Well, my muse is still dead when it comes to any of my other stories, but it did wake up enough so I could write this one. Hopefully, that's a good sign and ideas for the others will be coming along soon, as well. Thanks for reading :)

xxxxx

"G?" Sam called out as he entered the boathouse. It was very quiet and appeared deserted, but he knew his partner was there. His car was parked outside.

"Hey, Sam," Callen replied from his recumbent position on the sofa. He slowly sat up and gave his friend a curious look. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Sam said, taking a seat on the sofa next to Callen. "I stopped by your house…"

"Oh yeah? I wasn't there."

"You're a funny guy, G," Sam said. "I know you weren't there. You want to know who was there though?"

Callen rolled his eyes. "I know who was there, Sam."

Sam nodded. "He seemed disappointed that I wasn't you. So…why is Garrison at your house, but you're here?"

"I just came here to think," Callen said. "I wanted to go someplace quiet."

"So, I guess I'm interrupting you then," Sam said. "You want me to leave?"

Callen hesitated but then shook his head. "No, you don't have to leave, but, how did you know where I was?"

"Eric," Sam said, smiling.

"Really? Why didn't you just call?" Callen asked.

"I did call. You didn't answer."

"You did?" Callen gave a genuine look of surprise to his partner as he pulled out his phone which clearly indicated one missed call. "Oh…sorry, Sam. I guess I missed it somehow."

"No big deal," Sam replied as he regarded his partner closely, unable to read the look on his face, but it was obviously not a happy one. "You okay, G?"

Callen slowly nodded. "Yeah…yeah , I'm fine, Sam…it's just…" He sighed then shook his head. "Never mind, it's nothing."

"Come on. You can't start off like that and then just drop it. You know I'm not going to let it go."

Callen smiled and looked at his partner. "I guess I do know that…You know how I used to avoid Nate like the plague whenever our psych evaluations came up?"

Sam chuckled. "Yeah, you used to make him crazy when he couldn't get you to talk to him."

"Yeah well, if things were different…he might have finally gotten his chance," Callen said quietly.

Sam sighed softly. Of course this whole thing would be getting to his partner. It would be weird if it wasn't. "So I take it you still don't want to talk with Nate?"

Callen quickly shook his head then looked back at Sam. "How can I?" he asked. "After what he did?" I just…I don't trust him anymore, Sam. I just…I can't…" Perhaps he could have gotten past the whole waterboarding incident with Nate, but the way he had casually thrown around information that should have been confidential, that was a whole different thing. Callen didn't think he would ever be able to trust Nate again, certainly not with anything private or important.

Sam nodded. "I understand…"

"But you think I'm wrong?" Callen asked, defensively.

"Whoa, G," Sam said. "Did I say that? You're wound up pretty tight tonight."

"Sorry," Callen said. "I guess I am…"

"There are other professionals you could talk to," Sam began slowly, hesitant to even broach the subject, sure that it wasn't the path his partner would choose.

"No, I'm not doing that," Callen said. "I…I just can't talk to strangers about this stuff…" He knew they were supposedly bound by confidentiality, but what did that really mean? He had trusted Nate and look what had happened there.

"Well…you could always talk to me, G…"

Callen nodded. He knew it was true. Out of anyone, Sam was the person he trusted most. "We can try," he finally said after a long silence, surprising himself almost as much as he surprised Sam with his answer.

Sam just stared back at his partner, allowing him to take the lead, not wanting to scare him off from whatever he might be compelled to say.

"I know you know things, Sam…" Callen began hesitantly as he stared down at the floor. "Things about my childhood…some that I've told you...others that I haven't, stuff you've put together on your own..."

Sam shook his head. "G…I would never pry into your personal information behind your back. I may have heard certain things over the years, but most of what I know came from you." Sam had learned to really listen to Callen and to read between the lines since very early on in their partnership.

"I realize that. It wasn't an accusation," Callen finally looked up and met his partner's eyes. "I trust you more than anyone else in this world. You are my family, Sam." He shook his head, looking down again. "You're the only one who doesn't have an agenda, who didn't… who didn't use me for your own ends. Hetty…I know she cares about me, but…it's not the same. There were always the secrets, the things she wouldn't or supposedly couldn't tell me, but secrets like that, especially when they involve me, don't exactly foster trust…"

Sam nodded. There were times when he found it hard to trust Hetty, as well, and there had been times when he had been outraged on his partner's behalf against her.

"Anyhow," Callen sighed deeply and then continued. "My first few years in the system, when I was really young, I tended to believe whatever foster parents told me…that whatever they did to me was my own fault, that I was bad, that I deserved it for one reason or another…"

"Oh G…" Sam shook his head sadly, trying unsuccessfully to keep his emotions at bay, but they were clearly evident in his eyes.

