"Hello, hello, students, I will be handing out your yearbook forms today. Please vote for who you would like to elect in each category."
"When are we voting for Prom King and Queen?" chirped Mary Magdalene, a blonde-haired, blue-eyed cheerleader who was dwelling by the back of the room with Joshua bar-Joseph (AKA Jesus) and Judas Iscariot.
"You'll be voting for that in here as well," replied the teacher, Mr. Head, "But I want no fake names put down. Last year we had to fish out all the Elvis Preslies and Benjamin Dovers." Towards the back, John, AKA "The Baptist", snickered. "And, John, I do believe Principal Herod knows you were in charge of some or most of that."
"Me?" he replied innocently, and snickered again, grinning to Jesus, his cousin. Both had light chestnut hair, but Jesus' was shoulder length and silkier.
"Now, I believe the nominations are already in, though you can do a write- in vote if the person you truly want to vote for isn't on the list. The nominations are as follows: Joseph Caiaphas." Joseph Caiaphas smirked. Each year he had been a shoo-in. "Joshua bar-Joseph." Jesus smiled but looked slightly unsettled. "And Joshua Barabbas, for Prom King."
"Who nominated BARABBAS?" snorted Caiaphas, a dark-haired, olive skinned eighteen-year-old, to Annas, his best friend. Joshua Barabbas sulked at the back, separated from the others and glaring at the group with dark eyes. "Barabbas!" laughed Caiaphas again, "Prom King!"
"Oh, get off it, Caiaphas," snapped Pontius Pilate, rolling his eyes. Caiaphas glared daggers at him but relented.
"And for Prom Queen, the nominees are: Mary Magdalene." She blushed. "Claudia Procula." Claudia jumped up and hugged her boyfriend, Pontius Pilate. "And Hannah Iscariot." Everyone looked at Judas, who nodded. His sister had won a few years in a row. When the bell dismissed them to lunch, they burst into the hall and began talking excitedly about the end of school. At one end of the lunchroom, Caiaphas, Annas, Pilate, and Claudia nearly held a staring contest before Annas spoke. He was a rather nondescript boy with brown hair, and Pilate and Claudia had matching Roman looks, dark skin and dark hair.
"You hate Barabbas," Annas said, "At least you know he hates you."
"Well, that's exactly it," replied the student council president evenly, "He looks two steps away from killing everyone in JHS, so it's best to keep on his good side. But then again, Caiaphas, I'd think him YOUR type."
"What are you trying to say, Pilate?" Caiaphas snapped, "Give me two reasons not to kick your no-good, Roman ---"
"Boys!" cut in Claudia, rolling her eyes, "By God, calm yourselves down." They went back to staring. Meanwhile, Jesus, Judas, Mary, John, and a large group of hangers-on were grouped at the other side of the lunchroom.
"So, do you have plans to win?" chirped a freshman girl, shoving several others aside to get close to Jesus.
"Doesn't matter if I do or not. It's just a crown, no big deal."
"Who nominated Barabbas?" wondered John, "He's so... um... f-ed up."
"Why John, he's the exact replica of YOU," shot back Judas. Their other friend, Simon Zealotes, approached as many of the hangers-on left to go pester Caiaphas. ("Like, Mr. Caiaphas sir, can I have your autograph?" "Oh, Caiaphas, you're SO dreamy!")
"Let me guess, Simon," Jesus said, holding up one hand, "A fight."
"How'd you guess?" Simon smirked.
"With who?" Judas asked, brushing back his short brown hair and looking evenly at the blonde, punk-looking Simon.
"Why... It was a guy named Lennie. Lennie... Lennie Andrus."
"Lennie?" snorted John and Judas at the same time. "Tell me about the rabbits, George!" cracked John. Simon gave them a strange look and continued.
"Anyway, it was knock down drag out! I gave him the big one-two! Duh dun da!" Simon punched the air. Jesus looked at him strangely.
"Are you getting suspended?" asked Mary.
"Not sure, Principal Herod's calling my house to confer with my parents," he responded.
