Title: The Corner Facing West
Author: WildCherry45 (Janet)
Author's Email: tangledwebawardsyahoo.com
Notes: AU; Inspired by John Updike's 'Ex-Basketball Player'. It's a very realisitic and insightful poem. I highly recommend it.
Spoilers: None specifically. Some vague references to Season 1.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. WB & Company own all.
--
Pearl Avenue runs past the high-school lot,Bends with the trolley tracks, and stops, cut off
Before it has a chance to go two blocks.
--
He didn't make it.
The mere fact that Nathan Scott did not make it into the major leagues still stunned anyone who heard the story. After all, Nathan Scott was the boy who had such high dreams. Dreams to prove his father wrong, dreams that would make his mother proud... dreams in which he was finally his own person.
Dreams that never came true.
It wasn't supposed to happen that way. Back in high school, he was the best player, only rivaled by Lucas Scott, his brother but then Lucas moved. Didn't come back ever again, at least, not permanently.
The title of MVP was secured. It was Nathan's. And, Nathan was supposed to make it. He was supposed to go to college, play in the college basketball team and then get drafted into the NBA.
It didn't happen.
He completed the first part of his play to success. He did play on the college basketball team. But, there, he was no longer the best. No longer the MVP. No longer Nathan Scott, the basketball player that they all envied and wanted to be.
He was just.. another player on the team. Nothing special. Occasionally helped score points but did nothing substantial or unique.
He had faded off into the background.
And, when he returned to Tree Hill, without the news that he had been drafted into the NBA, the town fell silent; wavering, unsure of what to do next. Everyone had been so sure and the celebratory cakes and congratulations had already been prepared.
No one was ready for failure and rejection.
No one, especially, Nathan was ready for the downfall.
He had given up his entire life for basketball, since the beginning. And, on March 22, 2006, he had given up his wife. It was all a blur to him now.
The past.
Sometimes he sits at the counter of Karen's Cafe, sipping his coffee, staring off at the opposite wall, trying his best to piece together what exactly happened and what had gone wrong between them. Why there was a fight. Why there was a divorce. Why she left.
She was supposed to have gone along with him. But, she didn't. And, now, he barely remembers why. He barely remembers why he insisted upon it and when she offered him her whole being so he would stay with her, he rejected it... for basketball.
When he came back, without the news that he had been drafted, she was gone. When he stepped back into his old apartment that his mother had kept for him, she was not there. When he walked down the streets of Tree Hill for the first time since arriving back in town, he did not see her.
He did not see her again for another 5 years past that day. He did not see her until today, when she finally returned.
--
"Did you hear?"
Nathan simply nods, sipping his morning coffee, his eyes skimming over the newspaper in front of him as he pays little attention to what the waitress is saying.
"She's back."
"I know," he answers shortly before continuing to read.
"And, you don't care?"
"No, I don't," he says calmly as he finishes the last of his coffee. He makes a move to stand up and leave when the waitress hurriedly pours him another cup, coaxing him to stay. He sighs and shakes his head, "What do you want to ask?"
She pauses for a moment before opening her mouth, no longer able to contain her excitement, "Are you going to see her?"
"No."
"Why not?"
Sighing in frustration, he rolls his eyes, "Why do you care? You don't know her and you don't know me."
"But, your story, it's practically legendary here in Tree Hill. It's so," she sighs wistfully, "Romantic."
"Which is why it ended so tragically," Nathan says bitterly before shaking his head, "Forget I said that."
"Do you still love her?" The girl prods, her eyes eager.
"Look, Haley and I are not some fairy tale story for you little chippies to fantasize about. It wasn't some big romance because if it was, I wouldn't be here, sitting and talking to you."
She frowns for a moment before her smile returns, "This is your second chance. She's back and-"
Nathan shakes his head and gets off the chair. He drops a five dollar bill on the counter before walking out, not even listening the girl as she hurriedly finishes her sentence.
As he storms down the street, his mind and heart all in disarray, he tries his best to keep the girl's words from piercing through him. She was just some young and naive school girl, dreaming of a romance she could never have. She thought that he and Haley were the epitome of the romance.
After all, it did have a nice story-like ring to it.
A boy and a girl, opposites but young. They were enemies before, bounded together by terms that neither truly wanted to accept. But, they fell in love. And, they went against all odds. They had gotten married. And, they thought they had made it.
It was then the novel-like tone stopped. And collapsed.
That was the story that travelled around Tree Hill though. Nobody really knew what went on afterwards between Haley and Nathan. Everyone was afraid to ask. Nathan had become the mysterious guy who sat in the corner of the cafe that spoke to no one.
And, no one spoke to him.
--
He watches her from a distance now. She comes into the cafe at times but he stays in the back, trying to busy himself with some sort of work. He does not know why she's back and does not bother.. or rather, is afraid to ask anyone for an answer.
He doesn't know anything about her anymore except from what he sees. He sees that she still loves blueberry muffins as she always orders one when she comes in. She still takes her coffee with two creams and two sugars. And, her eyes always stare off at the wall, as if she's always thinking about something or other. And, when she loses herself in thought, she still bites her lower lip. She is still beautiful. When she cranes her neck to the side and the sunlight hits the crook of her skin in the right spot, her whole being lights up.. as if her skin was made of gold.
He does not know if she is here to stay or if she is simply visiting. He does not know if she knows he is still in Tree Hill or that he works in the very cafe she is sitting in currently. He does not know about her status, single or attached. He does not know much, if at all, anything.
