BEFORE ALL THAT
By Alecto
insert hilarious/original disclaimer here
(Author's Note: Neither the manga nor the anime nor many fanfics and doujinshi mention much about Inuyasha's childhood and young teenagerhood. That really bothers me because those years in a person's life are important damnit! And I intend to write about them!)
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Perhaps the earliest times he could recollect were the years just beyond toddlerhood and just beginning to delve into young childhood. The memories from then were a bit nebulous but some things could be viewed clearly through his mind's eye if he thought of them. The years beyond that, the years after his mother's death and before he knew of the Shikon no Tama, he hardly ever gazed back upon and never spoke of. It was strange. That stretch of time was what had molded Inuyasha into the person he was; the person all of his friends knew him as. How strange that that entire length of time was unmentioned and ignored…
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"Mother!" Inuyasha called. "I'm gonna go outside now."
"Please be careful, Inuyasha." Izayoi responded, looking up from the torn kimono she was mending.
"I will." Inuyasha waved then exited the two roomed hut he shared with his mother. Their ramshackle residence was located on the western fringe of a somewhat large village that had been constructed in some flat fields that lay between a forest and a mountain range, a big leafy pagoda tree near the house provided shade and good climbing. The people who lived in the village were generally amiable, but Inuyasha and Izayoi tended to receive quite a lot of virulent remarks and gestures from them, Inuyasha especially. The little boy was often the object of other childrens' teasing, name calling, and occasional (or perhaps not so occasional) physical abuse. He didn't exactly know why but suspected it was because he looked different. Golden eyes, silvery-white hair, claws, fangs, and pointed dog ears. He already knew that he wasn't exactly human and as to what he actually was, he'd never asked. Really, he simply considered himself a human with oddities and didn't bother to ponder any more about it.
Inuyasha ran down the short, beaten path that led from his home to the village and vice versa, stepping on little weeds and grasses that grew from the brown dirt as he went. He'd gone outside not knowing where he was going to go or what he was going to do and it suddenly came to mind that he should go to the river that flowed north of the village. It was a hot summer day after all. With the huts of the village to his right and the forest to his left, Inuyasha made his way to the river with thoughts of swimming and catching fish in his mind.
Once at the water Inuyasha was just about to jump in when he heard someone not too far behind him shout.
"Oi, hybrid!"
Though his name wasn't 'hybrid' he still responded to it and turned around. 'Hybrid' was one of the many mean names he was called by others. For some reason most of the name calling revolved around him being half one thing and half something else. Inuyasha never quite understood why everyone who saw him assumed that he was some sort of halfling, maybe it was because he didn't look entirely human. The person who'd shouted was one of the village boys named Taro, and he was accompanied by four others; his friends no doubt. Taro was the "leader" in the group of children that often antagonized him.
"Whaddya want?" Inuyasha asked defensively.
Taro shrugged. "I just came to talk. I heard something very interesting yesterday. My daddy said that your mommy was the mate to some demon dog and that they had you. Haha! You're a hanyou! How does it feel to be half mutt ya stupid hybrid?"
"That's not true! Shuddup!" Inuyasha yelled even though he wasn't quite sure what Taro was talking about or what the actual facts were.
"Yes it is. How would you know? You don't know your daddy."
It was a fact that Inuyasha didn't know his father, he'd never even glimpsed the man for he'd died the night of his birth. His mother hadn't ever mentioned his father and Inuyasha hadn't ever asked about him, so what Taro said was a possibility. But that didn't mean that he was just going to give up and agree with the bully.
"So what if I don't know my father! That doesn't make you right."
"You look half mutt. Face it, your daddy was a youkai and you're a hanyou." Taro laughed. "Hanyou. Hanyou. Hanyou."
"Shuddup stupid!" Inuyasha picked up a small, sharp rock and drew his arm back to throw it but was pinned to the ground by Taro's four friends before he got the chance to.
"So ya wanna be rough?" Taro picked around in the grass near the river until he found a thick stick about as long as his arm.
Facedown against the grass Inuyasha was helpless to stop the bully from hitting him several times in the back with the stick and kicking his sides until he was sure that a few of his ribs were cracked. The helpless child wondered what he'd done to deserve the beating. What had he ever done to deserve everyone's hatred? Surely it must've been something very horrible even though he was unable to remember it. Finally, the four boys released their grip on Inuyasha's arms and legs and the five of them left laughing.
"We'll get ya again tomorrow, hanyou!" One of them said, leaving.
Inuyasha removed his red haori and pale under-kimono in order to examine his injuries. The worst that he could see was a large, blackish-purplish bruise on his right side spanning over a few of his ribs. He knew that his back must be riddled with bruises from the stick but he couldn't see them, albeit he could feel them throbbing.
