Title: On Letting Go
Rating: M
Summary: Chloe Beale thought she was doing well enough to attend college, but her past kept creeping up from behind and haunting her. Thinking she's damaged goods, she refuses to talk about the incident that scarred her for life, until one Psychology major proves to her that she's worth helping.
A/N: I need to stop writing new stories, but you know… I also don't. I have been itching to write a story that isn't super fluffy, and this one came to mind... SO. YEAH. This one is definitely a lot different than my other stories and it will involve trigger warnings throughout most of the story.
TRIGGER WARNING: Panic Attacks, Attempted Murder, Psychological Themes that may not be suitable for some readers.
Chloe stood under the shower head as the water cascaded down her back. She looks through blurry eyes and feels disoriented as she grabbed the conditioner bottle. She lathers her red hair stepping out of the water's spray, letting the conditioner settle as she sighs loudly. She places her hand on the wall, feeling the hot water pound on her back. Her breathing is shallow as she replays the scene over and over in her head.
She knows that going to college was a big step for her, especially after what happened. But after taking a year locked away in a psychiatric ward, she knew that she needed to move on with her life. It was over and even though she still thought about it like her therapist said she would, it was still 100% over. She saw it end with her own eyes and she felt a part of her brain close one door. Unfortunately, it haunted her and it always would.
Chloe steps back under the water, washing the conditioner out of her hair. She opens her eyes, water falling down her face and jumps backward as she sees blood cover the shower wall. She hears the shower caddy fall crash onto the shower floor and she shrieks loudly, grabbing the curtain and hiding behind it.
As she comes to her senses, she realizes that the blood had disappeared and turned into beads of water. She calms down, her breathing evening out when she's hit with the realization that nothing was there.
Her hand trembles as she turns off the water, grabbing the towel and wrapping it around her body. She gets out of the shower and walks over to the bathroom sink. She grips the sink as she lets out a small cry, dry heaving as she feels tears stream down her face. She opens the medicine cabinet and grabs her medicine, popping the bottle open and dumping a pill into her hand. She puts the bottle back on the shelf and fills a cup with water. She tosses the pill in her mouth and gulps down a sip of water until she knows it's down her throat, calmer than she was before.
Chloe is hesitant as she closes the medicine cabinet, knowing she always had an issue with seeing people or things in the mirror that caused her to completely lose it. She closes her eyes as she slams it shut, opening them to reveal nothing behind her. She sighs in relief as her eyes fall on the scar on her forehead. Her fingers graze over the two inch scar, feeling her skin dip where the stitches were. She shakes her head as she walks out into the bedroom to change.
Today was the activities fair and Chloe wanted to find some extracurricular activity to keep her mind off of what happened. She knew that it was unlikely to happen, but it was worth a shot.
Chloe walks through the quad, avoiding eye contact with everyone as she came across. She was still jumpy after the shower mishap and the last thing she needed was another panic attack. Chloe looks around at all the booths, spotting one that looked interesting. She walks over and looks at the table, reading a few pamphlets on what the club was about. She quickly lost interest, quietly thanking the person behind the booth before leaving. She continues walking, feeling the medication kick in and feeling a lot better than she had before.
And then in an instant, like a car crash on a rainy night, she feels a tap on her shoulder and nearly jumps out of her skin. A small yelp emits from her mouth as she turns around and throws her arms in front of her face, defensively. She's met with the sight of her roommate, Becky or something, her face plastered in fear and her roommate's in concern.
"Dude, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." The short brunette says as she holds her hands out in front of her slowly.
Chloe doesn't say anything and just watches as her roommate slowly takes a step back.
"Are you okay?"
Chloe gulps loudly and nods her head, even though she knew she wasn't fine, she didn't want to be asked about it.
"I'm fine. Just not used to being snuck up on." Chloe's voice is soft, barely above a whisper, insecurity lacing it.
"I'm sorry. Uhm, were you here looking for an activity?" Chloe nods again. "You should join our acapella group, the Bellas."
"I don't sing..."
"Oh, okay. Well I just figured I'd ask. I'm the captain and we live together so I figured I'd give it a shot."
Chloe presses her lips in a small, insincere smile. "Thanks."
"No problem, uh... Shit, I forgot your name. I'm like the worst roommate ever."
