Disclaimer: NO! OKAY YOU FRIGGIN RETARD? YOU REALLY THINK I OWN IT! Phht… you forgot your medication didn't you?
Dear Phan Fiction Writers,
I recently stumbled upon this website and was a little proud (if not slightly perturbed) to see there was a section about me. I was rather bored so I began to read one of the fictions. I did not know what EOW meant or the rating M. I was rather horrified to say the least at the way you have turned me into a sentimental pansy (not to mention the rather inappropriate scenes)! Although I was rather amused by the Raoul-bashing. But for the next few days I was rather paranoid as to if I had let Christine go with an abusive fop. Though I still hate Raoul I respect him and trust him to take care of Christine and THEIR children (PLEASE NOTE that one of them is not mine!). And while were on that note I must say I am horrified and disgusted on so many different levels due to slash fiction! I AM IN NO WAY IN LOVE WITH NADIR, RAOUL OR PHILIPPE DE CHANGY! I do not know where you get such horrible and perverted ideas! Remember that Nadir led Raoul down to my lair to 'rescue' (though they did a rather sad job of that…) Christine! And Raoul took her away from me, not to mention I don't even KNOW Philippe! It disgusts me to think of what twisted mind writes that kind of smut! Now if I see ONE more slash fiction I will hunt you down and there will be hell to pay. And NO it will not be one of those 'I'm-going-to-kill-you-but-your-beautiful-eyes-and-wonderful-voice-saves-you-from-your-death-and then-I-fall-in-love-with-you type of stories.' Now that I have that off my chest I must move on to another rather annoying whim about me: Other women,
I will be totally honest with you and say that I HAVE been known to stare at a pretty girl during auditions, but can you blame me? Now I probably will never love another as I have loved and still do love Christine. If someone could see past my deformity as Christine did there might be a chance...NOT! I AM A OLD RECLUSE SO ENTER MY LAIR LIKE SO MANY OF YOUR FRIGGIN SUES DO, YOU WILL BE GREETED WITH THE SIREN OF THE LAKE AND ALL OF BLOODY HELL ON YOUR HEELS! AND I SWEAR TO GOD IF I SEE ANOTHER ME/MEG FICTION I WILL KILL YOU ALL! EVEN IF YOU JUST READ THE CRAP!
Now that we are on that note there is another topic I would like to discuss: My appearance!
I look NOTHING like this Gerard Butler person everyone seems so in love with! I am pale, I DO have hair but not much, my eyes are GOLDEN AND WILL BURN IN YOUR MIND FOREVER! MUHAHAHAHA! (we'll get back to that one), and one half of my face looks like wax dripping off a skull! And if I took off my mask you freakin' little brats would pass out (NOT from my incredible sexiness either! WHICH I DON'T HAVE ANY! SO BUZZ THE HELL OFF!). What else? Oh yes: the incident under the lair:
How hard is it to embrace CHRISTINE WENT WITH RAOUL! (A/N: -twitches-) She did not come with a monster like me! Ahh yes and RAOUL DID NOT STAY WITH ME YOU FRIGGIN PERVERT! If I see another one of those Raoul-stays-with-me fics I will kill myself and all of you hard-headed retarded phan girls will die of depression…MWHAHAHA! And Christine has not come back to me nor will she ever! Why? You ask? BECAUSE I AM A OLD, DEFORMED, MENTALLY ILL FREAK OF NATURE! Yes I will admit I am not mentally stable, if I could find a therapist that I wouldn't hang then I might be able to fix that last problem…
I remain you're disgusted reader,
O.G.