Night Rounds
A Kitteh!Fic (or so we dubbed it) by Benign Overlord and Janine :)
Mrs. Norris sniffed curiously at the paw prints rather like her own as she crept down the corridor. She hissed. Someone was encroaching on her territory and might even compete with her for Argus' affections! She would find the intruder, and if all went well, it would be dead by morning.
How familiar the scent seemed, surely she had encountered this cat before. It was obviously a male, and somehow she knew that it was someone of great authority. She started going through all the profiles of the cat-inhabitants of the castle in hope of identifying the scent. There was nothing. Absolutely nothing. She should have known that there was no cat higher than herself in Hogwarts. Argus had made sure of that.
She heard the soft pattering of feet running briskly a short distance away. Aha! Out of bed at this time! It had been a while since she had given detention. She stalked menacingly towards the rule-breaker, reminiscing about the times when Argus would hang these miscreants by their thumbs and flail them with all sorts of whips. Really, Hogwarts is way too soft nowadays.
She turned the corner, only to see that she had assumed incorrectly and the "rule-breaker" was in fact, a tabby cat. What a commoner! Yet, she exuded this air of authority. It was baffling.
"Who are you and why are you out at this late hour?" Mrs. Norris accused.
The tabby gave her a fearsome glare. Suddenly Mrs. Norris wasn't very confident any more.
"Excuse me? I'm Professor Minerva McGonagall. I believe I have the right to take a walk around the castle at night. Now leave me be, you're ruining my concentration."
Mrs. Norris had never been so intimidated in her life. She turned and ran in the opposite direction. Why, what a surprise that was! That scrubby looking thing was a professor! Immersed in her thoughts, she did not notice that there was another cat in front of her and promptly bumped into it. She was still in a daze when she looked up to meet the onyx eyes of a black cat. Dark and handsome—this must be my lucky day, she thought.
"Wow, hey good-looking!"
The black cat simply stared at her. How rude! But this cat was way too handsome to give up on. She thought of all the beautiful kittens they would have together. Yes, she definitely wouldn't be giving up anytime soon.
"Wassup, handsome?" She tried again, fluttering her eyelashes ridiculously.
The black cat snorted. He quickly composed himself and delivered a well-deliberated insult. "Wassup yourself, you simpering dolt!"
Mrs. Norris recoiled in shock. What had she done wrong? Pretending to ignore the ebony-furred cat's comment, she attempted to start a conversation.
"Well, I just bumped into a professor-cat."
The black cat did a double-take and exclaimed, "Please don't tell anyone!"
"Tell anyone what? Oh I see, is she your mate?" She enquired with a hint of jealousy.
The black cat raised an elegant eyebrow in confusion. "Who's she?"
Mrs. Norris replied, "Why, Minerva McGonagall, of course!"
"WHAT! NO!"
Mrs. Norris slinked closer. "Then what did you not want me to tell anyone?"
The black cat was alarmed by the other cat's proximity and stepped back, only to realise that he had hit the wall.
She suddenly realized what he meant (or so she thought). "Very well, we can go out without telling anyone."
Without further ado she pushed the other cat into a nearby broom cupboard and used her tail to stroke his black fur. But to her surprise and disgust…
"Eww! It's so GREASY!" She exclaimed in surprise.
It was only when she looked up at the other cat that she realized that he was struggling to get out.
"Wait a minute… Black eyes, oily, black hair, and an overlarge nose…" Her eyes widened in comprehension. How could she have not noticed?
"Oh I'm so sorry Professor Snape! I didn't know it was you! Actually, now that I think about it, I didn't know you were a cat animagus either!" She mumbled sheepishly, mentally berating herself for actually thinking that he was cute.
Professor Severus Snape immediately shifted back into his human form. He sneered, "Do not even think of telling anyone of this incident, cat!" Then, he turned his head towards a wall and started banging his head against it. The muffled sound travelled through the corridors.
Quick heeled footsteps approached them and the cupboard door was flung open. Professor McGonagall stared at Severus. "What are you doing in here, Severus Snape?" A quiet meow alerted her to the fact that Mrs. Norris was in the cupboard too. "And with Mrs. Norris too! KIDNAPPING HER FOR SOME POTION? That's it, I'm taking you to see Argus!" She dragged him by his ear to Filch's office, Mrs. Norris following behind them, where they found Filch picking his armpits.
"Back again, my sweets?" Argus addressed Mrs. Norris.
Not doing his rounds! Mrs. Norris thought indignantly, but meowed all the same. He was her human-pet after all.
"Argus, I found Severus in a broom cupboard with Mrs. Norris!" Minerva announced.
Filch's eyes blazed with fury, "You… you… how could you do… THAT to Mrs. Norris! That's zoo… zoo… zoophilia!"
"Zoophilia?" All but Argus wondered.
"Err… ahh… imagine pedophilia… but with animals," he stammered, his rage all but forgotten.
Mrs. Norris sniggered. That would teach him not to go around saying big words if he had no intention of explaining them!
"Ah. For a moment there I thought you were attempting an unknown spell. Then I remembered that you were a SQUIB!" Snape sneered.
"You wizards are HEARTLESS!" And with that, Argus Filch ran off crying.
"Detention, Severus!" Minerva barked angrily, "This Friday at 8 p.m., with Potter!" At this, Snape burst into tears and ran out as well.
"And fifty points from Slytherin!" She added, calling after him.
She turned to Mrs. Norris, and as if she had practiced the line many times before, she said fluently, "As for you, Mrs. Norris, would you give me the honour of agreeing to accompany me on a nighttime stroll by the lake?"
Benign Overlord's Note: This Kitteh!Fic was conceived from an impromptu roleplaying session between Janine :) and I. Make what you will of that statement.