Tobias didn't answer. He was sulking. A world-class sulker, my son was. "Toby, I have cookies." I said, waving a chocolate chip cookie in his face, his favorite.
He didn't respond.
I sat down on the front porch steps with him. "Toby, I'm sorry I yelled at you."
He crossed his arms and turned away.
I smiled. I couldn't help it. Toby was so cute when he tried to sulk. He acted so much like his father when he was mad.
"It's not funny!" he said, seeing that I was holding back laughter.
I bit down on my lips, still grinning, and started tickling him.
"Hey! Mommy!" he protested, but giggled in the sweet, innocent way of four-year olds.
"Can I have the cookie?" he asked eagerly when he stopped giggling.
"If you come inside and wash your hands." I said.
Toby jumped up and ran inside the house. I followed, slower, and wondered what I had done to get such a perfect son. The rest of my life might be in ruins: my husband dead, my parents hating me for marrying him in the first place, and my endless job. But there was always Tobias....
My brother was offering to adopt Toby, for a temporary basis. Just until I "got enough money to take care of him properly."
Very politely, I told him that his offer was unnessisary and that Toby and I were very happy on our own. And we were. No one could say anything different.
But there was something... something missing. Something that strange man had said in the hospital.
Right after Toby was born, while no one was around, a man had walked up to me. A perfectly ordinary person, the kind you pass on the street without a second thought. But there was something about his eyes that made me consider his words more carefully than anything else I had ever heard.
"Your son is the one person that depends on everything, yet the world depends on him. Keep him safe. What you cannot do, I will."
Then he had left. Or had he disappeared? I never really knew. I just looked at the baby boy in my arms and said to myself, "Nothing bad will ever happen to us."
Foolish thought, I realized now. Bad things happen he everyone. But if Toby always stayed the same: cheerful, accepting, and innocent, then we could get through everything safely.
Although no one can stay innocent forever. He had to grow up sometime. But I hoped that he would never lose that innocent quality that made everyone love him on sight...
"Mommy! I washed my hands, cookie now?"
I stepped faster into the kitchen. "Let me see your hands." I said.
Toby held out his hands, which were clean, at least for a four-year old. Oh well. God made dirt, so dirt can't hurt. I took a cookie from the cookie jar when the phone rang.
"Cookie?" Toby asked.
I handed it to him and he grinned and started eating it. I picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"Loren? It's Tony. Don't hang up! I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for assuming that you couldn't take care of your son."
"Who made you change your mind?" I asked my brother. Toby was quickly eating his cookie, and if I knew him, he would want to play as soon as he was done. I put another cookie on the table in front of him and went into my bedroom.
"Allison told me that I was out of line to tell you how to raise your child--"
"Considering you don't have any of your own so you don't even know what it's like. Allie's right."
"Loren, don't get mad--"
"Look, Tony, you're telling me that you can raise a child. And I'm saying you're wrong. Don't say anything, I know it's the truth. You think you're more qualified to raise Tobias, still, don't you? You're just appologising because you don't want to get a divorce until you want to. And I'm saying that you and Allison would be completely unable to--"
"Loren, you're yelling again."
"I don't care if I'm yelling! I have a right to take care of my own son and do what's best for him!"
"What is what you want isn't what's best?" he asked, coldly logical.
"I know it is." I said, and hung up.
Toby tugged on my arm. His face was smeared with chocolate. "Why angry, mommy?"
"I'm not angry."
"Are too." he said, looked up seriously. "You know best, mommy."
I hugged him tightly. "I hope I do, Toby."
I don't know best. How could I know best?
* * *
Toby was playing in the sandbox at the park with his dump truck. "Vroom. Vroom, vroom!" he said brightly, running the truck across the sand. I was sitting on the bench, thinking about what Toby has said.
"You know best, mommy."
Did I really know best?
"Keep him safe." the man had said. Was this the best way to keep him safe? Of course it was. I loved him, and nothing could change that. Living with Tony and Allie would only be harmful. He would have to listen to them fight and argue... Why would I let that happen to my son?
"Tommy, don't steal his truck!" another mother reprimanded.
Toby looked innocently at the larger boy who had taken his truck. "That's okay." he said clearly. "You can have my truck, Tommy. Can I play with your car?"
"Sure!" Tommy said, giving him the red car that he had been playing with.
The mother looked at me. I smiled. "Hi. I'm Loren." I said.
"I'm Jane. What a nice boy you have."
"His name's Toby. He's Tommy?"
