Hey guys.
Here's something I wrote for my dear friend because it's her birthday. I hope y'all like it. Feel free to leave me a review here or find me on Tumblr(magic-scissors).
Enjoy!
It was cold.
Not the kind of cold that could be kept at bay by tucking away your hands in soft, woolen gloves on an icy winter day. Or by drinking hot coco to let the brown liquid warm your chest and make you feel human again.
No, it was the sort of chill that thickens your blood and causes it to slide painstakingly slowly through your veins.
The kind of cold where you try your best to stop shivering and clench your jaw so that your teeth won't chatter, but the more you tell yourself to breath steady and relax, the more vigorously your body starts shaking.
This was not how Gail had imagined San Francisco.
It was supposed to be warmer than Toronto. Nearly two feet of snow had fallen from the sky in less than 24 hours, back home.
The cop almost hadn't made it here in time. Her flight was delayed several hours as a result of the weather conditions. At one point she had even worried that it would be cancelled.
But here she was, still cold but finally in San Francisco. Freezing her ass off while trying to haul a cab at an overcrowded airport, dodging moving bodies as people rushed inside in order to catch their flight towards their loved ones for the holidays, or to welcome them back home.
In any other situation, the few bumps and pushes she had suffered so far would be enough to send her over the edge. But Gail couldn't really blame them for their rush. She was in the same situation as them, travel towards her loved one, coming back home.
Or so she hoped...
After motioning for another cab driver in vain, Gail blew hot air from her lungs into her hands and started to rub them together forcefully in an attempt to gain some warmth before her fingers turned blue.
A few feet away she saw a man rush out of a taxi towards the departures section and quickly made the few steps towards the vehicle he had just abandoned. She slid inside the warm car and slammed the door closed in front of some Prada diva that was just about to claim the same taxi. The woman's expression looked like thunder, but all Gail could do was smile cheekily back at her with extra satisfaction as she started to feel circulation going back to her fingertips.
Whilst giving the driver directions, Gail watched the woman and her too expensive coat disappear into the crowd with angry steps. Once the driver took off she busied herself with looking out the window.
She had to admit San Francisco was truly beautiful.
But not out loud, never out loud.
Gail had decided beforehand that she would despise the damn city with every fiber of her being.
She couldn't possibly love the sky high buildings and driving through Chinatown. Or crossing the Golden Gate Bridge from where you could see Alcatraz in the far distance, which she wouldn't ever want to visit by the way, because, well, she despises this city.
Too much was lost because of this place, too many heartache had been caused because of this city. Not once in her life had Gail felt so miserable and alone than the day she was left behind because of godforsaken San Fran. Not even the day she had testified against her family and had lost them because of it.
And now that she was here, she could actually see the appeal.
But she would never admit it to anyone else. Never...
Releasing a painful sigh, her head fell backwards against the cold leather of the seat as she closed her eyes. "What the fuck am I doing?" The cop muttered to herself as she pulled the beanie off her head and ran her still tingling fingers through her long, dark brown hair.
She had not thought this through. Yesterday, when she had decided to jump on the first plane to California, there was nothing on her mind but Holly. Now that the euphoria had passed, though, reality was starting to sink in. What if the one reason she had come here for, didn't wanted to see her? Then what? What would she say? What could she say?
It had been 9 months since Gail had last seen her, since the cop had dropped her off at the airport and held her as if she was her life line, clinging to her during the mere minutes they had left before they had to say their goodbyes. Hoping, praying, that Holly would know with that hug, just how much she meant to Gail. How much she would be missed and how much she was loved. Gail couldn't tell her then, she would've fallen apart if she had.
But still, the cop had clung to her for dear life, hoping that that was enough to simply let Holly feel. And that the brunette would understand what Gail was trying to confess with her body firmly pressed against her, that she couldn't say with words.
The vehicle came to a stop with the girl still lost in her thoughts. It wasn't until the driver spoke that Gail was brought back to the present. She had arrived, her final destination within eyesight, the love of her life behind the hardwood door in front of her. The sudden realisation made her more nervous than she had ever been.
After paying the driver and collecting her duffelbag from the backseat, the girl opened the door and stepped onto the pavement, shuddering as the coldness hit her again.
