The eight-year-old known as Kenny McCormick woke up that cold Tuesday morning in South Park, Colorado, with the thought, "How will I die today?" No, seriously, That's what he thought. Everyone who knew Kenny knew that his poor luck always brought him death. They also knew, however, that somehow, Kenny would just pop up again the very next day, just like his own death had never occurred. And Kenny was okay with that.
He hopped out of the bed and slid on his well-known orange jacket from his closet. He passed by the mirror in his room before going out the door and admired himself. "Who's that handsome looker?" Kenny mused, smirking to himself, and then pulled the hood over his head.
Out in the kitchen, his mother and father were drinking and watching a monster truck special. (Yes, the television was in the kitchen.) As Kenny turned to go out the door, his mother stopped him abruptly.
"Kenny, haven't you ever stopped and thought about the reason why you die so much?"
Anybody who lived anywhere other than South Park, Colorado, would have laughed his or her ass off regarding what Mrs. McCormick had just said. No one -- except Kenny McCormick, of course -- could expire more than once.
"Mfff...moff mphhff," Kenny replied. ("Um...Not really.")
"Exactly!" Mrs. McCormick pushed on. "You need to be more careful about what you do, son! Look before you leap. Think a little bit before you just go and do all this dangerous stuff you're doin' all the time!"
Kenny rested his hand on the doorknob and just stared at his mother, not sure how to respond (or if to respond at all).
"And don't do drugs, son. Now go on out and play," his mother finished.
Kenny ignored all this completely and rushed out of the house. He walked to the bus stop, where Kyle, Stan, and Cartman were already talking. Well, Kyle and Cartman were talking -- arguing. This wasn't anything new, of course.
"Oh, hey, Kenny," Stan greeted.
"Yeah, hi, dude," Kyle said to him. Then turning back to Cartman, he continued arguing, "Like I said, you're just a big douche bag."
"Ay, I'm not a douche bag! Goddamn it, Kyle, I'm gonna kick you in the nuts!" Cartman attacked Kyle; Kyle attacked back.
Stan and Kenny watched on as the other two took turns kicking each other in the nuts (it was pretty violent). Once, Kyle kicked a little too hard, and a small bag of Cheesy Poofs was sent flying out of Cartman's pants pocket.
Kyle stopped everything and stared blankly at Cartman. Cartman stared blankly back at Kyle. Kyle moved his blank stare over to Stan. Stan stared blankly over to Kenny, who stared at Stan. Cleverly spontaneously, Kenny sauntered over to across the street where the Cheesy Poofs had landed. As Kenny went to pick it up off the ground, however, the most dangerous stray mutt in South Park took hold of the Cheesy Poofs -- just Kenny's luck (or lack thereof).
"Mmph! Mmph, mm mphf!" Kenny shouted, trying hard, and succeeeding at taking back the bag. ("Hey! Hey, fuck off!")
Kenny ran back to Cartman with the stupid little snack, but the dog followed him, plenty pissed off. The stray growled sinisterly towards Kenny, and started biting at his feet. Kenny didn't hesitate to practically whack the dog over the head.
The seriously pissed off rabid mutt started chasing Kenny back to the other side of the street, and then in the middle of the road. Without warning, Kenny was ran over by a huge truck.
"Oh my god!You killed Kenny!" Stan exclaimed.
"You bastard!" Kyle joined in.
"Oh come on, you guys. He dies all the time," Cartman said apathetically, munching on his cheesy poofs.
"Yeah, you're right," Stan agreed, walking over with the other two, inspecting Kenny's ran-over remains. "He'll be back tomorrow."
"Hey come on you guys, Terrance and Philip is coming on in five minutes!" Kyle said, and they all ran off to his house like nothing happened.
Well, Kenny had died. But would he really be back the next day? ...
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Kenny McCormick rose up out of bed on that cold, misty Tuesday morning. Something didn't feel right.
He looked down at the carpet...yep, this was his own room. This was South Park. But, wait a minute...
First off, Kenny noticed that his legs had gotten a lot longer. A lot. And his feet actually reached the ground off the side of the bed...a lot. What the fuck, he thought. An overnight growth spurt?