"Simon, what will we do with you?" Jesus laughed.
"Ooh! Did you hear what Judas did at the Nazareth Mall on Sunday?" spoke up John.
"Oh, no," Judas said and slapped himself in the head and groaned.
"He got up there and he couldn't think of anything to say, so he goes on this RANT about the Romans." John began to mock Judas' speech.
"Oh, God," Judas mumbled, "It was bad..."
"And, Simon, did you hear what Herod made him do? They sent him to a shrink!"
"A shrink!" laughed Simon.
"Shut up, Zealotes!"
"Why are they sending JUDAS to a shrink?" cut in Mary, "How about Barabbas?"
"Oh, Barabbas has lost his mind and then some," added Simon, "I think he's going to kill us all."
"Simon!" chided Jesus.
"He is! Hey, man, when you see him running down the hall with a ---"
"Don't say that, Simon, you'll get suspended again," chastised John, "I know, because I got it for the same thing three times before."
"Aunt Elisabeth is just SO proud of you, John," Jesus said sarcastically.
"Aunt Mary thinks YOU'RE the Son of God," matched John.
"Why DO people think you're the Son of God?" wondered Simon.
"I'm still not sure, but I let people think what they want," he responded.
"Yeah," said Judas, "That's best." At that point, the bell rang and they marched off back to class.
During the next class, a call came over the PA: "Will Judas Iscariot please report to the main office?" Judas exchanged glances with Jesus and walked out the door and Caiaphas and Annas snickered. John turned and hissed at Caiaphas.
"Why don't you shut your mouth, Caiaphas?" he snapped.
"Yeah!" yelled Simon. The teacher, Miss Elliman's, eyes grew wide.
"C'mon Baptist, Zealotes, put them up, two on two. In fact, I'll take two on three if you include that little king of yours," he eyed Jesus, who put his hands up and shook his head. Simon took a swing at Caiaphas, and hit his right temple. Annas jumped in and swung at John.
"Barabbas, break it up!" Pilate urged.
"Do it yourself!" Barabbas snapped back. Pilate scoffed at him and jumped in, pushing the two factions apart. He ended up with several elbows in the face from both sides.
"Goddamnit, stop fighting," Pilate snapped, pushing Caiaphas against the wall. The Vice Principal, Mr. Herod Agrippa, rushed in and glared at everyone involved.
"What happened here?" he yelled angrily, "Mr. Caiaphas, you come with me. And you two, John and Mr. Zealotes. Who saw what happened?"
"I did," chimed a voice.
"Simon Peter, you come with me as well." He dragged them off to the office. Everyone hurriedly began talking about the fight.
"Did you see when Simon..."
"And then a right hook from Caiaphas..."
"I was all 'bout gonna jump the table!"
"Too bad Pilate broke it up..." Jesus shook his head and made his way over to Mary, who was talking to Claudia.
"What's up with those two?" Claudia laughed, "Always getting into fights." Jesus laughed as well.
"I feel like such a goody-two-shoes when they're around," Jesus added.
"Well, don't give in to peer pressure! Be an individual! God knows we need more of 'em! They all act like it's such a cross to bear." Jesus and Mary shrugged. Judas reentered the room.
"What in the hell is wrong with them? I am so pissed the --- rrrrr... They don't want me watching anything or being interested in anything that's dead or involves death, cos they think I'm obsessed."
"Obsessed?" Mary asked.
"Yeah! And the stupid freeegin' shrink they sent me to at the beginning of the year, when she heard that my parents BROUGHT me to the outside shrink and she said I was normal but nuh-oh she says she can recommend ANOTHER one..."
"Poor baby," said Claudia, "We know you're normal."
"Thanks, Claudia."
"Don't mention it."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------------------------
"This work makes no sense to me," complained Judas as the friends stood in the make-up room of the Judea High School auditorium.
"Don't worry about it, Judas," chided John, "Who gives a crap and a half about boring ass IMP work? We've got a show to put on."
"I still don't know how YOU are in the musical," Mary cut in, "Mr. Gillian must really like you."
