Derek Shepherd collapsed into the leather chair opposite Chief Webber. "I can't figure out what's wrong with her. Neither can Burke. I need help."
Webber nodded, unsurprised. "I figured you would and I began looking over possible diagnosticians to consult." He handed Derek a piece of paper. "Who do you think we should call?"
Derek glanced at the paper and then back at the Chief. "I really think we should let her decide. She is a doctor, after all."
Webber nodded in agreement. "My thoughts exactly."
---x---
Allison Cameron glanced away from the television as her doctor entered the room.
"General Hospital?" Derek asked. "I didn't peg you as a soap fan."
Cameron smiled softly. "It reminds me of home."
The doctor nodded. "We're going to have to call in a diagnostician to help us determine what's causing your symptoms." He offered her the list of choices. "You pick."
She shook her head. She had known all along it would come to this, no matter how hard she tried to fight it. So much for vacation. "I know who I want."
Derek quirked an eyebrow.
"I want the best. I want House."
---x---
Doctors House and Wilson sat side by side on a bench near Wilson's office. They watched out of the corners of their eyes as Doctor Cuddy stepped off a nearby elevator.
"3…2…1…"
"House!" She had spotted them.
"Gotta run." House pushed himself off the bench and hobbled down the linoleum-tiles hallway. Just as his companion opened his mouth to comment, House called over his shoulder, "Say what you're thinking and you'll regret it!"
Wilson just shook his head as he watched his friend turn and stick his tongue out at Cuddy.
"You'll never catch me!" he called before doing his version of a run down an adjoining corridor.
Cuddy stopped for a moment at the bench. "You just encourage this behavior. At least he's insane. What's your excuse?"
"I get bored."
Cuddy rolled her eyes and continued her pursuit of the crazed doctor.
---x---
"She wants Dr. House. She didn't even look at the list."
The Chief shrugged. "House it is. Good luck with that. From what I understand, he's never taken a single consult request, not even from his own co-workers." He rummaged in his drawers for several minutes, finally emerging with a small book in his hand. "Princeton-Plainsboro's number should be in here."
"I have to at least try," Derek replied, lifting the phone.
---x---
House collapsed into his chair, lifting his leg up onto the desk with a soft moan. If he didn't hate stupid people so much, he would prefer the clinic to the post-chase pain. Settling in, he turned on his GameBoy. That little dragon was going down. The phone startled him and he wasn't able to keep his guy from running off a cliff. "Stupid animated midget." The phone kept ringing.
"What?" he answered irritably, popping a couple of Vicodin into his mouth.
The caller hesitated. "Dr. House?"
"No, Joe's Pizza Place. Who do you think it is?"
"This is Dr. Derek Shepherd. I'm a neurologist at Seattle Grace Hospital in –"
"Lemme guess. Seattle, Washington? Don't know how I figured that out."
Shepherd paused. "If this is a bad time, I can call back later."
House sighed. "No, because you'll probably interrupt my soap and then it would be a really bad time. What do you want?"
"We have a patient we need help diagnosing. She came in a week and a half ago presenting with fever, nausea and vomiting, and severe headaches. Chest x-ray and white count were normal. Temp went down without antibiotic and she was discharged when her viral serology came back negative. A few days later, she was re-admitted with similar symptoms. Her name is –"
"I don't care what her name is and I don't particularly care what's wrong with her. Did you test for meningitis?" He glanced up as saw Cuddy standing in the doorway. He pointed at his chest and gave her a thumbs up. She tugged her shirt up and glared.
"Yes, it came back negative."
House sighed. "There's dozens of diagnoses for those symptoms. Are you sure you ran every test?"
"I'm positive."
"Well, go run them again. I'm not coming out there."
Cuddy rushed forward and warned in a dangerous voice, "If you don't go wherever that patient is, you will spend every free hour for the next year in the clinic."