"Stupid, mean, stupid, stupid, stupid, mean, good for nothin' meanies." Inuyasha mumbled, putting on his kimonos. 'What's a hanyou anyways?'
Inuyasha sat in a doglike manner by the river, thinking. He'd never really been called 'hanyou' before (or if he had he hadn't noticed or given any thought to it) but he already knew that it must've been something bad if it was said to be insulting. No one had ever really said anything about his father before while teasing him either. Was his father really a youkai? Inuyasha got to his feet and began sprinting back to his home. His mother would know, she would tell him.
"Mother! Mother!" Izayoi was sitting under the pagoda tree, her multicolored kimonos and long, black hair puddling around her.
Inuyasha ran into her arms and sat on her lap. "What is it my son?" She inquired.
"Was father a youkai?" Izayoi's thin eyebrows rose at the question.
She took awhile to answer and took a deep breath before she did. "Yes, your father was a youkai."
"A dog one?"
"Yes."
So Taro had been right. Inuyasha leaned against his mother's chest. "Then I am a half mutt."
Izayoi tilted her head. "'Mutt'? Who called you that?"
"Taro. He's mean. And he hit me with a stick and he kicked me."
"He struck you!" A look of concern appeared on his mother's face. "Let me see it."
Inuyasha obediently slid off his mother's lap and removed his kimonos. He pointed to the bruise on his side. "Here." He turned around and pushed his silver hair to one side. "And on my back too."
"Oh Inuyasha." Izayoi turned her son around and lightly kissed his forehead. "Let's go take a bath in the river, okay sweetie? You're not bleeding but I still want to wash your injuries."
"Kay." Inuyasha dressed himself and took his mother's hand.
The river Inuyasha was at earlier that was located north of the village flowed east and originated from the mountains far west and ran through the forest near Inuyasha and Izayoi's hut. No one ever came to the part of the river that was in the forest, making it the perfect place to bathe without being seen. This is exactly what Inuyasha and Izayoi did.
Inuyasha undressed on the riverbank and joined his mother in the knee-deep water. Small minnows and waterbugs darted away from his feet as he waded.
"I wanna know more about father."
"Okay…"
"Was he a fighter? Did he have weapons? What kinda stuff did he do? Could he do really cool attacks? What'd he look like? Did he look like me? How strong of a demon was he? Was he a bad guy or a good guy? Was he a lord or somethin'? Did he kill lotsa humans? I heard that some youkai eat humans!" It was a mystery how little children could say so many things so fast and all in one breath.
Izayoi smiled. "How about you ask one question at a time, Inuyasha."
"Kay. Umm… Was he a bad demon or a good demon?"
"Whether someone is good or bad is a very controversial subject. Everyone does good and bad things. So, like all of us, your father had good and bad in him."
"Did he kill stuffs?"
"Yes, but not with the same mindlessness that most youkai have when they're filled with rage and bloodlust. Many demons skulk around in the darkness their whole lives and kill reasonlessly, but not your father. He didn't believe in being hostile for no good reason and he didn't see humans as food."
"If he killed stuffs than he'd hafta have good weapons and attacks 'cause you can't kill no one if you don't got those."
Izayoi nodded. "Actually he did have such things. He had three swords; the Sounga, the Tetsusaiga, and the Tenseiga. The Sounga and Tetsusaiga he used for attacking and the Tenseiga healed. When he wasn't using his swords he used his talons. Your father was a very powerful man and lord of all the western lands. The west now belongs to your half brother, Sesshoumaru-sama."
"Oh wow!" Inuyasha exclaimed, his golden eyes wide and excited. "I have a brother!"
"Half brother." Izayoi corrected. "He was born to your father's first wife and is a full demon. I am not his mother."
"So I have a half brother. How come he never comes to visit?"
"Sesshoumaru doesn't like humans." She answered simply.
"Oh…"
"Now come here so I can wash you." Izayoi knelt in the water behind her son and gently washed his body with the small cloth she'd brought.
"I wish I could meet my father. How'd he die?"
"He fell fighting." His mother's voice sounded sad. "He died protecting you and me."
"Do you miss him? I can miss him with you even though I don't know him."
There was a long silence before her answer. "I do miss him and I'm so happy that you offered to miss him along with me."
Izayoi began to slowly comb through Inuyasha's wet, silvery hair with the comb carved from deer bone that she'd brought, careful to avoid scratching his sensitive dog ears.
"Okay Inuyasha, time to dry off."
Inuyasha waded back to the riverbank and shook the wetness off of himself like a canine would then dressed himself. His mother did the same, minus the shaking off like a canine part.
"I'm gonna catch fish for our dinner." Inuyasha announced, kneeling by the river's edge.
Fishing was a patient thing. Inuyasha was as still as possible as he stared into the water, waiting for a fish to leisurely swim his way. His clawed hand was poised closely over the water, ready to dart in a nab one of the silvery shapes that swam too close. One was coming near…
'Here fishy fishy.'