"Well, he needs guys for the guy parts. He was really happy when we joined up in 9th," said Simon.
"My first lead role," screeched Judas, "As Billy Crocker! I get to sing!" He danced across the room and did a parody of a few steps he had to do.
"Wow," said Mary.
"Where's that program?" wondered Hannah Iscariot, Judas' older sister. "Ahh, here it is:
Reno Sweeney ... Claudia Procula
Billy Crocker ... Judas Iscariot
Hope Harcourt ... Mary Magdalene
Lord Evelyn Oakleigh ... John "The Baptist" bar-
Zacharias
Evangeline Harcourt ... Hannah Iscariot
Moonface Martin ... Simon Zealotes
Eli Whitney ... Joshua "Jesus" bar-
Joseph
Erma ... Jadie Iscariot
Captain ... Simon Peter
Purser ... Pontius Pilate
Luke ... Brynna Pilate
John ... Shanna Caiaphas.
Okay, well, we got a show to put on." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------------------------
Brynna Pilate's 16th birthday party fell on the next Friday. Brynna was similar looking to her brother, but slightly shorter, and like her brother she had dark hair, hers flowing with butterfly clips. Brynna waited until her parents had left before turning to the group and announcing,
"Truth or dare time!" All of the invitees (Judas, Hannah, and their younger sister Jadie, Jesus, Mary, John, Simon, Claudia, Caiaphas, and Annas) sat in a circle, with Pilate and Brynna at the head. Brynna gave a smirk. "I, of course, go first," she gave a wink to the older students, "Caiaphas - truth or dare?"
"Truth," he said without a flinch.
"Who was your first kiss with?" she asked, adding to herself, I doubt he got further than that. Caiaphas refused to lose his composure.
"Livilla," he whispered, smiling.
"Livilla!" shrieked Claudia, "My COUSIN Livilla!"
"Yes," replied Caiaphas with a smirk.
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Well, she was giving, so I..."
"Ew, you sick freak. She is like, six years older than you are. When was this?"
"When she visited from Rome to go see you and your mom."
"That was when we were ten! Ew! Livilla the sick slut!"
"Anyway," smiled Caiaphas, feeling triumphant and smirking both in his glinting hazel eyes and curved, pronounced lips. "Now it's my turn." Everyone looked at Caiaphas. It wasn't that the boy was unlikable, it was moreso that he was intimidating. Caiaphas always looked like he was plotting revenge on someone or something, even if planning nothing of the sort. The only person who felt comfortable around him was Annas, and maybe not even he. "Jesus." Caiaphas' smirk became more prominent. "Truth or dare? Everyone directed his or her attention to the shy youth with the flowing mane of chestnut hair.
"Truth," he replied, quietly but clearly.
"Ah, what is truth?" asked Pilate.
"My, are we philosophical today?" shot back Claudia. Pilate shrugged. Caiaphas sat back and pondered his question to the younger student. Caiaphas was a year older than Jesus was; though they were both high school seniors. (Jesus had skipped a grade when he was nine.) Judas was an "accelerated junior", who was graduating with everyone this year because he had received all his credits. Hannah was a senior and Judas' other sister, Jadie, was a freshman. The rest of the group were seniors, save for Brynna, who was a sophomore. (John was in his second time as a 12th grader, because he'd gotten suspended for last year's finals.)
"What's the worst thing you've ever done?" Caiaphas asked. He was tired of the blue-eyed, golden haired goody-goody in front of him. This was war.
"Well, Caiaphas, that would have to be the time when I threw a fit and scared everyone out of Galilee Park."
"I SO remember that!" responded Mary, "There were all of these drug dealers and prostitutes and crap, and he's running through yelling 'GET OUT!'" Everyone agreed it was a priceless moment. "They never came back, either, and it's been a year. We need Jesus on the neighborhood watch."
"Your turn, Jesus," said Brynna. Jesus looked around.
"Judas. Truth or dare?"
"Dare! Let's rev this game up!" said Judas enthusiastically; who had been before this lounging, unoccupied, on one of Brynna and Pilate's pillows and staring at the news.
