Disclaimer: Before even going into the story at all, I have to get this out of the way: I really liked writing Search for a Soul. It was unarguably my favorite story that I've written, and I like making stories like that. I've been trying to cook up another good idea like that, and I think I may have finally come up with a pretty good solid one. After dealing heavily with X's pacifistic nature and ultimately, his ability to overcome it, I got to thinking about another character: the ever-popular Zero. I am more of an X fan, but I am obviously familiar with Zero's character, and the events of X4 particularly stick with me. This fiction will revolve around what "could have happened" after Iris' death in X4, and how even the hard-edged Zero is affected by it. All of the characters in this story are NOT of my own creation, they belong to Capcom.

Loved and Lost
Chapter 1
"Guilt Trip"
By MEGAMANX411

Time never stops for anything. It passes on and continues, almost mercilessly and relentlessly, like some sort of possessed monster. For some, the passage of time can be a great thing; granting things like increased maturity, new events, and it can even heal some wounds. For others, it can serve as a painful reminder of things that were lost, things that can never be brought back, and how powerless we all are. For the Maverick Hunter Zero, time is more like the latter.

There was no questioning the fact that he had dearly loved the Reploid girl named Iris. She was a sweet, cute, brown-haired beauty that really made his spirit glow. But unfortunately, his time with her was cut short. No matter how many good memories he could stir up, he ultimately had to come to terms with the fact that she was dead. Forever gone. It wasn't like when he destroyed himself to defeat Vile either, not at all. If Zero still had access to her parts, he could easily rebuild her. However, her body was completely destroyed, along with the rest of the weapon that Sigma was piloting.

Zero had to face the truth. It was completely and entirely his fault that this had happened. He had killed her brother, caused her to fall to vengeance, killed her, and even after that, left her body there, meaning that any chance of bringing her back was nullified. Of course, considering the question of how she'd be when revived, it may have been for the better. But for some reason, the supposedly hard-edged hunter Zero was still feeling pain. Time had passed since that tragedy…but no matter what, that tinge of guilt remained in Zero's mind.

"I killed her…" Zero whispered to himself, still asleep in his room.

In Zero's mind were horrific images of a bloodstained battle. He saw Iris, cowering in fear in a corner. And then he saw another figure. A figure clad in red, with a bloodlust to match his insane visage. There was a howling, almost sadistic laughter as the figure proceeded to have his way with Iris. Zero screamed in his sleep. He had to stop this, even if it was a dream.

"No…stop…leave her alone…please…Iris!" Zero screamed, writhing in his bed.

The dream played on, tormenting Zero. He was just a spectator in this horrible event. Or at least that's what he thought. The figure smirked and giggled with an almost demonic glee as he ripped the girl apart, in what Zero could describe as the most awful thing he had ever seen. That's when it hit him.

"That's…me…."

Zero instantly woke up with sweat all over. It was just another dream. But for some reason, they kept happening. The wave of guilt refused to leave. He wasn't as emotionally keen as X, and in his mind, he was practically devoid of emotion—especially since after she died. Zero shook his head and buried his face in his hands.

"Why can't I forget the past? It's pointless. I can't change anything no matter what I think or try…I just want to be rid of this…" Zero muttered.

Theoretically, Zero could get rid of the memories with relative ease. If he had the memories of Iris completely wiped, none of this would be a problem…supposedly. But he could never go through with it. Every time he was presented with the option, Zero turned it down. Maybe he found abandoning Iris' memory too difficult, or maybe he found some sort of happiness in remembering her…but it was clear that these memories brought some downsides as well.

Zero looked back up, sighed, and brushed away his flowing blonde hair. He looked out a nearby window to see the full moon outside. Slowly, he got out of bed, wearing only his standard under clothing. He glanced over at his red armor, shook his head once more, and looked back outside.

"Iris…maybe if Reploids do have a soul, then you're in a better place. Who knows, maybe you're off in the afterlife, enjoying things you couldn't have in this life. As for me, I suppose I'll end up in an entirely different place. No matter how many Mavericks I've hunted, it doesn't matter—I'll have to pay for my sins eventually. I don't think anyone can ever forgive me for what I've done…" Zero whispered, his eyes full of remorse.

Zero took a moment to look back around his room. Almost everything in there reminded him of her. Not just pictures, but everything indicated to him that she was once there. And that she would always be there. One part of Zero wished that he could just be alone, and that he would never have to worry about anything as trivial as love. But the other part of him wanted to hold her memory more dearly than anything else.