Title: Undead Tears
By StarShadow
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Set after As You Were. Spike's Thoughts about Buffy.
Pairing: B/S mentioned
Disclaimer: Joss is God... He owns all... I just "borrow" his creations when I get bored.
Spoilers: Pretty much everything up through As You Were. Specefic References to Lover's Walk, The Gift and As You Were.
Feedback: I'd love it! But be kind, this is my first fic.
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You know, in my entire unlife, I've only cried twice while sober. Sure, I spent quite awhile bawling my eyes out like a baby after Dru left me, but I was drunk out of my skull pretty much that whole time. But this is different. The only two times I've ever cried in my unlife are both because of her.
Buffy.
The night she died after the fight with Glory was the first time. Seeing her body, broken like that, thinking I'd never hear her threaten to stake me again, I couldn't handle it. After that, I didn't cry, partly because I didn't think I had any tears left, and partly because I had promised to take care of Dawn.
But this time...
I am truly a real idiot sometimes. To think I could pull off the thing with the Suvolte eggs and not have her find out. It's not like it's the first time I've done Black Market type things under the Slayer's nose, but something this big. Keeping the eggs right in my crypt where she'd be coming. Bloody moron.
I should've seen this coming a long way off. Not just because the egg thing, but because it was too bloody good to be true. The Slayer, actually loving me, William the Bloody. Laughable really. I just wanted to believe that I could make her love me. I am truly sodding pathetic, aren't I?
What I couldn't believe, however, is that she actually admitted that she does want me. If I could only get her to see that she's not being weak by letting me in. Never gonna happen though. I think, though I could just be lying to myself, that she's scared. Scared that I'm gonna run off, just like all the other men in her life, excluding Harris. I mean, look at the poor girl's record: Her dad, My nancy-boy of a grand-sire, that wanker Parker, Soldier Boy, now even her Watcher. Last thing she wants is to open her fragile heart up to someone else, especially the likes of me, and have it crushed again. She doesn't get it though, does she. Even if I got this chip out, I still wouldn't be able to kill. I mean, I've been able to hurt her for how long now? She's given me plenty of chances to kill her, but I can't. I don't think I could ever kill again.
Listen to me! Going on about how I won't be able to kill again. If you someone had told me 4 years ago that I'd be talking like this, I would've snapped their neck for lying to me. I oughta face the facts - I'm not he Big Bad anymore. I'm actually more likely to be giving Peaches a run for his money in the Big Poof category. Maybe not quite yet.
Don't know what I'm gonna do now. Buffy and the Commando-Kid deystroyed most of my crypt. Might as well stop sitting around feeling sorry for myself and get to work cleaning this place up.
-Fin- ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Note: This is my first fanfic. It may be changed here and there over time, considering I wrote this in a half an hour starting sometime around 2:30 am while I had a bad cold.
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By StarShadow
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Set after As You Were. Spike's Thoughts about Buffy.
Pairing: B/S mentioned
Disclaimer: Joss is God... He owns all... I just "borrow" his creations when I get bored.
Spoilers: Pretty much everything up through As You Were. Specefic References to Lover's Walk, The Gift and As You Were.
Feedback: I'd love it! But be kind, this is my first fic.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
You know, in my entire unlife, I've only cried twice while sober. Sure, I spent quite awhile bawling my eyes out like a baby after Dru left me, but I was drunk out of my skull pretty much that whole time. But this is different. The only two times I've ever cried in my unlife are both because of her.
Buffy.
The night she died after the fight with Glory was the first time. Seeing her body, broken like that, thinking I'd never hear her threaten to stake me again, I couldn't handle it. After that, I didn't cry, partly because I didn't think I had any tears left, and partly because I had promised to take care of Dawn.
But this time...
I am truly a real idiot sometimes. To think I could pull off the thing with the Suvolte eggs and not have her find out. It's not like it's the first time I've done Black Market type things under the Slayer's nose, but something this big. Keeping the eggs right in my crypt where she'd be coming. Bloody moron.
I should've seen this coming a long way off. Not just because the egg thing, but because it was too bloody good to be true. The Slayer, actually loving me, William the Bloody. Laughable really. I just wanted to believe that I could make her love me. I am truly sodding pathetic, aren't I?
What I couldn't believe, however, is that she actually admitted that she does want me. If I could only get her to see that she's not being weak by letting me in. Never gonna happen though. I think, though I could just be lying to myself, that she's scared. Scared that I'm gonna run off, just like all the other men in her life, excluding Harris. I mean, look at the poor girl's record: Her dad, My nancy-boy of a grand-sire, that wanker Parker, Soldier Boy, now even her Watcher. Last thing she wants is to open her fragile heart up to someone else, especially the likes of me, and have it crushed again. She doesn't get it though, does she. Even if I got this chip out, I still wouldn't be able to kill. I mean, I've been able to hurt her for how long now? She's given me plenty of chances to kill her, but I can't. I don't think I could ever kill again.
Listen to me! Going on about how I won't be able to kill again. If you someone had told me 4 years ago that I'd be talking like this, I would've snapped their neck for lying to me. I oughta face the facts - I'm not he Big Bad anymore. I'm actually more likely to be giving Peaches a run for his money in the Big Poof category. Maybe not quite yet.
Don't know what I'm gonna do now. Buffy and the Commando-Kid deystroyed most of my crypt. Might as well stop sitting around feeling sorry for myself and get to work cleaning this place up.
-Fin- ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Note: This is my first fanfic. It may be changed here and there over time, considering I wrote this in a half an hour starting sometime around 2:30 am while I had a bad cold.
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