"I dare you..." Jesus thought a moment before John whispered in his ear. "Okay, this comes from John. I dare you to prankcall Principal Herod. Thanks, John." Judas grinned and nodded.
"On MY phone?" Pilate's eyes went wide.
"Oh, use 67," replied Simon.
"Yeah!" The Baptist urged.
"Oh, okay," said Judas, picking up the phone and dialing a number.
"Speakerphone," mouthed John, and Judas hit the speaker button.
"Hello," said a voice on the other end. It was female.
"Hello, sir, this is Officer Peyton of the Galilee Police Department. Who is this speaking?"
"This is Herodias Antipas."
"Could I speak to your husband?"
"Yes." Five minutes later.
"Hello? Who is this?"
"This is Officer Joshua Peyton of the Galilee Police Department. I'd like to ask you a few questions."
"Yes, what about?"
"We can't disclose that over the phone, but it's very urgent. Please come down to the station as soon as you can. Please ask for my partner, Officer Dover. His first name is Ben."
"Okay, I'll be down there in a flash." Click. Judas dialed another number.
"Hello, Galilee Police Department."
"Hello, my name is Herod Agrippa. My brother, Herod Antipas, has run to the police station. He is a little crazy. Please return him to my house when he arrives."
"We will."
"Thank you." Click. Everyone high-fives Judas.
"Now," Judas said, "I chose Annas!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------- The next Monday was the beginning of the week of the prom. Classes were getting considerably easier, except for when you had to make up everything that had happened while you were suspended, as did John and Simon. The battle for Prom King was raging in full swing, as Caiaphas furiously tried to rub the Romans (i.e. populars) the right way, Barabbas tried not to make any threats against the school, and Jesus just took it in stride.
"I am gonna SMACK that piece of crap Nazarene! He needs to go back to Galilee!" snapped Caiaphas one day, "Watch him win, oh, watch him win."
"It's not that big a deal, Caiaphas," replied Annas, "You've won every other year."
"This is SENIOR year Annas!"
"Well, there's not a real way to change whatever's going to happen..." Annas replied.
"I could eliminate the problem," muttered Caiaphas.
"Don't we wish we could. But we can't. Let's just wait it out. What about Barabbas?"
"Barabbas?" laughed Caiaphas, "Like HE'S a threat." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------------------------
"I'm so bored right now," said Claudia as she sat in World Cultures with the crew.
"So am I," said Pilate, as they waited for the class to finish their assignments. "Ooh, in the World Cultures book they talk about crucifixion. Nasty." Jesus opened a copy of Fahrenheit 451 and began taking notes for English.
"Hakuna matata," yawned Judas. Simon began dozing. They all lay back, back, back --- CLANG!
"Ahh!" yelled the group as Joseph Caiaphas banged his hand onto the desk.
"Hello, friends," said Caiaphas in an eerie voice. Judas blankly met his eyes, and Pilate gave him a glare.
"Friends?" snorted Simon, jumping up.
"Apart from Annas, I'd say your best friends are in the brothel, with your mother," said John.
"John," said Jesus, "Don't start anything. Caiaphas?"
"Ah yes, as I was saying, gentlemen," Claudia gave a glare, "and ladies, I was, uh, wondering which direction you'll be voting for Prom King."
"I'm voting for Jesus," said Claudia.
"So am I," said Simon.
"Of course I am," chirped John, "But I might vote for Ben Dover."
"Jesus," chimed Judas.
"I am," said Mary.
"I'm abstaining from the vote," said Pilate, "I don't want to get involved." Caiaphas scowled and took down the predictions.
"And you, Jesus?"
"I'm not sure, I'll have to wait and see."
"How diplomatic," cracked Annas. He and Caiaphas laughed. "Well," said Annas, "Caiaphas, you seem to be neck-and-neck with Jesus. It's going to be very hard to tell..."
