Chapter Warnings: A lot of swearing, alcohol consumption, and some mild sexy talk. Which is a good summation of the Marauders, really.

The footsteps were getting closer towards her position and she tensed up, trying to get herself into as small a ball as possible so that he wouldn't discover her hiding place. The footsteps stopped; her pulse increased rapidly as she watched the expensive leather shoes, praying for her own sake that they would continue on their way. Please God, I swear I'll go to Mass this weekend, just please don't let him bend down and find me... she prayed, closing her eyes and burying her face against the scratchy carpet. Please, please, please...

"Evans?"

Nearly jumping out of her skin, her head banged against the underside of the desk and she let out a vulgar and particularly creative curse. Gingerly rubbing the sore spot on her scalp, she reluctantly poked her head out to see James Potter staring curiously down at her. Lily opened and closed her mouth a few times, all words seeming to flee from her mind as images of the last time she'd been on her knees in front of him - in a very different situation - replaced them.

Come on brain... engage, co-operate with mouth... say something, Lily, for fuck's sake!

"I... lost an earring," she said after an awkwardly long pause, immediately remembering that she didn't put any on that morning.

"Hate to break it to you but I think you may have lost the other one as well," he said with a faint smile before continuing on his way to the water cooler. Lily closed her eyes and hid back under the desk, burying her head in her hands. At least I don't need to go to Mass on Sunday. Yeah, Lily, this really is a win for you. She let out a muffled moan of frustration.

"Evans!"

Her head jerked up again and slammed once more into the desk; she let out a yelp of pain as she managed to find the exact tender spot she'd hit before. Crawling out on her hands and knees, Lily looked up into the face of an irate man in his early forties glaring down at her with all of the force his one good eye could muster.

"What the hell are you doing under that desk?" he barked. "I'm still waiting on three case reports that need filing from you and this is how I find you spending your work hours!"

"I lost an earring," she tried to defend herself as she scrambled to her feet. "They'll be on your desk before I go home tonight, I swear. I just got caught up with-"

"I don't care," he snapped, "Just make sure they get done."

With that, he limped away, leaving Lily to slump defeated against the wall, holding her sore head. Just as she thought it couldn't get any worse, Potter walked past and shot her a sympathetic look, having clearly witnessed the whole exchange.

I'm definitely not going to Mass.

She trudged slowly back to her cubicle and collapsed into her chair. A messy pile of paperwork teetered precariously on her desk, waiting for her. It was just another day in paradise.

James couldn't help feeling a little guilty as he walked back towards his office, knowing that, despite what Lily said, she had been hiding from him and therefore it was his fault that she had got it from Moody.

"Potter!"

Speak of the devil...

He turned smartly on his heel to face his boss and raised an eyebrow. "Something I can help you with, sir?"

The older man caught up to him and slapped a casefile into his hands before continuing on his way, calling over his shoulder: "Read it over, there's a briefing scheduled at 1100 hours."

James looked down at the file in his hands and called back, "Yes, sir..."

He unlocked his office and strode inside, dropping the file casually on the empty and highly polished desk before taking a seat. Taking a sip from his glass of water, his mind returned to the redheaded junior agent. Old memories resurfaced and brought a smile to the corners of his lips: the time in Berlin when they'd been posted on the same mission just after graduating from training; or the time in the hotel in Edinburgh when the bed had broken... Christ, that had been embarrassing to explain to the receptionist, or-

A bang on the window dragged him out of his daydreams and Moody yelled from the other side of it out in the corridor. "I said get reading, Potter!"

James tipped a small salute his way, earning a muttered rant as Moody limped away. Settling back in his chair, he grabbed the file and started skimming over it, with a growing sense of dread.

The cold air bit into any exposed skin as Sirius walked hurriedly towards the old bar. Pushing open the door, he welcomed the warmth that immediately flowed through his bones as he stepped inside. Giving a nod to one of the other regulars, he walked up to the bar and took his usual seat, motioning for a drink from the bartender.

Tom slid a beer over to him and crossed his arms, observing the bedraggled looking man before him. Sirius downed his whiskey in one gulp and shrugged. "What?"

"Been seeing a lot of you in here the past couple of weeks," Tom replied, giving him a knowing look.

Sirius shrugged again. "Marlene isn't speaking to me again. James works late a lot. Don't like being stuck in the flat by myself, that's all. What are you complaining for anyway? More money for you."

Tom chuckled. "No complaints here, God knows I need the extra cash these days." He moved away to serve another customer, leaving Sirius to stare around the room. His eyes stopped on the newest patron and with a grin, he got up from his seat and moved over to the one next to her.