Kenny got up all the way and relectantly made his way over to the mirror. In the reflection, he saw someone with a face kind of like his own...only more matured and a lot more handsome, if he did say so himself. His hair was still blonde and messy, sexy as ever. Kenny smirked and beamed at how fucking hot this person looked..no way it could be him! No way, Kenny was only an eight-year-old, not a eighteen-year-old, like the presumable age of this person Kenny looked at.
The rest of this person wore exactly the same hoodie that Kenny always wore, but it was a couple of sizes larger so as to fit the tall, slender teen. It was true; the person Kenny was staring at in the mirror was himself!
"Dude. What the fuck?" He cursed, and immediately jumped back. His own voice had gotten a lot deeper! Although all of this freaked him out really badly, Kenny found himself quite impressed at how hawt his older self was. However, he was seriously confused.People don't just wake up ten years older.
Kenny was afraid to for a moment, but then he opened his bedroom door and carefully sauntered down the hallway. In the kitchen was his mother, smoking and watching a soap opera, which was in Spanish. His mother aged a lot, too - her former red hair was back to blonde (her natural hair color, which is where Kenny inherited his own), and had grown chubby and slightly wrinkly. She looked a lot different, but Kenny still recognized her.
"Uh...mom?" he began, still a little bit shaken by the sound of his own older voice. "What's today?"
"I don't know, son, ever since what happened, I've lost track of everything," Mrs. McCormick said sadly. "Check the calender over there."
She pointed to a piece of paper tacked to the refridgerator (which wasn't meant to have things tacked into it). Kenny shuddered as he saw it: "January 2008." Holy fuck! He was right, it was ten years later! But how? He had an idea, but he had to be sure.
"Mom, um...have I...died recently?" Kenny asked slowly.
"Oh Kenny, I just...can't really remember, I told you. Ever since your father died..."
"Dad died?" Kenny gawked.
"Yeah, don't you remember? Well..maybe you don't...you died a couple of years ago..or was that your little friend Stan? I don't know, but ever since your father died in that accident..." She didn't finish, because Mick, on the Spanish soap opera, apparently had an affair with Sofia, and Mrs. McCormick had to stop to watch it. "You son of a bitch Mick! I knew you'd cheat on Tammy, you bastard! I'm going to kick your ass!" She threw her pack of Marlboros at the miniature television screen and took a long drag off her cigarette. Kenny knew his mom would lose it one day, and it had come ten years later.
Still way confused, Kenny went outside. Maybe he could find Cartman and Kyle and Stan, and get some real information as to how he'd died or..something.
Kenny didn't even know where to look for those guys. Ten years later, they all most likely had different interests than when they were 9-year-olds. He decided to sit down on a bench by the frozen pond, and just think or something.
Not long after sitting there, some kid (much younger than Kenny now) came up and sat down next to him.
"Hey dude. I haven't seen you here, are you new in South Park?" the boy asked. He seemed pretty friendly.
"Uh..sort of," Kenny stammered. "Hey, you wouldn't happen to know a guy named...Eric, would you? Like, I mean, Eric Cartman?"
"Eric Cartman...hmm..I think so. He hangs out with my brother a lot," the guy said.
"Who's your brother?" Kenny mused, hoping to get somewhere.
Author's Note: Hey thanks so much for reading! Sorry for the cliffhanger at the end, but don't worry! If you keep a look out for the next chapter, you'll see who this guy is ;D ---hint hint---
Some things about this fic: This is supposed to be a comedy, almost like a parody, but not really making fun of it. I'm just trying to be funny here. Also, in case you don't get my sense of humor, when Mrs. McCormick is lecturing Kenny and says "And don't do drugs, son," I was trying to be all ironic and randomand shit. xD;;; And same way with the whole "blank stare" scene XD So anyway, that's just what I find funny. And I really hope I kept them all in-character. This is my very first South Park fanfic, so don't be too mad at me if they're a little OOC n.n;;
So yeah. I hope you're enjoying this so far! And please leave a review, I freakin love reviews. But please, I discourage flames because I think that good writers leave nice comments with constructive criticism (like "you could have written "----" this way" not "Omg, ur fic f---in SUCked!11")
I have a lot more written so far, so if you guys like it, I'll put up the some more chapters 8D
All the South Park characters and South Park (c) Matt Stone and Trey Parker
Fanfic (c) Me
--Lena xD