Laura could say, trying to blink back tears, and returning the embrace just as fiercely. Kara smiled at her and then left. She ran down the corridor, rounded a corner and disappeared
Laura looked from where Kara had just been standing to her hand. Two treaties in one day…that has to be a record in any administration.
She opened the door to her room and paused at the doorway. The darkness was still in there, patiently waiting for her. It had been there when she first found out she had cancer, and had tormented her every time she tried to sleep. Then she thought of some of the people who cared about her: Naomi, Kara…Lee, and she straightened a little. The darkness would always be there, but this time it would have to wait a little longer since she would not give it anymore of her fear.
She went inside and closed the door behind her.
-FIN-