The fiery liquid burned the back of her throat, a familiar feeling these days, as she slammed the shot glass back down onto the cracked wooden counter. Another shot was placed swiftly and silently in front of her and she proceeded to make short work of that one as well. This was one of the few reasons she actually liked this dump of a bar: fast service, no one to bother you.

"Shouldn't you be giving that up?" came a friendly voice from just behind her. Twinkling grey eyes pierced hers from underneath an unruly mane of dark hair and she smiled and shook her head. The movement combined with the fast intake of alcohol caused the room around her to start spinning and she was forced to clutch at the counted to keep herself upright. Taking a deep breath, she replied in a semi-dignified tone: "I can handle my alcohol, thank you very much, Mr Black. Besides, I don't officially go on duty for another thirteen hours."

Plenty of time to stagger home to my horrible little flat and pass out on the couch. And the cat... need to remember and feed the cat.

Sirius grinned at his ex-colleague and shook his head as he turned towards Tom and motioned for another round. Sneaking a look at Lily, he saw her long red hair was tied back in a loose ponytail where several errant strands had escaped to hang messily around her face. There were dark circles under her eyes he noted, with a brief flash of concern. She wasn't even trying to hide them with make-up anymore. His gaze wandered lower. She'd also definitely lost weight since he'd first met her and unfortunately all in the wrong places.

James is a bastard, he thought shaking his head slightly. His eyes moved back up to her face to find her staring at him with a strange expression on her pale face, somewhere between affront and amusement.

"Wondering if the stories he's told you are true?" she asked, a smirk turning up the corners of her lips as she swayed precariously on the rickety bar stool.

"What stories?" he asked innocently, hiding the grin threatening to split his face in two at the few he could remember.

She rolled her eyes and leaned forwards on the bar. "Come off it, Black, you're flatmates, best friends since the year dot. Knowing Potter, I'd say about... a quarter of them are true."

Picking up his bottle of beer, Sirius raised an eyebrow and leaned in closer, pretence gone. "So... is the one about the balcony true?"

She laughed despite herself. "Oh, yeah."

Sirius let out a low whistle and joined in with her laughter before taking a swig of his beer. James was a lucky bastard. "Tough day at work?"

"Like you wouldn't believe. I had to stay three hours late just to get all the reports done and Moody won't get off my back, he's been riding me like you wouldn't believe," she moaned, downing her drink.

Sirius snickered. "There's an image."

Lily shot him a look of disgust. "That's not what I meant." She shuddered. "I honestly can't think of anyone worse."

"Me think the lady doth protest too much..." Sirius replied, waggling his eyebrows as he started a new bottle. "So you'd take me over Moody, then?"

She rolled her eyes. "If someone had a gun to my head and made me choose, I'd go with you, yeah."

"Hmmm..." His eye glinted with mischief. "Say this person is still holding that gun... me or James?"

"Ugh, Sirius!" she warned and he held up his hands.

"Just a hypothetical situation, no need to get your knickers in a twist. But if you had to choose one of us, who would it be?" he asked, smirking as his messy hair fell over his eyes. "Don't worry; your answer is not a binding contract. When you say my name I'm not going to immediately drag you off to my lair."

Lily snorted with laughter. "You're awfully sure of yourself."

Sirius gave her a look of incredulity and motioned to his body. "Come on, love, I've got good reason to be."

She laughed and he smiled as he took a swig of beer, his mind drifting back to the balcony story.

Stupid, lucky bastard.

Right now, James Potter was feeling anything but lucky. He'd read the casefile a dozen times since the briefing, each time hoping that some magical force would change the name that jumped out at him from the pages, but after the thirteenth time, he'd sighed and thrown the documents back down onto the desk. Clearly someone was having a good laugh at his expense right now, he thought, rubbing his eyes. This assignment was going to be hell. A loud beeping noise made him jump and spill the hot coffee in his hand onto his lap. Swearing loudly, James jumped to his feet and frantically tried to dry the spreading stain at the same time as trying to keep the now burning hot fabric away from his crotch. He pulled the offending beeper out of his belt and repeated the profanity, only just refraining from throwing the device across the room.

"Dammit, Sirius!"

Back in the bar, Lily clutched hold of Sirius' arm, tears of laughter streaming down her face at a joke she normally would have just rolled her eyes at. He was nearly as drunk and grinned as he lapped up the attention.

"Tell it again!" she begged, hiccuping. A cold gust of air made her shiver and she turned to yell at the newest customer who was banging his boots on the welcome mat trying to get the snow off them.

"Close the door, you jackass..." The words died in her throat as he looked up and her eyes focused on the tall, dark-haired agent glaring over at her drinking partner.

James looked up, his eyes immediately going to Sirius' usual spot and instead settling on the gorgeous and more than a little inebriated redhead beside him. Damn it, was she following him or something? Steeling himself for a verbal assault at the least, James walked towards the couple.