She didn't answer the question. "You're taking good care of your boy. You love him very much. You might not be able to keep him forever, but it will be fine. What you cannot do, I will do."
I gasped and looked at Toby. He was playing with the little red car. But Tommy wasn't there anymore.
I looked back up, and Jane was gone as well.
Toby looked at me innocently. "Tommy didn't get his car back."
"Let's go home." I said, taking his hand.
"Wait, I gotta get Tommy's car!"
"Let's go, Toby." I said firmly, and picked him up, carrying him all the way home.
I hugged him to me. I would keep him forever. He was my son, the son of Elfangor....
What? How did that thought get in my mind? Toby's father had been named Jeff. Jeff Thompson. I hugged Toby tighter.
I put Toby down in his room. "Time for a nap, Toby."
Toby gave me his best puppy look, but I wasn't about to change my mind. "Mommy needs a nap, too." I did. I was exhausted.
"Okay, mommy." he said.
I love Toby so much...
I lay down on my bed and cried into my pillow. I might not be able to keep him forever? What was this? Some cruel joke I would never understand? People with eyes that made me trust what they said and told me that they would take care of Toby if I couldn't? Why? What was this accomplishing besides scaring me? Who was the man who had spoken to me at the hospital? From what he said, I knew that this was important. Why would it be important, though? Just one small child... one baby boy. My baby.
I didn't think I had fallen asleep. Maybe I didn't. But I was standing before the man again.
"Who...?"
"That is not the most important question, Loren. I think that 'why' is what you would prefer to ask."
"Why what?"
"I will explain." The man disappeared, and I was floating in space... only I wasn't floating there. I was inside-out, flipped around; I could see my own eyes widen in surprise.
YOUR SON, TOBIAS, IS THE ONE WHO HAS CONTROLS EVERYTHING.
I wanted to speak, but I didn't.
HE DOES NOT USE THIS POWER. HE IS NOT AWARE OF IT, NOR EVER WILL. PEOPLE AROUND HIM WILL CONTROL HIS FUTURE, BUT IN THE END, IT IS HE WHO WILL CONTROL THEM.
This didn't sound like my Toby. He was just a child. A child, I wanted to yell at this mysterious man... person... being who was doing this.
TOBIAS IS EVERYTHING. YOU CAN NO LONGER KEEP HIM SAFE. WHAT YOU CANNOT DO, I WILL.
I can't do what? I can't keep my own son safe? I can't....
I jumped a mile in the air. I was in bed, with my face still burried in the pillow.
"What's wrong, mommy?"
"Nothing." I said, hugging him tightly, choking on more tears. "Nothing's wrong, Toby. Do you want to go on a trip?"
"Yeah!"
"Let's go to see uncle Tony and aunt Allison. Bring some clothes because you might stay a while."
"Can I bring my new car?"
He has already forgotten how he had gotten it, from a mysterious boy who had probably disappeared before his eyes. "You can bring your new car, Toby." I whispered.
* * *
"I'm glad you came to your senses, Lory."
"Don't bother with that, Tony, I don't care."
"See, you don't make a good mother."
I gripped the phone so tightly I was sure it would break. "I am doing this because I am I good mother. I will come back and get him. Make sure he knows that."
"When will you come back?"
"I don't know."
I could tell he was holding back another "See?"
"Something has to happen... I can't explain it, Tony. I'll leave him a letter. If I don't get back in a few years..."
"A few years?"
"That's doubtful to happen, Tony. I'm hoping that he'll only stay for a few weeks, maybe months. When you think he's only enough, I want you to give him this letter for me. If you read it, God help me, I'll--"
"I get the picture, Loren. We're ready for Toby to come live with us for any amount of time. Bring him over."
"You come pick him up."
"Why?"
"I'm not going to be here when you get here. He'll be waiting for you in the living room with the letter. And don't you dare think of reading--"
"I know, I know, Loren."
"Good." I could tell I was shaking. "And don't fight in front of him, you and Allie, please?"
"That's not going to be a problem. We're getting divorced in three weeks."
I nearly dropped the phone. "And you think you can take care of a child?"
"You're giving him to us, I'm not pressing you anymore."
I was shaking, partially in rage. Why was I following instructions that weren't even real instructions, just messages from some... something. Why was I doing this? Why was I doing something that would probably make Toby miserable?
Some memory told me it was the right thing to do. My husband told me... no, not the man I could remember, but someone else, a long, long time ago. I just couldn't remember. Besides, I would be back. Maybe in a few days. Like I said, at most a few months. That's all. Just until I could get everything sorted out.
