Hey again everyone…you're probably wondering what is with the sudden spate of updates coming from me (and yet not the one everyone really wants, Job Interview) but in fact these are things I have written and are simply sitting on my harddrive.

I'm in a fatalistic mood at the minute with my fanfics…as in I'm just throwing them out there in the hope they will get some feedback, good or bad.

To be honest, re-reading any of my stories is usually torture for me as I see so many mistakes and things that could be phrased better, etc…and my hard drive is due a clean up so this is the last outing for many stories ( as well as their first in most part, lol)

So what I'm doing is getting a second opinion…I've been writing for years in hundreds of notebooks I always carry with me, etc and very few people have ever seen them but constructive feedback or even a kick back to reality is often what is needed to give an author some true perspective on their work

K, I really am waffling now, lol

I guess what set me off was seeing how many hits my Fruits Basket story got and yet not seeing many reviews appearing…got me wondering if it was really bad…I almost deleted it about four times yesterday…lol, I'm a paranoid creature

Okay, babbling over…just suffering nervous breakdown after final exams! lol

This fic is a fairly serious look I took at how the Gundam Pilots would manage after the war and ties in with another fic that I wrote a long time ago and am currently editing

Please read, enjoy and review if you feel like it – I appreciate all feedback!

Heero slipped into the cockpit with the ease of a lifetime's practice and waited for the familiar rush of adrenaline as the suit came to life beneath him. Nothing happened. A slight frown creasing his forehead, he quickly entered commands with a number of buttons around him. Still no response. In a fit of unexpected frustration he slammed his fists on the control panel.

"Why won't it work?"

When his fighting partner remained silent, Heero let out a wordless scream that seemed to have been building from years of pain, betrayal and anger.

When he needed his Gundam the most it deserted him, just like everyone else. The fury bubbled up inside him, drowning out the pain.

"Why?" he yelled once more, almost without hope for an answer. The silence flooded around him, pressing on him like a dead weight. His voice dropped to a whisper, "Why?"

"It's dead, Heero. Can't you see?"

The voice came from behind him, but he knew there would be nothing there even before he looked.

"It's gone, Heero. It's over"

"No!" he argued, the uncharacteristic anger still churning in his stomach.

"Yes!" answered the voice; with the calm certainty of knowing there could be no doubt in the matter.

"It can't…" Heero began.

"It can!" The voice interrupted, seeming to know where his train of thought was heading, and determined to stop it.

A sudden urgency seemed to pervade the very air as the voice continued.

"You've got to let it go, Heero. It's dead and gone. You're alive and you can't let yourself die with it. Let it go…please, just let it go"

Heero imagined the voice was growing more distant and the cockpit faded around him as though he were drifting off to sleep. The vision disintegrated into a million shards of black and white.

A second later he opened his eyes to reality. Fifty-four minutes later he was walking through the front doors of the Preventer offices. His normal route was up 7 flights of stairs, but they were being cleaned so he would have to settle for the lift or risk slipping and making a fool of himself while scaling them.

As he entered the lift, a familiar voice yelled from behind him.

"Hold the door!"

Heero stuck his foot in the aperture just in time for Duo Maxwell to skid into the elevator.

"Hey Buddy!"

Heero nodded a reply, but couldn't help staring at his friend.

Duo seemed unaware of his scrutiny, stifling a yawn while he made up his tie. Duo's prize possession and crowning glory, his hair, was messy and unbrushed and his eyes were badly bloodshot. The bags under his eyes were as pronounced as smudged bruises caused by unexpected blows.

In short, he looked like hell.

Heero couldn't help himself

"What happened?"

"Do I look like something happened?"

Duo countered quickly.

For someone who acted so open, he was jealously secretive about the things that really mattered. People got so caught up with the grin and the inane chatter that they didn't realise that Duo hadn't actually answered their question at all.

Relena had often joked that Duo would make a good politician because he was so good at concealing his emotions.

Heero considered saying more, but eventually decided on the characteristic one-word reply

"Yes"

Duo didn't bother teasing his friend about his verbal constipation (that being his current favourite phrase) so Heero knew something was definitely up.

Duo sighed, seeming to have come to some sort of decision.

"Well if I don't tell you, you'd probably find out anyway…Hilde and I had a bit of a bust-up at the weekend"

Heero couldn't hide his surprise. Hilde and Duo always seemed like the perfect couple; they complimented each other so well. Whether they were simply friends or something more was a question left unanswered. Outsiders were never quite sure just what their relationship actually was and Duo, as usual, didn't enlighten them.

"What about?"

Heero was intrigued, despite himself.

Duo shook his head, not seeming to know where to begin.

"I guess…I guess it's really because I can't let it go"

Heero's interest sharpened, "Can't let what go?"

It seemed strangely important to him that Duo's choice of words were so similar to those from his dream the night before.