And, it remains this way. She, out in the sunlit public of the cafe, drinking her coffee, eating her blueberry muffin in peace while he, in the darkness of the back of the cafe, leans against the wall and watches her silently. He is still mesmerized by her.
And, she still remains oblivious.
--
He sits in the quiet room of his apartment, solemn and still. He remains unmoving as his eyes stare at the paleness of his hands. Haley used to love his hands. She said they offered her a sense of protection. She felt safe.
His hands were still rough, the years that had passed had did their toll on them. His hands still remember the feeling of her touch, her skin, and the softness of her hair. His hands still remember the tremble in her cheek as they held her when he told her of his plans. His hands still remember the wetness of her hot tears as the slid into his palm. His hands still remember how she pushed them away from her, pushing him out of her life.
He takes a large gulp of the Jack Daniels in his hands and closes his eyes as the scorching liquid slides down his throat, poisoning his body and his heart. It soothes the pain for a moment before the coldness returns once again. He takes another gulp.
Same effect. And, he's still cold.
--
She's back again.
He watches as she sits down at the same chair she always does. She leans her elbows on the counter as her eyes travel around the cafe, looking for someone to help her. Something inside him urges him to move forward to talk to her.
But, he can't.
He shouldn't. He was safe where he was, in the darkness, not speaking. He wouldn't be facing what he had spent years trying to hide from. The failure. The guilt. The pity.
Loneliness and isolation had been his choice. He was planning to stick with it.
And, then she came back.
She was doing it again, drawing him away from the darkness, even if it was unknowingly.
He was never content or happy with what he had become yet he made no substantial move to change it. He had given up and it was his own fault, nobody else's. When he fell to rock bottom, nobody was there to pick him up.
And, he was not strong enough to get up on his own.
Nathan turns away from the front of the cafe, his eyes shielded from Haley and the rest of the world. He walks towards the back of the cafe, silently grateful for the darkness.
Something stops him.
"Excuse me?" Haley asks into the back of the cafe. Her eyes spot a movement but she is unsure if someone is really back there. "Is anyone there?"
He pauses and freezes.
"Hello?"
Nathan takes a hesistant step out into the sunlight, looking down, making sure she can't see him clearly.
Haley frowns when she sees someone take a step toward her and then stop. What had happened to the service in this town? "Do you work here?"
"Yeah," he mutters before he takes another step closer.
She still can't see him clearly and she sighs, "Can you help me then?"
Nathan looks around the cafe and realizes for the first time that no one is there. It was Wednesday morning. A bare shift where there were rarely customers. They were the only two in the cafe.
It only made the situation more awkward.
"Yeah," he says before he grabs a pad off the back table. He doesn't look up and when he hears no gasp or comment of realization, he peeks quickly, realizing that she was focused on the menu. Why, he had no idea. He could already recite her order. Blueberry muffin and a coffee with two sugars and two creams.
"Umm," she bites her lower lip as she studies the menu, "I guess, I'd like a blueberry muffin and a coffee with cream and," she looks up and her mouth is open with shock, "sugar."
He doesn't look up at her but nods. He walks away and doesn't stop.
"Nathan?"
Her voice is high pitched and questioning, "Nathan Scott?"
He grabs a muffin out of the pastry basket and places it on a plate in front of her, still remaining quiet.
"Nathan?" She asks again, her voice gentle and vulnerable.
He does not dare look up.
He pours her a cup of coffee and places two sugars and two creams in front of her. She looks up at him, her eyes still questioning but she is silent now.
He finally looks up but only for a moment. His eyes flash with pain. It had been so long since she had looked at him like that. So long since he had come in contact with her. He had imagined this moment a few times before and he wished it didn't play out like this.
He didn't want to walk away again. But, he did.
--
She was back there again. Sitting, her eyes searching the expanse of the cafe. Yet again, she had managed to pick a time where no one else except them were there.
In the back of his mind, Nathan wondered why she would purposely do this. It was obvious that she was there with a motive and he already knew what it was. She wanted to talk. She wanted answers. It had been long enough and he was supposed to be ready to give them. She deserved them.
But, he wasn't ready. And, he didn't know all the answers anyway.
He walked out into the cafe, not looking into her eyes, placing a blueberry muffin in front of her and pouring her a cup of coffee. She looks at him intently, not even noticing how he knew what she wanted before she even ordered. She adds the sugar and cream absently and stirs, all the while keeping her eyes focused on him as he leans against the counter uncomfortably, wishing she would say something.
But, she was waiting. Waiting for him.
She drinks her coffee and was about to take a bite of her muffin when he finally spoke.
"You're back."
She puts down her muffin before nodding, "I am."
"What for?"
"My mom's birthday is in a few days. I wanted to surprise her. And, I did." Haley smiles softly, "I think I pretty much surprised everyone in Tree Hill."
He shrugs before he grabs a rag from the sink, needing to do something with his hands. "How long are you staying for?"
"I'm not sure yet," she answers honestly, "It all depends."
He didn't question it any further. She was being vague and cryptic. He supposed it was for a reason.
"So, how've you been?"
"Decent," he answers. Small talk. It was a shame they had been reduced to this. He makes a move to walk away and she hurriedly stops him, like she's done so many other times.
"Don't go. Not again."
He stops, but his back is still turned.
"You owe me that much."
He turns around, his eyes filled with pain as he looks up. She was such a vivid memory of his past. His successes. The peak of his life. When he was someone great. He can't look at her now because she reminded him of who he was. Who he wasn't anymore.
And, who he would never be again.
"I'm sorry," he says hoarsely. He walks away.
Yet, again.
This time she doesn't stop him.
--