"Chloe." Chloe turns her head away, not knowing why she was struck with a sudden shyness.
"Right! Well, I'm Beca."
BECA, that's it.
"I'll see you back at the dorm, Chloe. I hope you find what you're looking for."
xxx
Chloe felt tears streaming down her face as she ran, hearing the wooden hotel door crack with every blow. She frantically tries to find a place to hide, her instincts taking over as she hides under the bed. The door breaks down, and she sees his shoes enter the room, an eerie whistle coming from his mouth.
Chloe throws her hand over her mouth to muffle her cries as she watches him walk closer to the bed, turning into the main room of the suite. She lets out an almost silent sigh as she sees his shoes walk away, pushing herself further back under the bed when her leg hits something. She looks behind her to see her friend, Taylor, eyes wide open and dead beside her. Chloe lets out a cry, her hand slapping against her mouth again when she sees his shoes turn around and head back toward the bedroom.
Her breathing is spastic as she tries her very best to keep quiet as he inches closer.
"Chloe, come out." His rugged voice sings. "Come on, Chloe. I did it for us."
She watches as he walks around the bed, knowing that as soon as she knows he leaning down to look for her, she had to make a run for it. She crawls closer to the opposite end of the bed.
"Gotcha!" He growls as he drops down to the ground, met with the sight of Chloe peeling herself off of the floor and out of the hotel room. "CHLOE! Chloe!"
She can hear his angry voice from behind her as she runs down the hallway, looking back to see if he had caught up to her, crying hysterically as she reaches the elevator.
"CHLOE!"
Chloe jolts awake as she feels her shoulder being frantically shooken by Beca. Chloe jumps and flails violently, her arms smacking the wall as she grabs the blanket and pulls it up to her eyes. Hyperventilating, Chloe is staring at Beca with wide eyes as concern washes over Beca's face. Chloe scoots back until she can't anymore, crying uncontrollably as Beca inches closer.
"Stay away from me!"
"Chloe," Beca replies softly as she reaches for the redhead. "It's okay, it's just me. It's just Beca. It was just a dream."
Chloe feels Beca's hand grab her and she yanks away in fear.
"LET GO OF ME-E-E!" Chloe's cries stagger and she falls apart. Beca backs away, holding her hands up to show Chloe she means no harm. Chloe watches Beca's hands and her breathing starts to settle, still spastic but not as bad as it was before. Chloe can feel her panic attack dissipate slowly, still cautiously watching Beca.
"What do you need?" Beca's sweet voice flood her ears.
Chloe's eyes go wide again. She hadn't heard those words in forever, not including her therapist, but she was supposed to ask her that question. But not from some stranger who wanted help. Chloe didn't know what to say or what she needed, exactly. She hadn't had a night terror in a while, the last time was in the ward where they could sedate her.
She watches as Beca tests the waters, once again reaching out for her, her hand landing on Chloe's arm. She flinches, about to yank her arm away when she feels Beca's fingers rubbing small circles, trying to make her feel better.
"Do you need anything?" Beca asks again and Chloe shakes her head, sinking into a content feeling as Beca continues rubbing circles on her arm. She didn't expect to calm down so quickly at a random person's touch, but Beca was comforting and Chloe felt okay for once.
Beca nods and goes to move her hand away to hear Chloe instantly whimper when does. Chloe reaches out and grabs Beca's hand like a child gripping their favorite blanket.
"Do you want me to stay?" Chloe nods and Beca sits down on the edge of her bed. Chloe's grip loosens on Beca's hand and Beca slowly moves her other hand to brush Chloe's red locks away from her face. "You need to sleep."
Chloe, still shaking, nods her head and slowly lowers herself back into bed, assuming the fetal position. She's still holding on to Beca's hand, feeling Beca place her other one on her shoulder. Chloe sighs, relief washing over her that it was just a dream. She closes her eyes and inhales deeply. She could feel herself drifting off to sleep at the comfort of Beca's touch.
Beca lets out a breath that she had been holding in for way too long as the redhead next to her falls back asleep, holding on to her hand like a scared child. Beca removes her hand from Chloe's shoulder and tucks her hair behind her ear.
"What happened to you?"
Not sure if this will continue, but I'll try. I promise