Console Wars

This is it. The war to end all wars.

I look over the battlefield. Once, children played here. Soccer, rugby, tip, bulrush...But those days are in the past. The playing field has become a battleground. The children have grown up. They have picked their allegiance. Now all that is left is the battle before them.

I watch as some boys engage in close quarters combat, debating the finer points of handheld systems. One squad holds gameboys in their hands, pinned down by a fire team of game gear wielders. Despite the former's longer battery life, the superior graphics of the latter manage to keep Nintendo's product at bay. While Mario jumps on goombas, Sonic jumps on badniks. Surely, one side has to give...

In the end, it does.

In a flash, the batteries of the game gears give out. Such graphic quality comes at a price, namely batteries that only last a few hours. With a roar, the Nintendo fanboys surge forward, Mario running alongside them. Nothing can stop them now. Not Sega, not game gears, not even supersonic hedgehogs. No, all that can stop them now is their gameboys falling out of their hands, given their brick-like design. Sega has been saved by Nintendo's blunder and both sides return to lick their wounds.

I continue to watch from the jungle gym as the loyal armies of Sega and Nintendo continue to battle it out. Nintendo Entertainment Systems surge forward, controllers ready to strike down any who get in their way. Meanwhile, a wall of Sega Master Systems stands ready, joysticks directing their 8bit pixels towards the enemy. More weapons. More destruction. The console wars couldn't possibly get any worse...right?

Argh! Super Nintendo Entertainment Systems! Sega Megadrives! (or Sega Genesis. Some plan to spread misinformation among Nintendo no doubt). 16bit graphics. Oh, such is the innovation of man, to continue to develop ever more efficient weapons, adding fuel to the fires of conflict. Battlelines are drawn, trenches are dug and no quarter is asked or given. Well, no quarters except for arcade machines perhaps. These are the days where they can be found in places other than Japan after all.

And so the Console Wars drag on. On land, on sea, even in the sky. Mario flying his diminutive bi-plane, Tails flying his with Sonic onboard...Initially they are for reconnaissance, but as the battle intensifies below, goombas going head-to-head with motobugs and as Robotnik doges Bowser's flames, the commanders know they have to play their part. Red and blue, man and Mobian...the two go head to head...

And then it stops. The bell is ringing. Recess is over and by extension, the Console Wars. For now, against their wishes, the children have to come into classes. You know, return to the real world. A world where their differences can be put aside as they discuss how the two nations of Sega and Nintendo can co-exist. A simple task, no?

It isn't.

English, Maths, Art...such petty subjects are cast aside for the sake of diplomacy. The diplomats have to be subtle here, tearing pieces of paper from their notebooks and passing them under desks, hoping the teachers don't interfere. War mongers, the lot of them, what with their confiscation of entertainment systems and notes to parents about obsessive behaviour. What would they know about the war? Don't they see how important it is?

As 1 and 1 go together to make 3, the debate continues. You sux, noob! and I'll pwn you, lolz! are but two examples of the writing passed back and forth. Insults to be sure, but no doubt ones that will bring us closer to peace. Or lunch, to be specific. You know, when we can lie in the sun and play our games in harmony...

But it doesn't happen. The peace process fails. Lunch begins...

...and the Console Wars begin again.

A/N

By way of sources, I got the term "console wars" from the profile of fellow author Frozen Nitrogen (any STH fans would do well to check out his work), though memories of the first three years of primary school also played a part. Ah, those were the days...