"You want a lift home I take it," he said stiffly, his eyes fixed on Sirius, inwardly vowing to kill his scruffy friend later. A strange noise from his other side caused him to involuntarily turn and look at Lily, who was sitting with her hand clamped over her mouth, shoulders heaving. He was about to uncomfortably inquire if she was alright before he noticed where her stare was directed: his crotch. More specifically, the coffee stain still covering his crotch.

Eventually Lily couldn't hold it in any longer and burst into giggles.

"Have an accident on the way here, Potter?" she snickered, slurring slightly on his surname.

Sirius, ever the loyal friend, clocked the wet patch and started to guffaw loudly. "Either that or he's been thinking about your balcony story, Evans!"

His face burning red, James grabbed him by the collar and started pulling him towards the door. Opening it, James turned back to Lily and blurted out, "I spilled my coffee!"

"Whatever you say, Potter," she snickered as he hustled Black out to the car park.

Sirius pushed James away as he continued to haul him across the icy concrete and looked at him indignantly. "You should have offered her a lift home as well."

"That'll be right," James scoffed, though he felt a tiny niggle of guilt as he unlocked the brand new Aston Martin. Stereotypical he knew, but the cool cars and gadgets were what really motivated people to join up. Well, there was the sense of duty and serving Queen and country and all that ... but mainly it was the cars. "And have her throwing up all over the back seat again? Lily's more than capable of getting herself home, she's a trained agent."

"C'mon, Prongs!" Sirius slurred as he lay across all three back seats. "You can't let a drunk lady wander the streets at this time of night. Where's your sense of chivalry?"

"I keep telling you, stop calling me that. It wasn't funny in high school and it isn't funny now," James replied. But Sirius did have a point... he sighed. "Wait here."

Trudging back through the snow, James re-entered the bar and reluctantly made his way over to the lone woman. He cleared his throat and she turned to look questioningly at him.

"Come on, I'm taking you home," he said gruffly.

She looked at him for a few moments then nodded, getting shakily up from the bar stool. The bartender noticed her about to leave and hustled over.

"Your bill, Evans?" he said pointedly. Looking at James he added, "And your friend has skipped out on his three nights now. Someone needs to settle it."

James rolled his eyes and reached into his jacket pocket for his wallet. "How much?"

"You don't want to know," Lily muttered.

"I'm paying for it so of course I want to know," James replied, looking back at Tom expectantly.

Outside in the car park, Sirius heard a muffled "Son of a bitch!" and let out a drunken chortle, before his ears perked up. A cluster of shadows fell over him as he lay peering up at the figures that filled the space in the still open car door.

"Can I help you fine gentlemen?" he inquired, before letting out a yelp as they lunged for him.

"I can't believe him!" James muttered furiously as he strode out of the bar. Lily trotted after him, the street lights dancing around her.

"He's going through a rough patch, cut him some slack," she said. "Imagine if you'd gone through the last few years that he's had, with Marlene and work..."

"It's not exactly been a piece of cake for me either," he retorted, then stopped short. Lily, not noticing, ran into the back of him and let out an unladylike "Oof!" as she stumbled on the slippery snow and fell on her backside.

James didn't notice however, instead he was staring in horror at the empty space where his top of the range, expensive, oh-so-beautiful car had been just minutes before. In its place lay Sirius Black, naked and sporting a bleeding nose.

"Sirius... where's my car?"

"Now, James, take deep breath," Sirius said, holding up his hands. "Think of how much worse this could have been..."

James could feel his blood pressure rising by the second, his face getting redder and redder and he threw his head back and screamed at the sky.

"NO! YOU FUCKING MORON! THIS CAN'T BE FUCKING HAPPENING! NOT AGAIN! GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!"

Lily dusted the snow from her trousers and squinted at Sirius. "Where are your clothes?"

Wincing as James marched round in circles, continuing his foul-mouthed tirades at the heavens, Sirius replied, "Apparently they really liked my suit as well."

"But they took your underwear..." she said, wrinkling her nose.

Sirius looked at her and started slowly shaking his head and she turned away in disgust.

"You're disgusting."

"I like to be free to move down there. Underwear is too constricting." He paused and watched James as he continued to scream for a few minutes. "There's a payphone over there... I'll go call us a taxi."

In case this sounds very familiar to some of you, this is now my second rewrite of this story; I swear this time I'm going to finish it! Anyway yeah, usual disclaimer: everything Harry Potter related belongs to J.K. Rowling, I'm not making any money from this, please don't sue me, etc. etc..

This story is my baby and so any reviews are met with great rejoicing, particularly if they include concrit so I can make my baby grow up to be super cool and awesome. Thank you for reading and stay tuned for more on the escapades of Agents Potter and Evans!