It was a relatively quiet street, with trees along each side of the road. The houses looked spacious but had something cozy to them. The one Gail was staring at was 'so Holly', she could almost smell the distant scent of the brunette's previous house flooding inside her nostrils. An ornamental fence separated the front yard from the pavement. Colourful vases filled with white winter flowers spread across the yard, making the cherry red door stand out on the stone cold December day. Every yard on this street looked dishevelled, the simple wooden doors blending in the nightfall, but not this one.
This shouldn't have come as a surprise, though, knowing Holly the way she did.
Gail exhaled a somewhat unnerving breath before taking a step forward towards her destination. She crossed the street and stepped onto the path leading to Holly's front door. She straightened the imaginairy wrinkles on her coat as she stood in front of it and tucked the beanie in one of her coat pockets. A hand reached through her now dark locks in order to tame it as best as possible before she reached up to ring the doorbel.
In that moment the cop felt as if she was having an outer body experience, watching from above as her black nailpolished finger covered the button, hearing it 'ding' as she pressed. It seemed like ages before she heard movement come from inside the house. Or perhaps it was just a few seconds, she wasn't sure.
Gail held her breath the moment she heard the click at the other side and felt her heart thump in her throat as she waited for the last barrier to finally be removed. The cop balled her hands into fists to try and stop them from shaking while watching the door swing inside until Holly came into view.
Completely mesmerized by the woman in front of her, Gail simply stared, what else could she do?
Holly's jaw fell open, her expression shocked and utterly confused, and for a moment the cop thought that she shouldn't have come by unannounced. For a second she contemplated going back to her old ways and run away. Climb that god damn tree and embrace her inner cat for good.
But that was before she witnessed Holly's lips falling into a smile. A genuine smile that lit up her entire face and sparkled in her eyes.
And just like that Gail knew it was okay. She felt the tention leaving her body and she was able to relax again for the first time since she'd left Toronto.
"Oh my god, Gail!"
The cop regarded her bashfully with a small smile on her lips.
"Hi."
"What are you doing here?"
Before Gail had a chance to reply, though, Holly tugged her arm and lead her inside. Gail couldn't help but notice how the spot where the brunette had just touched her kept tingling, even after the brunette had released her grip on it.
Once inside the hallway, Holly closed the door, reached out to take her duffelbag and hung the cop's coat, taking the chance to run her gaze up and down Gail's frame and stopping at the top of her head. "Look at you. You've dyed your hair!" The brunette said with a grin. Threading her hand through the now dark brown locks. "And you've let it grow."
A familiar warmth spread through Gail's body when she looked at a beaming Holly who was studying her carefully. The woman looked happy to see her, and the cop then realised how much she had trully missed the brunette. Much more than she had previously thought.
"I like it."
"You don't look bad yourself." Gail said smirking. "San Francisco suits you."
"Thanks. It's a lovely city. The job is great, nice coworkers, advanced medical gear, just..." The brunette said as she averted her gaze from the icy blue orbs.
"Just?" Gail asked, a frown settled on her forehead.
Holly shrugged and lead the other girl into the house. "Lets get you something warm to drink first, it's freezing outside." She walked into the kitchen with Gail right behind her. "Tea?"
The other girl nodded as she watched Holly move through the small area. The kitchen wasn't big but smartly arranged to make the most of the space there was. On the right there was a kitchen counter with 3 cupboards, a stove and an extractor. On the other side, there was a storage rack hanging on the wall, filled with herbs and spices, and a large fridge in the corner.
It felt nice.
After pouring the hot water in two mugs, Holly walked into the livingroom. She put them down on the coffee table and sat down on the sofa, patting the spot next to her. The cop accepted the silent invitation and moved towards the brunette, settling down next to her but keeping her distance.
She felt a bit awkward for being here, if she was honest.
"So, when did you get here?" Holly started.
"A couple of hours ago."
Gail dipped a teabag into the hot water as she answered. Mostly to keep herself busy so she wouldn't have to look straight into Holly's eyes.
The cop didn't know how exactly she was supposed to tell Holly that she flew here on a whim, in the hope of spending Christmas with the most wonderful person she'd ever met. I mean, she knew what she wanted to say, just not how to say it or even where to start.
Maybe Holly already had plans with friends, or perhaps she had moved on and had a girlfriend waiting for her with presents and freshly baked cookies.