"I want to know! If that goody-two-shoes Galilean is going to beat me I WANT TO KNOW!" Jesus hailed from the Galilee province and Caiaphas from Bethany, a local town. Judea School District was made up of the Bethany, Kerioth, and Caesarea elementary schools, and the two schools in Galilee, Nazareth (where Jesus had gone), and Galilee West. Caesarea was where the students of Roman descent had gone. The district itself was Roman owned, and people like Herod were basically puppets, though the man did have power. The local city, Jerusalem, had its own district on account of size. The Judea and Jerusalem High Schools were often in a rivalry.
"Trust me, Caiaphas, he's not. You've won so many years in a row, you don't have to be insecure."
"Can't you make up a smear campaign or something?"
"You can't do smear campaigns in high school!"
"Too bad."
Meanwhile, Hannah and Judas were working on the prom committee. "Judas, hand that up, will ya? Thanks," said Hannah as the 8th graders walked through from Nazareth-Bethany Middle School for orientation.
"Prom is TO-night!" Judas smiled. "I'm actually hyped, even though I don't have a date yet."
"Well, you don't NEED a date," Hannah replied.
"Who are you going with?" asked Judas.
"Caiaphas. We decided the nominees should go together."
"Who's going with Barabbas?"
"You suppose he's coming? Well, he might, to shoot us all up! The kid's insane."
"Who's Jesus going with?"
"I thought you would know. You're his best friend."
"I think Mary Magdalene asked him."
"The cheerleader? The one who..." Hannah lowered her voice, "got arrested for prostitution?" Judas' eyes bugged out.
"WHAT!" Hannah nodded. "What would JBJ want with her?"
"Oh, you know him. He's YOUR best friend. Nice boy, but he's SO naive." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------------------------
That night was the prom. Busloads of seniors carted themselves into the JHS gymnasium. Judas had found a last-minute date in Jesus' sister, Elizabeth. Jesus was being led along by Mary, and Hannah and Caiaphas were faking interest in each other for show. Simon and John came together, with ambitions to spike the punch, and Pilate and Claudia were happily walking their Roman selves over to the food trays. Annas, it seemed, had gone stag ("I think he's got a thing for Caiaphas," whispered Simon, "That's why they're such good friends!") as had Peter.
"Make sure you vote," Pilate called, manning the ballot box, "So you can elect Prom King and Queen."
"Is Barabbas here?" asked Hannah, smirking at Caiaphas.
"Over there," he shrugged, pointing at the obviously stag youth, "My competition." He laughed. Pilate began handing out yearbooks to the seniors, and they began a frenzy of signing.
"I'd like to announce who won each of the categories in the yearbook. Most Likely To Hold Political Office... drumroll please... me. Why thank you. Most Goody-two-shoes is... drumroll... Joshua 'Jesus' bar-Joseph." Jesus blushed and hid. "Most Suspensions is a tie. Simon Zealotes and John 'The Baptist' bar-Zacharias." They high-fived. "Most Likely to Reproduce... Mary Magdalene." She hid. "Most Likely to Take A Life... Judas Iscariot and Joshua Barabbas. Best Couple... aww... Pontius Pilate and Claudia Procula." He hugged Claudia. "Best Hair... Jesus bar-Joseph. We support your hairstyle. Has anyone told you that you look like Ian Gillian from Deep Purple? Most Likely to Succeed... ah, myself again. And now, the award for Prom King and Queen. Prom Queen is... Hannah Iscariot!" Hannah jumped up to the stage and, sobbing, took the crown and bouquet from Pilate. Pilate nodded and continued, "And Prom King is... Joshua Barabbas!"
"WHAT!" came the responding cry from the crowd, except for Pilate and Jesus. Jesus congratulated Barabbas, and Pilate gave him the crown. John and Simon cracked up laughing.
"What's so funny?" wondered Jesus.
"We started a Vote for Barabbas campaign to steer votes away from Caiaphas. We had no clue he'd WIN!" laughed John. Jesus shrugged.
"Ah, kings aren't all their cracked up to be. My kingdom is not of this class of 2003. It's better just to be here with my friends," Jesus said.
"And your enemies," said Judas, pointing at Caiaphas.
"Well, them too."