Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe!
Title: Sights and Sounds
Summary: Pearl and Amethyst attempt to relearn each other as construction for the drill continues.
Pairing: Pearlmethyst (ish?)
Warnings: Amethyst is hyper-sensitive towards sounds and falling into depression I'll defend this until it's disproven.
...
Pearl knows, realistically, that Amethyst hasn't changed in size during their time apart. She's still the same gem she used to carry around like she does with Steven now; her chubby little defective quartz.
But she feels heavier somehow. Not in size- in spirit. More grownup, and carrying bigger weights on her back.
She acts a bit different, too. There's a sort of conscious effort she puts into every step. Amethyst is still silly, still brash, and almost always in another form, yet...
She never walks on her fours.
"Sometimes, I hate being touched."
The stars seem to almost sparkle. The one that glows brightest to her is the one that makes her feel dim. Astrology is a fascinating topic, as many sciences are; just not that one. That one can fly into a supernova.
"Yeah?" Awkward pause. "This one of those times?"
"Yes."
"Want me to move?"
"Please."
"'Kay."
Rustling. Amethyst is curled away from her, body partially hidden by grass. It occurs to Pearl that she could easily run away and disappear into grasses of this height if she so chose, and bats away ensuing panic.
Amethyst is a quartz, she tells herself. Amethyst is loyal. Amethyst is a soldier. She wouldn't do something that cowardly. Pearl hoped.
What was cowardly to a normal soldier, like Ruby, might not be, to a detective quartz, like Amethyst.
"It's just..." She curled her fingers together against her stomach, interlocking them daintily. "I spent thousands of years with- with nothing. Pearls are generally left untouched, except for... when they are no longer useful." Like a fancy porcelain doll to grow tired of and smash with a hammer. She swallowed. "I never reached that particular part of my existence, obviously."
Amethyst clenches her small hand into a fist against her pudgy thigh. She doesn't say anything.
"When I joined the rebellion, and it grew so large, it was suffocating. I grew overwhelmed very easily; much faster than I would in combat. That was more comforting, honestly- a touch on the battlefield is typically the end of your life. Over time, I became used to such treatment, but... sometimes I get like that. It's nothing personal, I promise."
Amethyst gently rapped her fist against the thigh she had pressed it against, a small fit of frustration. She almost seemed to be debating yay or nay to saying something.
"Amethyst?"
She shrugged. "You've never told me about this sort of stuff before."
Pearl considered her words carefully, but not too carefully. "That's true. Perhaps... it's time we changed that."
"Who're you tryin' to kid?"
"I'm serious."
"No, you're not. You think you are, but you're not."
"You deserve to know more about Homeworld." She answered fiercely. Her vehement denial struck a nerve. "You're not a child anymore."
"I coulda told you that." Amethyst makes a rather odd snorting sound. "But we both know it doesn't work like that."
"Ame-"
"Just let it die, P."
They fall silent.
"It's a nice night out. Lot's of stars."
"Yeah. A lotta them."
"What was it like, finding me?"
Pearl chuffs out a laugh, nose buried in her mane. Amethyst's lips move against her collarbone, but it's not the least bit stimulating. But, then, Pearl has never understand how things like that could be, either. "You were there for that."
"Yeah, but it's not like I knew what was going on." She pulled back just enough to shrug self-consciously, eyeing her pretty blue sash. "It all went right over my head. Like when a human talks to a mutt; I knew you what you were saying meant somethin', but what?"
Pearl remembers, of course. They'd spoken of her as thought she were but an animal, questioning its uses and whether or not to put it down.
"Uh-huh." She says. "'Cause that's believable."
"Just you wait." Rose had said, gathering the small gem into her arms. "She'll grow on us eventually. And it's not like having another soldier will do us any harm." Even she had spoken as though she was a trinket to trifle with. As they all had.
"I'm serious." She affirmed, nails digging into her skin. "Let's discuss something else."
"Hey, Peri? Can a gem die from a lack of affection?"
Peridot contemplates her question a long time, welding helmet propped on her head. The drill in her hand whirs, filling the silence. It hurts her ears like it always does, and she feels her panic level rising, but it's not at an unbearable point quite yet.
Eventually, Peridot folds. "I don't understand."
"It's pretty simple, actually. I didn't have anybody before the others found me; not even a superior officer, or whatever gets your nerd butt going." Amethyst shrugs, pulling her knees to her chest, arms encasing them. "I was lonely. Part of me died from it, and now I can't feel like I'm living unless I'm being touched or touching someone."
More drilling noises. "That... sounds illogical. And complicated."
"Nah, bro." The energy to stay sitting seems to have left her, and Amethyst flopped harshly onto the ground. The sting felt nice. "It's easier than ya' might think."
Pearl hesitates to sit beside her. Amethyst is propped against the side of the truck, hands clamped over her ears. But she didn't flinch when she touched her arm, so she curled herself lightly around her body, opening her mouth to say-
"No!" She moaned. "Don't. Shut it all off."
She can't shut the world off, but she can stifle her tongue. So she does.
Eventually Amethyst hesitantly unglued her hands from the sides of her head, letting out a pained growl. They slapped against her ears, tears of frustration bubbling up.
Pearl grabs them gently, but doesn't force them to unclamp, as it makes her feel better when the world is muffled. It occurs to her that, as a quartz, even something this simple must be violent. When she personally collapsed, it was all tears and graceful limbs and shouts. Amethyst is pulling hair and fat sobs and clenched fists. She doesn't have it in her to go down without a fight. It's in her code. Her very defective code.
But that's besides the point. It's not like she knows, after all.
"Is it the construction?" She asks quietly.
"It's too loud. Make it stop."
"I wish I could, but you know I can't. It's too important."
Amethyst looks like she might slug her, but she gets control of herself with some effort. "Just shut up for a little while, then. I don't wanna talk anymore."
"Would you prefer I leave?"
"I'd prefer if you didn't talk no more."
Amethyst clings to her form and tries to stifle the sounds of life, of which she never knew the first few hundred years of her being. For a brief, shame-filled second, Pearl honestly regrets pulling her away from that dreadful place.
Amethyst knows, in her head, that Pearl is still a stuffy pain in the neck. That's never gonna change. Whoever or whatever created her probably looked at her gem and went, "Yeah, all bossy and preppy; perfect attitude for a perfect Pearl."
That's mean. Anyway, who knows if personalities can be driven into the ground like the rock she's made of. Maybe they train it into ya', like a dog. 'Cause isn't that what they are? Fancy dogs; bred to be shown?
Pearl and Peridot, maybe. Garnet. Not her. She's one of those mutts jerk fancy breeding snobs euthanize in their infancy. Only she got saved by a pack of fancy street dogs.
Does that make sense? Probably not.
Still, she acts different now. She's a lot louder than she used to be. Happier, or whatever.
If she's risen, then Amethyst has fallen. One out of the fog; one back into it. Rah.
But maybe it's better this way. Pearl deserves happiness in ways she never will, and she's been so nice lately. She numbly pressed her face into Pearl's belly and tried to fall asleep.
It'll all work itself out.
Author's Note: This took me entirely too long to finish writing. I was being lazy, but that's okay. Taking a break is a good thing here and there. Seeing how my last SU 'fic gained me my first non-anon hate review (which was mildly hilarious) I can only imagine what will come out of this one.
Amethyst and Pearl both have depression and Amethyst is super sensitive to loud noises. You can't convince me otherwise. =)
-Mandaree1