A Tale Of Two Lovers
SoraXRiku
Angst Warning In Advance!
I had lured him here with the promise of my own company, and yet, his mind seemed so fraught with naivety that he agreed to come along. It only proved how little he knew about me.
And how could I resist that? He was the perfect sort of deadly temptation. He was like a drug, and he was just the type of brand I went for.
I needed to make him see. This was me. This was all I am… because I can be nothing else. I am tired of putting on this fake façade just to be someone I am not. In the end, I will only have me, and this is how I want it to end.
I slam the door shut with a snap kick of my leg. I hear his perfect scream echo around the room, ringing of each of the walls, and I feel privileged as I am the only one who will hear him. No one else will feel the same feelings as me. And these feelings will go on forever.
He knows.
He is so perfect; how can such a beautiful creature be allowed to exist? After all, death preserves beauty, forever. Who was I to deny it?
I have no idea how long I have planned this; how long his destruction has flowed through my mind, plaguing it, rotting away in a place I never delved. Until now.
But oh, how such a delicate creature can struggle! He kicks and screams until he cannot scream anymore and his cries only come out as choked sobs.
And yet, the remorse I should be feeling wasn't there. I couldn't feel any pity, only a sick twisted pleasure creeping slowly up the back of my spine. I wanted him; I wanted to be with him forever. He was the only one for me. He was the only thing I needed. Nothing else mattered.
I gaze at him with half veiled eyes, heavy under thick black eyelashes. I am so tired… so tired…
He is stood up in the corner, as far away from me as the room will allow. The walls are splattered with thick blood; but it isn't his. He knows who it belongs to.
The blood used to flow in the veins of Axel; a pyromaniac with a taste for taking things apart. I did the same to him, but I didn't get it; I didn't get the surge of pleasure I was supposed to get. I got the feeling I wanted just watching Sora cower and scream.
There is blood decorating his cheek. It looks so perfect against his creamy skin; skin that I have touched and stroked. Skin that I have dreamt about so many times. Skin so perfect and flawless that it has been sent down by angels to earth as a precious gift. A gift that I intend to treasure.
For eternity.
"Riku… stop… you don't know what you are doing…"
He is holding something in those slender hands, but I refuse to look. It only reminds me of who I am. I pace over and knock it from them. He flinches.
"Riku! Stop!"
I grab his arms and force them up behind his back, hearing a shoulder pop. He screams out, tears streaming down his face, and I cannot help but pause in marvel to his agonizing beauty.
His eyes are spilling the essence of his soul; falling onto that angel skin and leaving stains. They are wide, sapphire and so… inviting…
I forget myself, marvelling in how captivating he is…. In how he lets me in…. and in how I cannot escape.
I fall back, clutching my face. I shake my head. I can sometimes forget that even though his portrayal is as delicate as a wild flower, he is also strong, and strong enough to make my own blood pour. I touch the stream trickling from my nose and smile lightly. He may think that my blood is beautiful… but wait until he sees his own.
I throw him against the wall, tearing him away from the door, where he is desperately trying to salvage an escape route. I lift up his weak frame, feeling his angel skin beneath my hands and his whole body trembling. He is still crying, shouting for someone to help him. It makes me pity him for a mere second, and then the fleeting emotion is gone, replaced by a coil of fire that is wrapped tightly around my heart, suffocating it.
I rip his shirt from his back and bind his hands tightly, forcing it around his wrists and behind his back.
"Let me GO! Riku! Stop!"
I can't Sora, I can't. This feeling inside; I want more of it; I want to taste it in every way. I want it for my own.
I drag him over to the beaten sofa and throw him over it, leaning in close when a breath of confusion escaped my lips. His eyes; they were screaming at me; not for me to stop, but for something else. Something hidden deep in the blue that I couldn't reach. I began to feel pangs, twinges of regret inside my hollow soul. I wanted to scratch them from the surface of my mind; kiss it all better.
I push him away… what was he doing to me? Why was I always the victim? Why did I need to make someone else feel my pain? What good would it do?
