Welcome To Smithfield
This is a parody of Welcome to night vale based on actual events in my hometown. I changed the names of people for privacy reasons so yeah! Sorry its not much like night vale I'm trying to make it factual and fit for my town.
A quiet little suburban town where door-to-door salespeople pass by as we all pretend not to exist.
Welcome to Smithfield
Gallagher Middle School's social hierarchy has in a subtle an indirect way making them seem like very nice people told us to remind everyone that if they try to threaten their position, in any way they will face severe social consequences. Also that they can get away with whatever they want so stop complaining!
Our local physic who acclaims her powers to be from her magical brown hair with purple tips reported having a disturbing vision in the form of a dream when questioned further her eyes briefly shifted to Adrian before she claimed that it was on a need to know basis.
Rachel Carlsberg; oh how I hate that Rachel Carlsberg, has sent in a complaint to the school board stating that Ms. McGrund is unfair she accused her of assigning too much homework, not giving us enough time to prepare for a quiz… let me stop you right their Rachel of course Ms. McGrund is horrible its her job to provide a common enemy to all students who else will we gossip about and use our creative fat jokes against. Rachel you need to stop complaining about your horrible teachers some kids are suck with all awesome teachers and would love to have a common enemy.
Luke Davis has self-acclaimed to have awesome hair an anonymous witness has seconded his statement but not in front of him never anywhere near him in fact if she ever finds this she'll probably kill me for typing this no matter how anonymously it is!
I am looking through my newly acquired yearbook at the wonderful things that peers of mine that do not exist have not written
"Hags"
-Pocaontis
"Wow we all still fit in the same room as Ms. McGrund"
-Peggy
"Wow ill catch up to you in high school in a couple of decades"
-Percival
"…. ._ _ _. … Ha you said don't just put hags but I did in Morse code sucker"
-Primrose
And now for the whether
(insert crappy music here)
This just in I have received word from an inside source that a bunch of girls wore flower crowns upon their heads today they were made by a friend who is highly intelligent. They are planning on wearing them to the end of the year dance on Friday I have also been informed that I was amongst the flower wearers earlier today with a purple flower crown upon my head. A blond witness has described it as making me look Greek, I am Greek so I assume that is a good thing.
Now lets have a look at this week's hash-tag community calendar
sunday-#selfisunday
Monday-#youknowwhatletsjustforgetaboutMonday
Tuesday-#Transformationtuseday
Wednesday-#OnWednesdaywewearpink
Thursday-#whycantitbeFriday
Friday-#nobodymadeittofridayweallcommitedsuicidebeforwecouldgettheir
Saturday-#solitudesaturday
A brief reminder that this is Smithfield and In this town there is no faceless
old women who lives in your house we whoever we might be are sincerely sorry for the inconvenience
And now, Traffic.
Police reprasentatives have not just issued a statement claiming that there are no cars anywhere and "what are you doing talking about them, talking silly lies, you silly people, there are no cars!" because that's not what happens in Smithfield.
Now don't stay tuned for a dog sniffing a carrot. Goodnight Smithfield goodnight.