The Legend Of Deng Thigh
Deng Ai was a quiet general, but only quiet by mouth, he usually let his thighs do the talking.
As he walked the town the villagers ran to make offerings to his holy thighs, those who had money offered their riches, those who had little offered their food. But none of the sacrifices worked to give them thighs like his. Deng thigh, I mean Ai, offered his thighs for a greater purpose, to serve the forces of Wei and later Jin. His thighs turned heads every where he went. Humanity stared in awe as none had witnessed such greatness before. Originally from a peasant family Deng Ai's thighs had caved him a different future from that of his fathers and his many great grandfathers before them.
Although his pastime was to study maps, his troops' hobby was to study his chubby thighs. Interested in their shape and formation, many stood behind him quickly making sketches of what they had wished the heaven's would grant them. However the general with the magnificent thighs was humble regardless. He did not look down on those with smaller thighs, in fact who couldn't see most of them with his head band hanging over his eyes. But it never occurred to him to raise them off his eyebrows.
Meanwhile Deng Ai was careful in choosing his dress. He wore outfits that revealed them for the world to see, of course if one was gifted with such ham why wouldn't they choose to display it?
On the battlefield his thighs were louder than thunder, on a sunny day he would cause the enemy soldiers to run in fear avoiding to be struck by thunder, it was merely the sound of his thighs clapping against each other that caused the roaring. When walking in Wei territory he tried to walk lightly, as a hard stomp of his chunky meat could cause earthquakes and major causalities. Sima Yi had warned him to be careful many times and to utilise his rump for better purposes than to cause natural disasters. Following his advice it was Deng Ai's thighs that had caused Jin's victory over Shu on the last battle to unite the land. The thighs had led to their total conquest, the thighs had led to peace, and the thighs had led to greatness, until the thighs bit the dust of course in the year 264.
And ever since then, that is the way it has been. The legend of the magnificent thighs was passed through generations and that's no word of lie.
Therefore believe in your thighs ~
Flowergirly~