Callen looked at his partner. "I'm not trying to gain sympathy, Sam. I'm just trying to tell you where I'm coming from. Those early years, it was mainly just trying to be good, avoiding trouble, hiding when things got really bad…not that hiding ever helped…but…" Being good hadn't helped either. It was all luck of the draw. If you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, you were in trouble. That's how it had always been. He was lost in the memories for a few moments, but then shook his head, wanting to block those images from his mind. "I can't forget…you can't just block out getting tossed down a flight of stairs when you're five years old…it just doesn't work like that," he ended in a whisper.

Sam had no words. Callen had never been this open with him before. It was a whole new and unexpected side to him. He put his arm around his friend and patted his shoulder supportively.

After a few minutes of silence, Callen stood up and slowly wandered around the boathouse. Sam just sat on the sofa and waited, knowing that G needed to do this in his own way, on his own time table. When Callen returned to the sofa, he had a piece of paper which he absently began forming into a simple airplane. "I think I get the whole origami thing," he said as he took the plane and tossed it, watching as it quickly fell to the floor. He frowned, disappointed with the limited flight.

"It's easier than reassembling toasters," Sam said, smiling, as he reached down to the floor and picked up the plane. "I hope this wasn't something important, G…"

Callen shook his head, giving Sam a faint smile in return. "No, nothing important…" He hesitated for a few moments and then began talking again. "As time went on…I began to grow up and my views started to change. I would look around and see what other kids were going through, sometimes really young and innocent kids, and I began to realize all these kids couldn't be bad. They'd been dealt a lousy hand, just like I had. That was when I started to develop, for lack of a better term, survival skills."

Sam couldn't help but compare his own upbringing to that of his partner's. While he'd been learning the values of duty, honor and country at the military academy, Callen had been just trying to survive in whatever way he could.

"I learned how to pick my battles, which of the older kids to avoid and which to try to develop some kind of an alliance with. It was kind of like a real life game of Survivor. Who you hung out with could determine everything, sometimes even life and death…" he shuddered very slightly, but still obvious enough for Sam to notice. "I toughened up, learned to lie really well, to steal…I was no angel, that's for sure. I did what I had to do to survive…"

Sam was stunned at the way his partner was opening up and didn't want to interrupt him unless it was absolutely necessary, almost afraid he would break whatever spell his partner was under if he did. He focused wholeheartedly on Callen as he continued to speak.

"So now…my father comes and…even if I wanted to, I don't know if I can ever forgive him Sam…there's just so much bad stuff that happened and I blame him. It may be wrong, but I can't help it. I've always been told that people were trying to protect me and that's why things were the way they were, but I wasn't protected. Granted, no one killed me, but I can't help but think he could have kept me and found a way to protect me. No matter what the reasons were, I still feel like I was tossed away…that I wasn't important enough or he didn't care enough about me to want to keep me… He's my father…shouldn't he have wanted me?"

The look Callen gave Sam almost broke his heart. He looked sad and lost and Sam knew, if he had been his son, that he could have never given him up. "G…I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself," he said softly. "You need to let yourself feel how you feel. There's no right or wrong answers to something like this. You need to just take your time and see what happens. You can't solve this overnight."

"Still…he's not a young man, Sam…one day…it could be too late…" Callen found himself looking anywhere but at Sam, blinking his eyes rapidly, trying to contain the moisture that was forming.

"He made his choices, G…a long time ago. You were a child. You didn't get to make a choice. You were totally at the mercy of others. If you can forgive him, fine, but if you can't…that's fine too. His choices had consequences. You don't have to forgive him…and you shouldn't feel guilty if you can't."

"But I've spent my whole life looking for answers, Sam… I just don't know what to do…"

"You can still get those answers. I think Garrison is more than ready to give them to you. After that, you can decide. Just do what your heart tells you. I think you'll know the right thing to do when the time comes."

Callen nodded as he gave his partner a heartfelt look. "Thanks, Sam…I can always count on you."

"You're welcome," Sam replied. "You know I'm always here for you."

"I know."

"But for now, it's getting pretty late," Sam said, glancing at his watch. "You're not planning on staying here all night, are you? You know you're welcome to come home with me."

Callen shook his head. "No thanks. I'm actually going to head home and maybe see about getting some of those answers."

Sam nodded. "You know where I'll be if you need me."

Callen smirked. "And if not, I'll have Eric track you down."

Sam smiled as he got up from the sofa. "Come on, buddy, let's get out of here. It'll be time for work again before we know it."

Callen got up as well and the two headed out of the boathouse to where their cars were parked.

"Thanks again, Sam," Callen said, giving Sam a one-armed hug before the other man got into his Challenger.

"You hang in there, G…and if you need me tonight, I'm just a phone call away."

Callen nodded, his blue eyes filled with emotion as he waved at his partner and got into his car, ready to hear whatever answers his father would finally give him.