A/N: First Grey's Anatomy fiction! With all my CSI, Crossing Jordan and CSI: Miami fanfictions I have unfinished, the last thing I should be doing is starting a new fanfiction, but I can't write other things when I have something else on my mind, so I'm going to write this regardless. I have only seen the first half of season two of Grey's, so maybe this gets talked about or resolved in season two, or in what has begun of season three, but I don't know that, and well, it can be an alternate ending then, for everyone else. The pairings in this will be VERY messed up, because I don't know which pairings I like yet. At all. So, we'll go with it and see what happens.
It shall be Izzy centric, I bet. As she is my favourite at the moment. And in her point of view.
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy, thus nothing I mention in this fanfiction do I own.
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Secrets. They overwhelm you; they eat you up from the inside until you feel dark. Broken. Until you feel like there is nothing else left inside of you. Sure, you can find temporary refuge in anyway you choose. There's your job, which can make this, which can make anything really, go away if you throw yourself hard enough into a case. But then, as I know, there are cases that bring it all up. They make it all worse. Because if there's one thing we learn in life, it's that rarely is a problem unique. Then there is sex. But even that has its faults. With me, sex requires trust, and love. Two traits, which require honesty and there is no room in honesty for secrets like mine. I suppose, for a third option, there are friends. I do have great friends, but how does anyone get over being lied to about something this size when so many an opportunity has arisen when I could have blurted it all out, where I could have come clean and didn't. There have been occasions where Meredith or Cristina have had situations at the same calibre as mine. And I sat, and I listened to them talk. I held them while they cried, and I assisted in picking up the pieces. Basically, I deceived everyone I loved yet again and I'm being eaten by the parasite I call a secret. Only there is no surgery to cure this.
--&
"Izzy!" George called from the kitchen. "We're going to be late! Hurry up!" I continue to dry at my eyes with tissue to no avail. Now I hear pounding on the bathroom door.
"Iz!" It's Meredith this time. "I can hear you crying. Why don't you come out and talk about it?"
"I can't." I sniffle. "I just can't. I'll be out in a second though. You can wait for me in the car if you want."
"Izzy, I am not leaving this door until you either tell me what's wrong, open it, or both." Meredith insists. At least Cristina isn't here. "Do you want me to call Cristina?"
"No." I sniffle again, remembering the time she literally kicked Meredith out of bed, and self-pity. But this wasn't self-pity. Well, yes it was but not entirely! I finally forfeit, glancing at my watch and realizing they aren't exaggerating. We really are going to be late. I unlock the door and step out, drying my eyes one last time and tossing the tissue in the trash. Meredith immediately puts an arm around me as we head to the door.
"You going to be okay today?" She asks, and I smiled. Or at least I try to.
"Yeah." I nod, not quite sure if the word was audible through the sob.
"Okay. We've really got to get going, but I'm not going to forget about this." She warns me.
"I know." I smile.
"Are you two coming?" George asks impatiently.
"What does it look like?" Meredith rolls her eyes as we get in the car. "We're here. So drive."
--&
"Good morning interns." Bailey greets us as we enter the hospital. "You're almost running late. You better get to that locker room and back fast." We nod and pick up the pace as we make our way to the locker room.
"What took you guys this morning?" Alex asks as we enter.
"Izzy." Meredith tells him.
"Bad hair day?" Alex makes a face at me, and I send him a look. "Sorry!" He raises his hands in mock defeat. "You better hurry up before you miss all the good assignments. Cristina's already out there."
"We know." The three of us chorus as he jogs out of the room and we hurriedly change into our scrubs.
"So what was the problem this morning?" George asks. Meredith shrugs and they both look at me.
"This so isn't the time." I mutter as I continue to change. This was going to be one long, terrible day. Not terrible in the sense that everyone was going to be in life threatening danger, or even necessarily that I was going to lose a patient. Just terrible for me, and only me, though another part of me wondered if somewhere out there, someone else was having a bad day for similar reasons. Part of me hoped.
--&
Naturally, on a day like today, I would be assigned to work with Mrs. McDreamy. Just perfect. Our case consisted of Siamese twins that would have to be separated immediately, or as close to immediately as possible, after birth. The mother, a twenty five year old who was scared out of her mind about what would happen to her, and her babies. She still had, or hopefully had, twenty hours left before delivery but with cases like these, it was impossible to tell. She would need to be constantly monitored for the babies' health, and her health, physically and mentally. Not only was she young and scared out of her mind, but she also had a not so historic history of suicide attempts. Luckily, the father of the children seemed to be somewhat more stable, and ten years her senior so he was at least some help in keeping his fiancé under control. This was the type of case Izzy would normally be almost excited to work on. She was completely intrigued with Addison's field of work, and loved practicing it… but today, today was just different. This was the last place she wanted to be.
--&
Memories. They crash and they die because we let them. It's easier that way. It's easier and they're never to be thought of again. But packaged neatly, along with pieces of our hearts, fragments of our trust, slivers of our love; they are then delivered to the very depths of our soul where those memories, these secrets silently await for us to fall asleep so they can haunt our nightmares, making sure we never forget. But on days like these when I feel like I'm living in a nightmare… I wish I would have never made them go away because then they might really be gone by now. If I could have dealt with this then, maybe it wouldn't still be here now. But the past is the past and this is today. Today where I have friends. These friends are my family, and they are willing to listen. They are willing to help and because of similar mistakes they have made, I know they will forgive me for not sharing this before. They have to understand.
--&
A/N: I like my first chapters confusing, as this probably was. I think it is blatantly obvious WHAT her secret is, but I guess it may not be. PLEASE review because really, if no one is interested in reading more, then I won't write more, but if anyone is then I will. And if you have pairing requests, send away because I am open to most anything.