I smile. I was wrong. I've always been wrong. This feeling, it's not received by doing what I had thought. It's not because I hurt the one I love.
It's because I had thought that it worked both ways. That because I loved him, he would love me.
But I was wrong.
Now look, I made him cry. His tears spill down and splash onto the floor, crashing down as my own mind does the same. How could I have been so blind?
Giving into the darkness; becoming one with something I couldn't control. Why? Why did it have to be this way?
That again, I could answer. Because I was myself. I wasn't pretending anymore. And I wanted it to last forever. I wanted to preserve it.
But nothing lasts forever. Why couldn't I see it before?
Sora's cries fade into a low whimper. I know he is confused; I can feel it, thick, in the air. I turn to face him, an emotion I do not recognize flying through my heart. After so long of not being able to feel anything, this single emotion breaks through the numb ice and shatters my emotionless façade, forcing its way to my old self.
It's love.
I never would have thought it. I have tried so hard to feel it. But now, it is all around. It hits me harder than a ten ton train. And it hurts. It's like nothing I have ever felt. The pain is so bad; I have to close my eyes to it. I have to blind myself in ignorance to make it all better. And it never lasts.
I reach into my pocket for the blade that I have been carrying for years. I had always planned to kill Sora, just as we hit the peak of all things pleasurable together, in order to preserve the feeling of pleasure I felt. In order to make it last; but I know different now.
I look at it in the light. This is my only escape; my only way out. I can't live with this pain any longer. To have love in my heart, to have such a strong emotion kept locked up tightly and never set free; it's just like mocking a bird, chaining it up and not allowing it to fly free, it's just disgusting. I am disgusting.
And that isn't something I can live with.
I open my mouth, to form an apology for Sora, but nothing escapes. I look at him, trying to be strong, but I'm on the verge of everything I had known.
"Sora…" My mind screams for me to tell the truth. Be the old Riku, be the old Riku, be the old Riku…
"I love you." The words slip from between my lips like a piece of raw meat. I did it. I told him.
I raise the blade to just above my navel. I can hear him scream, but he doesn't understand. Things like this happen everyday. I'd just die another statistic. It wasn't anything new. It was just loss of control. And I'd lost it.
I bring it down.
I scream at the agony that shreds my thoughts. It takes my mind off the pain I was feeling before. The hurt I felt in my love for Sora drains away. I see his eyes, mercilessly blue, and his tangible lips speaking my name. Screaming for me to hold on. He thinks somewhere in his deluded mind that I'll make it. But I don't want to make it. I want to go; to fade away right now.
"Riku! Riku…"
His voice is fading. Why does it sound like a broken accordion? There are clouds in front of my eyes, and it's hard to see. It's getting harder to breathe.
"Riku… I know… why you did what you did… and want you to know that I forgive you."
Those words rang throughout my mind. Forgiveness. I'd prayed so long to be forgiven for everything… and now I could take it with me.
"And I love you too."
Too little, too late. I know he is saying it from the depths of his heart too. Shame…
His tears are falling onto my cheek. Look, I made him cry again. What use is that? Even when I'm saying goodbye I'm upsetting him. My very presence is useless.
He is so precious. I cannot hold onto something of such value without hurting it. I didn't want Sora to be a part of my life… I couldn't have him there. I didn't want to hurt him anymore than I already have.
Everything is growing numb. But not the numb it was before. A nice numb; a numb that I could settle in. A numb all of my own.
I use my last once of strength to point to a book underneath the sofa. A book that held all of my memories. My private diary. My life.
He doesn't let go. My hand falls down and my energy is sapped away trickle by trickle. My eyes are closing. Everything is blending out and merging together. All of my thoughts and reality become one; fusing with my dreams and desires.
And for one last moment of touch, in which all my senses were slowly dying, there was a soft pair of lips upon my own. A pair of lips that I had dreamt about for years. A pair of lips that echoed a touch on my skin.
Sora's lips.
Now, and only now could I truly die happy.