"Fine," Shepherd answered from the other end. "I'll go tell Miss Cameron she's going to die because –"
House sat up straight. "What did you say her name was?"
"Oh, so now you care?"
"What's her name?" House persisted.
"Allison Cameron."
House glanced up at Cuddy. "Warn your Chief or whoever. My team's coming with me."
---x---
Derek hung up the phone. "I don't like him."
The Chief shook his head and smiled knowingly. "You're not the first and trust me, you won't be the last."
---x---
House limped into the room, barely looking at the two remaining members of his team. "Go home, pack your stuff. We're going on a field trip."
"To where?" Chase asked.
"That's for me to know and you to find out,' House answered, tossing a ball into the air to punctuate his point.
"House, seriously. Where are we going?" Foreman asked.
"Seattle. I've found our AWOL softie."
Foreman rolled his eyes.
"One of these days, your eyes gonna stick like that. And I'm gonna ship you off to the circus for a pretty penny."
Foreman forced himself not to repeat the action. "House, Cameron is on vacation. Just because she told you to butt out when you tried to blackmail her into telling you where doesn't mean she's AWOL."
"Of course it does. And now I've found her."
"So now we're all going to interrupt her vacation."
House gestured with his hand as he said, "You call it interrupting; I call it saving her life. To-may-to, to-mah-to, right?"
Chase stared at his boss. "What are you talking about?"
"Oh, right. Cameron's in Seattle Grace Hospital. They called for a consult."
The other two stared at him. "Why didn't you mention that before?" Foreman asked incredulously.
Their boss shrugged. "Must've slipped my mind." He twisted open his pill bottle and tossed one into his mouth. "Drugs do that to you," he added with a smirk. "Go pack. We leave in three hours."
---x---
Derek entered Cameron's room and stopped short, smiling at the seemingly asleep young woman. She surprised him by lifting her head. "Well?"
"He's coming," he informed her. "Are you sure you want him? He's a bit…well, he's a jerk."
The brunette let out a little laugh. "I think I can handle him. My vacation's shot anyway."
---x---
Bailey's interns gathered in the conference room the next day, exchanging curious glances. Something big was going on. Chief Webber walked in, looking grave, followed by Burke and McDreamy. "I'm sure most of you have heard of the young woman we've been struggling to diagnose. Unfortunately, we have been unsuccessful so far and had to call in a top diagnostician for a consult. Since this was Dr. Bailey's case originally and most of you have worked with the patient already, I'll be assigning some of you to help with this diagnosis. The man we called in is Dr. Gregory House."
An excited buzz filled the room.
"I take it you've heard of him," Webber concluded with a small smile. "I'm not surprised. He is, quite simply, the best. And he knows it. So there's no need to go boosting his ego. Suck up at your own risk. He's bringing his team. I believe there are three doctors working under him, an immunologist, a neurologist, and an intensivist. One intern will be assigned to each of them as guides as they get used to the hospital and to assist them in every way, another will be assigned to Dr. House himself."
The interns sat up even straighter at this, as if good posture meant they had a better chance of getting picked.
"I'll allow Dr. House to decide. All of you will be in Allison Cameron's room in two hours to meet Dr. House and his team." He surveyed the group. "Dismissed."
The interns gathered into a group, talking rapidly and progressively louder, each trying to be heard over the others.
"I hope you know what you're doing," Bailey told the Chief as he walked past her.
"I hope so, too."
---x---
House sighed, tapping his cane impatiently. This flight was taking entirely too long.
"Would you stop that?" Foreman asked from across the aisle.
"No."
"It's your fault we missed the red-eye."
"Is not," House shot back. "It's all because of that nurse."
"It's her fault that you're a drug addict? She could get into a lot of trouble for giving you that much Vicodin."
"I had a prescription."
"From Wilson," Chase pointed out. "No way was anyone going to buy that as a legitimate prescription."