Speaking of which, why hadn't she thought about bringing something nice? Gail mentally smacked herself, again, the idea of being the cat in the tree suddenly felt really appealing.
"I can hear the wheels spinning in your head from a mile away, Gail."
The cop's train of thoughts got interrupted, seeing a smirking Holly glancing at her as she looked up. Gail held the brunette's gaze for a moment and sighed.
God, she loved it when Holly did that thing with the corner of her mouth, and how patiently she always regarded her, waiting for Gail's walls to crumble so she could speak about whatever was on her mind.
Holly knew her so well. Even after not seeing each other for 9 months the brunette was still able to see right through her.
"I.." Gail started, trying to find the words that she was terrified of saying out loud but that, at the same time, she knew she had to. If she ever wanted to have another chance with Holly, she had to work through this.
"I wanted to see you."
Gail shifted position slightly, causing her knees to graze Holly's but she didn't look at her out of fear that she'd lose her nerve if she did. The cop inhaled deeply before started speaking again.
"This year has been terribly hard. After you left, things have happened." She paused to look up at the woman in front of her. Holly's expression was soft and curious but also patient, always patient.
"Steve was responsible for the bombings at Fifteen." She let that sink in for a moment, still struggling to accept the truth to her own words "There was a trial in which my dad asked me to lie on the stand. And, I'm not sure Holly, but I think that I would have if Steve hadn't interrupted and plead guilty to make a deal. I was investigated in order to see whether or not I was trustworthy, my dad got fired and my mom was suspended for months during the investigation. And on top of losing the shred of family I had, I...I didn't get Sophie." Gail paused momentarily, exhaling a shaky breath, when she felt a warm hand grab hers. The cop looked down at their joined hands and hooked her thumb with the brunette's.
"But dealing with all of that wasn't nowhere near as difficult as dropping off the woman that I love at the airport, waving her off to start a new life without you." She bit her lip as the last words left her mouth.
Gail felt more insecure than she had in a lifetime, which said a lot seeing how many monthly Peck dinners she'd endured while being put down by her family.
Holly squeezed her hand softly, willing the cop to look at her. When their eyes met, unshed tears were shimmering in the chocolate eyes in front of her.
"I'm sorry." Holly merely whispered. "I had no idea. I'm so sorry for not being there when you needed me most."
The confession was strained and full of regret, but Gail could tell by the way the brunette kept their gazes locked that she absolutely meant every word. A single tear rolled down the brunette's right cheek and her bottom lip was trembling slighty as she spoke.
She flashed the doctor a sad smile whilst shrugging her shoulders, about to reply when Holly shook her head.
A silence came over the room which, oddly enough, wasn't uncomfortable.
The two women studied each other's face, trying to read one another's thoughts. Gail wasn't sure whether or not she saw pity or genuine regret in the brunette's chocolate eyes. She was sure about one thing, though, she didn't need anyone's pity.
Just when she inhaled fresh air to finally end the silence between them and scold Holly for the unwanted sentiment, Holly beat her to it.
"Do you still love me?"
Gail tried to swallow the lump that abruptly settled in her throat. Her mouth trying to form words in vain. She had expected a lot of questions from the brunette, why exactly she was here for example, but this one was not on her list.
For a moment, she contemplated whether or not she wanted to expose herself, to put herself in such a vulnerable position. Gail had to decide in seconds if she was willing to risk getting her heart broken, again.
Because even with all the sorrow and all the missing, perhaps it was easier to let Holly in the dark and protect herself from another loss in her life. And even though the brunette wasn't even hers to start with, it would feel like she was slipping through her fingers yet another time.
Even though that would be utterly opposed to why she flew all the way here in the first place, maybe it was for the best to just drop it. They've had their chance and they blew it, maybe this was just not how it was meant to be.
The cop closed her eyes as she filled her lungs with air, dropping her chin to her chest before she exhaled. When she opened her eyes, ready to try and change the subject, something in the corner of the sofa drew her attention.
Gail reached forward behind Holly to collect an envelope with Toronto's justice department's logo on it. A frown settled between her eyebrows as she grabbed it, looking at Holly in a silent question.
The corner or Holly's mouth quirked up while shrugging her shoulders, but she never broke eyecontact with the cop.
"What is this?"