Good bye Sora.
I love you.
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Dear Diary,
Today I did it. I told Sora I loved him. Not that he knew of course, he was asleep. You don't know how hard it is for me. Just watching him, knowing I could never hold him the way that duvet does. And I don't think I can cope forever; knowing that I shall never run my hands down his angel skin.
This will be my last entry. I know now, how we can be together forever, no more interruptions or rude awakenings.
But a thought always washes over me. What if I am wrong? The doubt spirals in my mind and I can never seem to scrub it away.
But… maybe it will work.
As from this moment on, I shall not be the Riku I have been pretending to be. I shall be me, in all of my form. I shall show the world who I am, even if they don't like it.
I don't know how to describe the feeling I get from other people's hurt. But I need more of it. I need to cherish it forever.
And so, know this: by the time this night is over, either Sora or I will be dead.
And maybe then, the feeling will linger a little longer.
But I love him. I love him so much that it hurts. Sometimes, this strong pain reaches my chest and I wheeze, out of breath. It hurts more than anything I have ever imagined, and it is because of love. I know it is. And I cannot live with love if it means suffering too.
So, one way or the other, it all ends tonight.
And one way or another, I shall discover…
Just exactly what love is.
Sora placed the book back on the bookshelf in Riku's room. The scars were healing, a month since his friend had committed suicide. He hadn't dared touch the book since then. Now, he knew everything.
Yet it angered him. Why hadn't Riku told him? He felt the same way… he only needed that sweet opportunity to let it out. It hadn't needed to end like this. It could have been so different. Sora knew it could.
But no… Riku had to hurt himself, instead of hurting Sora. A self sacrifice that would plague the brunette's mind until he too, came to rest for eternity. Was it his fault? Sora didn't know. And it was the uncertainty that was shredding his thoughts. If only he knew…
The cop behind him turned to his partner.
"Cloud… you think that Riku killed himself because he took this?"
He held a pill bottle high. LSD drugs, intended for a happy high. A happy high that so many teenagers seek. A high that should have ended in a lecture, not oblivion.
The blonde shook his head. "No Leon. Don't you see?"
They watched as Sora fell to the ground, his hands covering his weeping face, and the book hit the floor, falling open at a photograph of the two best friends, at the beach on a warm summer's day. Leon turned away, his stomach turning. He'd seen so many cases, but none hit him harder to home. His brother had met the same fate. It hurt to watch Sora's misery like he had performed so long ago.
"See what?"
"Beauty."
Leon upturned his face to Cloud, who was watching Sora with swirling eyes and a heavy heart. Cloud seemed lost in his own thoughts, only rendering them to Leon, who listened intently. But he didn't fully understand.
"Excuse me?"
"Beauty. Beauty killed the beast."
And with one loud cry, and his fists pounding on the ground, the two policemen left; they left the boy alone to cry out all the pieces of his broken heart; his heart that was pouring out over a battered memory. The heart that would never heal.
And the scar, ripped open by Riku, would never heal; it would never be soft skin again.
And the memory, still fresh in Sora's mind, would lead him to Riku's father's bedroom, where Sora knew he kept something desired underneath his mattress.
He would reach under, no doubt in his mind's eyes and no drug induced adrenaline flowing through his veins, and take the cool object, flinching at the freezing metal.
And the mattress would hit the bed with a harsh thump as Sora pulled out his prize.
And his fingers would coil around the steel, and the barrel would brush against his soft neck. The tip would trace his skin until it reached the hollow of his neck. Pointing upwards, as if it marked the way to the angels. The way to memories faded and a need for them to return. The tips of his fingers would rest lightly on an un-pulled trigger and his sapphire eyes would slowly slip shut.
He would whisper how he loved him too.
And before that bullet tore through his mind; destroying everything he once knew and calming his rage and pain for good, a name would pass through his cherubic lips. A name that meant so much, yet now so little. A name that had a thousand strings attached to it, each connecting to a tired memory. Each connecting to a victim of love.
Riku.