With extreme precision and speed Inuyasha was able to catch two fish fit for eating. He happily carried his catch back to the hut along with two sticks which to cook them over a fire with. After their meal Inuyasha and his mother retired to the room in which they slept and kept their personal belongings.
Inuyasha lay down on his futon and his mother spread a blanket over him.
"I still have another question." Inuyasha said, looking into his mother's chocolate colored eyes.
"About your father?"
Inuyasha shook his head. "Not really."
"Then what is it?" Izayoi asked sweetly.
"What's a hanyou?"
Inuyasha watched as his mother's eyes filled with tears. One escaped and gracefully slid down her cheek.
"I'm sorry. Did I do something wrong?" Inuyasha feared that something he'd said or done had injured his mother's feelings, though he couldn't comprehend what it was.
"No." Izayoi wiped away a tear. "It's not that, sweetie." She took a breath. "A hanyou is a hybrid; a mix between a youkai and a ningen. Your father was demon and I am human, making you a half demon."
"Oh… I think that a hanyou is a bad thing 'cause people always call me it when they're bein' mean. Am I a bad thing?"
Izayoi embraced him.
"Inuyasha, I'm so sorry."
His mother held him like that for a very long while. The entire time Inuyasha could smell the salty scent of her tears and feel them soaking into his hair. He was a hanyou, a halfling, a hybrid. That's why he was picked on and ostracized. He wasn't like everyone else; his body wasn't human or demon. That was a bad thing. A hanyou was a bad thing.
Inuyasha felt his own tears in his eyes.
In the morning Inuyasha arose with the sun and awoke his mother.
Izayoi yawned and stretched. "Yes," Yawn. "Inuyasha. What is it that you want so early? Surely it can't be a crack-of-dawn breakfast."
"I never got to know what he looked like."
"What who looked—oh! You mean your father. Actually, I have a picture of him." Izayoi rose form her futon and lifted a loose floorboard. Inuyasha knew that she only kept important and valuable things there. From underneath the floorboard she removed a flat, wooden box and from the box she removed a piece of paper.
"Here." His mother handed it to him. Painted in flowing, effortless, black lines was a man. He wore demonic looking armor with spikes jutting from it and a crystal on the breastplate. He also wore puffy, white pants, similar to Inuyasha's. Draped over his back were fluffy furs. His hands were at his sides, more metal armor that began a little below his elbow and ended before his clawed fingers protected them. There were two swords at his left hip and one on his back, the one on his back had a jewel at the end of the hilt. His long, fair hair was pulled into a ponytail at the back of his head, a few spiky bangs hung down over his forehead. On each of his cheeks was one dark, jagged stripe that began at the tragus of his pointed, elfish ears and tapered to a point below his eyes. His eyes stared at Inuyasha, searching and intense. They were the kind of eyes that gazed right through you and immediately knew the kind of person you were.
"You painted this?" Inuyasha queried, not glancing up from the picture.
"Mmm-hm." Izayoi confirmed. She was always somewhat of an artist. Painting was something she did in her spare time.
"His hair and hands are like mine." Inuyasha said.
"His eyes are like yours too. You both have golden eyes with black slits for pupils and very intense looks. Sometimes your eyes appear amber, actually." His mother smiled. "But, though you may have your father's color and intensity in your eyes, you also have my eye shape. Your eyes, they're more expressive than his were. I can see your every emotion in them."
For some reason Inuyasha didn't like this. "But I don't want everyone to know what I'm feeling."
"It's very hard to change lyric eyes to a mask, Inuyasha."
"I know. I just think it's kinda weird to have other people know what my inside is feeling by looking at it through my eyes. Hmm. I could just not look at stuff that looks back at me."
"Your eyes are a gift. You shouldn't try to hide them."
"I guess." He mumbled.
Inuyasha turned the paper over. Painted on the back was a fierce looking inu youkai with the same dark stripes on its cheeks as his father.
"Is this him too?"
"Yes, that's your father's other form."
"Which form was his real form?"
Izayoi shrugged. "Both. He had a humanlike form and a demonic form. He could transform whenever he liked."
Inuyasha handed the painting back to his mother who returned it to the wooden box and returned that to underneath the floorboards.
Inuyasha looked directly into Izayoi's face and asked "Do you think I could ever transform into something else?"
"As far as I know hanyou don't have larger, animal-like forms like youkai do. And not all youkai have a ningen-looking form." She replied.
"But do ya think I could change into something else someday?"
"What do you mean?"
"Liiike… Could I ever be a complete something instead of half of two things? Will I ever getta pick?"
For some reason a sudden look of sadness and pain flashed in his mother's face, but it left as soon as it had come. "Inuyasha, you must understand… We cannot pick and choose who we are. People come into this world as one thing and no one and nothing can alter that. Fitting into a certain group isn't everything. Try to think of it this way: you are your own group, and you'll always belong with me."