Swallowing, Holly gestured towards the document with a nod, as to give Gail permission to look inside the envelope. Gail took the piece of paper out and read the message on the document. Eyes growing wide in disbelief as she skimmed the letter.
A gasp escaped her throat as the cop's eyes shot up after finishing the letter. Her mouth agap and eyes shining, as tears formed behind her eyelids. Her heart was pounding so loud that it might as well burst from out of her chest. Her hands, shaking dramatically with the letter between her fingertips.
She couldn't believe what she had just read.
Was this a dream that would soon turn into a nightmare when she woke up back in her apartment, alone, on Christmas eve?
"Holly, what..?" Gail croaked out. Choaking back the rest of the sentence when a sob threatened to escape her throat.
The brunette held Gail's gaze as she scooted closer, intertwining their fingers whilst preparing herself to confess what she had done.
"I called your mother."
"You did what?!" The cop exclamed, utter shock evident on her face and blue eyes grew big and rather fearful.
"Yes l-listen. When I left Toronto my old boss said that if I ever needed anything, he was just a phonecall away. Which is why I've spoken to him last week. It's great, this place I work at. I've got amazing colleagues, the aquipment is really advanced. I was just offered a promotion to become my boss's second. I.. I love this city and dispite my busy schedule, I've even made a couple of friends."
Holly paused, taking a deep breath in order to calm her pounding heart.
"Everything is just right, except.." The brunette's eyes were fixed on their joined hands when she finished the last part of her rant. "Except you're not here."
Gail's mouth dropped. She was lost for words, which didn't happen very often. The cop always had a remark to just about anything that was said to her.
But not this time.
This time, she was rendered speechless, completely stunned and frankly, mistrusting her hearing sense if the was honest. This couldn't be real, right? Right?
"Say something, please."
Shaken from her musings, the cop managed to close her mouth. Thinking of something to say, this was everything she had been dreaming of for the past nine months, to hear Holly tell her this. But now that it was finally happening she was lost for words.
So, she blurt out the very first thing that came to mind.
"You spoke to my mom, why?"
"I wanted to ask Elaine if she'd be okay with me working for Fifteen again. And..." The brunette looked back up into the icy blue eyes that had haunted her dreams ever since she stepped on that plane all those months ago. She made sure Gail was watching her intently when she finished her sentense.
"If she would be able to forgive the stupidity that was me leaving her daughter behind. And tell her that, even though I am aware that I've probably messed up my chance with you, you are the reason for me to go back to Torronto. I swore that I would do everything in my power to win her daughter back." Holly nervously adjusted her glasses. "That is, if I am lucky enough that she'll ever let me come near her ag-"
Her lips are as soft as Gail remembered.
She let her tongue trace the brunette's bottom lip, asking for access, which Holly grants immediately. Gail's hands slip around the brunette's neck, one finding its say into silky soft hair as she intertwined her tongue with Holly's. They kissed each other like the world was collapsing around them and nothing else mattered but their tongues reacquainting with each other.
Holly brought her hands up to Gail's face, slowly stroking soft cheeks as she reluctantly started to break the kiss.
When the cop opened her eyes to see those beautiful dark eyes staring back at her, she could feel the tightness leaving her body. Her heart pounding in her chest with full force.
"Yes, I do."
Confusion was evident on Holly's face, her brow furrowing into a frown as a silent question to what the cop meant. Gail flashed the other woman a quick smile as she rested her palms on Holly's cheeks.
"Yes Holly, I still love you."
Gail witnessed a dazzling smile settle on the brunette's face. Unable to resist such beauty, and lead by nothing but plain and simple desire, she closed the small distance between them once more.
Gail wasn't stupid, she knew there were things to be said, things to be discussed, things to do differently now that they were getting their second chance.
But not now, right now Gail was just happy to hold Holly in her arms and kiss away all of her regret. Both of their regrets.
Later, Gail would trace her lips over every single spot she knew that drove Holly crazy. Simply let the brunette know, letting her feel, how much she was wanted. Gail yearned to trace her tongue over the warm and wet place that would leave Holly's entire body trembling.
But, for now, the cop kissed her with every fiber of her being. She kissed her love as if Holly's lips were air and couldn't breath without them.
They had all the time in the world now, and Gail was determined to make every minute count.
Happy birthday, S!
Thank you for reading!