A/N: I'm back! (Evil laugh). I said I might write a sequel to 'Deadlier than the male' and here it is…I've got a pretty good idea for this one, so hopefully it won't disappoint. It's involves: action, romance, blood, gore, pain, mystery, panic, fear, more pain, sex, and yet more pain!

Disclaimer: Despite having multiple personalities, I am not two very creative men who goeth by the name Grant Naylor. I do not own Lister, Rimmer, Cat, Kryten, Holly, Red Dwarf, Starbug, JMC or anything related with the JMC. I do however own Toni and…the new character…Oh and also, the album 'American Idiot' and all it's songs are property of Greenday and Reprise records.

Anyway, to business! Enjoy the chapter, reviews welcomed!

Okay, this is set after Rimmer got his hard light drive; I guess you can decide what happened in between. Could be slight AU e.g. the boys from the Dwarf did everything they did in series 5 and 6 but Toni was there too…or they didn't…. you're choice. Go with the flow!

Oh, I've just got back off my hols…I'm kinda tanned, for those of you wondering why I'm getting hyped up about this, I'm Teshion (posh word for ginger) and I don't usually tan much. Sheesh, I'm ranting again, you see what happens when I go without TV/Internet/Red Dwarf/PC/Emails/MSN/Liz and Other buddies for 2 weeks. I go mad! I'm a bit worn out from the plane ride…panicking really tires you out. I was okay after a while though but then I had a huge panic attack when I saw my meal…was that really supposed to be a scrambled egg? I've seen tastier looking loft insulation!

Oh, one last thing, can someone tell me what's been going on in corrie? Cheers!

Sunny

XXX

'It's rude to stare'

That's what Rimmer had been taught as a young boy…but he couldn't help it. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't tear his gaze away from the couple.

Lister and Toni were sat exchanging playful kisses, wrapped in each other's arms and away in their own in little world…and all Rimmer could do was watch.

Some would call it perverse, but he didn't get some strange, erotic kick out of it, quite the opposite in fact: It made him want to cry.

He could pretend Lister and Toni's affectionate actions didn't bother him. He could sneer, roll his eyes and snipe 'get a room' but it never made him feel any better.

Being cruel, sarcastic and vindictive didn't cure loneliness; it just helped to pass the time.

Rimmer felt the same rising sense of bitterness and jealously as he experienced every time he clapped eyes on Lister and Toni in one of their 'loved up' moods.

He tried to hide the sadness that he knew was evident on his face but thankfully they didn't notice, their concentration solely devoted to each other.

Being alone had never bothered Rimmer before, but perhaps it was because before Toni arrived Cat and Lister were in the same boat as he was - no female company (as sweet as Holly was, she didn't really count)

But things changed, Lister now had Toni. The word loneliness had been officially removed from his vocabulary; there was no need for it.

Rimmer didn't hate Lister for having Toni as his girlfriend, no matter how many times he'd tried to convince himself that he did. He was actually rather glad. Toni had an amazing effect on Lister and slowly but surely, he'd changed for the better.

He was still the same beer swilling, curry guzzling, grubby, unwashed space bum as he always was, but he was now more mature, slightly smarter and, believe it or not, more tolerant of Rimmer.

To say that the pair had become friends instantly would be an outright lie. Miracles can't happen over night.

It started off small, like Lister calling Rimmer 'Rimmer' instead of 'smeg head' or any number of the insultive names he'd thought up over the years. In turn, Rimmer had restricted his use of snide remarks, sarcasm and nastiness against Lister.

They weren't friends, they just didn't hate each other as much as they used to, but it was still an improvement.

They were getting on marginally better, only occasionally having an argument or a trade of insults, for old times sake rather then anything else.

Rimmer watched closely as Lister sneaked his arm round Toni's slender waist and held her close, his eyes looking deep into hers as he leant in for a kiss.

It was at that point Rimmer finally managed to tear himself away. He wandered back to his quarters, feeling thoroughly fed up.

Every time he saw Lister and Toni together, kissing and cuddling he wished he could experience that with a women.

He longed to wake up with the person you love lying next to you. His heart ached for a woman he adored to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him like there was no tomorrow. That was all Rimmer wanted, a woman to love who would also love him in return.