Inuyasha's eyes drifted away from his mother's as he delved into thought. 'My own group…' He realized that Izayoi was right. If choosing and changing was impossible then he'd have to carve out his own place, even if he was the only one in it.
"I think I'm gonna make my own space."
Later that day Inuyasha decided to go to the village. He didn't often actually go that far into it without his mother but he knew that other children couldn't physically abuse him as they'd promised yesterday if he was around a lot of people. The villagers might've not cared about Inuyasha, but surely they didn't want a bunch of little boys fist fighting in the streets and getting in the way. Another simple solution to his bullying problem would've been to merely avoid going outside, but being the ball of never ending energy that he was Inuyasha had to go outside and do something. He'd actually tried staying in for a day once and the hut had lost about twenty square feet, but his mother had said that it was only his imagination and that the hut hadn't changed size at all. Inuyasha still firmly held to his belief that if one stayed cooped up in a tiny space it would grow even tinier until it was impossible to remain any longer.
Izayoi gave Inuyasha a few coins to spend on lunch and then bade him goodbye.
"SayounaraYasha-chan." She said, using a loving nickname. "Oh! And if those children tease you again I want you to ignore them and if they try to beat you I want you to run." His mother instructed. "You're a lot faster than them, Inuyasha, believe it or not. You inherited your speed from your father."
"But if I ignore them they throw stuffs at me." Inuyasha explained, looking at his toes.
Izayoi tilted his chin up to meet his golden eyes, in the dim light of the hut they appeared amber. "That's the part where you run."
"Would father have runned?"
Izayoi sighed, not wanting to lie to her son. "No, but he was a lot older than you and therefore he had enough fighting experience to be able to defend himself without being severely injured. I don't want you brawling with those boys, Inuyasha."
"If he didn't run then why do I hafta?"
Another sigh. "Because I told you to."
"But my bruises are already healed!" Inuyasha shucked off his haori and under-kimono. "See see see!" The bruise on his right side had turned from a blackish-purplish to a pale greenish and most of the ones on his back had diminished entirely.
Izayoi stood from her kneeling position that had been eye level with Inuyasha and folded her arms in her kimono sleeves, looking sternly down at him. "I can see that you're healed, but I don't want you getting any more bruises. Now scoot and be careful in that village."
"Aww okay." Inuyasha grumbled, leaving.
In the village Inuyasha saw the villagers' mean stares and heard their rude whispers more than he ever had during his previous visits out into the public world. He caught the word 'hanyou' several times. He couldn't decide whether it hurt more or less now that he knew exactly what it meant. After awhile of hearing it he decided that it hurt more. Things had been easier when he was ignorant of the word and why people described him as such.
As promised, Taro and his four friends went out of their way to find Inuyasha and antagonize him. Because the hanyou was in the village where lots of other people were bopping around doing their business the five boys chased him. As Inuyasha ran he tried to call upon the "demonic speed" his mother said he possessed. He was somewhat quicker than the humans chasing him, but surely this wasn't demonic speed. In his rush, Inuyasha dropped the coins Izayoi had given to him. 'There goes my lunch. Sigh.'
They were gaining on him, but luckily Inuyasha knew exactly where to go. They would never get him if he went where he was planning to. No one would possibly be able to touch him for fear if injuring themselves and maybe even smashing their heads. He headed westward in the direction of his house and…
…scrambled and clawed his way up the pagoda tree. (Apparently it was easy to injure oneself and smash a head while climbing it.)
Taro just laughed. "Are you sure you're not half kitty, hybrid?"
Inuyasha didn't respond and only climbed higher in the tree.
The five boys began sifting through the grass in search of throwable rocks and sticks. After finding some they pelted the three, hoping to hit Inuyasha. Luckily all of the things that they threw with their horrible aim either ricocheted off the tree or missed the intended target entirely and landed in the grass beyond.
After several minutes of this Izayoi stepped in.
"Hey! You boys get out of here!"
Upon seeing his mother approaching the tree the five bullies fled.
Inuyasha descended down the leafy branches and ran into his mother's arms when he reached the ground. He always found comfort in her embrace; a mother could always make all of the bad things dissipate.
"Inuyasha, I'm so sorry."
The hanyou tilted his head back to speak to his mother's face. "I know. You told me that afor. You didn't do nothin'. Why are you sorry?"
"I just wish that I could make a better life for you."
"...Better?"
To him, there was nothing better or different.
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(Author's Note: This has got to be the longest chapter that I've ever done. I stayed up until like 3am typing it! I'm seriously nocturnal, you can ask Megaera. I'm not exactly following the anime with this if you've noticed so I guess that my story is more of a manga-insert-thing. YAAY MANGA!)