Duo sighed and glanced quickly at his friend before looking away.

"The Gundam"

There it was.

In two words the unspoken agreement they had held to since the end of the Eve wars had been broken.

So many memories and so much suffering; encased in two words. Heero braced himself as a wave of half-forgotten emotions washed over him. It was hard enough facing his nightmares every night, but hearing someone else speak of them so casually opened an old wound he had thought healed.

He closed his eyes so Duo wouldn't see the raw pain in them, but he needn't have bothered as his friend had fixed his eyes firmly on Heero's left shoe.

Duo continued quickly, not giving Heero a chance to reply.

"Well, you know we work with the Sweepers in salvage…and there's any amount of mobile suit parts drifting around up there from the wars. I even found some Gundanium on an abandoned resource satellite"

He paused, took a deep breath and launched in once more. It was obvious that the Gundam had been preying on his mind for some time now.

"And when I had them all in the yard it was like a jigsaw…I could see pieces that would fit together to make a suit. So I just started tinkering…and it was like therapy or something. All I could think about was that I'd have my buddy back again and then I could fix everything like when I first came to Earth…and…and then Hilde found it on Saturday"

Heero kept silent, knowing anything he said would be inadequate but his mind was racing.

Duo had been building a Gundam!

Heero felt an unfamiliar ache in his gut…with a Gundam they could fix everything.

All these rebel groups, all these pretentious politicians convinced that they were the only ones who knew how to reform the new world, all the kidnappings and terrorist attacks from political minorities who wanted to be heard…everything could be fixed in no time.

A cold chill spread across his skin, just like when he prepared himself to pilot during the war. It was all so simple…he stopped his thoughts knowing that they could only lead to trouble.

The world was at peace now, fractured though that peace may be. And a world with a Gundam in it would never truly be at peace. Just like he had once believed a world with Gundam pilots in it could never find peace.

Another chill spread through him as he realized the implications of what Duo had told him.

What if the media got hold of it? He could already see the headlines: "Preventers secretly building weapons of mass destruction"; "Gundam pilots prepare to take over the world by force" and so on.

It would be a diplomatic disaster.

And Relena was already worn to a ghost of her former self with the strain of trying to hold the peace together single-handedly…

Heero tuned back in to what Duo was saying.

"Did I ever tell you why Hilde joined the army in the first place? Her parents and her younger brother were killed in the crossfire of a mobile suit battle inside the colony. She joined to stop anyone else getting killed needlessly…and she was so upset when she found my suit. It's already been hard for her to accept just how many people have died at my hands"

Duo broke off, looking at his hands with an expression of intense hatred. His eyes were so full of conflicting emotions that Heero found it hard to meet his gaze.

Duo held Heero's eyes with his own, daring him to listen and face the fact that they could never leave their pasts behind. No matter what they did or who they became, the Gundams would always cast an indelible shadowover their lives.

"She asked me if it's impossible for me to live without fighting…and I'm starting to think that maybe she's right. Maybe I can't live without war and death. After all, that's all I've known my entire life…I am the bringer of death…and now…now I don't know who I am or what to do"

He let his chin fall to his chest, fists trembling at his sides in an unusual show of emotion. Heero's mind was working at lightning speed.

The warning light flashed on the elevator telling them they were almost at their destination. Heero spoke quickly, his voice urgent.

"I might be able to help you, but we can't do anything until after work. You have to get through today without anyone suspecting anything.

Go straight to the bathroom and fix yourself up before anyone sees you… I trust your mask can stand another day's wear so I'll cover for you with Lady Une"

Heero took a deep breath after his spiel and looked at Duo, hardly hoping the other ex-pilot would take his advice. It would be a rare day for any one of the five to ask for help in anything.

Duo grinned, a watery gleam in his eyes betraying unshed tears. But to someone who didn't know him the tears would be invisible. True to his mask, you barely noticed the pain in his gaze when your attention was taken up by his smile.

"Wow! That must have been your word allowance for the week"

Duo attempted a light tone with a weak joke.

"I guess you have verbal diarrhoea now instead of verbal constipation!"

The doors snapped open and Duo had disappeared down the corridor before Heero could think of a good comeback.

Okay everyone, this fic may or may not continue…it kind of ties a lot of loose ends together from other fics I have set after the series and OAV.

It does deal with couples and their relationships, mainly Heero and Relena, Duo and Hilde and Zechs and Noin with others being hinted at, but the main focus is on the other bonds that exist between the characters (not just love but friendship, etc) and how such different personalities work together.

Please let me know what you think…however continuing this fic will take second priority to getting a few more chapters of Job Interview out so don't worry about it slowing me down any more(will hopefully update that a little faster now I have some more time on my hands…not much more but more nonetheless, lol)

Okay, I'm signing off…early hours of the morning here and sleep beckons, lol

See you all again soon!

Chrikaru