"Doesn't matter, I'll just get refills at Seattle Grace. One of you can have the honor of writing the prescriptions." Off their dubious looks, he added, "Oh, God. Don't worry. We won't be there long enough for them to catch on. You're both wimps."
"And if we agreed, you'd call us suck-ups. It's hopeless."
"Exactly. Why do you even try?"
---x---
"Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening," Cristina began, her eyes wide with excitement. "House is the –"
"Best diagnostician in the country," the other chorused. "We know."
"Sue me for being excited."
"Yeah, she's showing an actual emotion. Maybe we should encourage this. Before long, she'll be smiling at patients!" Meredith teased.
Cristina scowled. "Will not."
"Would you two shut your traps and hurry up?" Alex snapped from down the hall. "We're gonna be late."
The two friends rolled their eyes simultaneously but they picked up their pace.
"This is so cool!" Izzie squealed.
"I know!" George answered, sounding a little too girly.
Alex shot him a look. "And you wonder why you can't get a girl."
"Don't even start," Izzie warned.
They stopped short at the sight of Bailey. "Finally. Get your butts in here! Now!"
---x---
House climbed out of the cab first. "Aussie, pay the fare."
"Why me?"
"Because you were Vogler's narc."
Chase rolled his eyes as he paid the cabbie.
"Oh, yippee! Now I'll get twice as much from the circus." He started for the hospital doors.
Chase and Foreman exchanged exasperated looks and followed.
The team walked purposefully through the sliding doors, House flanked on either side by his employees. Chief Webber walked forward and extended a hand.
"Dr. House. Welcome to Seattle Grace. I'm Chief Webber."
House shook his hand briefly. "Where's Cameron?"
"I want you to meet some of our doctors first. They can give you the case details. Follow me."
---x---
A ripple of excitement filled the room as the Chief approached, leading three men. They stopped just outside so House could be introduced to Burke and Shepherd.
"Everybody, this is Dr. House and two of his co-workers."
"Employees," House corrected. "I'm the boss. Isn't that right, Foreman?"
Foreman rolled his eyes and Chase smiled.
"What're you laughing at, Benedict Arnold?"
It was Foreman's turn to smile.
House ignored the confused expressions on everyone's faces. "Which one's Shepherd?"
Derek stepped forward, offering his hand, which House ignored. He was cranky. He had run out Vicodin on the plane. "She's in there?"
Derek nodded, glaring at House. He really hated this guy.
Burke stepped forward. "I'm Preston Burke," he began.
House just brushed past him and entered the room. "Cameron."
"House."
Foreman and Chase hurriedly followed their boss. The three Seattle Grace doctors followed suit, more than a little angry about House's brusque attitude.
Burke cleared his throat. "Dr. House, I thought you had three doctors on your team?"
House stared. "And…?"
"I only count two," Burke continued.
"Very good. You can count. Cameron here is member number three. Any other brilliant observations?"
Cameron grinned at her two co-workers. Surprisingly, she had missed her dysfunctional surrogate family. "Out of Vicodin?"
They nodded grimly.
"Just write him a prescription. For all of our sakes."
"She's my new favorite," House informed the other two. "I have a pain problem," he explained to the others. "If you can't guess why, you're a moron."
"Now wait just a minute," Webber started, stepping forward. "I know you're not a people person. But that does not allow you to come into my hospital and treat my staff like this…what are you doing?"
House glanced up from his new perch on the chair beside Cameron's bed. He held up the television remote, "My show is on." The television came to life and a commercial jingle floated from the speakers. "Drat, a commercial. Okay, Chase go over the case notes. Pick an intern. Blackie, run a CT and MRI. Take your pick, too."
Shepherd opened his mouth but House held up his hand and hushed him. "It's on."
Webber was livid. He walked across the room and leaned close to House. "I will inform your boss of this behavior."
"Go ahead," House told him. "She'll just be glad no one's sued me yet." He held up his empty pill bottle. "Can anyone get me a refill?"