Title: Best Laid Plans

Author: CaliaDragon

Fandom: Harry Potter

Warnings: AU, Slash, Language, Cliché Fic, Slight Non-Con, and Humor

Pairing: Harry/Ron

Rating: FRM

Feedback: This is not to be taken seriously. I had a sudden attack by a cliché bunny and thought I would get rid of it. This is AU as of book 5 and has slight spoilers for it. Sirius is dead and book six never happened.

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns them, though I think they would have a lot more fun if they were owned by slashers.

Part: 1/1

Archive: Any list I send it to, those with prior permission and Beyond Canon

Thanks to Lynn for the Beta.

His body felt electrified. He shuddered and moaned. Shivered and cried out, though no sound was heard. He needed something, but was unsure just what it could be. Gasps fell from his lips and tears slid quietly down his face. There was pain, tempered only by the overwhelming pleasure rocketing through his body.

Nearby he could hear laughter and the faded calls of his school mates and friends as they passed beyond his range; no one to help him endure the brutal passion ripping through his body. Or so he thought. He tugged at the bonds holding his arms above his head, he screamed and thrashed, trying desperately to get free so that he could end the torment. His addled mind could not comprehend why this was happening to him or even dwell on the memory of what had brought him to this point.

Harry Potter was bored – he was beyond bored really. The last few months of school were rapidly approaching and so far nothing beyond the norm had happened, the norm being no bloody mayhem or violence that is. Harry had finally destroyed Voldemort and a good portion of the Deatheaters earlier in the year, not long before school started. Harry was now in his seventh and final year of schooling at Hogwarts and was desperate to begin a life outside of school; a life that would only include his friends and family.

Lucius Malfoy had made it through the war without having to openly choose sides. Though, of course, everyone in the know knew who he followed, which had irritated many, but was par for the course for the blond man, at least in Harry's opinion. The blond had also made it clear that he was more than willing to become Harry's bed partner, a thought that sickened and infuriated many. Harry had no feelings either way since he had only really ever been in love with one person, that person being his best friend Ronald Weasley. A straight friend who was completely oblivious to Harry's feelings.

Unfortunately for Harry, Malfoy was still an evil git who did not like having his attentions refused. Nor did it help that his son had taken up with Severus Snape and was refusing to have anything to do with the elder Malfoy. Harry had let his attention slip for one moment and that was all it took for Malfoy to attack him.

One minute he was on his way for an evening ride around the Quidditch pitch and the next minute he was hanging by his wrists and screaming in silent, agony-laced pleasure. Malfoy had placed a silencing spell on him and then smeared him with an aphrodisiac potion. Then the bastard had smirked at him and left Harry where he was. Before leaving, the man had calmly informed him that he would return once the potion was at its peak and then they would see if Harry would still think to deny him. That had been an hour ago. Harry was now at the point that he was willing to have sex with anyone if it would just end the pressure building up inside of him.

Ron huffed out a breath of irritation and walked through the entrance to the pitch. Harry had managed to lose himself in his flying again and forgot to return to the tower for their game of chess. Not that Ron was really irritated; he just didn't want to watch Harry as he came down from flying. It always turned Ron on something fierce to see Harry after he had been flying. Harry was a very self-contained person, especially after destroying Voldemort; the only time he was excited or animated lately was while he was flying. What was worse was that Ron was fairly certain that Harry was straight and interested in his sister.

With another sigh Ron walked further onto the pitch and froze. Harry's broom was there, but Harry wasn't. Ron began to worry; there was no way that Harry would leave his broom behind. Ron reached into his pocket and pulled out the small watch that he, Hermione, and Harry had received from Remus and Sirius after the incident at the Ministry of Magic when Sirius had nearly died.

"Find me Harry," he ordered and tapped the watch once with his finger. The watch face changed; in place of the numbers was a map showing the way to Harry. Ron frowned as he saw that there was also a light green and red hovering over Harry's initials, indicating that he was in pain and in danger.

Ron quickly made his way to where Harry was and found him in one of the small huts that had at one time housed members of the Order during the last days of the war. When he walked through the door he froze, gaping in horror at the sight of Harry tied up and naked and Lucius "The Bastard" Malfoy trailing a hand down Harry's thigh.

Reacting instinctively, Ron quickly hexed Malfoy and then tied him up. As he passed the unconscious lecher he kicked him in the stomach and grinned at the grunt of pain the unconscious man let out. He really hated Malfoy.

He made quick work of untying Harry and removing the silencing charm on his friend. Ron opened his mouth to ask Harry what was wrong only to have his mouth seized in a hot, passionate kiss. Ron gaped, moaned, and growled, dragging his naked friend against him.

When they broke away for air Harry whimpered, "Fuck."

Ron gulped, "Okay." They proceeded to do just that.

Later, as in a few hours later, Harry and Ron lay quietly snuggled together. "Bloody Weasley's always taking what I want." Malfoy senior said in irritation. "Now I'll never be able to enhance my reputation and get a new heir to replace that little bitch Draco."

"Huh?" Harry and Ron said together, raising their heads and looking at the bound lecher.

"The aphrodisiac had a fertility potion in it. Congratulations, Potter you're preggers." Malfoy said snidely.

"Mum's going to kill him," Ron said faintly.

"Your Mum? Hell! Remus is going to kill him," Harry said thinking of the werewolf who had taken on the role of parent and guardian, while Sirius remained friend and prank partner.

"Do you think we'd make money if we sold tickets?" Ron asked, making Harry snicker.

Malfoy merely sniffled. None of his plans ever worked out right.

The End for Now