Author's Note: I started writing this right after the Season 2 finale, but it never quite came together the way I wanted it to. I feel like it's disjointed and kind of a mess, but it's now or never since the premiere is right around the corner (yay!). Anyway, I love Jack and Kate's silent communications to one another right before they're hooded on the dock, and that was the impetus for this story--that people can say a lot to one another without words...
Title borrowed from the Goo Goo Dolls' album "Let Love In."
The room is bright. Too bright. It makes Kate feel exposed, vulnerable. She much prefers the shadows.
She isn't sure how long they've been here. Back on the dock, when she'd started struggling, they had tranquilized her again. She'd woken up here, hours ago, slumped uncomfortably against the cold, gray floor. She was aware of two sets of eyes on her as she had struggled to a sitting position between the two of them, her back against the wall, trying to ignore the ropes cutting into her wrists.
There's a lot being said, though they're all still gagged. But Kate has never really needed words to communicate with either of these men. She looks to her right, at Sawyer, and sees his gaze trained on the bare, fluorescent bulbs lining the circular room. He looks down at her briefly and an understanding passes between them: the bright lights are a common interrogation technique, one they're both sadly familiar with. She wonders what information the Others need from them. She notes the cold determination in Sawyer's eyes, and she knows they won't get it from him.
On her left, Jack is still. She doesn't have to look at him to know what he's feeling; his guilt is permeating the room like a dense fog. She wishes he had told her about Michael's intentions from the beginning, but knowing would not have changed her decision to come. She isn't angry that he kept it to himself; she knows he must have done it because he thought it would be best for everyone. She turns and watches his face, his eyes focused on the floor in front of him. She feels Sawyer's concentrated gaze over her head; he's watching Jack, too. She wants to comfort Jack if he'll let her, and she wills him to look at her. He doesn't. She wonders if he's avoiding her eyes or Sawyers. Either way, she knows he will submit to whatever the Others require of him in exchange for her freedom, and for Sawyer's.
Jack has failed before, but it's worse now because he knows that he didn't follow his best instincts, and that this particular failure might have been avoided. He should have told them the truth about Michael… Kate, Sawyer, and Hurley. They deserved to know the extent of the risks they were taking. But Sayid had proven to have a certain clarity about the situation with Michael that Jack did not, and so he had trusted Sayid's instincts instead. Kate had been suspicious, but he had kept her in the dark even then. She is here now because of him.
He can feel her looking at him, can feel that she isn't angry, and that makes it worse. Sawyer's eyes are fixed on him, too, he knows. His gaze is intense, but not with anger. He's communicating a stolid determination that they're all in this together now, and that they'll worry about blame later. But Jack knows where the blame lies, and he wants to punish himself. He knows looking at either one of them might break his resolve, so he pictures his father's face instead. The bright lights remind him of the hospital, and it's easy.
Sawyer knows that Kate gets it. She understands why they're here in this room, what it means. The more things change, the more they stay the same, right? This is old hat for them. They need Jack to understand, too, but he's busy blaming himself at the moment. He doesn't understand Jack's motives for keeping secrets about Michael, and it pisses him off, but it doesn't matter right now. They need to find a way to get the hell outta Dodge.
He can't see Kate's face, but he can feel her hurting for Jack, and that pisses him off, too. He gets the feeling that if Jack looks at her he might lose it. He's glad the Doc keeps his focus on the floor. They're probably being watched; any sign of weakness will be documented and used against them later, and it won't take much to see that Kate is the Doc's weakness. Sawyer doesn't intend to give them anything.
Minutes tick by, and Kate tries to estimate how much time has passed since their initial capture. She has no idea how long she was unconscious, but judging by the stiffness in her arms and the tingling in her fingers, it's been more than a few hours. She doesn't understand why the Others are waiting so long to make a move. She sighs deeply and turns to look at Sawyer with the question in her eyes. He shrugs his shoulders almost imperceptibly and shakes his head slightly, his hair falling into his eyes. He's annoyed that they're being made to wait like this. Using the wall behind him as leverage, he stands up.
He'll be damned if he's gonna sit here any longer just waiting around for something to happen. Jack can sulk all he wants, but Sawyer is going to use this time to plan. He doubts that the three of them will be kept together much longer, especially once their gags are removed. And since they're much stronger as a group, their best bet would be to put a plan in motion now. He sees a small air vent in the ceiling of the room, but can't see a way to access it. It's out of reach even if his hands were free, and likely too small for even Kate to climb through. No, the only access point to the room is the steel door they were brought in through. If they can find a way to untie themselves, maybe they can ambush the Others when they enter.
She watches Sawyer walk purposefully back to where she and Jack are sitting, and he sits down with his back to her. He looks at her over his shoulder and gestures to their bound wrists. Understanding, she nods and maneuvers so her back is to Sawyer's, too. She can feel his fingers fumble over the ropes binding her, but he has limited motion and he sighs in frustration after several minutes of unsuccessful attempts at freeing her. Kate tries next, working in vain to loosen Sawyer's ropes. Her fingers are slightly numb and she can't get them to work properly, but she purses her lips and redoubles her efforts. Her wrists are raw, and each movement is painful. When a muffled yelp of pain escapes through her gagged throat, Jack finally turns to look at her, concern evident in his eyes. Breathing heavily and trying to ignore the pain, Kate turns so that her back is once again against the wall. She feels Sawyer looking at her, silently reminding her that she can't afford to show weakness right now. Jack is studying her, too, but with the keen eye of a doctor, asking her if she's ok. She nods once without meeting their eyes, tacit assent to both that she's fine.
He had been operating under the assumption that they didn't want her. How had he allowed himself to take it for granted that she would be safe? This must be his punishment, he thinks, seeing her like this now. It reminds him of the last time he saw her bound and gagged, with a gun to her head. It had been his fault then, too, really. For days afterward, he had seen that image of her every time he closed his eyes. As then, her fate is uncertain now, but he'll do what he needs to do to ensure her safety. He wonders what they used to tranquilize all of them earlier. The effects had been almost immediate… Haldol? Thorazine, maybe? Any of the major classes of tranquilizers would leave them with decreased strength even after the major effects, such as difficult movement and unconsciousness, had worn off. And Kate had been tranquilized a second time, leaving her even more vulnerable than he and Sawyer. In their current states, it was unlikely that any of them could overpower the Others. He looks over Kate's head at Sawyer, the other man's resigned eyes mirroring his own. There's nothing to do but wait now. He inches closer to Kate; there's an apology on his lips, but he can't speak. She looks at him with forgiveness in her eyes anyway.
It's then that she hears the door open, but she doesn't want to look away from Jack.
"Come with us, Kate." She turns and Henry's there, waiting for her. She feels them rise, first Sawyer on her right then Jack on her left, and they move to stand protectively in front of her. But she struggles to her feet, stepping purposefully through them and toward Henry. She had known this would happen, that they would be separated, and she's prepared.
There are two sets of eyes on her as she goes, each pleading with her to turn around. She doesn't look back because she doesn't need to. She knows that they're saying.