Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin or any of its marvelous characters. I know, I know, terrible isn't it?
A/N: This is a songfic to one of my favorite songs, "Lies", from the movie "Once". It has great music and I encourage you to check it out! Anyway, this song really reminded me of the relationship between Merlin and Arthur because of his enormous secret. Just so you understand, the point of view jumps from Arthur, to Merlin, to third person. I hope you enjoy! Please read and review.
I think it's time
We give it up
And figure out
What's stopping us
From breathing easy, and talking straight.
He's hiding something from me. Some part of me insists that I should know what that is. He is my- dare I say it- friend. I try to tell myself that he is just my servant, so of course I don't know everything about him. After all, why should I? But inside I know the truth: he still doesn't trust me. It hurts. I would never admit it to him, but it's true. I may have grown to see him as a friend, but he will never see me as anything but his master. Years ago I may have insisted that he see me that way: a powerful lord to be feared and respected. Not anymore. He may act the part of the bumbling, idiotic servant, but there is more to him than that. I have seen it. Rarely, but it's there. The time he faced the dragon, unwavering, by my side. He shows a courage and loyalty deeper than any other I've ever met. For the life of me, I don't understand it. How can he be so loyal to me, and yet not trust me enough to show me more than that façade? Merlin says things on occasion, strange things that I could only explain as well, wise. There is something within him, something mysterious about him that I cannot place. When will he let me in? When will I understand the truth about him?
The way is clear
You're ready now
The volunteer
Is slowly down
And taking time to save himself.
I wish I could tell him. Destiny be damned. Some days I am so sick and tired of him thinking I am worthless. I am not an idiot. I am not useless. But he can never know that. Not until he is king, and Camelot is safe and ready for the reintroduction of magic. I have to wait until my life is no longer staked on my hope that Arthur sees me as his friend, and not his servant. Would he even stand up for his friend? Against his father, I can never be sure how far Arthur will go on anyone's behalf. I think that's what bothers me most. Sometimes I think Arthur is ready to know, that he would stand by me no matter what. But then he will say something against magic, or fail to help an innocent condemned by Uther. And in that moment I lose faith. Gaius tells me to guard my secret with my life. He believes my trust in others will be the death of me. I'm careless, he says. But I can't help it. I do what I have to. I will not stand by and let evil happen. For Camelot or just for what's right. If Arthur only knew how much I do…But that's just it, isn't it? If I tell him, everything I've worked for- the destiny we are to share- could all be gone. But then, telling him could make it all so much easier to bear. I wish he could truly be my friend, but until he knows everything, until he has the chance to accept me and takes it…until then I can never know for sure. When will he be ready to know?
The little cracks they escalated
Before you knew it was too late
For making circles and telling lies.
"Merlin? What are you…?"
"Arthur! This isn't- I didn't mean-"
He hadn't meant for Arthur to see it. He hadn't meant for him to find out this way. He was supposed to tell him when the time was right. And now…now…
You're moving too fast for me
And I can't keep up with you
Maybe if you slow down for me
I could see your only telling
Lies, Lies, Lies
"Merlin, what is this? You're a…a sorcerer?" He could not have imagined this. Ever. Not a sorcerer. Not Merlin. There had to be some mistake.
"Arthur, please understand,"
"Why didn't you tell me?" So this was what he had been hiding. All that time, he had kept this in…
Breaking us down with your lies, lies, lies!
"I wanted to, I really wanted to tell you but I couldn't!" He exclaimed, desperate for the prince to understand.
When will you learn…
"Why?" Arthur asked quietly. "Why did you have to do this? You have magic…"
"Arthur, please, listen to me. I was born with it, I can't help that I have it. But I swear I've only ever used it to do good! Everything I've done I've done to protect you!"
"Merlin…you should have told me." Merlin's eyes became glued to the ground.
"I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Merlin looked up from the floor to meet Arthur's eyes. "What happens now?"
The prince sighed. What now? What could he do? This was Merlin. He couldn't let him suffer the pyre. Even if he did have magic, Merlin wasn't- couldn't be- evil! His friend's words flashed in his mind: I've only ever used it to do good…
"Now, we talk. I want to know everything."
"You're not-" Merlin cleared his throat. "You're not going to turn me in?"
"Merlin…" The prince chose his words carefully. "You say you've protected me. I believe you. But I need you to explain so I can understand. I know you, and I know that you're…well, damn it all, you're a good friend. And if you have magic, then I guess I have a lot to learn about what's good and what's evil. I always knew there was something about you, Merlin."
Merlin's trademark grin split across his face, shining brighter than his eyes had ever done while doing magic. Arthur knew and was going to listen. There was hope yet.
So plant the thought
And watch it grow
Wind it up
And let it go.