Truth Behind a Mask

by Michaela Wills

I look up to the classroom clock and quickly calulate the time left. Twenty-three minutes. Twenty-three minutes to answer 14 more math problems, only three of them word problems.

Studying the next problem carefully, I begin working the answer. These problems aren't too difficult, just the same radical equations the class has been studying for the past week. No big deal at all . . . I can answer these easily. I studied the night before with purpose, this shouldn't be hard. I know this material.

My brow furrows as I carefully mark the answer in a circle. Was this right? Is there anywhere I could have make a mistake? I check over the problem, my pencil point lying beside each step as I go through my work. I nod slightly. It looks good to me.

But is it still right?

My mind begins to cloud, my vision becoming hazy. It's all happened before, when I've wondered about my answers. I know what will happen when I let my mind go. I know what I'll see. And I shake away the premonition. I made myself this promise, no more. I won't cheat the world or myself any longer.

But the temptation is always there, always ready to come, unbidden and unwanted at the tiniest doubt . . . Just like I trained it to do.

Isn't it ironic? I have a power that others would kill for and use without this hesitation I now harbour. There was a time when I didn't hesitate. It was normal right? When I learned otherwise, my justification was 'survival of the fittest'. Was there really anything wrong with using an advantage? It was just like photographic memory . . . only better and more verstile.

But now I push it away. The clouds come because I've taught them to, when I want them to, but now I push them away. Is that fair? Probably not, but it's how it's gonna be. I'm going to make it in this world like everyone else, with common sense and personal knowledge.

Not with some power I got from a dumb crystal I was born with. A crystal that sat beside my heart for years, until it was finally taken away by a blue-haired genius.

The same blue-haired genius I would have given that damned crystal and it's partner to. The same girl I read about in the papers and watched on the news. A girl who appeared to me, both in my dreams and my premonitions. In more than one form too.

I've always admired that girl. There was easily a time I was infatuated with her, enamoured and obsessed with her. And that still is probably there, in some much smaller form. But now I can say things have changed. Since I met her . . .

And when that day came, all I wanted to do was show her I was smart too. To prove myself to her.

But all I proved was that I was dumber than I thought. A boy easily tempted by his unfair advantages. Without courage or honor. A fake and a liar is what I was . . . And she reminded me with her wisdom and personal determination. Friend of Water, her name so fitting, she was surely a friend to me. She taught me about honor, respect and dignity. Things I knew, but ignored as inconsequencial to me. I was different than them, an exception to the rules. I have a power, what good it is if I don't use it?

20 minutes left for 13 questions, three of them word problems. 13 more chances, 13 more temptations, 13 more premonitions to avoid. 13 more . . .

There will always be more, until I train my mind to shut out premonitions until after the test is gone, and out of my hands. They will come, it's simply up to me to bend them to my will. To control them. But I never bothered before.

The real question is: What good is this power if I don't use it fairly and justly?
And to be fair means I have to be stronger than the temptation. I have to resist a temptation that exist for no one else in this world but me.

There are people who understand me and my temptation. They have different powers, but the same temptation, only they are tempted in different situations. She showed me that by her example. By her friends. They know this pain, of having something so rare and special, but having to conceal it, even from themselves for fear of the damage.

I am not an exception anymore.

I am only a different example of a minority.

And I will manage as they do.

I begin the next problem. Only 13 more radical equations to answer. Only 13 more tiny tests of will to overcome.

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Disclaimer and Author's Notes:
Disclaimer: I don't own SailorMoon or any of the show's other characters. They belong to Naoko for her manga and other companies for their renditions and products. I'm only using these characters for my enjoyment and the enjoyment of other fans and I don't mean to infrindge on any copyrights.

Notes: If you didn't catch the subject, it's Ryo Urawa. I wanted to show a new side of the boy known as "Ami's Mental Match". My impression has always been that the former statement was untrue and this is my expression of it. I hope you enjoyed.
-Michaela Wills