The harsh truth was, Rimmer would never experience anything like that, the first reason being that he was in the middle of deep space, so women were in short supply.

Secondly, he was dead – a huge turn off.

The third and final reason being that if by some bizarre, freaky stroke of luck they did find a woman, she would instantly hate him for the simple reason that he was Arnold J Rimmer: detested and loathed by all women regardless of whether they'd met him or not.

The only woman who didn't hate him was Toni. Over the past two years she and Rimmer had become good friends.

He'd never tried taking their friendship any further because he wasn't the type of man who stole someone else's girlfriend (no matter how desperate he was) and also he knew Lister would tear him limb from limb if he even dared think of Toni in that way.

Just lately, Rimmer had started thinking of Toni as the caring little sister his parents never got round to having.

He told her things he'd never told anyone else. Deep, dark personal secrets that had tormented his soul for many years. Once or twice he'd broke down in front of her, but rather then make her excuses and leave, Toni held his hand and reassured him everything was better now.

As great as Toni was she couldn't fill the void in Rimmer's life. The big, gaping woman-shaped hole with the words 'insert girlfriend here' in the middle.

Once inside his quarters, Rimmer sighed wearily. He walked over to the CD player and skipped to track 7.

A few months earlier they'd come across a derelict filled with 20th and 21st century music. Rimmer had come across as CD by a band called Greenday. He'd at first avoided listening to it; rock music wasn't really his thing. But in the end he relented and played the album and, he was forced to admit it wasn't half bad…in fact, it was rather good.

Then song 7 began to play 'Give Me Novacaine'. He listened intently to the lyrics.

"Drain the pressure from the swelling

This sensations overwhelming

Give me a long kiss goodnight

And everything will be alright

Tell me that I won't feel a thing

Give me Novacaine"

Shivers ran down Rimmer's spine and the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. The lyrics meant something to him; no song had ever had that effect on his before.

The song continued and with each new line came more meaning, Rimmer was hanging onto every word, hardly breathing.

"Out of body and out of mind

Kiss the demons out of my dreams

I get the funny feeling that's alright

Jimmy says it's better than here"

After that, 'American Idiot' became Rimmer's most listened to album, his Hammond organ music and Reggie Wilson tapes were hardly touched.

He'd been converted to the world of rock and it felt pretty damn good!

"Kiss the demons out of my dreams," mouthed Rimmer, in perfect time with Billie Joe.

That was his favourite line. He was sure that if he had someone to love, all his neurosis, bitterness and anger would disappear.

He'd be a new man.

No longer worthy of the title 'Prize Smeghead'.

All Rimmer needed was someone to kiss away the pain…but what were the chances of that? He was going to be lonely forever, with only his hang-ups to keep him company.

As the song ended, Rimmer sighed and looked up to see Lister stood in the doorway.

"Krytes has spotted a derelict," he explained "just wondered if you wanted to go and check it out" he paused before adding cheekily "or shall we wait til you've finished your air guitar?

"I don't do air guitar!" said Rimmer, turning off the CD player, halting Billie Joe part way through 'she's a rebel'.

"Not whilst sober at least" grinned Lister

"Alright, I admit that in the past I've performed air guitar whilst being a wee bit intoxicated but" said Rimmer, slipping out the door "at least I've never tried pole dancing on the gantry supports…"

"We never speak of that, remember!" said Lister hastily, a slight blush creeping across his cheeks "it's not something I'm proud of!"

Rimmer merely laughed and the pair headed off to explore the derelict.

There we go…first chapter. Sorry it wasn't very funny and didn't really hint at any type of plot but soon will start to fall in place soon…. just wait and see :D God…I love knowing something other people don't…. it makes me feel superior!

Oh yeah and about the whole 'Give me Novacaine' bit…well to put it simply I LOVE GREENDAY! (Coughs) sorry, I sounded waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much like a groupie there…. also, the lyrics sort of linked into the chapter…. I'm going to shut up now.

There, I shut up (realises she hasn't) damn my vocal chords! (Realises she's typing) damn my fingers…my chunky man fingers….:D

Bye bye