I hung up while Tony was in mid-sentance.
I wrote a letter. I put everything I could think of, anything to justify what I was doing. And words just appeared on the paper, I wasn't even sure if I was writing them. I didn't understand what I was writing, some of it seemed like nonsense, and I was afraid that Toby wouldn't understand it. I didn't even understand it. At the end, though, I put one thing no one would be unable to understand.
I love you, Toby.
But it was all for nothing. He'd never read it. No one would have to read it. I'd be back for him in a few days.
Right. A few days. That's all.
* * *
"Uncle Tony? Mommy said to wait for you. And give you this." The boy with wide, trusting eyes turned to him and handed him a sealed envelope. Tony mumbled something and took it.
"Why don't you get your things and help me put them in the car?"
"Mommy said I was staying with you for a few days. So I brought my sheepy."
Tony blinked, then realized Toby was talking about a fuzzy blanket. "That's good, Toby." he said.
"This's going to be fun! I never went anywhere without mommy before."
"Where is your mother, Tobias?"
Toby shrugged and gestured vaguely. "She left. A few minutes ago."
Tony shrugged and put the letter in his pocket and picked up the little bag with Toby's things in it.
Tony opened the letter and started reading. Toby was probably asleep. If not... oh well, Allison could handle it. He had no patience for non-stop chattering from the cheerful boy.
Halfway through, he practically choked. Elfangor... aliens... Yeerks... Elimist. This was crazy. One hell of a way to say goodbye.
Loren wasn't stable. That was one way of putting it. Loren was loony tunes, crazy, nuts, insane, completely wacko.
...I'm sorry I have to leave you, but the Elimist said that he would protect you. He will keep that promise, I know. I don't know how I know, but I trust this being. Elfangor didn't trust him as much as I did, but he respected him. And feared him. You have nothing to fear. Your father had never met him when he told me about him. The Elimist vowed to protect you, in his way. The first time, when I was holding you for the first time, he told me, "Your son is the one person that depends on everything, yet the world depends on him. Keep him safe. What you cannot do, I will." Now he told me that I can't keep you safe any longer. This is why I am doing this. I'm sorry, Toby, I would never do this if I didn't think it was the best thing to do. I love you, Toby.
Tony was thinking it through. He could give it to Toby when Loren said to, but he would realize it was open and that he had read it. And besides, what sort of comfort would it be to know that your mother was insane?
He threw the letter into the fireplace and watched it turn black and flames crawl across it. Toby wouldn't have to read it. He was only protecting Toby.
* * *
Years later...
Ashley drummed her fingers on the table. She was waiting for her friend, Sara, to get there.
Everything was fine. Nothing was wrong.
But the question gnawed at the back of her mind.
What happened to the boy? What happened?...
She firmly pushed the thought away. The doctors said that she had an extremely rare case of perminate amnesia. Memory just wiped away. No one had filed missing person reports, and she was otherwise fine. Just half-memories of a boy... some boy. She had been very worried about a boy in the memories.
That had been a long time ago. At least ten years. Longer.
"Ashley, someone told me to give this to you." Sara said, sitting down across from her.
"Who?" she asked, frowning. It was a sealed, blank envelope. It reminded her of something.
She shoved that thought out of her head.
"I don't know. Some man."
"Anything about him?"
"No, pretty ordinary. Just said to give it to you. There was something... his eyes."
"What about them?"
"I don't know. He had... strange eyes."
Ashley shrugged. "I don't know what that's about." she said, opening it. She took out a piece of paper and unfolded it.
Loren- The boy is safe, as I promised you. Evil has come close to him, but it has not touched him but once, he fought it bravely, worthy of his father. And he is safe. In the end, that is all that mattered. A long, huge, private war is over. Your son was a warrior of the light, and won, as light will win again. Let us hope that light always wins, Loren.
"Who was it from?" Sara asked.
Ashley almost handed the letter to her, but coolly said, "He didn't sign his name." She tucked it in her pocket.
This is important. The boy is safe. That is all I wanted. The boy is safe, Ashely thought.
"Are you okay? You look really pale. What did it say?"
My son? she asked, realizing that part. The boy is my son. And he is safe.
"I'm fine." she whispered. The she stood up. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"But wait, I just got here... Ashley! Wait!"
* * *
Tobias, human once more, embraced Rachel. "We won."
"We did it." she whispered, crying and laughing at the same time. "We won... we won..."